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My 25 year old virgin gf


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Let me give you some background information about myself. I've never been in a relationship before. I'm 23 years old and I've had sex with one girl before a few times. So I'm still very inexperienced.

 

My girl friend and I have bunted heads on the sex topic and activity in bed. She wants to be a virgin till she's ready. She and I are not sure when and how she is going to be ready. I didn't respect it at first and kept bringing up the topic of sex. So yes I was pressuring her a little on the sex aspect.

 

Though I felt she was being a tease. She would have all her clothes off asking me to suck her breasts and saying 'f*** me'. I knew she actually didn't want to be penetrated but we'd fool around. Though she would never want me or her to climax. So it'd be blue balls. She wouldn't jack me off or let me finger her but we'd just touch it a little bit. It was extremely weird to me. Thus neither of us would reach climax.

 

When I did ask her if she would jack me off or suck me she asked for a blood test. So I got it and showed her and she still was reluctant to doing it. She only got me off once and one time I went down on her. Many times she would turn away. The arguments got worse and we ended up agreeing not to sleep in each others beds.

 

So now I'm thinking that the relationship won't progress. If she's not willing to do alternative activities, I highly doubt she'll just one day want to go straight to sex.

 

Me and her are cool on a lot of things. We have VERY similar personalities and social lives. So this sex thing has been our only and worst arguments. It sounds like both me and her are at fault. Me for pressuring, her for doing a bit of teasing. Not sure what to do. Can I get some thoughts?

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Eddie Edirol

She isnt comfortable with the idea of sex yet, its a big deal to a girl. She probably feels extremely awkward about it, and it wont get any easier if you keep pressuring her for it. Remember she doesnt know what sex feels like, She isnt horny enough for sex, she dosnt care about it, and when she knows you need it that badly, she can hold it over your head. You need to NOT need it from her. You need to make it about pleasing her only.

 

So what youre going to have to do is avoid initiating any making out or anything. Wait for her to do it, and then you will really have to get her worked up, each time. You will have to do this until she progressively gets better about trying new things. But wait, it gets worse! You will also have to be patient with her as she discovers her body and learns to orgasm with you.

 

But Until she actually wants to have sex, it will never be about you, it will always be about her. So you will have to forget about your needs until she is comfortable with trying out things. In the meantime, get to know some good porn sites. If you dont have the patience to follow through with this process, you might as well dump her and find a woman that isnt a virgin.

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1. Dont be a douche and pressure her into sex.

 

2. Theres a reason that shes 25 and still a virgin. With the way shes been acting towards you about sex I doubt anything will change.

 

3. Id advise you to simply find someone who is sexually compatible with you. Sexual compatibility is a necessity in a relationship. The same way emotional and mental compatibility are.

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Wow, what a crazy situation.

 

It sounds like she just wasn't horny enough.

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DontWorryBHappy
Wow, what a crazy situation.

 

It sounds like she just wasn't horny enough.

 

Based on all the evidence in the thread, it's quite a bit more than that. The girl is not ready. She has her reasons. They are likely more psychological than physical, especially if she's stripping her clothes and asking for limited action.

 

OP, instead of asking us, ask her what the hang up is. You might be interested in hearing her reason for why she's this way. Only she knows... we don't.

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If you're compatible in every other way, then don't give up on the relationship, and don't keep pressuring her for sex. When she's ready to go down that road, she will. In the meantime, enjoy being with her in other, nonsexual ways, and I would suggest you not put yourself or her in the situation of being teased and stimulated, but then blocked. That only frustrates you, and puts pressure on her that she is not ready for.

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Eddie Edirol - The problem with waiting for her is that when we were in bed messing around hard. She would look into my eyes and ask "What do you want to do?" in a very intense way. I'd reply with different things, sometimes passive like peppering her with kisses. Though if I said anything more intense like jerk off or go down on her she'd turn away.

 

So when I leave it to her, she just turns around asking me what I want to do. In the end I just said, whatever you want and she turns away.

 

I'm getting the feeling she wants me to be aggressive without actually making her uncomfortable. I've voiced this concern with her saying, hey I can't read your mind.

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DontWorryBHappy - Yes I asked her... She's always afraid I'll have sex with her and leave her. I've made promises, took her out on romantic dates and am going on a cruise with her this May. She distrusts me VERY. Always goes through my cell phone looking at text messages.

 

I don't part AT ALL, never go out and have few friends. I'm attempting to be more social since I just moved down to this City. She is very insecure.

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KathyM - I do not make out with her, she makes out with me. We are both sitting on the couch and then suddenly she'll pounce on me after were joking hard. I pushed her away once and she got very upset like I was no longer interested in her.

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Based on all the evidence in the thread, it's quite a bit more than that. The girl is not ready. She has her reasons. They are likely more psychological than physical, especially if she's stripping her clothes and asking for limited action.

 

OP, instead of asking us, ask her what the hang up is. You might be interested in hearing her reason for why she's this way. Only she knows... we don't.

Actually, I'm starting to think that what I said is correct.

 

LOL :laugh:

 

It seems that they make out for a little bit then right away he goes for the kill. He needs to get her more warmed up, tease her, light touches until she's begging for it.

 

dbave, don't tell her what you want to do, Just Do It™ but take your time.

