dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Me and this girl have been dating for 2 months. Everything has been going great. Feels like we're headed into a LTR even though we both refuse to admit it. Because of that, we've been having more in depth, important discussions. One topic came up on Sunday night and it's not the first time she brought it up. We argued/debated over PDA in front of friends/family for 2 hours but not once did we fight or get angry. Just a lot of frustration and I know she's struggling with it. I'm okay with that and it's not a dealbreaker for me, but she brought it up and asked me for my honest opinion so I gave it to her. More info here on the debate - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/340823-pda-front-friends-family-yes-no-my-date-says-no-run-hills The result? Not great. We last talked on Sunday morning at 3AM. She said she would "get back to me" and it honestly sounded like someone was dead or we were breaking up. We haven't talked since then. No contact, no text, no email, no calling. Before that we'd constantly text and talk to each other everyday before going to bed. I miss her. Should I continue waiting it out and keeping myself busy or just call her and ask how she's doing? I want to do something fun with her this Friday and to be honest I don't even care about this PDA business. She brought it up and asked for my honest opinion so I told her...and then I kindly told her my opinion didn't matter because we're still technically "dating". We're not in a relationship yet so we can't expect each other to compromise although we are headed into one very soon if things continue to progress quickly. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
tivoconga Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 If you've been dating for two months - call her and don't worry about any kind of no contact. If she's bothered by your answer - the longer it simmers without contact from you, the more the damage... Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 If you've been dating for two months - call her and don't worry about any kind of no contact. If she's bothered by your answer - the longer it simmers without contact from you, the more the damage... I agree completely. Communication is key. Try to keep it positive and find common ground. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 I'd wait for her to contact me. If she doesn't she wasn't all that interested anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 If you've been dating for two months - call her and don't worry about any kind of no contact. If she's bothered by your answer - the longer it simmers without contact from you, the more the damage... She's bothered by my answer but I remember her asking me the same question 3-4 weeks ago and I gave her the same answer. I think it's more of a matter she has with herself. She wants the best of both worlds. I feel like she wants to be in a LTR with me but also be the friendly, outgoing, free spirited, private girl she was before she met me. She hasn't dated anyone in 2 years so it's a big change for her. It'll be hard for her. What can I do to show her that I am willing to help her thru this change in a way that doesn't seem too forceful or demanding and at the same time not undercut my own values? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 I'd wait for her to contact me. If she doesn't she wasn't all that interested anyway. I do feel the ball is in her court seeing how she ended our last convo with "I'm sorry, I'm not thinking straight right now, I'll get back to you" kinda thing. I don't want to call her and make it seem like I want her to decide asap. I just want to talk it out with her. See her. Have some fun... like we've been doing for the last 2 months. I'll be shocked if she suddenly decided to call it quits. The things we've done in the last 2 months....casual daters don't do 'em! Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 I do feel the ball is in her court seeing how she ended our last convo with "I'm sorry, I'm not thinking straight right now, I'll get back to you" kinda thing. I don't want to call her and make it seem like I want her to decide asap. I just want to talk it out with her. See her. Have some fun... like we've been doing for the last 2 months. I'll be shocked if she suddenly decided to call it quits. The things we've done in the last 2 months....casual daters don't do 'em! Yes but you're thinking logically. There is no logic in dating. There are times when something happens in dating and people drive themselves crazy trying to figure out what they did wrong or why things changed, when all you have to do is look at the other person to find your answer. You've done what you could. This chick said she'll get back to you. She hasn't. That's on her. That's her losing interest or being moody or juvenille or whatever. I don't play with that. She said she's going to contact me, then I'll be waiting for her call. If she doesn't call then I'd take solace in the fact that a girl like her is out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Does she have any planets in Aquarius? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 If you want an answer, I would call her. If she won't pick up the phone or respond to a text, then it's over with. You will feel better if you know rather than just leave someone (or yourself) hanging. Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 MrCastle is right. I've had this happen to me, and you know what? It just happens and you have to shrug it off and move on. Let her get back to you. You go onto another girl. If she calls, great. If she doesn't? You'll be preoccupied with someone else that you won't even care about her. Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Seems like if she cuts you out on something as minor as that, she will be controlling on other things too. She said she would get back to you, I think it is up to her. Even if you make up, are you ready to deal with her pouting and shunning you everytime you don't agree on something? Because that is the game you would be signing up for. If you are headed for a good LTR she would be able to accept that you view it differently and be able to change the subject and not just give you the silent treatment. Being pissed for a day is one thing, cutting you out for 3 days shows her true colors I think. I wonder, are there other small arguments you find yourself caving in on because in the back of your mind you know she would never agree to disagree? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 Yes but you're thinking logically. There is no logic in dating. There are times when something happens in dating and people drive themselves crazy trying to figure out what they did wrong or why things changed, when all you have to do is look at the other person to find your answer. You've done what you could. This chick said she'll get back to you. She hasn't. That's on her. That's her losing interest or being moody or juvenille or whatever. I don't play with that. She said she's going to contact me, then I'll be waiting for her call. If she doesn't call then I'd take solace in the fact that a girl like her is out of my life. There is no logic, that's why I laughed in my head when she said she wanted to casually date and sneak around covertly for 5-6 months before progressing and taking things more seriously. It's only been 2 months and it feels like it's reaching the serious stage and it's no longer convert seeing how she came to my bday and I met some of her close friends. How long do I wait for this girl to get back to me? Even if it's not to get back to me regarding the PDA debate, we could still chill, hang out and do other things. I don't freakin' care about the damn PDA. It's not a dealbreaker for either of us. She already said she would try putting forth a greater effort with PDA rather than just reject it. That's a compromise. And I already told her it was just my opinion and she did not have to compromise until we get into a LTR. Why the hell is it such a big deal? Does she have any planets in Aquarius? She's Aquarian and her planet is Uranus. I'm Leo. If you want an answer, I would call her. If she won't pick up the phone or respond to a text, then it's over with. You will feel better if you know rather than just leave someone (or yourself) hanging. Sure I want an answer..but I don't want to be the one asking the questions. Because then it will seem like I am forcing her to decide between continuing or progressing. So thus far I've made her question herself and question me by not bringing up the question. If I call her and ask her the question, it will directly go against what I've been avoiding this whole time... I want her to come out on her own and say "I want x" and to stick with it. How do I do that without forcing her to make a decision? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 MrCastle is right. I've had this happen to me, and you know what? It just happens and you have to shrug it off and move on. Let her get back to you. You go onto another girl. If she calls, great. If she doesn't? You'll be preoccupied with someone else that you won't even care about her. So your suggestion is to start dating other girls behind girl #1's back even though we promised to be exclusive casual daters? Or set a time of 'x' and if girl #1 doesn't call me back within 'x' period time I assume it's over and I start dating other girls? Seems like if she cuts you out on something as minor as that, she will be controlling on other things too. She said she would get back to you, I think it is up to her. Even if you make up, are you ready to deal with her pouting and shunning you everytime you don't agree on something? Because that is the game you would be signing up for. If you are headed for a good LTR she would be able to accept that you view it differently and be able to change the subject and not just give you the silent treatment. Being pissed for a day is one thing, cutting you out for 3 days shows her true colors I think. I wonder, are there other small arguments you find yourself caving in on because in the back of your mind you know she would never agree to disagree? Make up what though? We had a good debate. No damage was done, at least that's what I think... and like I said earlier, she compromised... so I don't get what the whole issue is. She was willing to compromise one second, and now she's ignoring me for 3 days??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 If you want an answer, I would call her. If she won't pick up the phone or respond to a text, then it's over with. You will feel better if you know rather than just leave someone (or yourself) hanging. Let's say that I do call her. How do I start the convo without making it awkward? I already told her it's not a big deal, it was just my opinion (she asked), and we'll deal with it if/when we get into a LTR. Since we are not currently in a LTR, why's she treating it like the end of the world? I'm not. I also don't want to call her to make her feel bad or insecure or self-consious even though she is. If I call, can I just call and ask her out to do something fun so I can take her mind off of all the bs? Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Make up what though? We had a good debate. No damage was done, at least that's what I think... and like I said earlier, she compromised... so I don't get what the whole issue is. She was willing to compromise one second, and now she's ignoring me for 3 days??? Sounds like you saw it as a debate, she saw it as something bigger. The evidence that she sent you a short answer and has blown you off for 3 days suggest so, some kind of damage was obviously done if she has gone completely silent on you. I think she is waiting for you to make the first move because she sees you as being completely wrong. If that's the case, that's pretty controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 It sucks when people play these stupid games but in my opinion you can't give in on this. Just do stuff to take your mind off her. If she contacts you she contacts you. You have to maintain your self respect and dignity. She's the one who said she'll call you. Ball is in her court. Maybe it's easy for me since I'm able to detatch very easily. If I lost her over this then it is what it is. We weren't meant to be and the sooner I find that out the better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 Let's say that I do call her. How do I start the convo without making it awkward? I already told her it's not a big deal, it was just my opinion (she asked), and we'll deal with it if/when we get into a LTR. Since we are not currently in a LTR, why's she treating it like the end of the world? I'm not. I also don't want to call her to make her feel bad or insecure or self-consious even though she is. If I call, can I just call and ask her out to do something fun so I can take her mind off of all the bs? Well there is some issue that she is willing to write you off for 3 days and it sounds like you want to pretend it isn't there. If you call her you should address the issue head on. If it's big enough for her to pretend you don't exist I don't see how you could go out and expect her to just have fun with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted August 15, 2012 Author Share Posted August 15, 2012 The only issue I have right now is talking about all this potential LTR bull**** if we're not getting into one. Why all the drama for nothing? If she wants a LTR, I'll gladly give her one, because I already told her I see her as a potential partner and she's more than just a date to me. I just don't know 100% that she feels the same way. More like 70%. I mean, she's the one having difficulties sacrificing and committing to LTR because of her own lifestyle and what not. Anyways, she just texted me "hey" 1 hour ago. I haven't responded yet. My phone is dying. I guess I'll give her a call tonight at our regular time? Link to post Share on other sites
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