mario_C Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Hi gang, and thanks for letting me join. I just want to know if other men are falling into these kinds of traps that are "damned if you do, damned if you don't". For example, when I was younger I was always told women (both young and older) went for "mature gentlemen". Now that I am one age wise, I see women my age flocking exclusively to young men, as are younger women (nothing wrong with that, but...). There is a disdain, in fact, for men in their 40s approaching women - starting with how every woman assumes I am married and cheating until I prove otherwise. Sorry, that gets old. Which brings me to online and offline dating. Now I hear some people have success with online dating, but I always felt women want to be pursued with more effort from the man's part, and I am OK with that. Yet if I go up to a woman I don't know in a social environment - cafe or bookstore, or other innocuous friendly environment, NOT bars or clubs - and try to make innocuous conversation, I get hostile reactions. I have to assume it's just me being a loser and a evolutionary mistake if no one else experiences this. If you read this far, I think you're awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Were you ever married? Why are you still single in your 40s? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Can't say I've ever experienced 'hostile'. That was reserved for relationships and marriage If all your contemporaries are zooming by going for the young guys, and getting them, bonus for you in that such matchups open up the younger ladies for your perusal and opportunity. Those 10-15 years younger than you should be ripe pickins, once they've run your name through a legal database and determined you aren't hiding a wife somewhere. Part of the problem is the transition from introductions by friends and family to anonymous internet dating and background checks. The latter seems kind of cold and impersonal, in comparison. I'm a bit older than you and, having been married, choose to pass. Much more peaceful that way. Link to post Share on other sites
mesmerized Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I'm sorry that women give you such reactions, what age range do you hit on? I admit, I get rather angry when a much older guy hits on me, in public or online, and might react badly. But I would never act that way with a guy around my age, even if I don't like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mario_C Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Thanks, guys. I try to avoid the "hitting on" of strange women, first of all - just genteel conversation. And I focus on women in their 30s - I only talk to younger women at a particular event where I feel we'll have something mutual to talk about, e.g a Meetup or professionals gathering. Link to post Share on other sites
Suzanne_W Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I'm an attractive 46-y/o female. People are often shocked when they hear my age as they think I'm in my mid 30's. I get hit on (approached) way more often by men in their 60's or 70's. When men in their 40's or 50's do "hit on" me, it usually turns out that they thought I was younger and lose interest when they find out my age. This is maddening to me. It also makes me think that the OLD guys who hit on me must have also thought I was in my 30's! This is sick in my book. I have felt blessed by mother nature that as I have grown older I have developed a reasonable attraction to furry, flabby, balding, men. But her sense of humor is a sick one as they all want to date teenagers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 How good are you at reading body signals and so forth? Approaching women who don't want to be approach is more likely to lead to hostility, especially if you look much older than they are, than anything else, but it really depends on what you say and how you read the signals (i.e. if I've got my head phones in and a book in my hand and someone interrupts me, I feel more a right to be annoyed than if I was looking around, chatting with other strangers, smiling, etc, and there are worlds in between). As to "innocuous" environments, what makes them innocuous is that women don't expect to be hit on there, so it follows that you'd get more hostility there if they sense that's what you're doing. Age may compound it, but I doubt it's the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Caius Ballad Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Buy a damn escort = problem solved. Most western women only want to be hit on by alpha males. Don't even bother with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 ^ Crap like this is why men want to beat the crap out of women. We are tired of having to do this, this, this, this, this, this, this and that just so we can start up a damn chat. Damn women make dating tedious and frustrating. Hmmm, really? I can't imagine why they don't just fall all over themselves for you. Hostility, arrogance, and entitlement are so attractive. I think I heard some advice somewhere that you may want to take to heart: Buy a damn escort = problem solved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 ^ Crap like this is why men want to beat the crap out of women. We are tired of having to do this, this, this, this, this, this, this and that just so we can start up a damn chat. Damn women make dating tedious and frustrating. Inciting violence is actually a crime therefore you do want to watch what you say on a public forum! Post and poster reported Link to post Share on other sites
