smellybelly Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 So started seeing someone about a month ago... We've hung out three times mainly b/c he was out of town for a few weeks in the middle. He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet .... So here's my question ... Is it okay to hook up with someone else to fulfill my physical needs in the meanwhile- given me and guy #1 haven't had any exclusivity talks yet let alone a kiss.... Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 So long as you're prepared to accept and be responsible for the consequences of your actions, yes, go for it! If you hang around here long enough you'll come across the phrase "multidating"... and it's a topic that polarises opinion. I'm sure the search engine will pull up countless threads if you want to see what's been said before. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Depends on your connection with the guy. If you really don't know if it's going anywhere or not then go for it. Otherwise I'd give it a bit more time. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 You're not committed to him, so I don't see why not, he could be doing the same thing. Personally I wouldn't if I were interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with him, but that's just me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 So started seeing someone about a month ago... We've hung out three times mainly b/c he was out of town for a few weeks in the middle. He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet .... So here's my question ... Is it okay to hook up with someone else to fulfill my physical needs in the meanwhile- given me and guy #1 haven't had any exclusivity talks yet let alone a kiss.... Thoughts? Just be prepared when he finds and if you become serious it will ruin the relationship and possibly end it. Not sure why you don't just have sex with him instead of finding a different guy to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I say, "no," but then I have very strict boundaries about overlap between (potential) romantic relationships. I've seen it too often on here where the "seeing someone" relationship turns into something more serious, the other partner then finds out that a hook up with someone else occurred and all hell breaks loose. If he considers it cheating, then you are playing with fire. And you are definitely playing with fire if you've already agreed that you are in a monogamous relationship that has the potential to turn serious. Another way to think about it is if you are tempted to hook up with someone else because the pace of the other relationship is not working for you and you can't wait for the other guy, then perhaps it's better to call off the relationship so that you can hook up with whomever you want to. In my opinion, hedging bets lands many people in trouble. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 It's OK, I guess … But I cannot imagine why you would want to? I mean, if you actually like a guy, and you are seeing where it may or may not go, your "physical needs" are urgent enough to potentially wreck that? It certainly seems distracting. I mean, even if it goes no place - what are you sacrificing? A month of no sex? You can always get laid immediately after you learn that this really is going nowhere. But why in the midst? If I were starting to date a guy and I felt that there was potential, and found out that he had "hooked up" with somebody while I was out of town - I would immediately not be interested in him anymore. That's the way I am. No judgements, either. I would simply think that he was not on the same page as me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If you have not had any exclusivity talk, haven't kissed, just seen eachother a few times then you are not committed. I'm a bit old fashioned about commitment. One is not committed until they are committed by having talked about it, made some declaration of it in public, or better yet taken vows. The man you are seeing is not even your boyfriend, he hasn't said he wants exclusivity and neither have you. You don't even know where this is going or if he will be around in a month. Meanwhile another good man could pass you by. For every story of a relationship breaking up when someone multidated in the "seeing someone" stage, there is the story of a long marriage that started with a man/woman leaving someone else in that stage. TL;DR : Unless there is a real commitment then there is nothing to cheat on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 So started seeing someone about a month ago... We've hung out three times mainly b/c he was out of town for a few weeks in the middle. He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet .... So here's my question ... Is it okay to hook up with someone else to fulfill my physical needs in the meanwhile- given me and guy #1 haven't had any exclusivity talks yet let alone a kiss.... Thoughts? Physical needs my ass. He may be a gentleman, but if you hook up with somebody else, you are certainly not a lady. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Why just not have sex with the current guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 So started seeing someone about a month ago... We've hung out three times mainly b/c he was out of town for a few weeks in the middle. He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet .... So here's my question ... Is it okay to hook up with someone else to fulfill my physical needs in the meanwhile- given me and guy #1 haven't had any exclusivity talks yet let alone a kiss.... Thoughts? I see no problem with that, presuming it's your style. However, that said, it is possible that this guy and you may have differing relationship and/or sexual styles which may present incompatibilities down the road. I mention this because you've been seeing him for a month and have yet to experience a romantic kiss with him and are thinking about getting your 'needs' taken care of by a hook-up. That would be a canary to watch, IMO. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 'He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet ....' See? 'Bang her ASAP, if you don't bang her by 3rd date, you will be friendzoned and she will get it from somewhere else' (this is from PUA stuff. do you think it's B.S now?) I am sure he is one of those betas thinking 'I should respect this girl' and choose to jerk off than banging her while she is thinking about his cxck. This tactic is fine with Asian chicks in Asia but with American chicks? NO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 See? 'Bang her ASAP, if you don't bang her by 3rd date, you will be friendzoned and she will get it from somewhere else' (this is from PUA stuff. do you think it's B.S now?) I am sure he is one of those betas thinking 'I should respect this girl' and choose to jerk off than banging her while she is thinking about his cxck. This tactic is fine with Asian chicks in Asia but with American chicks? NO You always have such brilliant and thought provoking insights to share. The girls who meet you in real life (if there are any) are so very, very lucky! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 are you THAT horny? It's only been a month lol. I'm guessing you aren't that into this guy if you are desiring sex with others. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 So started seeing someone about a month ago... We've hung out three times mainly b/c he was out of town for a few weeks in the middle. He's a gentleman. Not sure where its going to go if anywhere. No kiss yet .... So here's my question ... Is it okay to hook up with someone else to fulfill my physical needs in the meanwhile- given me and guy #1 haven't had any exclusivity talks yet let alone a kiss.... Thoughts? In my opinion if you are serious you wont pursue the multi-dating experience if you are after a long term relationship but that's me.....it then puts the emphasis on the physical rather than connecting with just one person also is a way for you to then become attracted to more than one person emotionally you invest time in too many people is a way to confuse yourself ......invest in the relationship if he means anything to you.....dont spread the emotional feelings around to others date him see how it goes and if you are not compatible finish what you started before dating another..be honest with him on how you feel and get his input into that decision he may not want to date a multi dater if you have not progressed beyond emotional connection...talk to him...deb Link to post Share on other sites
