ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Natural: You meet them. You talk to them. There is a spark immediately. Just a meshing of minds, words, and everything else. No effort needed, something is just.....there. Creating attraction: You talk to them. You attempt to create connection, chemistry, emphasize your attractive traits, use your body language and subtle nuances that you know. You understand attraction and how it works, and you use it to attract that one you want. May or may not work...... These are all things one can do, but can you force yourself to connect, and become attracted to someone you just don't feel it for? It's one thing to create attraction to someone you already like, but if you aren't attracted to them now, is the incentive a good enough reason to go for it?? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I honestly don't understand what you're trying to say here...are you referring trying to force someone to be attracted to you (as you refer to in the middle paragraph), or trying to force yourself to be attracted to someone else (which is what I am reading from your third paragraph)...? Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Natural: You meet them. You talk to them. There is a spark immediately. Just a meshing of minds, words, and everything else. No effort needed, something is just.....there. Creating attraction: You talk to them. You attempt to create connection, chemistry, emphasize your attractive traits, use your body language and subtle nuances that you know. You understand attraction and how it works, and you use it to attract that one you want. May or may not work...... These are all things one can do, but can you force yourself to connect, and become attracted to someone you just don't feel it for? It's one thing to create attraction to someone you already like, but if you aren't attracted to them now, is the incentive a good enough reason to go for it?? I think everyone does things differently. For those who really value physical attraction and emotional connection, that is fine. Hold out as long as you want. But I think when they say others settle, it's out of pure jealousy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I honestly don't understand what you're trying to say here...are you referring trying to force someone to be attracted to you (as you refer to in the middle paragraph), or trying to force yourself to be attracted to someone else (which is what I am reading from your third paragraph)...? Yeah, I don't think I worded it that well, I'm talking about 3 different things here! Yeah, I think that you can possibly create attraction in someone, but only if there is a base connection somewhere in there, which would come back to the first point. But the point I was really getting at was that you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. I should have made that the thread :facepalm:..........tried to say to much Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I think everyone does things differently. For those who really value physical attraction and emotional connection, that is fine. Hold out as long as you want. But I think when they say others settle, it's out of pure jealousy... I agree, everyone does do things differently, and they experience attraction differently too. I don't know about that last sentence though, people really do settle a lot . Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Obviously, we would all prefer natural, instant attraction. Nothing wrong with that. The problem is that people believe that's the only kind of attraction that exists. It's not. There have been girls that wanted to date me that, I wasn't exactly fawning over. I mean I thought they were cute, but I could take them or leave them. After getting to know them better, I found myself liking them a lot more. Of course you will never create attraction with someone who has 0 interest in you. It has to be with someone who has a borderline feel on you. Someone that isn't 100% repulsed by you nor are they creaming their pants when they think of you. Someone lukewarm. I do believe you can create attraction in those situations because I've done it and have also been a victim of it 3 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 But the point I was really getting at was that you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. I should have made that the thread :facepalm:..........tried to say to much So are you trying to ask whether it's "worth it" to keep dating someone who you don't feel the natural initial "spark" with in hopes that some sort of spark develops over time...? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 After getting to know them better, I found myself liking them a lot more. I would still call that natural attraction, albeit not immediate attraction. Sometimes it takes a meeting or two to reveal the attractive qualities. I don't think people can intentionally create attraction out of nothing, though. Some element of natural attraction needs to be present. Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I agree, everyone does do things differently, and they experience attraction differently too. I don't know about that last sentence though, people really do settle a lot . I'll be honest. I'm 35 and I haven't seen it. Most of my married friends are very happy. Some of them have been together for over 10 years counting marriage and dating. They go out and have fun together, and joke around. It's great. I can't remember looking at a couple who was had fun together and being like ... oh, she settled. She could have gotten a more attractive person. Then again, I tend to hang around with mostly down to Earth people. Not all, but most. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I mean...I guess it's possible for some people. I've known quite a few people who were initially not attracted to their bf/gf, but eventually, they began to become more and more attracted. I guess that likely falls under creating attraction. However, in a few of those situations, the relationship got worse throughout. I wouldn't be able connect with someone I'm not attracted to--and for me, the attraction goes well beyond the physical. I just think it's a mistake for anyone to force themselves to be attracted to someone, even if they're really lonely. I tried to do this a few yrs ago, and I ended up hurting her feelings. As much as I tried to go along with the idea of really being into her, she eventually saw through me and realized it was all an illusion. I guess if the urge (wanting companionship) is there, some can just ignore their attraction and go along with what's in front of them. Me personally, I just think it'll do more harm than good in the end. I really can't force attraction. It's just not worth it. I don't think anyone should do it, honestly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Most of my married friends are very happy. Some of them have been together for over 10 years counting marriage and dating. They go out and have fun together, and joke around. It's great. I can't remember looking at a couple who was had fun together and being like ... oh, she settled. She could have gotten a more attractive person. My experience is similar. In my 20 years of adult life, I've attended a couple weddings where I've questioned (in my mind) whether the bride, the groom, or both were truly in love. But overwhelmingly, the couples were/are crazy about each other! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThaWholigan Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I'll be honest. I'm 35 and I haven't seen it. Most of my married friends are very happy. Some of them have been together for over 10 years counting marriage and dating. They go out and have fun together, and joke around. It's great. I can't remember looking at a couple who was had fun together and being like ... oh, she settled. She could have gotten a more attractive person. Then again, I tend to hang around with mostly down to Earth people. Not all, but most. Yes, demographic can dictate that indeed. I know a lot of people who settled, seen a lot of unhappy relationships. So are you trying to ask whether it's "worth it" to keep dating someone who you don't feel the natural initial "spark" with in hopes that some sort of spark develops over time...? To an extent I am. Like a few others have said, if there is a baseline attraction there then it can work, but sometimes even if logically you should be attracted there can be nothing there and no matter how much you force it, it won't happen. So, yeah I am asking that . Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I agree that many couples don't seem like they settled. When I was on vacation there were plenty of couples that seemed as happy as can be. I think people who always feel like they settled will never be happy. Nothing can please them and that is not a fun way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 In my 20 years of adult life, I've attended a couple weddings where I've questioned (in my mind) whether the bride, the groom, or both were truly in love. But overwhelmingly, the couples were/are crazy about each other! Thinking about it more......it was more like 5 or 6 couples where I questioned the "true love". But curiously, most of those marriages are still going. They went in with modest expectations and are seemingly sticking it out with mixed levels of satisfaction. Some of the more passionate marriages have crashed and burned, some spectacularly, but they were undoubtedly in love at the time of the wedding Overall, it has been rare in my experience to see people "settling" on their wedding day. Link to post Share on other sites
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