Caius Ballad Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Inciting violence is actually a crime therefore you do want to watch what you say on a public forum! Post and poster reported Did you read the part I said "I SEE WHY" I NEVER said beat women. Learn to READ WOMAN! Link to post Share on other sites
Caius Ballad Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Hmmm, really? I can't imagine why they don't just fall all over themselves for you. Hostility, arrogance, and entitlement are so attractive. I think I heard some advice somewhere that you may want to take to heart: Typical beta male. Maybe if I was a female and posted about kicking women in the balls you dumbasses would have enjoyed that. Hell most women thought if was funny when some dude's wife cut his penis off. SO NO, I FEEL NOTHING FOR WOMEN as they don't give a damn about us! BTW: Guess what, if a dude pisses me off I want to beat his ass (Not literally) If a a woman pisses me off I want to beat her ass. (Not literally) Get my point or are you so beta you defend everything female like their god damn slave. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I get hit on (approached) way more often by men in their 60's or 70's. When men in their 40's or 50's do "hit on" me, it usually turns out that they thought I was younger and lose interest when they find out my age.. .. I have felt blessed by mother nature that as I have grown older I have developed a reasonable attraction to furry, flabby, balding, men. Yours is similar to my experience, although older men in that age range contact me online but in real life, it's men much younger than I am. I'm not interested in either extreme, just a happy middle(aged). I don't understand why a man who found you attractive enough to approach would suddenly be turned off by your age. I'm sure they themselves would be the first to say, "Age is just a number" but then that only applies to them and not women, right? Just like their being overweight isn't important but a woman must be slim. I haven't reached that stage yet of being attracted to "furry, flabby, balding men." Maybe in another ten years? I'll try to get my degree in geriatric medicine by then. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 ^ Crap like this is why men want to beat the crap out of women. We are tired of having to do this, this, this, this, this, this, this and that just so we can start up a damn chat. Damn women make dating tedious and frustrating. You don't have to do anything, though your attitude is pretty aggressive and disgusting. Most men I know don't want to beat the crap out of women. I will rarely call anything misogynistic on these boards, but this basically is: That's what inciting violence towards women is, misogyny. My point was mostly that people don't always want to be approached by strangers. Most men I know do not want to be approached by strangers, especially older women they're not attracted to, while getting their latte either. They just don't have to deal with it very often. I'm not suggesting a woman should call a guy a creep for approaching, but she's under no obligation to talk to him---women are not out and about just to be asked out by men, they are out and about doing things they need to get done, and many women don't want unsolicited attention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 (edited) Hi gang, and thanks for letting me join. I just want to know if other men are falling into these kinds of traps that are "damned if you do, damned if you don't". For example, when I was younger I was always told women (both young and older) went for "mature gentlemen". Now that I am one age wise, I see women my age flocking exclusively to young men, as are younger women (nothing wrong with that, but...). There is a disdain, in fact, for men in their 40s approaching women - starting with how every woman assumes I am married and cheating until I prove otherwise. Sorry, that gets old. Which brings me to online and offline dating. Now I hear some people have success with online dating, but I always felt women want to be pursued with more effort from the man's part, and I am OK with that. Yet if I go up to a woman I don't know in a social environment - cafe or bookstore, or other innocuous friendly environment, NOT bars or clubs - and try to make innocuous conversation, I get hostile reactions. I have to assume it's just me being a loser and a evolutionary mistake if no one else experiences this. If you read this far, I think you're awesome. Alot of men 40+ have an inflated view of their self-worth... borne on the shoulders of who knows what? I don't know. Hollywood and their own minds is my guess. When I did OLD I routinely got hit on by men far outside of my posted age range (+/- 5 years) and a few would even get quite annoyed about it when the filter block screened them out. In rreal life, I most often get hit on by men who are younger than me. Sometimes much younger. There is sometimes mutual disappointment when that happens, because I won't date much younger men. Often the guys your age are 'disappointed' when they find out my real age because (I suspect) their egos are tied to getting a young chick to tell their friends about and validate their worth as a man.... not because of actual compatibility or *gasp* attraction issues. Hey, good riddance to them. The younger ladies they are hitting on