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have you ever stayed in a relationship to avoid the hurt of leaving?


mucho bonita

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help! i am in such a deliema because i love this guy to death. we have our fair share of problems no doubt but it is these problems that are leading me away from him. we don't communicate very well with eacch other and we both know how important that is. we do a lot of little nit picking things too that drive us apart but later we come together in reconcilation. i have asked him if we can quit this bicklering back and fouth stuff and he agrees but it seems to become a way of life between us now that is hard to get out of that habit. besides all that i feel that i am stifflinlg his own life because of my own insecurities and at times jealousies to the point that i am debating on leaving him, thus my post:

 

when i think of leaving him when i am mad then i think i can do it but then when things are calmed down again i am so happy that i did not leave and it gives me the time to reflect deeper on what to do between us, then the nit picking comes in again on either or both sides and makes that tension unbearable again. when i think of being alone without him it hurts so much in my heart. i am so terribly afraid of the pain i will suffer if i do leave him. i am so afraid of having regrets that will haunt me for many years. i think about him with someone new, someone more compatiable, he is laughing and they are making love, and having fun, and i am alone with my own heart break and life to have to live without him.

 

these are the things that keep me here. at times i feel so trapped between wanting to get away from all the bull **** of our relationship but it is not always bad, just at times and at those times is when iwant to leave him for our sanity. then i feel a surge of anger at the other thoughts of regret and pain, then i feel this deep trapped feeling. feeling trapped between wanting to leave the pain of the nit picking between us and the pain of missing him after i do leave if i did leave.

 

either way i just feel so trapped. at times i just want to run away but i can't run away from the pain that would unfortunately follow me and what if later i find out that i made a mistake adn now it is too late to come back, maybe he wont want me back, maybe has found someone else, maybe he would take me back then i might feel at his demands that he has the upper hand for taking me back.

 

either way i feel so trapped and stuck and my mind is just going in circles. when it is good between us it is so very good and he is so loving and attentive that i ask why would i want to leave this love? my heart begs me to stay and not leave but my heaad begs me to leave and i ask God what to do and i hear no answers. i'm so lost.

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You know, about three years ago, I was involved with a woman who was everything that I didn't want in a woman. She loved me to death, but was too dependent on me, emotionally and financially. She was lazy, couldn't keep a job, had no car, and lived with her parents and still lives with her parents, rent free. She was a mess, but had a heart of gold. This wasn't enough for me, but I stayed with her for 1.5 years, out of pity. I knew it would devastate her, if I had left.

 

Then one day, I put my foot down and left her. It did killed her. I never ever thought that leaving someone would hurt more than being dumped. But it did.

 

You have to do what you feel is right. If you want to leave, do it now. Better now, than later. If you are worried about the way you are gonna feel, if you do decide to leave, realize that the pain will pass. Nothing is forever...

 

Good luck,

Vivid

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You have to determine whether the pain of leaving is better than the pain of staying, but one's terminal, and the other could last forever.

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If you're asking God for answers, it's not like you're going to get a loud and booming "LEAVE!" or "STAY" in response. He doesn't really work that way, at least He hasn't with me. It's more like a pushing in a general direction, inspiration if you will. Deep down inside, you know damn well what's right to do.

 

It hurts either way you go, but one way has a future, the other doesn't. One way your heart will heal. The other way, it won't.

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Sometimes happy and sometimes not....are normal descriptions of any relationship.

 

Trapped, stuck, constantly bickering and afraid if you leave you may regret it down the road....are NOT normal descriptions of a relationship. These words give more of the impression that you are 'settling' for this relationship because it is better than taking the chance of being alone.

 

The deal is....until you TAKE that chance, you'll never know what you may be missing. You only have this one life to live. Don't live it miserable or always just short of complete fulfillment because you are in fear of the unknown.

 

You are probably bickering because deep down you are unsatisfied and you are more mad at yourself than you are him....because you know the answer to your own question here. The 'head' never lies......

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HokeyReligions
have you ever stayed in a relationship to avoid the hurt of leaving?

 

That was one of the many reasons I stayed married for a couple of decades. Lots more reasons than that, but when I finally came to terms with this part I was able to leave the marriage.

 

 

Well, sort of. The divorce papers are filed, but we are co-habitating because of finances and are finding that we can still be good friends. We are better as friends than as a couple.

 

Face your fear -- you'll find out its not as bad as you imagine it will be.

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