I want to travel with my bf, but I'm afraid of telling my parents (I'm 21)

[Darling876]

I'm 21 and I live at home. My parents are divorced so it's just my mother at home. I really, really want to travel somewhere with my boyfriend. He is 22, and we've been together for just over 3 years and I love him, he makes me smile everyday.

 

I saw some cheap domestic fares and told him maybe we could go on a short trip some time in September. He said that we should. I told him that we'd have to take someone along with us though because I didn't think my mother would be very happy with just the two of us going. He then asked me how old I was, and that I'm an adult and should be able to do what I want without asking.

 

I really want to go, but I'm afraid to ask my mother. She's a Christian, I was brought up a Christian too, and I believe in God. I know that she would be really disappointed and feel uneasy if I went. Do you think if I told her we were going to sleep in separate beds it would make a difference? Or should I just go despite what she says? Or should I just wait until we are married before we go on any trips alone?

[irin]

have a frank discussion with your mother. tell her that youll be responsible and that you are grown up. also listen to her concerns and see if there ways were you can both reach an agreement. i.e call her every day when away, tell her what you guys up to, so she gets a sense of being there with you.

 

my parents used be strict when i was younger, but surprisingly they let me go on a trip when i was a 15, you never you she might be okay with it.

 

does she know your BF, does approve of him?

[ASG]

It really depends on what YOU feel.

You shouldn't let your mother dictate what you can and cannot do with your bf, considering you're both adults.

 

Are you having sex with your BF? If so, don't be a hypocrite, and just go on the trip and tell your mother you're an adult.

If you're not, then weigh the pros and cons of going alone with him. If you want to wait until you're married, it could be better to eliminate that amount of temptation... but again,this is something you need to decide for yourself...

 

Best of luck

[Ninjainpajamas]

You may be 21 but that sure don't mean you act or think like an adult...

 

Talk to your mom about this, don't just rush off to some other country ornot and give her a heart attack while the church combs the nearest field looking for yourbody.

 

Sit down, be calm with her about this...she will or may react(you'd be surprised) and tell her your plans, be responsible though, have it all figured it out. Tell her you'll call her and keep in touch but make sure you guys think this through and demonstrate your maturity by not being stupid and not understanding anything of how this will work...check the flights, the airport, the location you'll be at, the hotel, because she'll want to know everything and how we'll you've thought this through.

 

Your mom is not going to believe for one second you'll sleep in separate beds, she may be christian but she wasn't born yesterday either. This might be a real problem for her, and don't be so eager to trust your bf and love him like crazy and all that, you've still got a lot way to go in the world of love and a ton more to learn, you know puppy love, trust me.

 

So be responsible, tell her and see how it goes, don't let your bf egg you on..itll be stupid if you just run off, you'll pissher off and makeher cry and this guy might nto even be around in 3 years, but your mom always will. You're still young, you have plenty of time to do grown up things, you may have to postpone things and your plansbut you'll have plentyof time, don't get all paranoid and act like this is the last time in the world you'll ever be able to do anything or go anywhere, your life is just starting and your experience with love....wait to you see how it changes as you get older.

[maybealone]

I am a firm believer that as long as you are living under someone else's roof and accepting support from them, you follow their rules. If you want to follow your own rules, you move out and support yourself.

 

After all, would you even be able to afford a trip if you were paying full rent and utilities somewhere else?

 

That said, I do think it's worth trying to talk to your mom to see if you can convince her that you should be able to go on this trip. Maybe you could tell her you would be getting separate rooms? I'm sure on some level she knows you two are intimate, but that doesn't mean she wants confirmation of it. You could also try seeing if she would be okay with you going somewhere close enough to not involve a plane trip, or with another couple.

 

If you cannot convince her, I would save the trip money and put it toward getting your own place.

[Darling876]

Thanks for all your replies and advice sometimes it feels better getting advice from strangers.

 

Yes, I could afford this trip if I lived elsewhere. The money I pay to live at home is the same I would pay if I was renting somewhere else, but my mother wants me to stay home to help pay the bills and mortgage. So I am.

 

She knows my boyfriend, didn't approve of him at first but she's changed her opinion a bit now since he is always good to me.

 

After reading your responses, I feel a lot better about talking to her. Maybe I felt guilty at the start because me and my bf are intimate, and if she found out about this, she would probably think very low of me. I want to avoid the topic, but I guess it becomes unavoidable when talking about an overnight trip. At the end of the day, she's the only mother I've got, and I don't want to make her sad, so if this trip doesn't eventuate, nevermind, we can just plan a day trip or something and save our travelling for when it really counts.

[Els]

I personally think that if you are self-sufficient, you should start drawing boundaries. Gently and with love, but firmly. Basically, you need to slowly break it to her that even though you love her, you are also your own person, an independent adult, and she needs to understand that and accept it.

 

Please don't take this as criticism, but I have seen far too many devout Christians fall into the 'mommy's boy/girl' trap. I'm not saying that you shouldn't love your mom or care for her. You absolutely, absolutely should. But you also need to draw the line where it comes to managing your own life. I know people, aged 25, who not only live with their parents and ask their permission for everything, but bring home their paychecks and give it to their parents, who give them an allowance from it and decide how to spend the rest. I know men aged 30+ whose parents call them dozens of times when they are out late at night! Please don't be one of those. Yes, you can give and take, and a trip doesn't matter that much in the long run, but be wary and set your boundaries for things that really matter to you. If your mom genuinely loves you, she won't just disown you for being your own person.