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Eclypse

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Sooo today I went to some graduate careers thing. I'm in a bit of a pickle. There are some really awesome, super positions that are right up my alley and would offer me super pay and working conditions (75,000+ p.a at 23 years old). The downside being that it would require me to move interstate permanently. There are similar jobs here too... but they pay around 15 - 20,000 less. Which is a lot of money imo. So of course I'd take the high paying interstate job right away except there's a bit of a dilemma.

 

I love my girlfriend very much. I barely have time to see her with university and studying and so on as it is, and I don't think I could stand a long distance relationship with an indefinite end date to the LD component. Seeing her once or at most twice a month is just sooo depressing to me. She can't move there as she still has at least another few years at university left, and she can't really transfer there. So basically it seems I'm going to have to make a decision. I love her so much and it would just break my heart to see her so rarely, while on the other hand this would be an excellent way to start up my career and set me up for the future.

 

Anyone got any advice? Been through something like this before?

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Well you going to have to choose one or the other so you will always feel like you are missing out on one. I will personally choose career my self but if you think she is the one you should try to have a long distant relationship before deciding it wouldn't work.

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Sooo today I went to some graduate careers thing. I'm in a bit of a pickle. There are some really awesome, super positions that are right up my alley and would offer me super pay and working conditions (75,000+ p.a at 23 years old).
First of all, you'll never get a job right off the bat starting at that kind of salary (esp. at your age, 23), unless you're related to the boss or someone just hands it to you because the company is big on nepotism.

 

People that don't make that kind of money RIGHT out of college, unless someone hooked them up in some fashion. It's funny, how I've seen this on the news, where college grads have these high expectations of such wages as soon as they walk of the graduation platform. No offense, but that's just the reality of the situation.

 

Otherwise, expect to start off at low wages.

 

Anyhow, as far as career vs, a girlfriend, let's just say I"m the kind of guy that works to live, not live to work.

Edited by irc333
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First of all, you'll never get a job right off the bat starting at that kind of salary (esp. at your age, 23), unless you're related to the boss or someone just hands it to you because the company is big on nepotism.

 

People that don't make that kind of money RIGHT out of college, unless someone hooked them up in some fashion. It's funny, how I've seen this on the news, where college grads have these high expectations of such wages as soon as they walk of the graduation platform. No offense, but that's just the reality of the situation.

 

Otherwise, expect to start off at low wages.

 

Anyhow, as far as career vs, a girlfriend, let's just say I"m the kind of guy that works to live, not live to work.

 

Not true, irc. There are several fields that do offer fresh grads wages of that level. The OP is a smart guy, and I would assume that he checked to see that those positions are accepting fresh grads and do not require experience, before asking this question.

 

OP, how is your relationship going at this time? How did she address the lack of sex and not wanting to see you often issues, that you brought up the last time around?

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There are more important things in life than money. You're just too young to realise it yet.

 

Why don't you just work where you are for two or three years on the slightly lower wage, and then move when your girlfriend is done studying and can come with you?

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IRC this is in Australia so salaries are a bit different here (everything costs more too). These program tailored for fresh grads that progresses into the job. It's with the government and mainly deals with the primary industries so would be lots of field work. I should have said that it's actually 63-4ish during that year and 70+ the next year (2014, when I'll be 23). And I should also say that I am in NO way guaranteed to even get in. It just really opened my eyes to the possibilities out there. It was just one of many, and it seems like all the best ones are in Canberra. All the programs at the careers fair don't require experience, since they understand that you likely don't have it at 21. They train you up.

 

@Elswyth: Things are going better, she has been a lot more attentive. She's become more cuddly, which I really appreciate. We generally have a really awesome time, and I feel so sad when I have to go home, since she really does cheer me up :love: She said I'm gonna get lucky tomorrow so fingers crossed :bunny: Thanks for asking :)

 

@Andy: that is also a possibility. I'm going to have to do research into this. The only thing being that these are graduate entry positions, so once I've been in the workforce for a few years I won't be able to apply for them anymore (although I'm guessing direct entry for this sort of stuff would exist). Essentially if I was single I'd move anywhere that gave me the best opportunities, since I wouldn't be tied down. But this girl really is marriage potential. I'm just worried if I do stay I may end up regretting missed opportunities which could cause a rift.

 

 

I think what I will do is just apply for everything and if I actually get offered the positions then I'll decide what to do.