will figure it out soon enough they don't give a crap about them... is my guess. IMHO, if you can't date women your own age or older than you, don't expect younger women to date you either. The disdain you may be experiencing is women who are sick of being the equivalent of an age 'trophy' to a man who likely doesn't measure up in looks or lifestyle. That, and alot of younger women are wise to recognize that a man's disdain for women his own age is a projection of how he feels about women in general. Not just his particular 'preferences'. ...and I dunno about 'ripe pickins' among the 10-15 year younger crowd. That fantasy is going quickly by the wayside unless you troll overseas where women have few financial opportunities of their own. Of course, there is no end to these older man/younger woman threads here. It is starting to get a bit nauseating, TBH. Edited June 11, 2012 by RedRobin 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Typical beta male. Maybe if I was a female and posted about kicking women in the balls you dumbasses would have enjoyed that. Hell most women thought if was funny when some dude's wife cut his penis off. SO NO, I FEEL NOTHING FOR WOMEN as they don't give a damn about us! BTW: Guess what, if a dude pisses me off I want to beat his ass (Not literally) If a a woman pisses me off I want to beat her ass. (Not literally) Get my point or are you so beta you defend everything female like their god damn slave. Ha ha ha ha.... Well, here's the point - it doesn't matter to me whether I'm "beta" whether you think you're "alpha", or what label you put on either one of us. The thing is, I'm not bitching and moaning about my lot in life and how I'm treated by women and blah blah blah. You are. What label does that make you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 The thing is, I'm not bitching and moaning about my lot in life and how I'm treated by women and blah blah blah. You are. What label does that make you? Crybaby? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Approaching women who don't want to be approach is more likely to lead to hostility, especially if you look much older than they are, than anything else, but it really depends on what you say and how you read the signals (i.e. if I've got my head phones in and a book in my hand and someone interrupts me, I feel more a right to be annoyed than if I was looking around, chatting with other strangers, smiling, etc, and there are worlds in between). This is the majority of people today, say for instance on the train or at a food court, if they're single they are or try to look busy. The majority of women on their own on the train have a book or have earphones on or are on the phone. I was at a food court the other week and I looked around at all the single women in my near vacinity and all of them (8) were on the phone (talking, txting away or watching something with earphones). I have to admit I find women in their 20s are more open to a random conversation than women in their 30s, who have probably been hit on 100s of times over the years and have their guard up/cynical of men's motives/no interest if they can tell in first second you don't appeal to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mario_C Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 Well, this thread turned interesting. I appreciate it, people. Alot of men 40+ have an inflated view of their self-worth... borne on the shoulders of who knows what? I don't know. Hollywood and their own minds is my guess. When I did OLD I routinely got hit on by men far outside of my posted age range (+/- 5 years) and a few would even get quite annoyed about it when the filter block screened them out. In rreal life, I most often get hit on by men who are younger than me. Sometimes much younger. There is sometimes mutual disappointment when that happens, because I won't date much younger men. Often the guys your age are 'disappointed' when they find out my real age because (I suspect) their egos are tied to getting a young chick to tell their friends about and validate their worth as a man.... not because of actual compatibility or *gasp* attraction issues. Hey, good riddance to them. The younger ladies they are hitting on will figure it out soon enough they don't give a crap about them... is my guess. IMHO, if you can't date women your own age or older than you, don't expect younger women to date you either. The disdain you may be experiencing is women who are sick of being the equivalent of an age 'trophy' to a man who likely doesn't measure up in looks or lifestyle. That, and alot of younger women are wise to recognize that a man's disdain for women his own age is a projection of how he feels about women in general. Not just his particular 'preferences'. ...and I dunno about 'ripe pickins' among the 10-15 year younger crowd. That fantasy is going quickly by the wayside unless you troll overseas where women have few financial opportunities of their own. Of course, there is no end to these older man/younger woman threads here. It is starting to get a bit nauseating, TBH. I'm sorry I caused you "nausea", but I don't know where referring to myself as a 'loser' (well, it's true) indicates an "inflated view of (their/my) self-worth". And I thought I made it clear that I very much can and want to "date women (your/my) own age or older". Where did I show the "disdain for women (his/my) own age"? If I did, I want to amend it. And Caius Ballad, if you enjoy beating people up so much, go do MMA. Go flaunt that attitude at Renzo Gracie or a Chinatown dojo. You'll be able to beat up as many people as you want - just remember, they beat back. (Hey, not a bad workout plan, actually...