Falsely accused of harrasment

[fawrist bair]

It is a long post, even when many details are let out to keep it as short as possible. Names are not used for anonymity's sake.

 

After my divorce I became "Friends With Benefits"(ExFWB) with an old friend. This went on for about a year and a half. We had talked before we set out on this path and I made it real clear what I wanted. ExFWB agreed. I wanted her & I to have a clear understanding of our expectations. I would not have proceeded if ExFWB & I had not agreed as I did not consider her suitable for any other type of relationship with the exception of friendship.

 

About nine months ago I recieved a response from an ad I placed on an online dating service. After responding and then many phone conversations I added "New Girlfriend"(NG) on Facebook. ExFWB saw NG on my facebook and finally said something about her. I explained what happened & told her I would be going on a date with NG (this is before we were officially dating). I thought everything was fine at the time.

 

The entire week before the date became an almost constant 24 hour a day argument with ExFWB about the date & our (friends with benefits) agreement. Details are not important except the last hours worth, in which ExFWB said if I went out on the date with NG, ExFWB & I were through. Not only no longer friends with benefits which was ok with me, but also not even friends anymore. We had been friends for over ten years. I had tried for a week to salvage the "friends" part as I had valued ExFWB's friendship over the years. ExFWB tried to convince me that I was a jerk for changing our relationship. I went on the date with NG, thinking if ExFWB could not handle it how good of a friend could she be.

 

The date with NG was Awesome. We spent 48 hours together!!! Dinner, conversation, a movie, coffee & more conversation, breakfast, even more conversation & then we had to end the first date. NG is perfect. We match up like two puzzle pieces.

 

After the date ExFWB & I talked. She had changed her mind and wanted to be just friends all of a sudden. A complete 180 turnaround. I also had a 180 degree turnaround and told her that I had changed my mind. That after 150+ hours of intense nasty argument in a week I did not think it wise to continue our friendship. Too much had happened and I recognized ExFWB'S hidden agenda .

 

About four months into our absolutely fantastic relationship NG received a text message. Let me just say it was meant to inflame NG and it did! I was dumped. Later in the day NG & I talked for a long time about it. Our relationship survived. 3-4 weeks later another message arrives. Dumped again. Talked again. Back together again. A few days after our six month anniversary flowers arrive at NG's work place. The card says that "I" am dumping NG. NG is a serious unhappy camper. These flowers came after I had already sent flowers for our anniversary. NG had been surprised and initially thrilled to get more flowers so soon, until she read the card. Again NG dumps me. After two weeks NG & I talk it through, then get back together again

 

Three weeks ago another text. Last week more flowers. Delivered to NG's home this time. This event has made NG understandably nervous.

 

Through clues in the text messages and timing of events NG & I believe ExFWB is the culprit. NG called the state attorney's office. They say they can't help since all they do is prosecute crimes, not investigate them. So NG goes to the police. They gather info and say they will look into it.

 

Another week goes by when NG's ex-fiance gets a text message. NG finds out in the morning & doesn't say anything to me until I send her a text saying that I am worried about her as NG did not respond to my earlier texts. Twenty minutes later NG explains that the ex-fiance got a text and now NG "knows" (again) it is me doing this. Currently I am dumped for the fourth time.

 

I have written the following letter to leave at NG's house (she has blocked me on her phone). I plan to leave it Saturday night so NG can find it Sunday.

 

START LETTER

 

I can't believe that after all we have been through you believe I am responsible for all this ****. Sure I can imagine the thought process. It must be me because of so much circumstantial evidence. I know I have zero involvement in this, other than being a victim just like you. It is easy to blame me. That is why this started. Someone wants to end our relationship. Why? Narrow it down & the answer may become evident. One thing is certain. My actions & reactions, thought processes & everything else you know about me don't point to me doing this. Perfect I am not. But to be capable of being the type of person that can do this while at the same time concealing that side to you in person or by phone .... well that would make me a special kind of nut case. Sounds like something from a movie, doesn't it.

