About to lose the bestfriend I've ever had and the love of my life.

[zacks7]

Help me please I am DESPERATE for advice on what to do.

 

This is gonna be very long and detailed so please read it all so you know where I'm coming from and what I should do.

 

I might lose my bestfriend, the bestfriend I've ever had. Tonight. In fact, I might've already lost her. This is such a confusing situation, I NEED HELP, IM CRYING MY EYES OUT. Can't eat, can't sleep.

 

Well, I'm a normal 18 year old guy who met this amazing 15 year old girl through a prank phone call I made 5 months and 1 day ago. *Ever since I made that call, we have talked on the phone for 3-5 hours EVERY NIGHT. We Skype all the time, and exchange cute pics and just do all the things that bestfriends do. We have pet names for each other, and have the loveliest conversations.

 

We are BESTFRIENDS. We've gotten so close through all this and I have the deepest feelings for her. She's told me I'm her bestfriend and she never wants to lose me, I told her the same.

 

Well, we met on December 19th through that call, but because she lives 2 hours away we've never been able to meet in person. But last week she told me she has a volleyball tournament on the 19th, close to my area and invited me to come. So I told her I'd try my best to.

 

It sounded so awesome, to meet on *exactly the 5 month anniversary of our friendship. So, the tournament was yesterday, she told me where to go and everything. All seemed fine. I was SO excited to FINALLY meet her. A girl who I've spent 500 hours on the phone with and never even seen in person.*

 

I woke up at 7am yesterday to get ready for her tournament. She sent me a text a few minutes before 7 saying there's an 8$ parking fee, so she was expecting me to come.

 

It was 50 miles away and I just got my car the day before it (Friday). It was my first real trip in my car. I got all dressed up, got directions on google maps, got a bunch of quarters for tolls and set off to see her.

 

After 2 hours of driving, I finally found the place (it's a HUGE convention center with hundreds of courts setup). I called her to see where she was at but she would barely talk to me, and ended up hanging up on me. She texted me and told me which court to look for, so I got in, payed all the admission fees and found her court. I saw her playing and I jumped and waved once she wasn't busy and barely got a wave back from her.

 

I watched the rest of her game. Once it finished, I walked over to see her but she would barely look at me, she was either busy texting or playing with her friends. It's like I wasn't there.

 

Then she had to ref, so I waited patiently for her to finish and while I was waiting, I introduced myself to her mom and sister. They were excited to meet me because she had already told them all about me and how I was coming. They were so friendly! But not my friend on the other hand.

 

Something was weird.

 

After she finished reffing, her team was going to eat at McDonald's. I said ooh, can I come!? She didn't say anything, so I was like it'd be cool to go eat out with you, just text me which McDonald's you go to and I'll meet you there! (She was leaving the tournament, but she was supposed to come back and watch her friends game)

 

After about 15 mins of waiting in my car to hear from her, I got a text "you're not coming right?" whaaaaat?? She never told me where to go or anything. I said I guess not, and asked her when she was going back to the games so we can hang out. 10 minutes later of waiting, "let's call it a day. I'm tired, I think I'm gonna go back to the hotel"

 

I didn't know what to say. I drove 50 miles first thing in the morning to see her, payed 55$ in gas, 10$ in tolls, 15$ admission, 8$ parking, just to SEE HER. Just to meet this amazing girl. The money didn't even bother me, it's that she didn't give a care that I came and did all that just to be with her.

 

Being absolutely embarrassed out of my wits after that, I drove back home. Shocked at what just happened. We only got to talk for MAYBE 5 minutes the entire time, but this entire scene lasted from 11am to 2pm.*

 

She didn't even wanna hang out at her hotel. (Of course, later I found out she didn't go back to the hotel when she was "tired" she went back to the games and her friend was texting me from her phone!)

 

And then after that whole day I text and ask if I can call her and just replies "nope! :p" ..... She's never pushed me away like this. What happened to my bestfriend?

 

We used to tell each other how much we love each other on the phone, we used to get lost staring into each others eyes on Skype, we used to write long love messages through text, we used to send each other cute pictures all day long, we used to fall asleep on the phone every night....

 

But then ALL this happened yesterday. WHAT HAPPENED. I have not gotten ONE text or call from her today.

 

I told one of my friends about this situation and he said to delete her number and never talk to her again for embarrassing me and testing my patience to no end. Not to mention the fact she blew me off and hasn't bothered to explain herself or atleast say sorry.

 

So here I am, worried SICK about having to cut her out of my life because she hurt me so badly, I'm literally SICK IN BED. I can barely get my hands to stop shaking just to type.

 

If she calls tonight, I am probably going to tell her that we can no longer be friends.

 

Please tell me what to do. Help me.

[canoeracer]

Hey man. Sorry for what you're going through.

 

I'm not sure I have any advice on the specific situation, but I do have some thoughts in general. You're a young guy and when you are that young you tend to think that there is only one girl who is perfect and who can make you happy. I wish someone had told me how wrong that is when I was your age! Don't get caught up in any one girl and try not to invest your whole self in another person. As you have experienced, women (and men) can be quite whimsical and things can change quickly.

 

Go out with your friends and have some fun. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the best thing you can do.

 

As far as women go, another thing I wish someone had told me when I was your age is to not appear needy and desperate. I don't know if you are coming across this way, but you shouldn't be. You have to have the attitude that there are plenty of women and if one isn't interested in you, then there will be another one that is! Women actually find this attitude quite attractive, however counter-intuitive it is.

 

Best of luck.

