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criminal record in his past - not sure about him


sillychick

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Hi there

 

An older brother of a classmate of mine recently contacted me on FB. Friended me a few weeks ago and just last week sent me a message. We went back and forth a few times, mostly just how are you, how is your life kinda stuff. (We're both in our 40's).

 

He asked me if I was married, I told him I was divorced. So is he.

 

Not sure why in the world I did this, but I guess it was a gut thing, but I searched the local court records online for his name.

 

Found out that in 07-08 he had a handful of arrests. 6th degree larceny and borrowing a car w/o permission. Seems like the other arrests are related, failure to appear, etc.

 

Of course this makes me very nervous. It's petty stuff and it is about 4 years ago.

 

He is coming on strong, wants to talk and maybe get together for a drink. I'm not feeling comfortable with it but being a pretty straight and rule following kinda person maybe I'm making too much out of it?

 

What do you all think? Pattern of behavior or a mistake that he hasn't repeated in many years?

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I'm not feeling comfortable with it but being a pretty straight and rule following kinda person maybe I'm making too much out of it?

 

What do you all think? Pattern of behavior or a mistake that he hasn't repeated in many years?

If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. Everyone has a different level and asking about other people's comfort level isn't going to change yours.

 

I'm a straight-laced person so I personally would not even if it was a phase - at least I wouldn't be looking to him for a possible relationship, friends would be a different story and it would absolutely never be more.

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Everyone makes mistakes in their past, and for some that involves a criminal record. It doesn't mean someone is a bad person because they have a record. It doesn't maen they are going to go out and steal, drive drunk, and get into bar fights. It just means they made stupid choices at one point in their life.

 

People with arrest records can and do change, but if you aren't comfortable and it makes you nervous though it would probably be better to not get involved.

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Given how busy cops are these days, it's tough to get arrested. 6th degree larceny and then he fails to appear? That's a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions. I'd be questioning his intelligence as well as what he's gotten away with before. Yellow flag for sure, especially for a mature man. If he was teens, early 20's, different story. Young guys do stupid stuff. We've all been there and either did or wanted to ;)

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This was only 4 - 5 years ago when he was in his late thirties. People in their late thirties are already formed adults. Don't go there.

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Given how busy cops are these days, it's tough to get arrested. 6th degree larceny and then he fails to appear? That's a misdemeanor in most jurisdictions. I'd be questioning his intelligence as well as what he's gotten away with before. Yellow flag for sure, especially for a mature man. If he was teens, early 20's, different story. Young guys do stupid stuff. We've all been there and either did or wanted to ;)

 

In a way am facing something similar and I mentioned it in my post as well and this is just what am afraid of "they" are not minors silly kids green behind ears but formed adults.

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I wouldn't judge him on it alone but take it in context with everything else you see...

 

The way you write "coming on strong" bugs me a bit in light of his larceny. You don't want someone with blurred lines of "right and wrong" coming on strong.

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Listen to yourself. If it goes wrong, who are you going to blame?? idiots on LS?? lol

 

A lot of idiots here say 'don't judge based on this this this and that'

 

It's kind of risky to get into because you know what you are getting into. If it turns out to be great, fine. If it turns out to be miserable, you are going to feel dumb about yourself, people around will point at you laughing.

 

It's like buying a car with a salvage title. actually you can find a great car. But what if you end up getting a bad car? 'oh well I knew it had a salvage title.....but I thought it could be...oh well stupid mistake'

 

Maybe you can 'test drive' him for a while without crossing any lines??

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Discuss it with the classmate to find out what really happened. For example it could have been in a relationship--where the other party got really angry about something and called the law.

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if those records were from his teenage years or early 20s, I wouldn't be too concerned; however, a mature man who gets arrested repeatedly and commits larceny should not be trusted. If your gut feeling told u to do a background check on him, then listen to your gut feeling and don't get involved with him

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Thank you all for replying.

 

The more I think about it, after reading your posts especially, the more I realize this is probably not a good path to go down.

 

It does make me uncomfortable.

 

Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but again like many of you have said, those 'mistakes' were in his late 30's. And also he lived out of state for many years, so for all I know there were more arrests in another state.

 

Also, and like one of you made mention of - thank you - he is coming on very strong. That bugs me, like he doesn't know that there are boundaries or something. So throw that into the mix....

 

So thanks again, I really appreciate the input!!

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It sounds like a domestic dispute he had and she pressed charges over something petty.

 

Just my opinion.

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He might be the type to guilt you into seeing him so pretend you are busy with work or have a new boyfriend you want to get to know better. User types can sense weakness.

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People do change. You base it upon their actions now. Usually your gut is right. If you feel it isn't right, then it probably isn't. Something made you look up his past.

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Found out that in 07-08 he had a handful of arrests. 6th degree larceny and borrowing a car w/o permission. Seems like the other arrests are related, failure to appear, etc.

 

Of course this makes me very nervous. It's petty stuff and it is about 4 years ago.

 

He is coming on strong, wants to talk and maybe get together for a drink. I'm not feeling comfortable with it but being a pretty straight and rule following kinda person maybe I'm making too much out of it?

 

What do you all think? Pattern of behavior or a mistake that he hasn't repeated in many years?

 

See what happened there.

Are the cases public record, can you look them up and read them ?

 

Be weary, that kind of behaviour is not good on the part of a 40yr old.

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mitch conner

Trust your instincts, but consider all the facts. I had a squeaky clean past until I went to speak with a counselor about dealing with the stress of a hostile work environment, and was placed on an anti-depressant known as Paxil. I went completely insane got arrested 3 times in 3 months. And am now putting things back together. I won't ask someone out on a date with out telling them everything about this first though and none of my arrests were due to violent acts. I was just in a constant stupor like state, and unable to sleep on that so called low side effect medication, so all of my arrests were dui or public intox based on the obvious appearance of my state. It's always a smart move to avoid individuals w/ previous history of violence in a relationship.

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