 

How about looking at the facts instead.

 

• Someone knows
  
  • Your cell phone number
    
  • Your work address
    
  • Your home address
    
  • Norman's cell phone number
    
  • Everything has happened directly to you
    

   

That's the end of the facts

 

Everything else is guesswork, supposition & coincidence.

 

• How was this stuff figured out, deduced or gathered
  
  • information known about you
    
    • When we are together or not.
      
    • That I sent you flowers
      
    • What gets under your skin (the stanky p*ssy msg)
      

     

    [*]Information known about me

    • I am a truck driver
      
    • I volunteered at the fire station
      
    • When I am home or not
      
    • Where I am while on the road (proximity at least)
      

     

   

There is plenty more of course. I know you will think of more. Just separate the facts from the rest. That was just a few examples.

 

This can't be ExFWB. Guesswork, supposition, coincidence & confirmation bias can point the blame to her for much of it, but all the facts don't fit. There is no way she could know or learn ex-fiance's Phone number. Nor can it be *****, *******, *****, ** *** or even my *******. We have done enough research to know that as a fact. They simply could not have acquired ex-fiance's phone number. It has to be someone who could access his number somehow. Think of who could have done that. That leaves more than just me as the possibility.

 

The most important question is simple . . . Someone will fit all the facts . . . . Who gains from this? Me? How? Eliminate everything about the messages & falsely sent flowers and then think of who I am. Do you believe that I exhibit the signs & symptoms of someone who could do this? You have told me how smart I am. Do you think I would be so stupid as to make mistakes that would blatantly point to me. Remember when we discussed what to do after the flowers came to your house. Remember how I thought the choices through. I had pros & cons for each of the options. Do you also think that I also do a Jekyll & Hyde thing. Smart normally, yet stupid & reckless when supposedly messing with your head.

 

Just because I can "have a reasonable explanation" doesn't mean it is a wrong explanation. Maybe it is a reasonable explanation simply because it is reasonable. Just as you can put the fault on me & we had put the blame on ExFWB doesn't mean either is right. I know there is no way for ExFWB to have done all of this. I now believe that it is someone knew you before we met.

 

I know I don't have anything to do with it at all. I plead with you to go to the cops with the new text message. I know you will need ex-fiance's cooperation. Bet he won't cooperate. I have nothing to fear. I have no guilt in this. I have no risk of arrest or jail! Just as you can blame me for this, I can use non-facts to explain how ex-fiance did it. Why? You told me he said he would never let you go. At least I have a valid reason why it is someone else (and could use supposition to point the finger at others). Not a baseless claim that I would terrorize the woman I LOVE!!!!! I know this is so stressful for you, but please think it through logically.

 

My counselor said to think in "what's & why's". So as to what my goal is. It is simple, I just couldn't give up with out fighting for you. The why is just as simple. I Love You more than words can describe!!!

 

If you had not blocked me I would not have left this at your home. You have nothing to fear from me. I will not harass you. If you do not contact me, I know what decision you have made. As much pain as it causes, I know If you believe I have done this then I know we can not continue our relationship.

 

KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

END LETTER

 

All told about ten messages, four times dumped, only three times back together. NG & I spent uncounted hours working it out and are also going to (separate) counselors. We had planned to have a session with a counselor together.

 

I need help to demonstrate that this is not me. I know you all don't know me. I have lurked (and searched the forums) for some time before signing up. Just don't know what else to do. I am counting on logical thinking to show NG that this is not me. NG's emotions mess with her common sense. I understand why the emotions are there, but they cloud her judgement.

 

So I am here asking for a brainstorming session from the members. I will listen to any and all suggestions you put forth. Maybe as a group a reasonable working plan can be put together.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read so much,

Fawrist Bair

[RickFox]

First let me say that you can find out anyone's information thru the magic of the internet. Have you even tried to get the number from which the text messages were sent. You can pay for services to find out who owns that cell phone and where it came from.

