longlegzs80 Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 My new guy who I have talked to for about several weeks now and have gone on 3 dates has asked me to stay over his place. He tells me that would take whatever bed that I did not want to sleep in, but I know it is way tooo toooooo toooo fast with just starting a relationship. At least I am not that much of an idot. But, I was wondering as far as how long should I wait to sleep over at his apartment? Should it be 3 to 4 months? How long should I wait for sex? Anyways, I don't want to rush anything with this relationship. I just want to get to know him and enjoy his company. And he seems to like my company, I just don't want to rush into anything and do anything stupid. I worry about myself because I am so inexperienced with dating and whatnot that I don't want to give in to temptation. Why am I thinking about this so ahead of time I just don't know. Help me out here please. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 No one can tell you when it's time to have sex or spend the night. For some people, it's one night, for others, it's many weeks/months. Do what you feel is right. Don't feel BAD for doing it earlier or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 I just think it is too fast. EVen if I sleep over and we do nothing it would just be wrong to me. I will definitly give it afew months for both the sleeping over thing and the sex. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Okay then. There you go. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 longlegs, you are so smart to be thinking ahead. you're so great - i'm so glad you found someone!!!!!!!! sleeping over does mean sex, especially after 3 dates. have sex when it feels right to you, and he should wait until it's perfect for you. sleeping over, make no mistake, marks the near end of the courtship period and the beginning of the embedded relationship period - make sure you are ready for this. here's the checklist my friends and i sometimes use for first time sex: ('ll bet you missed the lists ) 1. he would buy you tampons 2. you are ready to be in your granny panties with him 3. you know he will not dump you for your hotter friend, nor will he flirt stupidly with her in your presence 4. HE IS NOT DATING ANYONE ELSE NOR DOES HE WANT TO 5. he's shown you test results; you have shown him yours 6. you can have the comfortable silence 7. there is a possibility of a future; he has not eschewed one or said anything bizarre about women, marriage, etc. 8. you could (but you don't have to have already) introduce him to your parents 9. you want to be a better person for him 10. should the worst happen - babies or STDs - this boy would not bail and you can prove it by listing his previous actions and/or attitudes Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 I just want to wait with everything. He is not rushing me into anything and I don't feel rushed. I just think I have way tooo much time on my hands to think about going further in the relationship like sex or sleeping over. I know things will happen when they happen. But just wondering what is on his mind. Does it sound like he is only interested in getting me in bed or having me stay over so he can put the moves on me? I don't get that from him, but who knows, I am so unexperienced with the dating thing that who knows what the hell is going on. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 no, sleeping over means he wants more than just sex, it usually means breakfast or an apres-coital activity. but it may not mean more than that. tell me more about him! i have not been keeping up! you're a gorgeous girl, and you should watch out for the hounds, but he might be legit - c'mon girl - give me the font!!! are you in love/lust/limerance with him?? do YOU want sex?? also please update on your vegas trip - i'm going there too for a last minute trip with my gal (read:gay) friends for some innocent academic ironic fun -how is your trip shaping up?? p.s. as usual, i would encourage you to pay attention to your feelings and needs rather than worry about his: unless he is an academic, assume he wants sex. it's presumptious but cautious. then decide what YOU want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 About the guy: He is 37. Yes, yes he is much older then me but I don't meet men my age. Anyways, he has custody of his son, son is staying only temporarily in Virginia with his mom and dad until everything is settled with the custody thing in Virginia and until his spring break so his son can come up here for school, anywho he works next door to my place of employment and that is it so far. And another thing, he is a great cook. Maybe I am falling too fast which scares me, but he is just an overall nice guy. I talk to him for hours after work and go visit him at his work which he wants me to come over. So, we do some talking, but I find that I get really really shy around him. And I know I am a shy person, but I get really figity and shy, but he finds it cute. So, we are taking it slow. I am in no rush, and with the way he talks he is in no rush. He is so much fun, and I have never laughed so hard the night that I ate over at his place. We had so much fun and he is such a great guy. So, that is that about him. Oh about the VEGAS trip, I am bringing a good friend from work who I get along really really well with, and we are leaving here April 27-May 1. I can't wait. Just got my swim suits and will be starting up the tanning thing, but I truely can't wait to go. Hopefully this will lead to some job opportunity out there. Who knows. Anyways, that is it with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 And yes I do want sex. I want it all the time. I am always feeling like alittle fiesty momma. But anyways, things will go slow. Don't want to rush anything. Another thing is the other customer who comes into the store has been comming quite often again where he has been checking me out. He is 30 and has 3 kids, not married, no women, but just an overall nice guy to talk too. He is hot. But enough said. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 haha. academics have sex too! apparently, statistically the level of sexual inhibition increases w/ level of education. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Isn't that 'decreases', yes? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 lol - i'm only being self-effacing and projecting. if i want a sleep over, it's typically because i think he or she has new insights on russian literature that i want to ply out with liquor and then pancakes. :) p.s. i wish pancake was an irregular verb - sometimes i do pancake people - but the flat and doughy ones seem to need buttering and frying. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 yeah, i meant decreases, sorry. jenny... my dear true intellectual ... who was it that defined an intellectual as somebody who 'found something more interesting than sex'? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Originally posted by yes who was it that defined an intellectual as somebody who 'found something more interesting than sex'? Wallace. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 lol! dear yes: yes. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 You've got quite a lot of list-making to make up Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 It all depends on the way you relate to each other. Take your time until you are sure you know the guy really well. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 As usual Jenny.....you posted one great list! You are sooo correct on each point. LL....follow the list and follow your own heart. I'm glad you've found someone who is making you happy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sallyhurts Posted February 29, 2004 Share Posted February 29, 2004 I spent the night, in the same bed, with my boyfriend after a week of us going out offically. But true, that we were were friends with benefits a for about a month leading up to that. We didnt have sex though. just slept. very nice. (im 19, hes 20 if you were wondering). Link to post Share on other sites
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