How do you flirt and/or be sexually suggestive?

[somedude81]

Not flirting or being sexually suggestive with a woman is a one way ticket to the friendzone.

 

 

So how does one turn a casual conversation into something flirty or sexual?

 

 

Are there certain things that can be done to show interest that one doesn't want to be just friends?

[sid3]

Not flirting or being sexually suggestive with a woman is a one way ticket to the friendzone.

 

 

So how does one turn a casual conversation into something flirty or sexual?

 

 

Are there certain things that can be done to show interest that one doesn't want to be just friends?

 

Do you really not know this? Or are you just asking for us to share our moves?

[zengirl]

fwiw, I've never heard the phrase, "sexually suggestive" used in a good way IRL, but I get what you mean.

 

I think everyone has their own style, but the easiest way is to be comfortable with your sexual and romantic feelings and just infuse them into a normal conversation. As to exactly "what to say" that's going to be hard and depend on the situation----honestly, what you say doesn't have to be much different than non-flirting.

 

Flirting is more about tone, attitude, visual cues, etc. Basically having the mindset that you want a date, you want to express romantic attention, and you want to be seen in that light will often automatically turn a normal conversation into a more flirtatious one. Being light and playful is also a common descriptive of flirtation, but I've seen it go wrong when someone's intent seemed muddled.

 

Really, truly, I think the key is WANTING to put your sexual and flirtatious energy out there and having absolutely no shame or fear about that. Asking a girl out DIRECTLY is key to not being misunderstood or allowing for misunderstandings, for instance. Trying to find a way to do it indirectly suggests a lack of comfort that's muddling the approach.

[somedude81]

Do you really not know this? Or are you just asking for us to share our moves?

I really have no clue. And it's the primary reason why I do so poorly with women. I can make friends and nothing more.

fwiw, I've never heard the phrase, "sexually suggestive" used in a good way IRL, but I get what you mean.

 

I think everyone has their own style, but the easiest way is to be comfortable with your sexual and romantic feelings and just infuse them into a normal conversation.

Huh?

As to exactly "what to say" that's going to be hard and depend on the situation----honestly, what you say doesn't have to be much different than non-flirting.

Any examples?

 

A female friend and I were talking about flirting and she started an exchange.

 

We were talking about the movie, The Hunger Games and she said something like,

 

 

Her: "You know that main character? Somebody thought she was too fat for the role.

 

Me: "No way, she looked good.

 

Her: "Yeah she looked good. And so do you."

 

At that point I just burst out laughing.

 

It was a good transition but was also pretty hookey.

 

Flirting is more about tone, attitude, visual cues, etc. Basically having the mindset that you want a date, you want to express romantic attention, and you want to be seen in that light will often automatically turn a normal conversation into a more flirtatious one. Being light and playful is also a common descriptive of flirtation, but I've seen it go wrong when someone's intent seemed muddled.

I am be light and playful in conversation but it never turns to anything sexual or flirty, and I never get past friends.

 

Really, truly, I think the key is WANTING to put your sexual and flirtatious energy out there and having absolutely no shame or fear about that. Asking a girl out DIRECTLY is key to not being misunderstood or allowing for misunderstandings, for instance. Trying to find a way to do it indirectly suggests a lack of comfort that's muddling the approach.

I don't disagree with you that asking a girl out directly is the key. But there need to be ground work set up first.

 

I just can't ask out a girl in my class or work that I never talk to. I want to make girls want me to ask them out.

[zengirl]

My point is you have to get rid of the fear and shame that blocks you from naturally flirting. I can't give you a "flirting script." Scripted flirting wouldn't work!

 

There are things that are commonly found in flirting: eye contact, comfortable distance (closeness), playful tones -- kind of like that volleying manner conversation sometimes has, etc. Male flirting is more direct than female flirting so it has less subtle signals to it. Directness tends to work better for men, IMO. Catching a girl off guard is more likely to work FOR you than against you. When women approach, they may need to warm the man up a little in that way, but I don't think women need to "see it coming" to say yes to a date. MMV, of course.