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KathyM - I do not make out with her, she makes out with me. We are both sitting on the couch and then suddenly she'll pounce on me after were joking hard. I pushed her away once and she got very upset like I was no longer interested in her.

She wants your affection. She wants your kisses. But she doesn't understand how tough it is on you to tease you with other stuff, and then not put out. I think you should continue to show her affection and make out with her, but let her know that teasing you drives you crazy and you don't want to be put in that position that is very frustrating for you. Talk this out, so she understands how this is a problem for you.

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KathyM - Yes thanks for understanding. I did talk to her about it and really expressed my side. She also said her side as well about the pressure. So now when we make out on the couch she keeps her shirt on and she asks how I am doing in regards to be teased. So she is showing concern for me and I told her I will not bring sex up anymore. Not even mention about it.

 

My concern is that this is a gridlock. I dont talk about sex, we like the affection, when she asks about sex idk if she is really talking about it or just seeing how im reacting.

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Don't pressure her into having sex, but tell her to stop being a tease. I don't think the way she is acting with you is OK. Have an open conversation with her about what you can or can't live with, and see if the two of you can get a proper dialogue going.

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denise_xo - Yes we have established many lines, things that hurt our feelings and our concerns regarding to sex activities and other sensitive areas. Our cultures and upbringings are very different. So one thing I say might be funny to me but very hurtful to her.

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KathyM - Yes thanks for understanding. I did talk to her about it and really expressed my side. She also said her side as well about the pressure. So now when we make out on the couch she keeps her shirt on and she asks how I am doing in regards to be teased. So she is showing concern for me and I told her I will not bring sex up anymore. Not even mention about it.

 

My concern is that this is a gridlock. I dont talk about sex, we like the affection, when she asks about sex idk if she is really talking about it or just seeing how im reacting.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing then, and she is just asking to gauge if she is teasing you too much and doesn't want you to get frustrated with her. She's trying to gauge your reaction to make sure she is not stepping over the line with you and frustrating you. That's a good thing, that she is respecting your feelings on this.

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Sexual compatibility is not there at all. That's fine for her, but if you want sex move on. Don't waste your 20's not having sex if that's what you want.

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Elswyth - Only since the beginning of February. So we started bumping heads at the end of February. Two weeks ago is when we decided not sleep in each others beds.

 

Don't get me wrong I really like it. Its very possible that she does not fully trust me.

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Elswyth - Only since the beginning of February. So we started bumping heads at the end of February. Two weeks ago is when we decided not sleep in each others beds.

 

Don't get me wrong I really like it. Its very possible that she does not fully trust me.

 

Hrmmm. February is barely a month ago - it is rather quick to be wanting a virgin to perform sexual activities with you, IMO. Some non-virgins wait longer than that, even. I mean, it's perfectly fine if waiting isn't your thing, and in that case you two aren't compatible. But when you got with her you knew she was a virgin, surely you knew this would be a fairly high possibility? Did you think you would be okay with it then?

 

As for the beds, it's possible that she doesn't want you to end up being teased and frustrated.

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Yes it is quick, I agree. The thing is she didn't tell me she was a virgin until after we were in a closed relationship. She said she was afraid that I wouldn't be in a relationship with her if I knew. That was about two weeks into the closed relationship.

 

True about the beds. Just didn't know virgins (or just my gf) don't even like to climax or do alternative penetration stuff.

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Well, the term 'virgin' is used loosely. Some 'virgins', me for instance, really only have technically not done intercourse, and are already comfortable with opening up sexually otherwise. On the other hand, some 'virgins' genuinely have never even performed any sexual acts at all. Sometimes not even masturbation. In that case, it will take quite a while for them to open up to the concept, and by pressuring them in the beginning (though I give you credit for stopping the pressure), you might even delay the process further. Many women do not even have their first orgasm til their late teens or twenties, unlike men who almost invariably have theirs upon reaching puberty. This is probably because the sexuality of women is still not such a socially accepted and well-disseminated issue as the sexuality of men, but I digress.

 

All that being said, even IF a girl 'likes to climax', that doesn't mean that she would necessarily want to do it with you within a month. Some things take time. It is up to you to decide whether it is worth taking the time for.

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I'm a very impatient person. So don't take what I say as advice. (Impatient people feel guilty for telling patient people to be impatient).

 

I don't know how people can be in situations like these. I'd be so frustrated and annoyed. I'm not saying I would leave (maybe I'd like the person so much mentally and personality-wise that I'd find it hard to leave), but there's a good chance me and a guy who refused to have sex would never really get started in the first place.

 

I did go out with a virgin guy when I was 24 (he was 23), and we never had sex in the six months we lightly dated because he wasn't ready. The only reason it didn't bother me in that case was that I wasn't a virgin, had already had sex and didn't feel the need to have it, plus the guy in question was only minimally attractive to me (one of the few times in my life I dated a guy I was only halfway into).

 

Anyway, if I were you, I'd probably be looking for other people.

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Oh, just read that y'all just got together end of February. I agree that you could give a virgin more time. Like, a couple months even. For some reason, previously I had gotten the impression that this was an established relationship and the lack of sex had been going on for a long while.

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Jane2011 - I won't leave because everything about her is what I want in life. She is ideal in every other way. Faced with only a single problem in a relationship is not something to throw up my arms and walk away from.

 

Fairy tales are rare.

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