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I can afford to travel, boyfriend can't....do I still go?


Leopard

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My boyfriend is poor. He can't afford many things.

 

I, however, can afford to travel the world. I have been many places before, and since our relationship started I would go one week here or there to exotic and beautiful places.

 

I was offered a job that I absolutely adore (and it makes me truly happy) for half a year in Italy.

 

Thing is...I want to take it. It's only temporary but it pays decently, and I absolutely love Italy and the work I am offered. My boyfriend is concerned that men will chase me to the point where I will "have a sweet fling while i'm there".

 

I would never do this, and he trusts me, but he is insecure about it still.

 

I really want to take this job, and I've already cried over making this decision. Somewhere in my heart I know I would go anyways because that's how much it means to me. And he said all he wants is for me to be happy, but he thinks 6 months apart is too long.

 

He can't even visit me because he doesn't have the money, and I can only offer these things to myself. I don't have enough for the both of us. This is where the problem lies.

 

I won't be able to visit because of work, and he can't afford even a plane ticket.

 

What do I do?

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How old are you?

 

And how long have you been seeing him?

 

I bet you're quite young and have a lot of living to do.

 

If you both are really committed, then can he not get a job in Italy, too?

 

Can he get a loan to help with his plane ticket? Or, could you both do an extra part-time job so you can both raise money for his ticket? It doesn't hurt to be creative, if you both mean that much to the other.

 

P.S. Buy travel insurance. :)

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If the roles were reversed I would want him to go. It wouldn't bother me to be apart for that long. As long as we kept in touch of course.

 

I actually wouldn't mind spending some time on myself and my work. 6 months is a tad too long, but I wouldn't make such a big deal about it like he is.

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I would never do this, and he trusts me, but he is insecure about it still.

 

That may be true today. But people know things change and so do feelings. That is literally half a year. You can't ask someone to accept that easily as if nothing is changing. Skype, phone, email may pass time but it still isn't the same as being physically there.

 

Before I had broken up with my ex she mentioned about working and living in Hawaii for the summer (for herself). In my mind I thought that was messed up. Needless to say her plans changed and she never went but still.

 

I won't be able to visit because of work, and he can't afford even a plane ticket.

 

What do I do?

 

You need to decide if you going spells the end of the relationship. And if it does can you accept that fate? Is turning down this offer not an option? Can he accept not seeing you for 6 months?

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Can he get a loan to help with his plane ticket? Or, could you both do an extra part-time job so you can both raise money for his ticket? It doesn't hurt to be creative, if you both mean that much to the other.

 

I can't spend my entire relationship worrying about his finances just so I don't do things alone.

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Cracker Jack

I think you should go. Sounds like it means a lot to you, so if you decide not to go, you might start feeling regret down the line. Just go.

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You need to decide if you going spells the end of the relationship. And if it does can you accept that fate? Is turning down this offer not an option? Can he accept not seeing you for 6 months?

 

Well, since the job is temporary, i'm not sure if it's worth ending the relationship. However it is an experience of a lifetime, and like someone else mentioned, I am young and eager to travel and actually live my life.

 

I can't miss opportunities to LIVE just because someone else can't do it with me. Even though it's temporary, it's a big deal and something I seriously want to do. That's why i'm having trouble deciding, because my boyfriend, in a sense, is an opportunity too. Down the road when i'm older I might not have the chance to do this.

 

But if I lose him, I might lose another opportunity that I don't yet know is there.

 

He is willing to wait 6 months but he really, really doesn't want to. He is worried that something might happen that will be the end of us (meeting someone new specifically).

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Well, since the job is temporary, i'm not sure if it's worth ending the relationship. However it is an experience of a lifetime, and like someone else mentioned, I am young and eager to travel and actually live my life.

 

I can't miss opportunities to LIVE just because someone else can't do it with me. Even though it's temporary, it's a big deal and something I seriously want to do. That's why i'm having trouble deciding, because my boyfriend, in a sense, is an opportunity too. Down the road when i'm older I might not have the chance to do this.