 

At any rate, "wanting a guy to ask me out" and "being flirted with by a guy" are not the same thing. I've wanted guys to ask me out who showed no signs of flirting with me, and I've been flirted with by guys I had no desire to go out with, for instance. I don't feel like I ever needed "warming up" or "warning" before being asked out, really. Maybe it helps with some girls. For me, if I wanted to go out with a guy, it wasn't because of his demonstrated interest in me (then I'd go out with every guy who asked me out, which I definitely did not!) but rather because I was seeing a part of HIM that I was really digging. That's where the "be yourself" advice comes in, but really -- it's just about being comfortable enough to show both yourself and your intentions and then waiting for someone who digs that (and working on "yourself" for self-improvement, which we can all use). So, I think your bottom paragraph is really just kind of poor logic.

[somedude81]

My point is you have to get rid of the fear and shame that blocks you from naturally flirting. I can't give you a "flirting script." Scripted flirting wouldn't work!

 

There are things that are commonly found in flirting: eye contact, comfortable distance (closeness), playful tones -- kind of like that volleying manner conversation sometimes has, etc. Male flirting is more direct than female flirting so it has less subtle signals to it. Directness tends to work better for men, IMO. Catching a girl off guard is more likely to work FOR you than against you. When women approach, they may need to warm the man up a little in that way, but I don't think women need to "see it coming" to say yes to a date. MMV, of course.

What is being direct?

At any rate, "wanting a guy to ask me out" and "being flirted with by a guy" are not the same thing. I've wanted guys to ask me out who showed no signs of flirting with me, and I've been flirted with by guys I had no desire to go out with, for instance. I don't feel like I ever needed "warming up" or "warning" before being asked out, really. Maybe it helps with some girls. For me, if I wanted to go out with a guy, it wasn't because of his demonstrated interest in me (then I'd go out with every guy who asked me out, which I definitely did not!) but rather because I was seeing a part of HIM that I was really digging. That's where the "be yourself" advice comes in, but really -- it's just about being comfortable enough to show both yourself and your intentions and then waiting for someone who digs that (and working on "yourself" for self-improvement, which we can all use). So, I think your bottom paragraph is really just kind of poor logic.

Zengirl, you are making things way too complicated.

 

All I was looking for was tips and advice on how to have a flirty conversation and convey sexual interest.

[USMCHokie]

Whip out your weiner.

[zengirl]

No, you're making it too complicated by thinking someone can give you actual conversation to use to flirt. Flirting is a state of mind and being able to present that state of mind directly -- nothing more. You can flirt in a convo about dog poo, if you have it in you.

 

Direct is direct. It's saying things like, "let's go out Saturday night!" and "Can I call you for a date?" and "You look hot in that dress!" and all kinds of things. Flirting is generally rather indirect -- that's fine, and men DO flirt, but they generally mix in direct propositions for dates and so forth to actually move things forward.

[january2011]

somedude, I don't think there's a how-to on this that won't seem forced and unnatural. I agree with zengirl, it's a state of mind. You want to come across as effortless and natural. Only some guys can get away with the cheesy method and they do it with aplomb because they and the girl know it's cheesy but they are both intuitive enough to know that the attraction is there and no amount of cheesy lines is going to spoil that.

[zengirl]

I also want to add: If you have to ask if something is direct, it probably isn't.

[JesseJames]

Flirting is only done with more than one person. If the chicks are being flirty, you must have their exact disease or something.... normally they don't have a clue how. Therefore, skip all the nonsense and drag them to bed.

[xxoo]

You flirt here, SD. I've seen it. You just need to do it in person!

 

How would the "hunger games" convo go on here? You'd go farther--"Well, got nothing on you, but she looked pretty hot to me."

 

I mentioned some of these to you on a thread a while back. These are ways men I've already met have communicated attraction to me--

 

Greeting with "hey, gorgeous!" and a big smile.

An exaggerated "damn!" if I'm wearing something that warrants it.

Giving me the "You're killing me" look.

 

You have to be bold. She might turn up her nose. If so, don't repeat with her! But if she smiles and seems flattered, keep flirting, just like you do here when the woman responds playfully.

[nessaaa]

A guy I met a couple days ago was talking to me just as a friend up until yesterday, he was like " you have pretty hair, can I play with it"?- ever since that comment he's been flirting and showing me signs of wanting to be more than friends.

[jobaba]

Not flirting or being sexually suggestive with a woman is a one way ticket to the friendzone.

 

 

So how does one turn a casual conversation into something flirty or sexual?

 

 

Are there certain things that can be done to show interest that one doesn't want to be just friends?

 

You know how I tell guys that signals from women are BS?

 

Well the same goes for signals from guys.

