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why would you not ask any questions


starla33

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So this one guy I had been seeing and have a connection with....I have realized he has not asked me any questions.

 

I'm serious...I can't think of any. Every time we talk he talks about himself and I ask him questions, but he never asks me any. Even when we are hanging out in person etc...i have to basically hold most of the convo or listen to him talk about himself.

 

Should I just end it? I can't take it anymore we are in the early stages of dating and this to me seems like he's not even trying to get to know me.

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Why can't you jump into the conversation yourself?

 

Example: he is talking about the great time he had camping with his buddies. You say "I loved going camping when I was a Girl Scout."

 

I prefer having the man talk about himself initially because he will inadvertently reveal any red flags. A relative stranger doesn't need to know everything about me so soon.

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Reminds me of the joke....

 

"Oh goodness, listen to me!

Enough already, about me - let's talk about you now....

 

...How do you like my hair....?"

 

is it ego type of talk?

Why not say to him, Oh wow, look, I know so much about you - but I haven't told you anything about me! rather than go 20 questions, i'll give you 5 - off you go!"

 

And if he mumbles, stammers and stutters, and says,

"well, er. .. i dunno what to ask...."

 

well... play it by ear, hun....

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Have you talked about yourself at all? It's hard to ask questions without knowing anything. Maybe he is trying to keep a conversation going.

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How can you have a "connection with" someone who doesn't even know you or try to know more about you?

 

If he's not even trying to get to know you - maybe that in itself is a hint.

 

You shouldn't have to feel the burden of carrying the whole conversation all the time.

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I'd move on. Have dated these so many times and in the end they had no interest in me at all, only in my penis, wallet, and how I fit into her life agenda. One asked me "what do you like about me?" I rattled off several of her qualities, then asked "what do you like about me?"

 

"umm... errr."

 

Had an epiphany at that moment about certain types of people, so yeah, sorry to say, but I'd start the moving on process.

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He may not be asking questions but is he at least having open ended conversation? I have to admit, I'm not great at asking questions when I'm first getting to know someone. I kind of feel like I'm prying. And if I start to notice that I'm not asking questions, I find myself trying to think of questions to ask and not really paying attention to what they are saying.

 

I've kind of adjusted my technique on the first couple of dates so that I'm not really asking specific questions but I'm styling my conversations so that he can jump in and add something at any time.

 

Now if he is just rattling off simple and direct one or two word answers to your questions, I would take that as a sign that he isn't interested. But if he is actually talking... feel free to jump in! He probably wants you to!

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So this one guy I had been seeing and have a connection with....I have realized he has not asked me any questions.

 

I'm serious...I can't think of any. Every time we talk he talks about himself and I ask him questions, but he never asks me any. Even when we are hanging out in person etc...i have to basically hold most of the convo or listen to him talk about himself.

 

Should I just end it? I can't take it anymore we are in the early stages of dating and this to me seems like he's not even trying to get to know me.

Seriously?

 

And why do you think you have a connection with him?

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He might be expecting you to volunteer information, or weigh in on some topics yourself.

 

He might just be nervous.

 

Go ahead and jump in and start talking about yourself too. If he routinely reroutes those efforts toward himself, then that would be a red flag.

 

But if it were me, I'd just jump in.

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PlumPrincess
Seriously?

 

And why do you think you have a connection with him?

Right, isn't that weird? He shows no interest in her or her life, but she feels a connection? :confused:

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make me believe

I briefly dated a guy like this. Keyword there: briefly.

 

There's a big difference between you volunteering information about yourself, keeping the conversation going, etc, and him literally NEVER asking ANYTHING about you. I would move on from this guy.

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good point, somedude81.....

 

Right, isn't that weird? He shows no interest in her or her life, but she feels a connection? :confused:

I'm loving the responses.

 

It's almost as if women are so mysterious, other women don't know why a woman would feel some way.

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I briefly dated a guy like this. Keyword there: briefly.

