vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I started dating a girl (who's 21) and she is very different than all the others I've dated. She's never been drunk, only had a couple drinks her whole life. Normally girls go crazy once they reach the legal drinking age (which is 18 here). She doesn't do drugs or smoke. She doesn't hookup in anyway. She's had 3 relationships and only 3 kissed guys. We've had 2 long dates and she hasn't let me kiss her yet. The first date ending up lasting 5 hours and the second 7 hours. She doesn't sleep around. She's had 3 BF's (3 years, 2 years & 1 year) and only done anything (sex, oral, touching) with 1 guy (3 year relationship). I didn't ask, she said it when that topic came up. She doesn't go out and party, never has and doesn't want to. She doesn't even swear really, only on occasion. And she's the prettiest girl I've ever dated. She's not religious at all. This is just who she is. I like it, a lot. It's nice to see a girl who has self-respect and thinks that there is more important things than going out partying or clubbing every weekend, getting wasted or high and sleeping around. I'm past that point in my life, so it's nice to have. But it's a bit intimidating and I don't want to mess it up. I already made the mistake of asking her "come over and we can watch a movie and cuddle if you want" at the end of the first date. I COMPLETELY meant just watch a movie and cuddle, no sex, but she assumed I meant sex. I don't want to move to fast and lose her, but I don't want to go too slow either. I want to show that I respect her, but also that I'm really into her. I'm also a bit nervous about however long it'll take to have sex. She said she doesn't have a time frame, she just does when it feels right. All my previous relationships have been very sexual, so it might be a challenge. The other thing I'm unsure about is if I should tell her how many people I've been with. Sex, kissing, all that, is important to her, which makes me feel like I should. I don't want to think I'll have a chance with her then lose her when she finds out my "history". I've had sex with 10 (5 relationships, 5 hookups), oral with 13, no idea how many people I've kissed. I don't want it to be hard for her to deal with, not like me because of it or for her to be intimidated that I've had more experience. She told me her sexual history, because some guys don't like inexperienced girls. So I feel like I should tell her mine. Opinions? Thoughts? Help... Link to post Share on other sites
Author vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I keep hearing, reading and being told that relationships don't normally work when one person is experienced sexually and the other isn't. The girl I'm dating has only kissed 3 guys and had sex with 1 guy, never oral. She's very selective about sex and it's important to her. But I've had sex with 10 and oral with 13. I don't want her to feel like she won't be good enough or be self-conscience, but I feel like she will. I also want her to feel like I care about her and make her feel special but I don't think I will because I've been with a bunch of other people. If we have sex I'll be special to her and I like that, I want her to feel the same way but she probably won't. It worries me that it won't work... She doesn't know how many people I've been with, she didn't ask so I didn't tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 You've never had a sip of beer, you've never smoked anything, you've only had sex like 2-3 times, and you volunteer a lot. Keep telling yourself that until it sounds convincing enough to be used. She wasn't lying. There are people out there like her. I could tell she wasn't lying by the way she was talking, her nervousness about me wanting someone experienced and other things she said. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 How do inexperienced people gain experience when no one wants to date them? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Don't volunteer any information about your sexual history. That'll probably make her nervous. Don't pressure her to have sex either. Tell her she's worth the wait. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It's Just Me Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 The way to a woman's pants is through her mind. Stop worrying about when-when-when and concentrate on getting to know HER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 I'm not just thinking about when we will. I don't want to mess it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 How do inexperienced people gain experience when no one wants to date them? Date other inexperienced people? Or for those with no self-respect, hookup? Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I wouldn't qualify the girl in this situation as "inexperienced". I'd say she's "very experienced". Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 You're worrying too much. I don't think it's that big of a factor. Keep dating her and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 OP, looking down the road, would you say a woman who's kissed one guy, had sex with one guy, and was married to him for 20-30 years, is more or less experienced than the standard you're appearing to be setting here? The girl in question could have had three LTR's with the three guys she kissed and chosen to remain a virgin with all but one. She might have substantial relationship experience even without having substantial sexual variety. From your post, it's hard to tell. Any perspective on that? IME, knowing relationship/marital experience is far more important than shear sexual numbers, presuming one is looking for a healthy and compatible relationship partner. If other, disregard. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vallat Posted July 28, 2012 Author Share Posted July 28, 2012 OP, looking down the road, would you say a woman who's kissed one guy, had sex with one guy, and was married to him for 20-30 years, is more or less experienced than the standard you're appearing to be setting here? The girl in question could have had three LTR's with the three guys she kissed and chosen to remain a virgin with all but one. She might have substantial relationship experience even without having substantial sexual variety. From your post, it's hard to tell. Any perspective on that? IME, knowing relationship/marital experience is far more important than shear sexual numbers, presuming one is looking for a healthy and compatible relationship partner. If other, disregard. Good luck. My previous LTR ended because the girl was a virgin when we met and wanted to experience more guys/different things. I don't want that to happen again. I'm not looking for a fling, I want something serious that is going to last. Based on how she was on the date and the way she talked, I don't think she has much relationship experience. She seemed very unsure about how to act. On our second date I asked her about her previous relationships and what went wrong. Basically, they were all bad relationships. The guys would ignore her, put her behind everything else, get mad if she texted or called, a couple were slightly abusive, cheated, etc. And it showed. She was very unsure about how to act because she didn't want to make me mad. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Moderator note: Substantially similar threads merged. Apologies for any duplication. Carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Relationships work because both people in them want the relationship and they put in the effort to make it work. If you really want a relationship with this girl, then I'd hold off on telling her about your sexual past unless she asks about it. Because it may not matter to her at all. Although STDs, any offspring you currenlty have, and psychotic exes that may be stalking you would be things you should definitely disclose; if you don't have any of those, let her be the one to ask about your sexual history. I hate it when a guy tells me about his previous sex life, and I didn't ask for that info. Especially when I'm still getting to know him. I don't want to know about the women in his past -- because they are the past. Or should be, if he's with me! Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpius Posted July 29, 2012 Share Posted July 29, 2012 I started dating a girl (who's 21) and she is very different than all the others I've dated. She's never been drunk, only had a couple drinks her whole life. Normally girls go crazy once they reach the legal drinking age (which is 18 here). She doesn't do drugs or smoke. She doesn't hookup in anyway. She's had 3 relationships and only 3 kissed guys. We've had 2 long dates and she hasn't let me kiss her yet. The first date ending up lasting 5 hours and the second 7 hours. She doesn't sleep around. She's had 3 BF's (3 years, 2 years & 1 year) and only done anything (sex, oral, touching) with 1 guy (3 year relationship). I didn't ask, she said it when that topic came up. She doesn't go out and party, never has and doesn't want to. She doesn't even swear really, only on occasion. And she's the prettiest girl I've ever dated. She's not religious at all. This is just who she is. I like it, a lot. It's nice to see a girl who has self-respect and thinks that there is more important things than going out partying or clubbing every weekend, getting wasted or high and sleeping around. I'm past that point in my life, so it's nice to have. But it's a bit intimidating and I don't want to mess it up. I already made the mistake of asking her "come over and we can watch a movie and cuddle if you want" at the end of the first date. I COMPLETELY meant just watch a movie and cuddle, no sex, but she assumed I meant sex. I don't want to move to fast and lose her, but I don't want to go too slow either. I want to show that I respect her, but also that I'm really into her. I'm also a bit nervous about however long it'll take to have sex. She said she doesn't have a time frame, she just does when it feels right. All my previous relationships have been very sexual, so it might be a challenge. The other thing I'm unsure about is if I should tell her how many people I've been with. Sex, kissing, all that, is important to her, which makes me feel like I should. I don't want to think I'll have a chance with her then lose her when she finds out my "history". I've had sex with 10 (5 relationships, 5 hookups), oral with 13, no idea how many people I've kissed. I don't want it to be hard for her to deal with, not like me because of it or for her to be intimidated that I've had more experience. She told me her sexual history, because some guys don't like inexperienced girls. So I feel like I should tell her mine. Opinions? Thoughts? Help... Hey Vallat it's Scorpius here, going off you're post and your reply to carhill's response, it seems like she needs a man who is not like her ex-boyfriends, and if you really want your relationship with her to last then you have to prove to her that you're different than her ex-boyfriends. You have to prove to her to you won't cheat on her, abuse her, put everything else in front of her, and you won't get mad whenever she texts or calls. It seems like she needs a good man that's respectful, patient, and knows how to treat her right. In your response to carhill's reply, you stated you didn't she had much experience in relationships. It seems like the only type of relationship she doesn't have experience in are long-lasting good relationships since her previous relationships were bad relationships. Since she's in a relationship with you, its up to you to show her what it feels like to be in a good long-lasting relationship by respecting her, treating her right, showing that you're willing to commit to the relationship and showing her you want to be with her for the rest of your life. If you dont remember everything else within this post, remember this: 1) Sex isn't everything 2) Actions speak louder than words!! I wish you the best in your relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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