Do you think it's disrespectful for someone to hit on your S.O while you're present?

[chelle21689]

I posted this story on a forum and no one thought it was disrespectful. I can't believe that! For the love of god, someone please tell me they think it's messed up if you're with your boyfriend/girlfriend and someone just starts flirting with them!

 

Here's the story.My boyfriend and I went to a fast-food restaurant. He ordered and then realized he made a mistake on our orders. He told the girl, “I made a mistake I meant to order a small strawberry shake.” and I told the girl, “And I want a small oreo shake.” She looked directly at my bf instead of me and said, “I’ll have that taken care for you okay?” with a smile and eye contact. I thought she was just being nice.

 

Then she gave him a free sundae. I was thinking, “Oh she’s nice.” and then I realized he got a BIG strawberry shake when he ordered a small…and I didn’t get an upgrade. I also notice he didn’t get charged for his shake and got a discount on his meal. O.o I didn’t get free anything, upgrade, or a discount.

 

I'm not angry about this. He's cute so of course he's going to get attention...what upsets me is that I felt disrespected and people don't understand why and say it's not disrespectful to hit on a partner when they're together.

[firehawk_1]

you really are a control freak and jeleous!

get a hold of yourself, seriously. maybe he was nice, which he was, and it was an error on some other part perhaps and therefore got a free upgrade. whats wrong with that? Really, this is so petty and unreal that you are even asking this question and thinking like this!

 

how would you like it if it was the other way around?

 

i think you are trying to go from place to place until someone agrees with you. that isnt going to get you anywhere at all. then why even bother asking?

 

seriously - get over yourself.

 

harsh, but true.

[Els]

Huh, she gave him a free sundae, shake, and a discount?

 

That's kinda.. weird. I don't know any employees who do this - at chains like McDs, employees don't get to set the prices, and she could very well be fired if a manager hears of it. Either she's very incompetent and made a mistake, or is plain desperate and dumb. In your place, I would pity her either way.

[zengirl]

It's a bit daft to hit on someone who's out with his honey, but I don't know that it matters. If my Hubby flirted with someone else, I'd be a bit put-off, but I don't care if others flirt with him. Men try to flirt with me all the time. Unless they know us, what do they care? At the grocery the other day, I think the checkout gal flirted with Hubby a little. He seemed to think so too. We found it amusing.

 

Also, were you ACTING like a couple? I mean obviously Hubby is my Hubby, but I don't assume people know we're a couple if we're not holding hands, etc.

[Imajerk17]

Um, did your boyfriend at least offer you some of his extra milkshake? If he didn't, THAT would've been rude.

[chelle21689]

you really are a control freak and jeleous!

get a hold of yourself, seriously. maybe he was nice, which he was, and it was an error on some other part perhaps and therefore got a free upgrade. whats wrong with that? Really, this is so petty and unreal that you are even asking this question and thinking like this!

 

how would you like it if it was the other way around?

 

i think you are trying to go from place to place until someone agrees with you. that isnt going to get you anywhere at all. then why even bother asking?

 

seriously - get over yourself.

 

harsh, but true.

Wow, seriously? Are you going to be immature and insult me like this? I didn't say I was jealous and I'm not even bothered by this situation. This is just something that I thought was disrespectful JUST LIKE the time someone hit on me when I was with my man holding hands. You guys seriously can't answer this question without insulting me? I would never go up to a couple and hit on his partner or flirt with him batting my eyes. I'm not angry at my bf at all. I don't blame for people thinking he's hot cuz he is.I just think that people are messed up for doing something like this. Just like with my ex, if they know we are taken..it's messed up to try to go after him.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It's possible she didn't know you guys were together as a couple. You could have been brother or sister or just friends. Not everyone always picks up on things you may think are obvious.

 

Now if the person KNEW you were a couple and flirted/hitted with your partner regardless with you there, that would be freaky and not cool in my opinion.