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mario_C Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 This is the majority of people today, say for instance on the train or at a food court, if they're single they are or try to look busy. The majority of women on their own on the train have a book or have earphones on or are on the phone. I was at a food court the other week and I looked around at all the single women in my near vacinity and all of them (8) were on the phone (talking, txting away or watching something with earphones). I have to admit I find women in their 20s are more open to a random conversation than women in their 30s, who have probably been hit on 100s of times over the years and have their guard up/cynical of men's motives/no interest if they can tell in first second you don't appeal to them. I've heard of single women in the city actually buying a ring and wearing it to thwart men approaching. The city is all about showing off at every given moment your professional or social status, which usually involves maintaining the appearance of being ridiculously busy. Then they wonder why it's so hard to find a great relationship. I'm going to avoid the 20's versus 30's thing because obviously I'm on the defense here... Link to post Share on other sites
ATrainofAngels Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Alot of men 40+ have an inflated view of their self-worth... borne on the shoulders of who knows what? I don't know. Hollywood and their own minds is my guess. When I did OLD I routinely got hit on by men far outside of my posted age range (+/- 5 years) and a few would even get quite annoyed about it when the filter block screened them out. In rreal life, I most often get hit on by men who are younger than me. Sometimes much younger. There is sometimes mutual disappointment when that happens, because I won't date much younger men. Often the guys your age are 'disappointed' when they find out my real age because (I suspect) their egos are tied to getting a young chick to tell their friends about and validate their worth as a man.... not because of actual compatibility or *gasp* attraction issues. Hey, good riddance to them. The younger ladies they are hitting on will figure it out soon enough they don't give a crap about them... is my guess. IMHO, if you can't date women your own age or older than you, don't expect younger women to date you either. The disdain you may be experiencing is women who are sick of being the equivalent of an age 'trophy' to a man who likely doesn't measure up in looks or lifestyle. That, and alot of younger women are wise to recognize that a man's disdain for women his own age is a projection of how he feels about women in general. Not just his particular 'preferences'. ...and I dunno about 'ripe pickins' among the 10-15 year younger crowd. That fantasy is going quickly by the wayside unless you troll overseas where women have few financial opportunities of their own. Of course, there is no end to these older man/younger woman threads here. It is starting to get a bit nauseating, TBH. Great post here 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ATrainofAngels Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Well, this thread turned interesting. I appreciate it, people. I'm sorry I caused you "nausea", but I don't know where referring to myself as a 'loser' (well, it's true) indicates an "inflated view of (their/my) self-worth". And I thought I made it clear that I very much can and want to "date women (your/my) own age or older". Where did I show the "disdain for women (his/my) own age"? If I did, I want to amend it. And Caius Ballad, if you enjoy beating people up so much, go do MMA. Go flaunt that attitude at Renzo Gracie or a Chinatown dojo. You'll be able to beat up as many people as you want - just remember, they beat back. (Hey, not a bad workout plan, actually...) I don't think she was talking about you specifically, but more about older men who only want to date younger women. I thought it was a fascinating read in general Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I prefer to date my own age. Therefore, I find it tedious when men who are much older OR much younger hit on me. At 32, I'm confident that I won't have anything in common with a 23 year old or a 48 year old. So keep walking boys! It's about to get hostile up in here! Link to post Share on other sites
Suzanne_W Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 IMHO' date=' if you can't date women your own age or older than you, don't expect younger women to date you either.[/b'] ] When I did online dating, I used to respond to those guys: If you won't date someone your age, why should I? And how true - they call us fat if we're carrying an extra 5 pounds, but they have a belly that obliterates the view of their shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Suzanne_W Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 When I did online dating, I used to respond to those guys: If you won't date someone your age, why should I? And how true - they call us fat if we're carrying an extra 5 pounds, but they have a belly that obliterates the view of their shoes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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