How can I stop missing my boyfriend all the time?

[lifeasiknowit]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 months, and it is amazing. He's kind, smart, considerate, we have common interests, he's told his family about me, we plan on taking a trip together, the sex is amazing, and everything just feels so natural and perfect.

 

The only thing is, when I'm not with him, I think about him constantly and miss him terribly. I experience actual physical symptoms of withdrawal (lack of appetite, lack of sleep) when I'm not with him. For example, after spending a day together, when he leaves, I immediately feel sad. I know men need their space, and clingyness is very unattractive in a woman, so I need to know how to cope with this. I know sometimes he misses me as he's expressed it when we're not together, but what I feel is extremely intense.

 

I find I can't focus at work or get things done, just because I'm so distracted thinking about him and missing him.

 

A huge reason for this is because I've never met anyone who I've felt such a deep connection with.

 

How can I stop feeling sad and anxious whenever we're not together? Also, he does travel a lot for his job, so I know I have to deal with this somehow or else I will go crazy!

[firehawk_1]

this is good. just dont cheat on him or play games with other men!

 

just control yourself. these are early days in a relationship and its good. this rarely happens these days, so be grateful that it IS happening to you

[lifeasiknowit]

this is good. just dont cheat on him or play games with other men!

 

just control yourself. these are early days in a relationship and its good. this rarely happens these days, so be grateful that it IS happening to you

 

I am incredibly grateful. I thought this would never happen to me, and now that it is, I feel so happy and yet tortured because the feelings are so intense.

 

I'm not sure what this has to do with cheating or playing games with other men, as in my eyes, he is perfect and no one can compare to him, so it would never cross my mind to by unfaithful.

 

I know in a new relationship, things can be intense and great, and I know we should take it slow, but I miss him all the time when we're not together (we see each other about twice a week).

[veggirl]

this is good. just dont cheat on him or play games with other men!

 

just control yourself. these are early days in a relationship and its good. this rarely happens these days, so be grateful that it IS happening to you

 

What about what she posted is "good"? It's all terrifically unhealthy for her, I'm not sure when co-dependent became good? This rarely happens? Read LS, this happens all the time, perhaps without the physical symptoms...but obsessing early on is what I mean.

 

OP I don't know what to tell you, you need to find some balance. The whole physically feeling sick? You're putting WAY too much on your BF, you can't be depending on him for your happiness, it may work out for a while like this but eventually it's going to turn you into a neurotic controlling GF...

[Ruby Slippers]

The chemical process of falling in love closely mimics that of developing a physical addiction to a drug. It's normal to be consumed by these intense feelings when you're in the throes of infatuation (the mating period that usually lasts somewhere up to 2 years - after this comes the choice for committed love).

 

But you need to get a grip on them as best you can. It's not practical to let this interfere with your work and normal life.

 

I recommend reading up on the brain chemistry of mating, infatuation, "falling" in love. Perhaps if you understand the whys behind these feelings, you can manage them better. Understanding why something intense is happening is always helpful to me.

 

And keeping busy with your own friends and ACTIVE interests helps a lot. Redirect your attention and activity to other matters.

[firehawk_1]

What about what she posted is "good"? It's all terrifically unhealthy for her, I'm not sure when co-dependent became good? This rarely happens? Read LS, this happens all the time, perhaps without the physical symptoms...but obsessing early on is what I mean.

 

 

are you kidding me? im sorry but it is women like you who dont let relationships happen but cause alot of heartache and problems! of course its good. its healthy to love someone in such a way! Not being at a distance and only communicating by text messaging and only once every 3 weeks....

 

it is very healthy to develop feelings for the person in every way. that is what after all women keep saying they want and here it is. it also shows the person (OP) is willing and wanting to naturally be devoted and commited.

 

relationships are all EXACTLY about this, and are meant to be. it is not a one night fling or a short term thing.

what the OP is describing and feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL and the way it should be and NOT controlled or abused. this also enables the person to develop themselves better personally for the relationship that they want and have been wanting.

Edited April 16, 2012 by firehawk_1

[Ninjainpajamas]

Any mans who's been on the receiving end of this knows the overwhelming amount of attention that a girl in your position needs...this may be new for you but It's only two months in and regardless of whether you've felt this way for anyone else realize that this is normal and this extreme and intense emotion of attachment that you feel is really what turns the blinders on for women in their relationships and only allows them to see or better yet accept the things they want to.

 

Realize that although your feelings are genuine that this is still the beginning stages or a relationship and there's a lot more than to determine everything based on how you "feel"...If that was the case then women would be dragged through the mud by every other man...ok scratch that, a lot do. And that's the point, If you just depend on your emotions and this overwhelming feeling you are neglecting the other aspects of the relationship, especially with who this man really is.

 

You could be having a great relationship and everything feels wonderful, but honestly in my opinion that's how It should feel during month two, If not I'd question why you're even with this person...however from experience you know better than to put all of your stake into that emotion alone, lest you get ahead of yourself and your brain has to catch up to the rest of your body that's in the clouds.

 

Tell yourself It's ok to feel this way and good emotions, are well good, that's why we date and fall in love...but they are the end all be all of a relationship, one day those emotions are not going to die but fizzle down to a more manageable level and you'll start having the REAL relationship, In fact If he's already demanding space then It might just be you going through this emotional rollercoaster, and we don't have relationship just because of how YOU feel but also because of how HE feels too....you need to remind yourself there is a balance and don't smother the hell out of a man If he's not there with you or doesn't have this overwhelming dependency on you...I know you'll cling on to dear life no matter what I say like a newborn chimpanzee to its mother, but remember you're not going to be living in reality and you may overwhelm this guy to the point of pushing him away...because honestly from a guys point of view (depending on the guy) this is not exactly uncommon or unique of an experience from our point of view...you're just coming off like a Justin Bieber fan trying to get our autograph, I'm sure those little girls feel their emotions are genuine as well so keep it together, pace yourself and back off before you blow a good thing and notice the things this guy may not be doing.

