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The beginning of a relationship....


DonTomaso

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Hi all. I have been seeing someone for about 3 weeks now. We have been on four dates thus far. She is a very pretty woman and she has a wonderful personality. We really get a long great and she maeks me laugh a lot... The only problem is that I have been in other relationships where I have felt stronger about the woman from the beginning. I'm afraid that my feelings won't grow and I will end up hurting her at some point. Any opinions out there?

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I'm afraid that my feelings won't grow and I will end up hurting her at some point.

Every person, and hence every relationship, is unique. I wouldn't downgrade this one just because it isn't following one pattern that you are familiar with. In fact, it's just as likely that it will become BETTER because of slower maturation. Three weeks is a pretty short time to fall madly in love with someone.

 

To minimize the chance of hurting her, just don't make promises that you can't keep, and don't misstate your feelings or intentions, even through your actions. For instance, don't have sex without making it clear what it means to you - and her - first. This doesn't guarantee no broken hearts, but it keeps the risk to a realistic minimum.

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Thanks Solemate...

 

Well... we had sex last night for the first time...

 

I really do care about her, but it is just different than previous relationships. I know I will treat her fairly and honestly, it is just different this time... maybe it does not have as much lust involved which could be a great thing.

 

I guess I'll just make the most of it and see where my heart takes me...

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if its not feeling right you can either wait a little longer and feel it about- BUT tell her how you are feeling (unsure!!!)

 

or, pack up and go your nice way. its not just about you in this rel, as you know. she has feelings too...like i even had to tell ya.

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well since you 2 are still new...i would wait about the feeling thing...i mean she probably isn't very sure yet either.

 

what age range?

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well i am 24, almost 25 :eek::eek: ! you mentioned that this has been kinda different so far...do you normally sleep with someone on the 4th date(not that that is bad)?

 

What i am getting at, is maybe it is good that it is different thus far...since the other relationships didn't work out.

 

my current bf, i did everything different, cause i was sick of going through guys, so i thought well i will just go about this relationship different, didn't sleep with him until 4 months into it, very odd for me. and other things...but it was all different from my norm, and it has been a great year and i hope many more.

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I actuall was referring to the feeling I have in this relationshop versus some others I've had. Maybe it's just that I'm a bit older and more experienced now. Thanks for your advice!

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DonTomaso

 

If you are not sure about how you feel about her, I would hold off on the sex. That just makes things more awkward and she is likely feeling as unsure as you are. Feelings like this are usually mutual - if the 'connection' thing isn't there, she's probably thinking the same thing.

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