ddlovexx Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) Hey there, I'd just like some opinions on this. Guys often ask me out for a drink, which is no big deal... but I've been through a lot in the past few months and right now I find that I'm not really emotionally ready for anything. So I'll go out with guys for a few drinks because, hey, if you have the balls to ask me, why not? And we can still be friends right? I just always feel like an ******* when I go out for a few drinks and then at the end of the night I have to tell them that I'm not interested/ready right now. I don't want to waste anyone's time but I guess you never know what can happen. I don't think going for a few drinks does any harm. I just have a really big heart and I always feel like a jerk going out with them and then dropping the bomb. Opinions? Edited May 31, 2012 by ddlovexx Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Why not let them know right away that you're not ready to date but still wouldn't mind going out for the company. Worst that can happen is they back off but at least you've taken the guilt off of your chest. I'd reckon they think you're just not interested in them if you tell them at the end. Some might feel used. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Depends on the contex in which you are agreeing to a few drinks. I am not ready for any type of relationship, and would clearly not accept a few drinks as a 'date', and boldly highlight this before accepting an outing of a few drinks, and that it may be infinity before I am ever going to allow anyone close to me again. And would pay for all my own drinks, have been pressured at times and gave in because of someone not taking no for an answer of someone buying me a drink and I do not wish to continue arguing about it. If you are excepting these as dates, and are 'really' being truthful that you are not looking for anything else, then there does not seem to be a problem, but if you are excepting these, then telling them this, then it seems as if you may be leading them on, even if that is not your true intention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 Well, I don't see it as a date at all. I usually meet these guys and then they send me a message or occasionally ask me in person "Hey, wanna go out for a few drinks sometime?" and I go "Sure, I'll go for a drink with ya." I don't see it as a date nor do I see it as doing any harm, maybe I'm just too nice. heh. My one coworker knows that I'm not interested though and he's always asking me out for drinks, so that's on him since he knows the deal, but most of these guys I've literally just met. Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Actually in re reading this thread. You have noted that you did not tell these guys you were not interested in dating AFTER you excepted a DATE, went out and had a few cocktails. Very misleading. Seems like you are not being truthful to yourself in that you are not interested in dating, because what you are describing IS dating. You are going on a date if you except an invitation to go out for drinks, and you are not very direct in the beginning that it is in no way a date. Meaning the post makes little sense. I can also see why the men would feel misled. I make it a point to go out by myself when in this state of being, and still after disclosing, if asked at the pub, if I am dating, I still get questioned to the point I just close off, because the conversation starts to border on too personal. Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Well, I don't see it as a date at all. I usually meet these guys and then they send me a message or occasionally ask me in person "Hey, wanna go out for a few drinks sometime?" and I go "Sure, I'll go for a drink with ya." I don't see it as a date nor do I see it as doing any harm, maybe I'm just too nice. heh. My one coworker knows that I'm not interested though and he's always asking me out for drinks, so that's on him since he knows the deal, but most of these guys I've literally just met. "Hey, wanna go out for a few drinks sometime?" ===== (x 10) a DATE. Come on it is a little bit of an airhead mentality to believe that if a man is asking you for drinks, without you informing him beforehand that you are in no way interested in him for anything else other then friends, and are in a state of being of not being interested in anyone for awhile, that he is not thinking it is a form of a date. Are you paying the expenses for your multiple cocktails on all these non dates? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 Meeting at a bar for a drink isn't a date. I literally know this guy's name and that's it. I've gone on dates before- the guy takes me out to eat and we hang out and stuff... I don't see this as being that serious. I'm gonna have 2-3 beers and call it a night. I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Well he is likely approaching you with a romantic interest. It would be like ordering at a restaurant and not being told they were out of what you wanted until after everyone else's dinner had been delivered. Had you known they were out earlier you would have ordered something else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 I guess, decent point. haha. Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 A lot of guys will see going out for drinks w/ girl as a date. Not a DATE date but a casual one. So you should make it clear that I'll go out JUST FOR DRINKS nothing more...Plain and simple! I wouldn't get offended. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 If a guy asks you out for a drink It's because he's interested in you, not to be your buddy...guys already have friends, plus they wouldn't sleep with their male friends. You're playing the naive card intentionally here so you can keep going out with these guys and not call it a date..which is how they see it (a date), and even IF you made it clear that you weren't looking for anything serious right now If you're willing to go out and have a few drinks maybe you'll loosen up with a few drinks in you and getting to know the guy (which is what they are thinking). Some men are persistent anyway because women typically say one thing but do another like many men..everyone likes to throw the whole "It just happened" card up when they find someone interesting, and that's what I think you are doing...going out with these men to see IF any really compel you because If you want nothing to do with men and are working on yourself then you do not spend time with them in bars having a few drinks. What do you think these "friendships" are going to really amount to? You know what will happen eventually, someone will have a romantic interest and just because you've jumped to the conclusion that it won't be you and how they feel doesn't make you responsible then remember that when you're sleeping with a man and having what you feel like a relationship only to find he only sees you as casual sex and what you felt didn't make him responsible. Bottom line is you're wasting these guys time by having a few drinks with them, that's not being "nice" It's being misleading, these guys have the balls to ask you out because they want to date you. Being nice would be declining their invitation and telling them how much you appreciate them asking you out but you're not interested or available for dating, so thank you and goodbye basically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Why would you go out with men you barely know anything past their name. Again, you failed to answer if these men are buying your drinks. I think it comes across as using (strangers) men to get out, pay your way, and THEN tell them your true intentions, rather then avoid uncomfortable situations when there is miscommunication of what the whole night is about by just being honest in the beginning. Going out for drinks can be considered a date, heck people go out for coffee/expresso/latte dates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) First of all, I mentioned to him during drinks that I'm not really ready or interested in anything right now, but I'm all for being friends. We had a nice night anyway and I went to pay for my drinks and he took the bill. Therefore, I went about it the right way and no harm was done. He told me he's interested in being friends and has actually texted me a few times today. Although he's probably romantically interested, I already set the boundaries and he appreciated it, and I don't plan to go out with him again. Jesus... I'm not trying to **** random people nor use them. It'd be nice to make some friends too. I came on here for advice/help, not to be attacked. Edited June 1, 2012 by ddlovexx Link to post Share on other sites
InJest Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 If you're even slightly attractive, guys don't want to be your friend. Just operate under the impression that every male that asks you to do anything with him, wants to have sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 First of all, I mentioned to him during drinks that I'm not really ready or interested in anything right now, but I'm all for being friends. We had a nice night anyway and I went to pay for my drinks and he took the bill. Therefore, I went about it the right way and no harm was done. He told me he's interested in being friends and has actually texted me a few times today. Although he's probably romantically interested, I already set the boundaries and he appreciated it, and I don't plan to go out with him again. Jesus... I'm not trying to **** random people nor use them. It'd be nice to make some friends too. I came on here for advice/help, not to be attacked. How about the other "guy friends" you have? Did you say you're leading them on because you like them paying for your drinks? Link to post Share on other sites
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