Turn off if she's 30 and living with her parents?

[lacoqueta]

I'm turning 30 next month and I'm seriously considering moving back in with my parents and renting out my house. I have a great career and take care of myself financially. I have a nice home that's only 3 years old. My problem is that I don't feel like I'm really saving money. I'm not a big spender but my house note doesn't allow me to save anything and that really stresses me out. My house is the only debt I have. This isn't my dream home and I'd like to have money saved up and put towards what I really want. Would most guys understand this or just be completely turned off?

[Oxy Moronovich]

As a 27 yr old guy, I'd be turned off. Getting a house too soon that puts you into debt screams, "I'm a woman that puts fantasy over reality." There is no logical reason to buy a house that puts you into debt, especially if you live alone. The only reason is you're husband hunting and wish to hurry up with the process of finding a mate and getting married. That's a turn-off for me.

 

Some guys will think like me. But there will be other guys who won't think like me and overlook this type of behavior.

[lacoqueta]

I can totally see how someone would look at it that way. Truth is, I was engaged about 4 years ago and called off the engagement. I moved back in with my parents for a year and my mom drove me crazy. I was desperate to get out. I didn't want to rent so I bought a home. I'm in no way in a hurry to get married but would definitely like to one day, just going with the flow right now. I can stay in my home and be fine paying my bills. Just wish I could save a little more money. I'd like to get a part time job but am in grad school as well so it's hard to find something that works well with my schedule.

[JesseJames]

Nothing is sexier than business ownership and success. A dwelling is just a place to crash and shouldn't amount to a hill of beans in the general scheme of things.

You could make your dream home out of apple wood and pussy willow, with your bare hands, but the gov't could seize it in a second. One good fire and... whooosh. A job-worker is about as dime a dozen as it gets. It wouldn't matter to me if you lived in a tent. I'd be more focused on other things like libido, lifestyles, multiple sources of income, personality, intelligences.

[ascendotum]

Moving back home with the folks to get ahead financially, I definitely do see the logic in that and being financially savvy does appeal to me.

The fact that you have a good career and your own home and thus not paying rent to someone and still feel the need to live back with your folks to generate more $ and there is really no imperative or short term savings objective, would put me off a bit.

If you are paying down your mortgage debt, you might not be saving money but you are increasing your capital worth...in the long run...but with the property market in the US being what it is, it does not seem this way in the short term. Millions of americans are in the same boat, and many of those dont have a great career and also have kids. You could take in another person to help pay the bills.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Looks like Jesse has a diff male perspective. Yet I still would be turned off by your situation. You said you have a good career and take care of yourself financially. But that doesn't mean much. I've met women who were strippers, bartenders, models, and managers at Walgreens who felt their career was good and took care of themselves financially. Personally, I wouldn't be interested in women in those jobs.

 

Also, it's not about financial success for me. It's about being able to budget your finances correctly. My question: why was renting an apartment such a turn-off you needed to buy a house that puts you into debt?

[lacoqueta]

Oxy, my dad has a bunch of rental properties and he always told me never to rent because its just throwing you're money away. I wish I would of though because it would have been a lot easier to walk away instead of feeling tied down. Maybe i can get a roommate

[SJC2008]

Good thing you bought the house now, it'll be paid off a few years before or right when you retire. If I had my own place, I wouldn't have a problem at all! However I'm the one hoping SHE is cool with me moving back in lol! To my surprise and a credit to woman, more than I thought seem to be ok with it. I am a year away from a degree though so it's not like I'm headed nowhere. Don't worry about it!

[motive2002]

Turn-on:

Gal (such as yourself) looking to improve her financial situation in a responsible way that is unique to her circumstances

 

Turn-off:

Gal that extended herself far beyond her means with frivolous materialism.

[Eddie Edirol]

Yes, its a turnoff. Not only do you live with your folks, but you own one house that youre not living in? Whats the point? Sell the house, save up more money if youre going to live at home. Not only that, but your dream house is one that you couldnt afford to get when you ran from home screaming. So you want a house that you already cant see affording in the future anyway... thats an even bigger turnoff. That looks like you would never be satisfied with what you can actually afford, and I'd never have anything serious with a woman like that, no matter how good her career is.

 

If youre gonna be a total turnoff living with your folks, get rid of the house and save the money. You will be able to start over later, and with more down payment in your pocket. If you cant afford to pay a good amount into the principle every year to pay down the loan sooner, theres no point in having the house. Im sure your dad wasnt living with his folks when he bought his rental properties. Rent an apt, you'll be out of there soon enough, and you wont blow so much money on rent.

 

BTW, why are you ok with living with your folks now, if your mom was driving you crazy enough to run out the house before?

