Need advice...Irritated when bf goes out without me! Help Please!

[luvcrazy02]

Okay...I'm really confused about this. All the friends that I had, stabbed me in the back. I just moved back here a year ago, and I haven't been able to make new friends since I lost my back-stabbing ones. The one friend I have works all the time, and has other friends she hangs with a lot.

 

So...naturally, I'm with my bf a lot. He likes to go out with his friends to party's and stuff and I get so bored at home while he's out. Every time he tells me that he's going out with his friends, I sort of get irritated, cuz I hate just sitting at home.

 

I need to find a way to not be irritated, and to occupy myself on those days. I know I should try to make more friends, but it's hard to find any in this small little town. Any advice?

[NEONINK]

1) I hope you go to some of the parties with him. Unless it's a bachelor party, what's up with that?

2) Read the paper and find a hobby or club, bowling club, softball team.

3) Find a hangout of your own, whether coffee shop, bookstore, bar, cafe, whatever. If you live in a small town, you may as well meet the people you live around.

4) What about neighbors?

5) Put an ad up for friends or bridge club (whatever cards). I personally like spades and rook.

6) Go to the library.

[luvcrazy02]

1)He says that when his friend that he party's with doesn't have a girl, he gets all wierd and acts stupid, and he ends up fighting with him. So he doesn't like to bring gf's around him.

2)My hobby's that I have are home bound ones

3)All the coffee shops have old people in them...I'm 20, I don't really like books, not old enough to go in bars, all the cafe's have truckers in them.

4)Neighbors are old

5)Wouldn't I sound a little desperate?

6)Again with the books

[meanon]

I don't think the separate social contact is a problem (in fact for me it is essential) but the fact that you do not feel welcome to go with him is, as is the fact that you are not happy alone while he is out. Friendships we make alone are different in nature to those we make as a couple and many happy relationships are able to encompass both. It doesn't sound as though you are insecure about your bf's friendships, just fed up at not having much to do. Is that right?

 

If it were me I would be unhappy with the off limits nature of his social contact - it may be different if you are there but I don't think it's too much to ask that he takes you along occasionally. Why should his friend's needs always take precedence? He also needs to take more responsibility to help you establish your own social life both in this town and, possibly, further afield. Things you could do together that bring you into contact with other couples so that you can make friends with the women. You need lots of social contact with new people to make friends. Seek new hobbies that are not home bound - if something is important you need to actively seek it.

 

If you are unhappy it's important that he compromises and helps you sort it out, rather than just seeing it as your problem. He's more likely to help if he knows you are not trying to quash his independence but you are trying to make things work as a couple so you are both happy and fulfilled within the relationship. Good luck.

[luvcrazy02]

Yes, you are right...I am fed up with having nothing to do. He told me that eventually I will meet this friend. But he also doesn't want me to see him all sh*t faced, and whenever he goes out with this friend, they drink. We do have one married couple as friends. But how often is occasionally going with him? I don't want to be pushy either. I know it's good to have time apart...it's healthy. I just with I wasn't so bored and lonely when it happened. There isn't much to do in the small town. So whenever we take a day apart, I'm bored and lonely. Especailly since it's cold out now, like 35*, it detures me from being outside a lot. So it's hard to find things to do where I'll meet people. But thanks for your advice...I appreciate it.

[supermom]

I don't think he considers you like he should. Sounds to me like he is very selfish and inconsiderate. So what if he doesn't want you to see him s**t faced? Then he should be the Gentlemen and NOT GET S**T FACED.

 

I think he is being too secretive. what's his "friends" name?

 

If you two are supposed to be together, you need to have common interests.

 

Why don't you move back to AZ where your REAL friends are! Not to mention family as well.

 

I don't think he's worth it

[luvcrazy02]

Well, I'm not sure that he going out is inconsiderate. It isn't every night...it's once every week or two weeks. As far as secretive...I know all about his friend...I just haven't physically met him yet. We do have common interests...we're together most of the time. But since you're my sister...of course you're opinions are more personal.

[overseas2004]

We broke up over this issue three weeks ago. Among other issues.

 

He lived with me. He would go out like twice a week. He would not even inform me when he was going out. He told me that the men just wanted to hang without women. I had only met his two best friends whom he has known since childhood. They live in another city about three hours away. But the ones he hangs out with here. I had never met them.

 

I got fed up with him. We yelled at each other and he left.

 

I too think it is important for people to have their own friends and go out with them from time to time. And I would quietly allow him to do this. I hated it as you did. And I hate going out in the winter too. So I stayed home.

 

But it is important to have mutual friends as well. And our only mutual friends were my friends.

 

It is just not good. Work it out if you can. If you don't you'll end up getting really pissed off like I did. And then it will end.