[Els]

'You guys'? Nobody insulted you except for the first poster. Who, incidentally, is the only one you responded to.

[chelle21689]

'You guys'? Nobody insulted you except for the first poster. Who, incidentally, is the only one you responded to.

 

Yea that's what I meant lol. Whatever. But some responses were okay and good. Whether or not people thought the girl was hitting on my man...I just want to know if peopel think it's disrespectful to hit on a guy when partner is present if obvious.

[make me believe]

I just want to know if peopel think it's disrespectful to hit on a guy when partner is present if obvious.

 

YES that is completely disrespectful. People will say "the other person doesn't owe you anything" or whatever, but it's just common decency to not hit on somebody you KNOW is in a relationship. I definitely don't have a high opinion of people who do that.

[zengirl]

YES that is completely disrespectful. People will say "the other person doesn't owe you anything" or whatever, but it's just common decency to not hit on somebody you KNOW is in a relationship. I definitely don't have a high opinion of people who do that.

 

Yes, though hitting on and flirting aren't the same thing to me.

 

Some people just flirt instinctively -- I'm not talking about like the OP's example, but just general playfulness, etc. Doesn't really bother me. I have some friends like this who flirt with me, even some female and, heck, some gay male friends who flirt with Hubby and he doesn't care. That's innocent flirting, though, where everyone knows there's no play being really made.

[chelle21689]

Well yeah I think flirting is disrespectful too. I kind of group it in together I guess. There's that instinct where you're nicer to someone that is attractive but to bat your eyelashes, give free stuff, and lightly touch them often is kind of drawing the line =\ Just IMO. My bf wouldn't like if it I was flirting and I wouldn't be with my bf if he was a flirt.

 

My last ex was considered a flirt although he didn't "know it" he didn't consider him a flirt. Like taking the sauce off near her lip and tasting it. Ugh.

[AlexDP]

Wow, seriously? Are you going to be immature and insult me like this? I didn't say I was jealous and I'm not even bothered by this situation. This is just something that I thought was disrespectful JUST LIKE the time someone hit on me when I was with my man holding hands. You guys seriously can't answer this question without insulting me? I would never go up to a couple and hit on his partner or flirt with him batting my eyes. I'm not angry at my bf at all. I don't blame for people thinking he's hot cuz he is.I just think that people are messed up for doing something like this. Just like with my ex, if they know we are taken..it's messed up to try to go after him.

 

You do seem a bit.. jealous. It's no big deal, if the same thing had happened to me, I probably wouldn't even have noticed or just laughed it off. If she really was flirting, yes, it's disrespectful, but you can't change it. I've had it happen that girls tried to flirt with me and my girlfriend at the time got angry with ME. Needless to say, it didn't end well. Don't be that kind of girl please.

[january2011]

Just to clarify, you paid for your meals separately? And it wasn't clear at the time that he got all these freebies while you were standing at the counter with him? And you didn't?

[chelle21689]

You do seem a bit.. jealous. It's no big deal, if the same thing had happened to me, I probably wouldn't even have noticed or just laughed it off. If she really was flirting, yes, it's disrespectful, but you can't change it. I've had it happen that girls tried to flirt with me and my girlfriend at the time got angry with ME. Needless to say, it didn't end well. Don't be that kind of girl please.

 

I take it as a compliment if girls check out my guy. But like I said repeatedly, don't hit on him in front of me and be a biatch. I know you can't control it. Same as I think it's so stupid of guys to hit on me when my bf is next to me and it's obvious. Seems like they're looking for drama! I didn't give my bf crap about this I joked with him about it.

 

To the other person. My meal was grouped with his and we were together. I told her my order but she was ignoring me. It seems to be common though, whenever it's a female waitress they talk to my bf and ignore me lol.

 

When I am handling a couple (or what seems to be a couple) and the guy is hot I actually try to make it look like I'm not into the guy and ignoring the girl when I ask questions, tell them specials etc.