Edited May 22, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[truth_seeker]

It really depends on the woman. I think if she were conservative, saving her money to buy her own place, I wouldn't have a problem with it. The younger women who rent out an apartment with 3 or 4 other girls always seem to be flakey, bad with money, more problems.

[lacoqueta]

Eddie, yes I had a dream home in mind, and I knew I would not have it right away. I always figured I'd start with something smaller and work/save for what I really want. I guess I really didn't understand what I was in for. I was stupid for rushing things and I want to fix it. Selling the house is something I've thrown out there but no one seems to think it's a good idea. A few others have been trying to sell their homes in my neighborhood and they are having a hard time getting them sold. I guess the best thing would be is to find a roommate.

 

BTW, it's not that I don't get along with my mom....it's just back then I had just called off my engagement and she kept bringing it up and trying to get me and my ex back together.

Edited May 22, 2012 by lacoqueta
typo

[irc333]

You know what's strange, this is probably the first time I ever heard a forum topic about a WOMAN'S concern about living with her parents due to unforeseen circumstances. It's usually a concerned pointed at men, you don't see women having such issues. Figured I'd be not as frowned upon if it's a woman living with her parents.

[Eddie Edirol]

Eddie, yes I had a dream home in mind, and I knew I would not have it right away. I always figured I'd start with something smaller and work/save for what I really want. I guess I really didn't understand what I was in for. I was stupid for rushing things and I want to fix it. Selling the house is something I've thrown out there but no one seems to think it's a good idea. A few others have been trying to sell their homes in my neighborhood and they are having a hard time getting them sold. I guess the best thing would be is to find a roommate.

 

With the market down thats true, but you dont have that much equity in it after 4 years, so its not like if you sell it now you will lose that much, unless you have to make up the difference, will it be a big difference between what the loan is and how much the house is worth now?

 

I guess having a roommate isnt as bad as living with your parents, but could you live with that?

[6ft180natl]

Oxy, my dad has a bunch of rental properties and he always told me never to rent because its just throwing you're money away. I wish I would of though because it would have been a lot easier to walk away instead of feeling tied down. Maybe i can get a roommate

 

In my opinion it sounds like you have a good plan. I wouldn't listen to anyone saying you should have just rented because your dad is partially right. It does depend on the details of the circumstances though but feeling ashamed of being a home owner instead of just renting is backwards thinking about finances imo.

[lacoqueta]

You're right, it usually is pointed at men. That's why I wondered how it was seen through men's eyes when it's the other way around. From what it seems like, the turn-off wouldn't be so much because I actually live in the same home as my parent's, but because of my rushed/dumb decision making

[6ft180natl]

Also if you can rent the house out at a price point that has the tenants basically paying for it that puts you a step ahead of anyone just renting.

I would be wary of advice to simply sell in this market unless you are upside down in your mortgage or something. Did you buy the house before the housing market crashed or after?

[lacoqueta]

With the market down thats true, but you dont have that much equity in it after 4 years, so its not like if you sell it now you will lose that much, unless you have to make up the difference, will it be a big difference between what the loan is and how much the house is worth now?

 

I guess having a roommate isnt as bad as living with your parents, but could you live with that?

 

 

No it really wouldn't be that much of a difference. I saw how much i've actuallly paid toward the principle so far and wanted to throw up. I agree that I wouldn't look "as bad" if I had a roommate but the thought of it terrifies me. I don't want to come home and see someone sprawled across my couch or wanting to talk to me when all I want to do is have some peace and quiet. Not only that, I don't know who they might bring around either.

[lacoqueta]

Also if you can rent the house out at a price point that has the tenants basically paying for it that puts you a step ahead of anyone just renting.

I would be wary of advice to simply sell in this market unless you are upside down in your mortgage or something. Did you buy the house before the housing market crashed or after?

 

I bought the house 3 years ago this past December. Yeah I figured if I had someone renting it, I'd use that money to make a few extra payments on the house. I've had a lot of options running through my mind and the parent's thing was just one of them. I wanted to see what the men would think about it. I don't have problems dating right now but don't want it to come to a complete halt for moving in with the parents and come off as an irresponsible woman that doesn't take the time to think before making decisions.

[monkey00]

Wow. I'm surprised how much people here are giving her crap about owning property, wanting to rent it out, and wanting to move back home to save money. I guess no one's heard of investment property?

 

I can see where you're coming from, I own property myself. And for anyone who argues about renting where I live where the rents only go up year after year, doesn't know what they're talking about. No thanks, I wouldn't be interested in dishing out over 1k in rent each month to live with roommates. I've done that for years after college. You really are throwing away money.

 

I personally see you situation as a plus. I've met far too many girls where I am who are bad with their finances and have horrible school loans but no real career in sight. For someone to have no school debt and on top of having saved to buy a house, is a plus in my opinion...it's a nice change from the type of girls I know and have met.

