Is he in relationship denial?

[hestheone66]

Hello

 

Some of you have read my posts where I've fallen head over heels for someone who played me very badly. Fast forward to Jan this year. I met a man on a dating site, just for fun, no strings etc. After a few weeks of online exchanges (nightly) we decide to meet for a coffee. He is very shy and doesn't speak much, but due to our online conversations I am aware he is very erudite and full of passion under a cool reserved exterior. I re-iterate that i'm not looking for a relationship etc and he agrees.. just FWB, but possibly just the B..

After we had our first 'date' we go back to indulge in some passion.. the best sex either of us has ever had. I leave in the small hours, no promises of any future meetings etc.

He messages me the next night some very passionate/romantic words.. and over the next few months treats me exactly like a very considerate boyfriend would treat a treasured gf. We DON"T decide to be exclusive... we encourage each other to continue dating others... but we never do, as all our time is spent together. with or without the prospect of sex. He will travel inordinate distances when busy just to have a coffee for 20 mins. He will buy me gifts, cook for me, fix things around my house, and generally spoil me.... he declared he loved me out of the blue a few months into the romance.

MY question.... he says we're not in a relationship.... I'm happy not to have a label... but it feels like we are.. we talk every day, include each other in plans.. BUT I haven't met anyone in his life, though he has met quite a few in mine..

 

Should I just coast along and not push for a label (regarding exclusivity... he has mentioned that he would feel jealous, but he wouldn't control my life and I feel exactly the same) we seem to be together because it suits us now, and if forever is just made up of days that we enjoy each other's uncomplicated company then that's a good thing... however, the girl in me thinks i "should' hold out for a declaration of commitment..

the reason I ask is that by spending all my spare time with him, I'll end up heartbroken.. the longer we see each other the more attached I feel.

what do you guys think?

[todreaminblue]

Hello

 

Some of you have read my posts where I've fallen head over heels for someone who played me very badly. Fast forward to Jan this year. I met a man on a dating site, just for fun, no strings etc. After a few weeks of online exchanges (nightly) we decide to meet for a coffee. He is very shy and doesn't speak much, but due to our online conversations I am aware he is very erudite and full of passion under a cool reserved exterior. I re-iterate that i'm not looking for a relationship etc and he agrees.. just FWB, but possibly just the B..

After we had our first 'date' we go back to indulge in some passion.. the best sex either of us has ever had. I leave in the small hours, no promises of any future meetings etc.

He messages me the next night some very passionate/romantic words.. and over the next few months treats me exactly like a very considerate boyfriend would treat a treasured gf. We DON"T decide to be exclusive... we encourage each other to continue dating others... but we never do, as all our time is spent together. with or without the prospect of sex. He will travel inordinate distances when busy just to have a coffee for 20 mins. He will buy me gifts, cook for me, fix things around my house, and generally spoil me.... he declared he loved me out of the blue a few months into the romance.

MY question.... he says we're not in a relationship.... I'm happy not to have a label... but it feels like we are.. we talk every day, include each other in plans.. BUT I haven't met anyone in his life, though he has met quite a few in mine..

 

Should I just coast along and not push for a label (regarding exclusivity... he has mentioned that he would feel jealous, but he wouldn't control my life and I feel exactly the same) we seem to be together because it suits us now, and if forever is just made up of days that we enjoy each other's uncomplicated company then that's a good thing... however, the girl in me thinks i "should' hold out for a declaration of commitment..

the reason I ask is that by spending all my spare time with him, I'll end up heartbroken.. the longer we see each other the more attached I feel.

what do you guys think?

 

 

i dont think its fair you are unsure have the talk and see where it goes from there....if you want exclusivity and a label .....take the honest approach at least you will knwo where you stand it is worse if you don't know where you stand.....you can either then accept it or not....you have choices instead of confusion and not knowing..i would get attached too so you are not being unreasonable..you are sleeping with him and playing the part of girlfriend so you should be able to be honest he sounds very caring and you both encouraged each other to date others....doesnt sound like it was what you wanted or by the sounds of it him either.....you have to be open about this.....before the relationship goes any further than it already has...i think you do need to put some boundaries and have definite idea of where the relationship is headed.......deb

[hestheone66]

Sorry, I forgot to explicitly mention.. last week when I said to him ' we're in a relationship now, admit it' he just said, 'no we're not'

[hestheone66]

We are still together and still respectful of each others boundaries. After a particularly passionate lovemaking session, he asked me sheepishly if I ever wondered what it would be like if we lived together... we both dont think it would be good idea atm,because we have children that we dont want to force into step situation. But for him to bring it up made me realise just how great this is. He admitted it is relationship now ;-)