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Maintaining contact with ex


marksmith333

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marksmith333

Hi

 

I have been in a serious relationship for nearly two years now. I am extremely happy with my girlfriend and we plan on getting married soon.

 

My problem is that I also have a very good friendship with a girl I've known since childhood. At one point (a couple of years before I met my girlfriend) this turned into a very brief romantic relationship but not much really happened and we went back to being good friends since. We tended to meet up for a drink or dinner every few months but this has tailed off since I got into my current relationship as I have been stalling to avoid any awkward situations.

 

The time for this stalling to end has now arrived and I need to take some decisive action either way. As I can perfectly understand, my girlfriend isn't particularly comfortable about me meeting up one-on-one with my friend given the even slight amount of romantic contact we've had in the past. At the same time, my friend dismisses this as completely insignificant and seems rather offended that I would even think about ditching our friendship. I've suggested the three of us meet up sometime which my girlfriend agrees with, but since then my friend has become rather cold and moody towards me.

 

Am I being unreasonable to my friend? Or should I just regard this as an inevitable consequence of wanting to do the right thing for my girlfriend?

 

Any ideas and advice really appreciated as I am finding it difficult to take an objective view!

 

Mark

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If your friend really wanted to be "just friends" with you, then she wouldn't have become cold and moody towards you when you suggested that the three of you hang out. Usually, I am all in favor of maintaining friendships, but your girlfriend may have a point with this one.

 

She should become a friend of the relationship, not just a friend of yours.

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Your friend probably still wants you or something. Otherwise, she would understand and respect that you just want your girlfriend to be comfortable. If you're planning on marrying your girlfriend, you should end this 'friendship' altogether.

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marksmith333

Thanks both for your replies and advice.

 

I have to say that the more I've thought about this and discussed it with my girlfriend, what you have suggested is what I am leaning towards thinking.

 

What I keep coming back to is the question of "If the shoe was on the other foot, how would I react?", and I imagine I'd be very happy to meet my friend and her boyfriend and I definitely wouldn't become cold toward her.

 

I suppose with hindsight I could have handled the situation slightly better in the sense that I did tell this to my friend rather abruptly one day, but still...

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