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Old 31st July 2012, 12:19 PM   #1
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Stay or Go?

I've been dating a girl for about 4 months now. I'm 34 and she is 24.

We met outside a bar at 4 am in the morning. The conversation we had was great and I asked for her number. She insisted I come home with her and we have sex. In an attempt to be cordial, I continued to just get her number. Eventually I agreed to walk her home safely. When we arrived home we talked for a few minutes and then she took my clothes off and we had sex until the sun came up. The next morning, I walked her to work, we kissed, and all was well. That evening, the same thing occurred without the bar.

It was Easter, she had family in town and had to spend time with them, as did I. Throughout our days apart we would text back and forth expressing our desire to see each other. It was exciting and love was in the air.

Days passed and she called me while I was sleeping. I could hear her in the background and some guy was talking on a message left about how she wants to see me and how he was interested in taking her home. Her in the background, intoxicated. Waking up to her missed calls and this message was confusing? I sent her a text, sorry i was asleep, lets do brunch, lunch, dinner? No reply. Later I sent a text, where she responded, she was hungover, not sure about the message left. She then asked if I wanted to see a movie. I agreed. Then she declined, said she was tired, and didn't want to hangout because she slept with a friend that day and felt like a skank. She then went on to mention she wasn't looking for anything serious. My chest sank in a bit, I was confused, it seemed like we had quite the connection. Saddened though I was, I expressed the desire to see her again. At that time I was considering a job in NYC anyway, so what would it hurt to hook up a few more times? We have great sex.

We spent many wonderful days together and developed our now relationship. When we discussed the hook up, she said it was some guy she was friends with and she wished it had never happened. I was curious about the experience, so I enquired about details. They spent the night when she was drunk, then hooked up in between work shifts the next day. I told her it hurt me, made me distrust a bit, but I do like her and it would take time to completely get over it. She understood.

Somehow the conversation came up recently and she omitted the fact that she blew me off the night we were planning to go to the movies, the hook up day, to spend the night at his house. It did nothing but make me wonder. Why omit that when discussing it earlier? To seem as though she wasn't interested?

She likes to drink, she's 24. She seems a bit boy crazy. Prior to us dating, she slept around a bit (which I consider expressing sexuality at that age?). When I use her computer, the address line always comes up to an ex fling's facebook page. She is a bit irresponsible with her finances. Also, she has had a child and given it up for adoption, which I believe she is possibly still conflicted with. She has had a bi-sexual experience. She is a pastry chef. She thinks hanging with old hook ups, together, is ok. Says she wants to have a family one day. She wants to travel and discover the world.

She is by no means a monster of a woman, I do love her and want the best for her.

Me. I'm gainfully employed. I enjoy drinking. At 34, probably less often than in the past, but can still hang with the best of them. I haven't had a serious relationship in years due to my past employment, requiring me to constantly travel. I have a difficult time trusting others. I've slept around before. I sacrificed my NYC opportunity to stay and give this a try (no regret or resentment). Well traveled. Honest. Pretty level headed nice guy with just enough edge.

We communicate our feelings openly. It seems as though she is dedicated to us. We have a goal to visit Greece and then travel the USA for 2 months in a year from now. Yet I have these doubts and trust issues. Much of which stems from the event that happened early on, her past, and her life desires?

I love her and want things to work and have a positive attitude for the most part. Ultimately I must decide what is right. In your opinion, does this relationship have a future? Why?

Lengthy post....
DFS123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st July 2012, 12:29 PM   #2
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OP, I think you and her are likely to have very different values. It's one thing that she likes drinking or the adoption bit or the irresponsibility with finances (though these could be barriers to a serious relationship for many people) but the fact that she blew you out to hook up with some other guy who was nearer her at the time than you were.... I don't think she is the kind of woman you can trust OP

You sound like a great, level-headed guy, I'm pretty sure you can find a girl who is perhaps a bit more selective with her charms.
Emilia is offline   Reply With Quote
 

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