somewhat_ENTP Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Nothing has been agreed upon yet, and he didn't even kiss you. You should be able to do whatever you want unless stated otherwise (unless you're in a very high context culture--most of the people here aren't in that situation). Though if you really want to escalate your relationship with him, I'd give it a few nudges in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 So what's your point? You have nothing to say since what I said is true? This case perfectly fits 'Bang her by 3rd date rule' They went out 3 times. But he didn't touch her as a Gentleman Now she is thinking about banging other guy to fulfill her sexual needs. Basically I am blaming the guy for not banging her. I keep saying men and women are not equal in dating. When a guy pushes for sex when she is not ready, he can lose her. When a guy takes it too slow, he can either lose her or she will bang someone else on the side. So guys need to have a keen sense to know when she wants to bang. Am I wrong??? If you don't agree with me, I think you should blame her for being too slutty. You always have such brilliant and thought provoking insights to share. The girls who meet you in real life (if there are any) are so very, very lucky! Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 So what's your point? You have nothing to say since what I said is true? This case perfectly fits 'Bang her by 3rd date rule' They went out 3 times. But he didn't touch her as a Gentleman Now she is thinking about banging other guy to fulfill her sexual needs. Basically I am blaming the guy for not banging her. I keep saying men and women are not equal in dating. When a guy pushes for sex when she is not ready, he can lose her. When a guy takes it too slow, he can either lose her or she will bang someone else on the side. So guys need to have a keen sense to know when she wants to bang. Am I wrong??? If you don't agree with me, I think you should blame her for being too slutty. There are numerous other factors we dont know here. First off their ages.... second...what kind of dates they have had.... how much communication has their been in between dates. You cant blame tha man here.....its equally on the woman. If she is coming off to him as not in the mood for it----if he is interested in her he needs to wait for her to say she is ready for it. She also could have told him about past relationship problems which gives the indirect message she wants this slow or she wants to wait to do it.....either one its up to her to initiate. You also dont know with him if he is even ready to do it if she is the first one he has dated since his past breakup/divorce. There is a big difference in a relationship if you to have dated once every 10 days/e weeks and never communicated...thus its a month and only 3 dates....vs you two have dated 3 times in eight days and have communicated every day. Another factor is in their date....big difference if their date is just dinner...or its an all day date. Link to post Share on other sites
sydneysider1978 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 How much do you actually like the guy? Do you think you'd like a relationship with him? Are the dates intense and romantic? Are you in contact between dates? I understand your point of view. Your not sure about the first guy and want to let the relationship develop at its own pace and not be pushy. But if you're not excited about him enough to wait a little then maybe you're not doing anything technically wrong but it doesn't bode we'll. If the guy is really into you, he needs to pick up the romance... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellybelly Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 wowsers= good advice.... I think I will wait a bit longer and see how things progress instead of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. What's another week right? background: we're both in our 30's No exclusivity talk. No all day dates. I have been celibate for a while now and getting a bit frustrated i suppose. And although i don't agree with the "bang her in three dates" theory - i do believe in at least a kiss by date three just so I know he is interested beyond just hanging out. I suppose I'll give it till date four. I suppose my interest is slightly waning and perhaps our intimacy styles are different as pointed out... anyhoo= lets see where it goes! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 wowsers= good advice.... I think I will wait a bit longer and see how things progress instead of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. What's another week right? background: we're both in our 30's No exclusivity talk. No all day dates. I have been celibate for a while now and getting a bit frustrated i suppose. And although i don't agree with the "bang her in three dates" theory - i do believe in at least a kiss by date three just so I know he is interested beyond just hanging out. I suppose I'll give it till date four. I suppose my interest is slightly waning and perhaps our intimacy styles are different as pointed out... anyhoo= lets see where it goes! So why initiate a kiss rather than looking else where? Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 This is why I am starting not to believe women. it's better to treat them like a kid wowsers= good advice.... I think I will wait a bit longer and see how things progress instead of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. What's another week right? background: we're both in our 30's No exclusivity talk. No all day dates. I have been celibate for a while now and getting a bit frustrated i suppose. And although i don't agree with the "bang her in three dates" theory - i do believe in at least a kiss by date three just so I know he is interested beyond just hanging out. I suppose I'll give it till date four. I suppose my interest is slightly waning and perhaps our intimacy styles are different as pointed out... anyhoo= lets see where it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
missgangrene Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 This thread has been interesting. I didn't realize so many people were against multi-dating... Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 This thread has been interesting. I didn't realize so many people were against multi-dating... Sorry but multi-dating and trying to save face with a guy who may want a relationship while banging someone else isn't the same thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
missgangrene Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Sorry but multi-dating and trying to save face with a guy who may want a relationship while banging someone else isn't the same thing. What's the difference? I'm seriously asking. The way it tends to work with people I know...you casually date and are assumed to be dating (or whatever else) until you have "the talk" and are in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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