 

My current GF whom I kissed at the end of our first date told me the later that all the whole date up until that point ... she didn't think it was a date at all. She thought I had called her up to hang as friends ... even though I was throwing all kinds of 'game'.

 

Just get a woman out and get in a secluded place one and one and make a move. If she's not into you at all, she'll put the kabash on WAY before that point. If you thought she was a possibility, but were wrong, she'll give you the cheek as you go in.

 

Flirting is more an attitude than saying, "Hey, I like you."

 

Watch this dude. He's got the right 'attitude'

 

[JesseJames]

NO, don't listen to any of this from the girls... they are trying to create some complex and vicious cycle of failure for you to follow... just for you.

 

Men just need to be strong and secure. Men have every right to be as bitchy and domineering and whatnot as we want to be these days. Don't let them trick you into thinking otherwise.

[somedude81]

Thanks xxoo

You flirt here, SD. I've seen it. You just need to do it in person!

 

How would the "hunger games" convo go on here? You'd go farther--"Well, got nothing on you, but she looked pretty hot to me."

 

I mentioned some of these to you on a thread a while back. These are ways men I've already met have communicated attraction to me--

 

Greeting with "hey, gorgeous!" and a big smile.

An exaggerated "damn!" if I'm wearing something that warrants it.

Giving me the "You're killing me" look.

 

You have to be bold. She might turn up her nose. If so, don't repeat with her! But if she smiles and seems flattered, keep flirting, just like you do here when the woman responds playfully.

This is what I wanted.

No, you're making it too complicated by thinking someone can give you actual conversation to use to flirt. Flirting is a state of mind and being able to present that state of mind directly -- nothing more. You can flirt in a convo about dog poo, if you have it in you.

Not this.

A guy I met a couple days ago was talking to me just as a friend up until yesterday, he was like " you have pretty hair, can I play with it"?- ever since that comment he's been flirting and showing me signs of wanting to be more than friends.

What things was he doing?

 

How did you know he was flirting?

 

One day a girl at my work had her hair done up nicely and I told her that I liked how her hair looked today. Is that something a woman would recognize as flirting or just a casual compliment?

[johan]

Learn to talk about it without really talking about it. Innuendo is your friend...o.

[somedude81]

Learn to talk about it without really talking about it. Innuendo is your friend...o.

Yeah I keep hearing about innuendo, I don't really have a clue how to pull it off though.

[USMCHokie]

Learn to talk about it without really talking about it. Innuendo is your friend...o.

 

Is it all about actions, not words...?

 

Whip out you weiner...? It would certainly be suggestive...without directly saying it...

[zengirl]

One day a girl at my work had her hair done up nicely and I told her that I liked how her hair looked today. Is that something a woman would recognize as flirting or just a casual compliment?

 

On it's own, that's not flirting. With the right attitude, it might be.

 

As for innuendo, it's just a matter of adding subtext. Like acting. You say one thing but really mean another.

 

I wouldn't recommend whipping it out, but Hokie is right that it's mostly about actions, not words.

[PlumPrincess]

What is being direct?

 

Zengirl, you are making things way too complicated.

 

All I was looking for was tips and advice on how to have a flirty conversation and convey sexual interest.

Do what Dust does. He flirts all the time and he doesn't ask for permission nor is he waiting that one of the ladies is in the mood for a flirt. He just does.

[fortyninethousand322]

A guy I met a couple days ago was talking to me just as a friend up until yesterday, he was like " you have pretty hair, can I play with it"?- ever since that comment he's been flirting and showing me signs of wanting to be more than friends.

 

Wait, this works? I'd love to play with a woman's hair and would have used this idea before if I knew a woman wouldn't freak out.

[johan]

Yeah I keep hearing about innuendo, I don't really have a clue how to pull it off though.

 

It's mostly about metaphors and body language. And the metaphor part is even optional.

 

The key is to not blatanlty say what you're thinking, like a caveman. Alter it so it isn't so direct. You flirt as much with the expression on your face as you do with your words. Maybe more.

[Star Gazer]

No, you're making it too complicated by thinking someone can give you actual conversation to use to flirt. Flirting is a state of mind and being able to present that state of mind directly -- nothing more. You can flirt in a convo about dog poo, if you have it in you.

 

SO and I had a lengthy poo-related conversation that really had nothing to do with poo and everything to do with sex. It was one of the funniest and most amusing flirtatious conversations we've ever had.

[dasein]

There have been a couple of recent threads on this. Check those out.