roxys Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) I'd only been with the guy 5 weeks but it had gone so fast, he was telling me he loved me, talking about the future. However, my BS radar and intuition was freaking out about him. He said he was retired from a semi-professional sport (Which had made him a millionaire but he had ZERO money left. I was paying for everything) yet he was not on Google. He said he'd paid a lawyer to get him removed from all search results. The first "trust" conversation I had with him, I found out he had a kid he'd never mentioned, but that was the only thing he was hiding, so I let it go. He also had said he worked from home as a day trader, which I soon realized was just personal stocks, which you can't do with no money, so that was a lie too. I started to wonder why he would never take me to his house which he'd 'paid for outright' with his sports money, and instead would spend days on end at my house-sometimes alone-so I started to ask and got weird answers, like "Bad memories, messy house, boxes all over cause he's packing and going to be selling it anyway". So we had our second "trust" conversation, where he said he'd bring me a medal to prove the sports champion thing to me, but didn't. So I ask to see his ID and when he left I looked up his address. His mom owns the house, which he said he owned half of, on top of his own that he owned outright. And I searched by his name, and he does not own property in that county at all. So I called and broke up with him. He said that he didn't live with his mom even though that's the address on his ID, and that it didn't 'necessarily' mean he's lying and that it was disappointing I'd spied on him. Which it is to me too, but my intuition has never freaked out like that. Meeting him online, I didn't feel safe NOT checking on him if he wasn't going to let me into his life. Also, the three times we ever made plans he was late. Most of the time we didn't make plans cause we'd be together for four days straight. So anyway, now I'm kind of missing him and thinking maybe he just knew that most girls won't go out with an unemployed guy living with his mom. So am I psycho for spying or did I do the right thing in breaking up with him? Edited October 10, 2012 by roxys Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I am glad you were in it for the right reasons: The House. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 You're not a psycho, you're just protecting yourself. I daresay some of your snooping was in hope that you'd find that some of what he told you was true. It turns out it wasn't. You did the right thing in breaking up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I think you did the right thing. Just reading that then made my BS radar go off. First off, getting your name removed from search results is nigh on impossible. Google, for example, will only remove sites from their search results if it's something like legal infringement, child pornography, etc, but if it's anything less, like someone's embarrassed by stories about them, then they say to apply to the websites themselves to get the pages taken down. The chances of them all agreeing without a court order would have been slim. I'm fairly certainly he's not on Google for the same reason I'm not on there.....I'm a 'nobody' You've given him every opportunity to come out with the truth and yet his stories persist. If the relationship were to continue, how could you ever bring yourself to believe what he says, even when he is actually telling the truth? Could you ever feel safe with him if you were unsure of his past? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I actually think you instead need to be asking yourself why you fell for all that for a whole 5 weeks. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I actually think you instead need to be asking yourself why you fell for all that for a whole 5 weeks. Yes. This was going to be my question Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I don't think your psycho for breaking up with him. He told you a pack of lies. It should be noted that at one point it was considered creepy to check up on a potential long term mate online, now everyone does it. They usually just don't admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 He lied to about like 46 big things. You should have dumped him when he lied about playing pro sports, and when he lied about having a kid, and probably many other times before you actually did. You eventually did the right thing, don't sweat it. What a loser. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I actually think you instead need to be asking yourself why you fell for all that for a whole 5 weeks. Well she isn't. And she isn't asking for your comdemnation either. OP, I agree with Renard. My BS reader also went off when you were talking about the situation. You did the right thing. Also, wipe out "pyscho" from your vocab. This has become a popular word to belittle women. Very few women are actually "pyschos" and instead just have a lot more emotions and display them more easily then men might be comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Well she isn't. And she isn't asking for your comdemnation either. OP, I agree with Renard. My BS reader also went off when you were talking about the situation. You did the right thing. Also, wipe out "pyscho" from your vocab. This has become a popular word to belittle women. Very few women are actually "pyschos" and instead just have a lot more emotions and display them more easily then men might be comfortable with. I stick by my response, even if it offends some. Maybe she isn't asking herself what took so long, but she ought to. Everyone wants to give this woman a pat on the back, but I question this woman's decision-making. How many bright red flags do you need to see before you pull the plug? If it took her this long to suss out a guy who was this obvious, dating is going to be a rough ride for her. I wonder how long it would take to suss out a much smoother operator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 OP, you were advised on the 8th of this month, in your other thread (where you didn't respond at all), that this guy was waving red flags. Now it's proven. You're still asking....? Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I stick by my response, even if it offends some. Maybe she isn't asking herself what took so long, but she ought to. Everyone wants to give this woman a pat on the back, but I question this woman's decision-making. How many bright red flags do you need to see before you pull the plug? If it took her this long to suss out a guy who was this obvious, dating is going to be a rough ride for her. I wonder how long it would take to suss out a much smoother operator. It's not always easy to sort out things when you are on the thick of it. I'm not a perfect person. Alot of what I have learned was a series of failed experiences that gave me more experience and knowledge. I dated someone that ticked all my boxes on paper. when I first started to date him, in combination with his charm and how well he fit into what I thought would be my future, I was probably in a chemical haze of pleasure and positive response. It took a few experiences for me to realize that while he as good on paper, he wasn't really the man I thought he was. I was projecting who I wanted him to be because of some wordly obvious successes. Took me a little while to figure it out. Does that mean I deserve condemnation for it? The important thing is that she sees these things and does something about it and doesn't just settle for the status-quo. The fact that she is asking for help, no matter how long it may have took her is what is important to us. Not you condemning her because she didn't do it fast enough for your taste. You aren't planning on dating her right? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I stick by my response, even if it offends some. Maybe she isn't asking herself what took so long, but she ought to. Everyone wants to give this woman a pat on the back, but I question this woman's decision-making. How many bright red flags do you need to see before you pull the plug? If it took her this long to suss out a guy who was this obvious, dating is going to be a rough ride for her. I wonder how long it would take to suss out a much smoother operator. True. Esp early on, the first big lie should be a dealbreaker. Just one of his lies should have been enough for her to say sayonara. They weren't fibs or white lies or accidental ommisions...they were huge lies! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author roxys Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 OP, you were advised on the 8th of this month, in your other thread (where you didn't respond at all), that this guy was waving red flags. Now it's proven. You're still asking....? I was going to respond to the thread I started before, but then I found out he was lying and had more information. I let it go on for 5 weeks because, well, the connection was amazing. Being close to someone who was able to spend so much time with me was amazing. He met my family and friends and was smart, sweet and could talk through problems rationally and was just a lot of what I looked for. So why would guys lie about things like that, to impress? Do they assume that the relationship won't last long enough to have the lies come out? Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I was going to respond to the thread I started before, but then I found out he was lying and had more information. I let it go on for 5 weeks because, well, the connection was amazing. Being close to someone who was able to spend so much time with me was amazing. He met my family and friends and was smart, sweet and could talk through problems rationally and was just a lot of what I looked for. So why would guys lie about things like that, to impress? Do they assume that the relationship won't last long enough to have the lies come out? They know if they didn't lie women would find them undateable. It isn't a long term plan but a as long as it lasts plan. Otherwise they would have nobody. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 He lost me at google. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 He lost me at google. I just googled this amazing...aww I already lost her Link to post Share on other sites
Author roxys Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 And no, I wasn't just in it for the house, he could have said he rented an apartment and I wouldn't have cared, but living with your mom is a bit odd at 27. Just as odd as your house being 100% paid off at 27, it was just an extra red flag and the only one I could really prove. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 And no, I wasn't just in it for the house, he could have said he rented an apartment and I wouldn't have cared, but living with your mom is a bit odd at 27. Just as odd as your house being 100% paid off at 27, it was just an extra red flag and the only one I could really prove. He knew a woman wouldn't appreciate his true situation thus he lied to you. Notice if he had told you the truth you wouldn't be able to accept it but yet you wanted the truth. You setup a catch 22 situation where the male is the victim like many women but in the end pretend you are the victim. Brava! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 And no, I wasn't just in it for the house, he could have said he rented an apartment and I wouldn't have cared, but living with your mom is a bit odd at 27. Just as odd as your house being 100% paid off at 27, it was just an extra red flag and the only one I could really prove. So now that all these flags are up what do you plan to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author roxys Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 I broke up with him yesterday, but feeling a little guilty about it, cause yes if he'd come clean as I was breaking up with him I may have accepted it. But he insisted he hadn't been lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Mycteria Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I broke up with him yesterday, but feeling a little guilty about it, cause yes if he'd come clean as I was breaking up with him I may have accepted it. But he insisted he hadn't been lying. So you would have gotten back with the pathological liar just because he came clean in the desperate attempt to keep you around? Yeah...maybe you deserve him. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 He knew a woman wouldn't appreciate his true situation thus he lied to you. Notice if he had told you the truth you wouldn't be able to accept it but yet you wanted the truth. You setup a catch 22 situation where the male is the victim like many women but in the end pretend you are the victim. Brava! he did not tell her he had a child he lied and said he made MILLIONS he lied and said he had a lawyer remove him from google searches he lied about where he lives so on and so forth. no self-respecting woman would accept that s.hit. if he doesn't have the balls to be honest about WHO HE IS then he deserves to be alone. nowhere did op say she requires a man who played pro sports and made millions and bought a house in cash at age 27. so why would he claim those things? he's a loser. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 ^^^^^and OP asks if she is a psycho for breaking up with him? No OP he's the psycho. Link to post Share on other sites
bob the brave Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Yep, right thing. If he lies to you now, he'll lie to you later now matter how many 'trust' conversations you have. Link to post Share on other sites
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