[Bridgey]

Is hitting on or flirting with someone when their SO is present rude? Yes. But what you described above does not sound like flirting at all. Sounds like she was being extra nice so she didn't get complained about to her manager. If she was outright flirting with him you would have a right to feel disrespected, even though its kind of silly when your boyfriend is obviously with you and not the other girl. But in this scenario I think you are just overreacting.

[chelle21689]

Is hitting on or flirting with someone when their SO is present rude? Yes. But what you described above does not sound like flirting at all. Sounds like she was being extra nice so she didn't get complained about to her manager. If she was outright flirting with him you would have a right to feel disrespected, even though its kind of silly when your boyfriend is obviously with you and not the other girl. But in this scenario I think you are just overreacting.

 

 

This is a type of answer I'm looking for. Okay.. so you think that she wasn't flirting and maybe being extra nice. But you do think that is disrepctful if she meant it lol

 

THANKS

[january2011]

So, he paid, but he got a discount only on his portion of the meal? Or if you paid separately, perhaps it looked like you weren't really together.

 

In my experience, it seems common for servers to ignore women, even in high-end restaurants. From conversations with others, I gather it's because the assumption is that the man pays and orders for the woman, therefore he's the person to suck up to. Archaic and irritating to say the least, but probably not something to get too wound up about, especially if it's not a place that you frequent too often.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

This is a type of answer I'm looking for. Okay.. so you think that she wasn't flirting and maybe being extra nice. But you do think that is disrepctful if she meant it lol

 

THANKS

 

So you were looking for a certain type of answer huh.

[LittleTiger]

It is disrespectful if someone blatantly hits on someone who is clearly out with their SO - 'hits on' as in tries to get a phone number etc.

 

However, the scenario you describe doesn't sound disrespectful to me. There was a bit of light hearted banter perhaps and a few favours bestowed - that's all - and she probably didn't even know you and your guy were together.

 

Personally, I think you overreacted.

[Oxy Moronovich]

In my experience, it seems common for servers to ignore women, even in high-end restaurants. From conversations with others, I gather it's because the assumption is that the man pays and orders for the woman, therefore he's the person to suck up to. Archaic and irritating to say the least, but probably not something to get too wound up about, especially if it's not a place that you frequent too often.

It's only archaic because women wanna go ahead with the achaic way of doing dates by having the man pay for dinners. If women start going dutch as a norm, perhaps you gals will get better treatment.

 

In any case, women flirting with guys when they're with their gfs is normal. So many times I've gone to bars, clubs, and restaurants with gfs and women will openly be much more approachable and hit on my directly. Heck, sometimes it's not just with my gfs; it could be with female relatives, friends, and coworkers women think are my gfs.

 

I've had women act real aggressive with me when I'm with female acquaintances and lovers. Ex: months ago I was with a female classmate as I was getting my car fixed at the Volkswagon dealership. As soon as I walked in she started giving me interested stares and glances. All of which I shrugged off because I already have a gf. We ended up waiting for the car in the waiting area and there were a bunch of empty tables. Out of nowhere, the chick who was looking at me got up from her seat, plopped next to me loudly, and said, "Hi, my name is Teresa. What's your name?" in a real flirty way. WTF?

 

I got other stories but I'll just leave it at one. Like I said, women act real aggressive and flirty with a guy when he's with a chick they think is his gf. Something in organs makes them feel the need to compete and show up the other chick. But if a guy is without a gf, they treat the guy like wallpaper. That's why it's always best to ignore women when they behave like this.

[nofool4u]

Yes, I'd totally feel disrespected if someone hit on my SO while I'm standing right there and its obvious we are a couple.

 

I'm not violent, but some people need a bloody nose sometimes to get a clue.

[chelle21689]

To clear confusion I consider flirting/hit on pretty much the same. The only difference is hit on is trying to hook you. But I'm trying to clear this up for my response above.