 

My only thing to say to you is to not even deliver that letter to her. If she really thinks it is you then let her go, it would be obvious to a reasonable person that something else is up here and if she can't see it, I would just let her go and move on.

 

Good luck

[AlexDP]

Why are you not looking at the obvious truth? It's her. Think about it. Why did she dump you so readily when these thing happened? She set you up, mate. She's a psycho.

[fawrist bair]

First let me say that you can find out anyone's information thru the magic of the internet. Have you even tried to get the number from which the text messages were sent. You can pay for services to find out who owns that cell phone and where it came from.

 

My only thing to say to you is to not even deliver that letter to her. If she really thinks it is you then let her go, it would be obvious to a reasonable person that something else is up here and if she can't see it, I would just let her go and move on.

 

Good luck

 

NG gave me the number. I tried twice with paid services, & many free ones to get the phone number info. The belief that you can get that info is false. It is a prepaid cell on a GSM (ATT or Cingular) network. I have much experience in the rent-to-own field. Collections is a big part of that industry and I was good at it. I contacted a private investigator who said he had a buddy who was retired from the FCC. I would cost $1000 to the FCC guy & $200 to the investigator with no guarantee at all. I would pay $1200 if there was a guarantee of a name. Also having sold and set up prepaid phones I know there is no info verification when setting them up, so even the name may be false.

 

I know the thinking in letting her go. Thing is I love her so dang much. More than anyone else, ever! Except for this issue we are like two peas in a pod. I know that her reactions are a product of her past. I continue to hope that her counselor will help her through it sooner than later. When I love someone I don't give up until there is no hope or the love is lost. Just not at that point yet.

 

Thanks for the response,

Fawrist

[fawrist bair]

Why are you not looking at the obvious truth? It's her. Think about it. Why did she dump you so readily when these thing happened? She set you up, mate. She's a psycho.

 

I know it's her issues. She is not a psycho. It's leftover junk from her past relationships. She is working on it. Like anyone with a problem there is progress and sometimes regressions.

 

Thanks for the input,

Fawrist

[AlexDP]

I know it's her issues. She is not a psycho. It's leftover junk from her past relationships. She is working on it. Like anyone with a problem there is progress and sometimes regressions.

 

Thanks for the input,

Fawrist

 

No, I mean it's literally her. She's the one who made it all up. She's the one who had flowers delivered.

[FitChick]

Contact this psychic. She will work over the phone. Her price is cheaper than a detective and will give you peace of mind.

[filani]

@ fawrist bear

 

First off , I'm not a fan of FWB. 9 times out of 10 they usually end badly for both parties

Your NG sounds really immature to me, dumping you at every drop of a hat! To be honest , I don't think that much of you either for wanting to be with a girl like this. Where the hell is your self respect?

 

I say pick up what's left of your dignity , learn your lessons from this drama and MOVE ON !!!

[ssu]

Interesting post OP. Can you go to the police with your suspicions? Is NG's ex-fiance dangerous? He sounds like he's the one who's psycho. Who knows what else he's been up to. I think you should go to the police if you are not the one doing this **** to her but know someone else is. What if something happened to NG one day and you did nothing? Bad situation anyway you look at it.

[dasein]

No, I mean it's literally her. She's the one who made it all up. She's the one who had flowers delivered.

 

Since OP asked for brainstorming, the above is a possibility that should be considered. Personally, though, I think there is a stronger case for NG's ex fiance being the culprit here. He could have claimed a text was sent to him to divert suspicion. There are details missing here, but is exFWB the type to actually send flowers to another woman? This doesn't make sense IME. However, flowers from the ex fiance fits better. In any event, not enough detail about the actual messages or the notes on the flowers to make more of a conclusion. Hope you get to the bottom of this.