 

But if I lose him, I might lose a lot as well.

 

Relationships come and go. If anything maybe you guys can put the relationship on hold if the long distance doesn't work. And if you return and you're both single maybe you can pick up where things left off.

 

True though there are too much opportunities when people are young. I've done tons of traveling since college and still do. But honestly I'm ready to put my adventures on the side or give it up to settle down with someone.

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^ But that's because you've already done the travelling the world thing. I haven't yet.

 

So it's like asking me to settle down before I have even experienced these things.

 

Is it worth it? Is it worth putting relationships aside to do these things while i'm young?

 

I feel like I have to choose between by boyfriend or my youth.

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^ But that's because you've already done the travelling the world thing. I haven't yet.

 

So it's like asking me to settle down before I have even experienced these things.

 

Is it worth it? Is it worth putting relationships aside to do these things while i'm young?

 

I feel like I have to choose between by boyfriend or my youth.

 

Sounds like an easy decision honestly. I have friends and siblings who have been in relationships since college and they haven't even done half the things I have. You are young, live life to the fullest. I'm not trying to play devil's advocate with your relationship, but that's just my opinion.

 

Who knows, maybe a month or 2 into your job in Italy you might get homesick and return to your relationship. It's worth a shot to at least try.

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You're right.

 

You're only young once. Boyfriends come and go but opportunities and youth don't.

 

I just hope things will still be good when I come back. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be. I know for sure I won't regret it though. That should have been my giveaway from the start.

 

Thanks :)

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Eternal Sunshine

Is ti worth it?

 

It really depends on the guy and type of connection you have.

 

I have been of a mind-set that every guy is replaceable. At least that's what I have been trying to tell myself. But in reality, deep down, I do believe that there are some people that are special and not replaceable at all.

 

For the right type of a connection? I am willing to sacrifice a lot, if not everything. I am older than you, but I felt even more strongly about this when I was younger.

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Sounds like an easy decision honestly. I have friends and siblings who have been in relationships since college and they haven't even done half the things I have. You are young, live life to the fullest. I'm not trying to play devil's advocate with your relationship, but that's just my opinion.

 

Who knows, maybe a month or 2 into your job in Italy you might get homesick and return to your relationship. It's worth a shot to at least try.

 

This is very good advice. Good luck Leopard!

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utterer of lies
I was offered a job that I absolutely adore (and it makes me truly happy) for half a year in Italy.

 

I really want to take this job, and I've already cried over making this decision. Somewhere in my heart I know I would go anyways because that's how much it means to me. And he said all he wants is for me to be happy, but he thinks 6 months apart is too long.

 

What do I do?

 

You go to italy. Obviously.

 

Where in italy are you going to go to?

 

I personally like the northern part best, as it's slightly saner than the south (and it's closer :) ). Make sure you go clubbing in Milano...

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Even though I don't have any relationship experience, being separated for six months seems like a guaranteed relationship ender. Sure both of you can fully intend to stay together but there are just too many things that can happen.

 

So if you do take the job, keep in mind that it very well could be the end of your relationship.

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Eternal Sunshine
Even though I don't have any relationship experience, being separated for six months seems like a guaranteed relationship ender. Sure both of you can fully intend to stay together but there are just too many things that can happen.

 

So if you do take the job, keep in mind that it very well could be the end of your relationship.

 

Again, not really, if what they have is strong enough.

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You're right.

 

You're only young once. Boyfriends come and go but opportunities and youth don't.

 

I just hope things will still be good when I come back. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be. I know for sure I won't regret it though. That should have been my giveaway from the start.

 

Thanks :)

 

I don't know your age, but after reading this thread i know you are not ready for relationships.

 

When in a couple you have someone with money and someone without money, the mature ppl come to an understanding ... 1) they pool their money and they don't look back, they don't keep it separated or 2) the high earner reduces his/her spending to the level of the low earner.

