overseas2004 Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Ok some of you may remember me from my old posts. I had a live in boyfriend and was with him for about 8 months. Then we broke up because he had a lot of psychiatric problems. Roughly one month after our break up i started dating this guy and although I was still hurting, I felt comfortable with this new guy and happy. We started seeing each other everyday (mostly at his request). Well the day before yesterday he promised me he would come over and spend the night (we have not had sex yet) and take my car to get the muffler changed. We were on a date when he suggested this. Then when we got in front of my house, he was just like see ya tomorrow. I got angry. I had issues with my ex about following up on his word and I felt like the same thing was being done to me. I looked at him and said "you know this feels too much like a game and I am not going to participate in it". So, I just got out of the car and just kept walking. He knew I was mad. So he followed me. In the ensuing discussion he told me that I felt like I was distant at times and removed. And that he just wanted to go home because I felt like that on this particular evening. He was correct in his assesment. We had just finished watching a movie that was totally about a commitmentphobic man and it just reminded me I could not help it. So I probably got kind of quiet. I acknowledged how he felt. He knows the whole story so its not like I am keeping something from him. Well to make a long story short, last night he came over again. He spent the night and he took my car in teh morning. He is a good man. But we have only known each other for a week. I was really comfortable with him as I said until...... last night we were sleeping. I must have had a dream or something because he jarred me. And he said "I love you and no one can hurt you anymore". This has totally changed the landscape of this relationship for me. I am in a panic right now and I don't know what to do. I certainly do not love him. I did not expect him to say something so quickly and I think it is unrealistic that this is really true. What the hell do I do now???? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Oh GAWD....I hate that when it happens! I have no idea why some people ASSUME because you are dating them you want to mate for life! I have a hard time hurting someone's feelings. If I have ANY motivation though, this is the way I look at it. I didn't get the person I thought I wanted......and they may not either. Life isn't like that. Looking at it that way helped me to feel less guilty when I have to do the 'It's not you....it's me' talk.....which in itself is a lie. IT'S THEM DAMMIT!!!!!!!! HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousgeorge Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 I guess the next question is are you going to stop dating him because he said this. I think he was really getting ahead of himself and part of it is because he feels your distance and your pain. So he is going to try to protect you and show you that you are loved even more than you need it. I would probably try talking to him but that usually never works. People feel how they feel. Then again you probably don't want to hurt him. Yikes one week??? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Hold the phone. You were at a movie about a commitmentphobe. The movie made you sad and distant. Is there any possibility that he might have thought that you feared that he was a commitmentphobe? That he felt the impetus to let you know he's not that way? Link to post Share on other sites
viciouscancer Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 miome i definitly agree with the phobia televison stuff. some girls want to know straight up if ur in the pus** or a relationship. it is pritty easy to tell when someone wants straight physical stuff, and someone who wants a relationship. u decided to date this guy. i dont think he is looking for a life partner, it burns out quickly. i just think that he is saying that he wont bang u and then dump u. but if that is what u want then dont go out with him. it should be easy for him to see. i make sure people know if i just want physical stuff, or if i want a relationship type deal. i never send wrong signals. KEEP IT REAL... ur reputation speaks for itself. if ur known to be a slut, u will be treated like one. people pick partners by who they think will serve them well. viciouscancer Link to post Share on other sites
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