 

Women love to avoid/look past red flags in this stage.

[M2155]

You should miss him and feel intense feelings in the beginning, that is normal. But don't get so caught up in that because you will be majorly let down when this stage wears off. I would definitely encourage you to enjoy it, but get a life outside of the relationship and be happy in yourself. Find some hobbies, sports whatever else because you may become needy as the relationship progresses (whether you are or not, it may feel that way to him) and he will feel you are clingy or too much pressure. A guy needs to miss you sometimes too. Just don't lose your individual self being dependent on the relationship. Make sure you are enjoying friends and other relationships so he doesn't have to carry the entire emotional load.

[lifeasiknowit]

 

In fact If he's already demanding space then It might just be you going through this emotional rollercoaster, and we don't have relationship just because of how YOU feel but also because of how HE feels too....you need to remind yourself there is a balance and don't smother the hell out of a man If he's not there with you or doesn't have this overwhelming dependency on you...I know you'll cling on to dear life no matter what I say like a newborn chimpanzee to its mother, but remember you're not going to be living in reality and you may overwhelm this guy to the point of pushing him away...because honestly from a guys point of view (depending on the guy) this is not exactly uncommon or unique of an experience from our point of view.../QUOTE]

 

He has expressed to me before that he misses me even if we have just seen each other the day before. He isn't demanding space, and wants to spend time together (i.e. it was his idea to take a trip together).

 

My question is how do I deal with my constant feelings of missing him? I don't constantly text him or see him everyday (on average we see each other twice a week), so I don't feel like I'm smothering him. I just want to take control of these overwhelming feelings of missing him and basic love-sickness.

[Ninjainpajamas]

 

In fact If he's already demanding space then It might just be you going through this emotional rollercoaster, and we don't have relationship just because of how YOU feel but also because of how HE feels too....you need to remind yourself there is a balance and don't smother the hell out of a man If he's not there with you or doesn't have this overwhelming dependency on you...I know you'll cling on to dear life no matter what I say like a newborn chimpanzee to its mother, but remember you're not going to be living in reality and you may overwhelm this guy to the point of pushing him away...because honestly from a guys point of view (depending on the guy) this is not exactly uncommon or unique of an experience from our point of view.../QUOTE]

 

He has expressed to me before that he misses me even if we have just seen each other the day before. He isn't demanding space, and wants to spend time together (i.e. it was his idea to take a trip together).

 

My question is how do I deal with my constant feelings of missing him? I don't constantly text him or see him everyday (on average we see each other twice a week), so I don't feel like I'm smothering him. I just want to take control of these overwhelming feelings of missing him and basic love-sickness.

 

Yes, I'm sure he misses you...he is a human being afterall and also in month two...however to the degree you are is questionable.

 

Just because a guy plans a trip doesn't mean that he's not overall being smothered, we disconnect those situations and quality them as events...so that in itself is a separate entity...guys like to go on trips to you know? and we don't mind If our gf goes along with us in fact....this doesn't in any way distinguish the relationships stability....you'll see crazy people in super destructive relationships still planning trips together, i promise you that.

 

As far as your emotions, you can't control your emotions only manage them. You manage them using your head, your rational sense...IT's about not letting that overwhelming emotion control and dictate your actions and thoughts and how you see the relationship as a whole, you need to balance that out and keep your emotions contained to give things a real shot...you need to see things for what they are too, not just what you see in this magical world of wonder.

 

There's no magic dance or ritual to prevent emotions, like....Okay! stick you finger up your butt and spin around three times while kicking your legs like a cowboy on fire screaming "yeehaw"...I mean really, what do you do when someone you love passes away, or your favorite dog dies, or you see something touching on tv that makes you cry, Is there something magically you do to make it go away or stop it? It's just something that does and calms down, right now you're in the thick of the storm...If you focus and concentrate on keeping your head together and not let it dictate your life you can manage it...however If you just want to flutter into the sky then you'll just go with how you feel on everything and the deeper into emotions and then one day you'll come out and be like "what the hell just happened?"

 

Don't lose yourself and make your whole life about this guy, too many women do that and when things don't work out in the end they're left wondering why they invested so much....so always think about YOU, and institute your needs and make sure you're seeing the real man or you're going to get screwed.

Edited April 16, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas

[veggirl]

are you kidding me? im sorry but it is women like you who dont let relationships happen but cause alot of heartache and problems! of course its good. its healthy to love someone in such a way! Not being at a distance and only communicating by text messaging and only once every 3 weeks....

 

it is very healthy to develop feelings for the person in every way. that is what after all women keep saying they want and here it is. it also shows the person (OP) is willing and wanting to naturally be devoted and commited.

 

relationships are all EXACTLY about this, and are meant to be. it is not a one night fling or a short term thing.

what the OP is describing and feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL and the way it should be and NOT controlled or abused. this also enables the person to develop themselves better personally for the relationship that they want and have been wanting.

 

HA HA HA HA.

 

Oh but thanks for reminding me, it's time for me to send my BF his monthly text! I do NOT do once every 3 wks as you're suggested, that would just SPOIL him. Can't let that happen.

 

Yes you're right, being physically ill when you aren't around someone you've dated for 2 months is totally nothing to be concerned about and is in fact "perfectly normal".