[ascendotum]

Sorry to read you had your heart broken. Not having things turn out the way you want with a girl you really fancied is one thing, but when you get a complete 180deg turn around, it really does your head in as well. Its like a betrayal of your feelings. No one here will have the answers as to what was going on in her head. I agree with your friend's advice. Do no't initiate any contact with her. If she does contact you, for your own peace of mind, try find out why she was such a bitch to you (but likely she'll totally down play it or maybe say it was because of nerves), and there after forget about your phoney online friend, and be on the lookout for a new girl in your area...someone a bit more mature you can have more fun with.

[zacks7]

Thanks conoeracer. I just feel like she's getting off with a piece of my heart. I was expecting yesterday to be the best day ever, not the worst. Totally stunned right now

[d'Arthez]

Given her age, don't be surprised if her social circle got involved - peer pressure can be a pain in the arse to deal with.

[zacks7]

Thanks man I totally agree with what you said. I'm not initiating at all. I deleted all the pics I had of her and all her contact info. If she calls I'm going to be very blunt and to the point with her before ending our friendship

[zacks7]

You might be right sadly, but I'm just too hurt to let her back in my life, whether it was her friends or not. I'm not even sure how she feels after all this stuff she put me through, or if she even cares

[HHC]

Sounds like a little girl who was excited by the fantasy but when it came to reality it was all too much for her

[zacks7]

HHC I think you might be right. When I texted her asking "which court?" she initially said "you're really here?" so I think she completely flaked or something when reality hit her. The weird part is, she's told me that all to many people have let her down before on things like this so I ACTUALLY thought she'd be excited to see me keep my word and show up.

[DontWorryBHappy]

HHC is right. She's so young... and behind the computer screen, and the phone, and all the stuff, she could keep you at a comfortable distance. But she didn't want you to be REAL in her life. She wanted you at that distance, and even though she INVITED you to the tournament, something in her didn't really think you'd be there in the flesh. When you showed up she probably felt a little shocked and wanted to avoid you. It was almost like, "Uh oh, that's it. The distance is gone, now he's here and he's real, now I have to run away." DOn't spend too much time trying to understand it. Maybe she just was NEVER prepared to fit someone into her world as she knows it, and you were perfect because she never had to see you face to face. It's a tough pill to swallow. Next time go for someone a little closer to you in age, and someone local!

[zacks7]

That's the only logical assumption right now. It makes more sense than anything else. It's been a full day since this happened and have not heard one word from her, where usually I'll get a text every couple hours from her, just wondering what's up. What is the next step? Cutting my best friend out of my life or trying to look past it and forgive her? As of right now, there will be no contact unless she initiates. I have no idea what's on her mind or how she feels about yesterday so I'm letting it sit cold

[DontWorryBHappy]

I say you are doing the right thing by not doing anything. If she contacts you, demand an explanation, and don't be shy in letting her know that you are very hurt by what she did. Don't make any decisions right now as to whether she is cut out of your life forever. If by some miracle she comes up with a really sincere compelling reason as to why she behaved that way (i.e. I just didn't think you would actually show up and I was so freaked out I wasn't myself" AND on top of that, apologizes profusely AND suggests another time to meet you then I'd say forget it. Honestly, I doubt she'll come up with all that so in my best estimation, you'll probably have to cut your losses and move on. Just know that you will be ok, and you did your best, and it isn't your fault that sometimes certain people will flip a switch on you and act in ways you never thought they would. You just have to keep moving.

[zacks7]

Ugh. Didn't work out the way I hoped it would.

 

Lastnight she texted me and said "hey :)" as if nothing was wrong. I said "I'm not sure if I want to talk to you." then I went on to explain my feelings and mostly started taking blame for everything and then saying I shouldn't have been hurt by this and I'm weak. Then she agreed that I'm weak and told me I need to clear my head.

 

She still doesn't realize that what she did hurt me. I guess it's my fault now for taking ALL the blame lastnight and she never saw that she caused me pain.

 

Talk about not getting any better.

[Radu]

Ugh. Didn't work out the way I hoped it would.

 

Lastnight she texted me and said "hey :)" as if nothing was wrong. I said "I'm not sure if I want to talk to you." then I went on to explain my feelings and mostly started taking blame for everything and then saying I shouldn't have been hurt by this and I'm weak. Then she agreed that I'm weak and told me I need to clear my head.

 

She still doesn't realize that what she did hurt me. I guess it's my fault now for taking ALL the blame lastnight and she never saw that she caused me pain.

 

Talk about not getting any better.

 

You're an idiot.

She wasted your time, made you feel like a fool, pissed on your feelings and you still let her get away with this ?

 

Dude, if you want to understand what just happened, start talking :

- what country do you live in ?

- which culture do you belong to ?

- did your parents talk to you about women ?

- what culture does she belong to ?

- most importantly ... what is her/your family life ?

 

 

You let her use you as a welcome mat, who told you that you have to be a spineless jellyfish in front of women ?

I'm serious about this, pls answer the questions above if you want this not to happen again.

 

Someone above also mentioned that all of this became too real for her.

I think that user is right, but this kind of behaviour can be seen in much older women too.

Always push for date, always push for phone over text, and if the girl is under 23 always be weary of her social circle ... they live for the approval of their friends by that age and some even at much older ages.

[Trimmer]

then I went on to explain my feelings and mostly started taking blame for everything and then saying I shouldn't have been hurt by this and I'm weak.

Ugh is right... Do you really feel this way, or did you just blurt this stuff out because you were trying to placate her and get her back?

 

If she does come back, and you accept her back on this basis, you have set a troubling foundation for your future dynamic with her.