 

A) school loans are bad debt B) Mortgage is good debt. You can clear your debt if you sell, given it can sell. Just because you own property doesn't mean you're tied down, you can always rent out the place. I know plenty of out of state and out of country landlords, who do it successfully.

 

Anyway, if I had met a girl like you I might be a bit skittish at first about the situation. But if you were renting out the property and living at home because you lost your job and can't pay your mortgage I would understand. I would also understand if you were saving for a larger down payment to upgrade to your next property, while continuing your career and living at home while renting out the house. On a side note, there are plenty of people who live at home for awhile to save up to buy their first home/pay of school loans, there's really no difference.

 

What others suggested about finding a roommate sounds like a good idea to help with the mortgage. At the same time you also keep your independence.

[6ft180natl]

I bought the house 3 years ago this past December. Yeah I figured if I had someone renting it, I'd use that money to make a few extra payments on the house. I've had a lot of options running through my mind and the parent's thing was just one of them. I wanted to see what the men would think about it. I don't have problems dating right now but don't want it to come to a complete halt for moving in with the parents and come off as an irresponsible woman that doesn't take the time to think before making decisions.

 

I personally wouldn't think it would be a big deal for most men. I thought it was more of a concern women have with men than vice versa.

[lacoqueta]

Wow. I'm surprised how much people here are giving her crap about owning property, wanting to rent it out, and wanting to move back home to save money. I guess no one's heard of investment property?

 

I can see where you're coming from, I own property myself. And for anyone who argues about renting where I live where the rents only go up year after year, doesn't know what they're talking about. No thanks, I wouldn't be interested in dishing out over 1k in rent each month to live with roommates. I've done that for years after college. You really are throwing away money.

 

I personally see you situation as a plus. I've met far too many girls where I am who are bad with their finances and have horrible school loans but no real career in sight. For someone to have no school debt and on top of having saved to buy a house, is a plus in my opinion...it's a nice change from the type of girls I know and have met.

 

A) school loans are bad debt B) Mortgage is good debt. You can clear your debt if you sell, given it can sell. Just because you own property doesn't mean you're tied down, you can always rent out the place. I know plenty of out of state and out of country landlords, who do it successfully.

 

Anyway, if I had met a girl like you I might be a bit skittish at first about the situation. But if you were renting out the property and living at home because you lost your job and can't pay your mortgage I would understand. I would also understand if you were saving for a larger down payment to upgrade to your next property, while continuing your career and living at home while renting out the house. On a side note, there are plenty of people who live at home for awhile to save up to buy their first home/pay of school loans, there's really no difference.

 

What others suggested about finding a roommate sounds like a good idea to help with the mortgage. At the same time you also keep your independence.

 

My idea had always been to get this house, keep saving/working my butt off, eventually build my dream home, and then keep this house i'm in now as rental property. I just didn't think it would be this hard and it's not like my dream home is some huge mansion. I don't want a huge house. My "dream" home just means a house that is set up the way I want it set up, with the furnishings/amenities that I like. I have no problem working hard for what I want. At the moment I don't see much advancement and that worries me. I'd rather find an extra job than have a roommate. It's tough though with grad school and a full-time job

[monkey00]

My idea had always been to get this house, keep saving/working my butt off, eventually build my dream home, and then keep this house i'm in now as rental property. I just didn't think it would be this hard and it's not like my dream home is some huge mansion. I don't want a huge house. My "dream" home just means a house that is set up the way I want it set up, with the furnishings/amenities that I like. I have no problem working hard for what I want. At the moment I don't see much advancement and that worries me. I'd rather find an extra job than have a roommate. It's tough though with grad school and a full-time job

 

I hear you about the roommate thing. Most are done with that by their late 20's. I know I probably couldn't handle being with roommates again after living on my own.

 

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done, even if you don't want to. To get you where you need to be.

[lacoqueta]

Thanks y'all! I appreciate the feedback!

[Sanman]

I just have to add that while it might be a turn off to some men, it is a turn on to others. As someone that is very financially responsible, I don't think moving back in with parents of getting a roommate is that uncommon in this economy. Whichever option you decide on, it will likely relieve some financial anxiety for you. I recently decided to do this well. Why? Because my parents would use the help as they begin to retire and I could use the extra $15k I save toward a house that I would like to get with my gf in the next couple of years. We're both doctors, so it is not as if only the poverty stricken are doing so. I have a few friends with six figure incomes doing this as well to save up to buy. Rent in NYC is brutal and does not allow one to save much if you want to live in a decent neighborhood. I'm also hoping to save enough to buy a smaller house in cash and take the mortgage out on a larger investment property. I may get laughed at now, but will be laughing if I generate enough passive income to retire early or cut back on my practice enough to be able to enjoy my later years in style.