 

There's a big difference between you volunteering information about yourself, keeping the conversation going, etc, and him literally NEVER asking ANYTHING about you. I would move on from this guy.

 

I find it really hard to believe that he NEVER asked anything about her. I mean even if he were talking about his favorite movie... "Have you seen it?" That's a question. "Have you ever been to this restaurant before?" Question.

 

I'm thinking OP is thinking that he should be asking deeper stuff. Maybe about exes, family, that kind of thing. And he just might not feel comfortable directly asking that kind of thing yet.

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It's almost as if women are so mysterious, other women don't know why a woman would feel some way.

 

Or...

 

It's that ALL people are complex and no one knows why anyone does anything sometimes...

 

Do you really think guys are that easy to pigeon-hole? A + B always = C?

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Or...

 

It's that ALL people are complex and no one knows why anyone does anything sometimes...

Do you really think guys are that easy to pigeon-hole? A + B always = C?

90% of the time yes.

 

It's much easier to tell why a guy does something, what he wants etc.

 

Though it seems women want men to seem more complicated then we really are.

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90% of the time yes.

 

It's much easier to tell why a guy does something, what he wants etc.

 

Though it seems women want men to seem more complicated then we really are.

 

Well in my 15 years of dating experience I have yet to be able to decipher the code.

 

Are you calling me stoopid? :p

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Have you talked about yourself at all? It's hard to ask questions without knowing anything. Maybe he is trying to keep a conversation going.

 

Yes obviously I had to, but i asked him tons about him and what I'm saying is he has asked me 0 about myself. And this is not just one date....it has been a few now and this red flag is now waving in my face. It just comes off as if he could care less. He doesn't ask hey how are you? how was your weekend? nothing

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Well she might feel a connection because he is either smart, charming, sexy, witty, interesting and the list goes on. To me it seems if she is questioning if HE has the same feeling of a connection because he seems to lack interest in her and her past.

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Seriously?

 

And why do you think you have a connection with him?

 

Well I'm not saying we dont laugh and have fun (but this is a realization I have come to recently). Obviously our communication style is not compatible I guess.

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Well in my 15 years of dating experience I have yet to be able to decipher the code.

 

Are you calling me stoopid? :p

Nah, you just need to quiet your mind, breath, put aside all thoughts, and now you're thinking like a man.

 

LOL J/k

 

You have to think about boobs.

Well I'm not saying we dont laugh and have fun (but this is a realization I have come to recently). Obviously our communication style is not compatible I guess.

So you laugh and have fun, but he doesn't seem to care about who you are at all.

 

I'm not sure about you, but that doesn't seem that fulfilling.

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Nah, you just need to quiet your mind, breath, put aside all thoughts, and now you're thinking like a man.

 

LOL J/k

 

You have to think about boobs.

 

So you laugh and have fun, but he doesn't seem to care about who you are at all.

 

I'm not sure about you, but that doesn't seem that fulfilling.

 

Nope no it doesn't. I don't get it because hes always very huggy and cuddly with me. Would think he liked me by his actions....but his words say otherwise if that makes sense.

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make me believe
I find it really hard to believe that he NEVER asked anything about her. I mean even if he were talking about his favorite movie... "Have you seen it?" That's a question. "Have you ever been to this restaurant before?" Question.

 

I'm thinking OP is thinking that he should be asking deeper stuff. Maybe about exes, family, that kind of thing. And he just might not feel comfortable directly asking that kind of thing yet.

 

I dunno, the guy I dated really did not ask me questions about myself! I mean, I can't say that he literally never once asked me a single question, but if he was talking about a movie he would give me his opinion on it, or tell me some funny lines from it, or whatever. He would NOT ask me if I'd seen it or what movies I liked or anything like that. If I asked him something like where he grew up, he would answer me & maybe go into some detail about it, but not follow up with "what about you?"

 

So I believe the OP when she says he doesn't ask her questions. The guy I dated was just interested in getting me into bed I think. He honestly did not care if I'd seen the movie, what my job was like, where I went to school, what I did over the weekend, etc, so he didn't ask.

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