This is so that you don't end up using money as power leverage in a relationship.

Lending him money for something like this is a recipe for disaster, as i suspect it will be a significant sum and there will be a power imabalance in the relationship, he will probably feel emasculated as well.

 

I also know you don't love this guy.

You see him as an opportunity, no guy or girl wants to be seen like this, equated to a job, to an immaterial posession. In a way, what you just said is very demeaning.

It's obvious you two are not ready for each other, and right now you are getting ready to cakeeat.

I know how Italy is, you will find someone, you will live it up, you will enjoy the nightlife, but you will also keep this guy on the backburner or just break up with him via email.

And yes, Italian men don't hit on women like American men, you are in for a rude awakening [though i suspect you already know this].

 

Take the job, live your life, but stay out of relationships for a while ... you are not ready for what it takes.

Edited by Radu
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I STRONGLY think you should leave him.

 

You mentioned how your not sexually attracted to him, but because he is so much better than the other guys you have had ( and who you WERE sexually attracted to), that he is a keeper.

 

Look. Seriously - Looks are NOT everything... but you CAN and SHOULD find a man who your sexually into, and who is also a great catch:)

 

You will see that you will find a man that is JUST as great, but that your also sexually attracted to. And you will realize compromising one for the other is not the ideal way to go....( sexual, for a great guy you do not believe u could otherwise find in a ssexual attractive mate)

 

I was SO relieved when I ssaw thsi thread, to be honest; sorry to sound nasty, I truly wish you the best! But I just thought " GREAT, there is now an easier way to end things" becase clearly, you were no looking to leave him otherwise......

 

Just consider my workds, please, I KNOW you know what is best for you more than I do, but I KNOW that yoU CAN find a guy who your sexuall attracted to.

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And also - my partner wants to travel extensively - A LOT.... As do I, but I am about to become a travel agent and a personal trainer... BOth industries are NOT lucrative at ALL to begin with.....

But they are careers I WANT, but are hard to get into at first, and so I may not be ABLE to travel within 2 years, and when I do travel, I will not have as much money as him.

 

I told him flat out: look, if you truly love me, you would not leave me to travel, because u had money and I did not.

He is fine with waiting a year or two for me, and he will shout me half my trip if it comes down to it, ( and ALL my trip if he can afford it of course!) but ultimately, he said he would be devastated if he had a girlfriend who did not want to or could not afford to travel.

It would NOT work for him if he did not have a partner in life, who was ont he same page as him regarding travel.

 

...... 6 months is a long time apart. I do not believe truly in love people would do it, albiet it would still happen rarely among in love couples.....

I would NOT take a job overseas for 6 months. It would not be what is best for me or m partner. He would also not be able to do it, because we are too attached.

 

 

 

...... We need more than love: we need a mate who can travel if that is what your passionate about, and who had at least SOME means to.

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miss_jaclynrae

I am surprised no one mentioned that if you are SO well off that you can do all this... why not take him with you?

 

 

:confused:

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I am surprised no one mentioned that if you are SO well off that you can do all this... why not take him with you?

 

 

:confused:

 

I don't think he can get a job out there unless he speaks Italian, the OP obviously got her job already.

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I think she mentioned she can't afford it for him, which means she probably puts all her money in travelling [her hobby].

 

Italy is not cheap, maybe the South can be cheaper, but i bet she isn't going there.

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Italy is expensive, the only countries in the euro zone that are relatively cheap are Greece and Portugal

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miss_jaclynrae
I think she mentioned she can't afford it for him, which means she probably puts all her money in travelling [her hobby].

 

Italy is not cheap, maybe the South can be cheaper, but i bet she isn't going there.

 

 

 

 

I must have missed that.

IDK, this thread confuses me, maybe it is because the way OP makes her boyfriend sound homeless or something. :laugh:

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