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I'd go for the job and toss the offer to her to come stay with you and make a life with you. Bear in mind this means you'll have to marry her within a few years of this starting.

 

She's also going to school and will graduate at some point, so it's not like she's tied down to her location. Lord knows you two see one another here and there, it's not like you can't live like that a little longer if you really love her.

 

For me, career is everything. I came to this ideology though based on how crappy my love life was in my late teens and 20s. Made me feel like love wasn't as important as my own personal success. Thankfully I found Ms Right in my mid-30s...but I still think that with how flimsy love and marriage is now, it's better to have a solid career in life and be single.

 

Talk to her, ask her what she thinks.

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Before making a decision: make sure you investigate the differential in cost of living between your current city and the potential destination. I have a great starting salary, but housing here cost triple what it does at home (even food is a bit more expensive as a result). Parking is insane, as is public transportation. That extra 10 to 15 thousand could easily be eaten up by the differential.

 

Another question: if I were your gf, I would want to be included in the discussion. Perhaps she'd be willing to move?

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@Elswyth: Things are going better, she has been a lot more attentive. She's become more cuddly, which I really appreciate. We generally have a really awesome time, and I feel so sad when I have to go home, since she really does cheer me up :love: She said I'm gonna get lucky tomorrow so fingers crossed :bunny: Thanks for asking :)

 

Well, I think it isn't as straightforward as just career vs girlfriend. It's really '15k/year more or LDR'. Your choice would depend on several factors, mainly how important 15k/year is to you, whether or not the choice would impact other aspects of your career (experience gain, etc), and whether or not you feel you would be able to weather a LDR.

 

Personally, having been in an LDR for 2 years with the bf, I would definitely choose to earn 15k/year less, over going through an LDR again, even though I think we would make it. They suck SO MUCH MORE than having 15k/year less would. But I am, in general, not terribly driven by money, and I would be perfectly comfortable living on 60k/year.

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First of all, you'll never get a job right off the bat starting at that kind of salary (esp. at your age, 23), unless you're related to the boss or someone just hands it to you because the company is big on nepotism.

 

People that don't make that kind of money RIGHT out of college, unless someone hooked them up in some fashion. It's funny, how I've seen this on the news, where college grads have these high expectations of such wages as soon as they walk of the graduation platform. No offense, but that's just the reality of the situation.

 

Otherwise, expect to start off at low wages.

 

Anyhow, as far as career vs, a girlfriend, let's just say I"m the kind of guy that works to live, not live to work.

Not true, some post graduates (MS and above levels) can make over $100,000k p.a. Most are more down to earth like finance, management consulting, audit, MBA's, lawyers, STEM positions, even some STEAM positions exceed $75,000 p.a.
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Before making a decision: make sure you investigate the differential in cost of living between your current city and the potential destination. I have a great starting salary, but housing here cost triple what it does at home (even food is a bit more expensive as a result). Parking is insane, as is public transportation. That extra 10 to 15 thousand could easily be eaten up by the differential.

 

This. This is the most likely reason why the salaries are higher in Canberra.

 

Also, do not (I repeat: do NOT) put stock in ANY company's forecasting or promises of future higher salary. It's just conversation at this point. They're trying to bait you.

 

Looking at it strictly from a financial perspective (if you find the above to be true), you won't really gain anything by moving.

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Before making a decision: make sure you investigate the differential in cost of living between your current city and the potential destination. I have a great starting salary, but housing here cost triple what it does at home (even food is a bit more expensive as a result). Parking is insane, as is public transportation. That extra 10 to 15 thousand could easily be eaten up by the differential.

 

Another question: if I were your gf, I would want to be included in the discussion. Perhaps she'd be willing to move?

 

The great thing is the government would pay for relocation expenses, and this place is many many times cheaper than where I am currently (where cost of living is soaring higher and higher), commute would be 15 minutes instead of 2 hours like it is currently for me. The downside being of course that it's a pretty empty place. I'd have a lot of money and nowhere to spend it.

 

I talked to my gf about it. She isn't quite prepared to move yet, at least not till she finishes. I'm not sure about jobs for her particular field in this place, I'll have to check them out.

 

@Grkboy: That is an interesting perspective. I know how difficult it is to find love, which is why I'm hesitant as who knows if I will ever find one as good as her again, or who complements me as well. Still though, career is important. hmm so many choices! But of course I need to say again that nothing is set in stone here! I may be talking out of my *ss (although I do think with my specialisation I have a good chance to get into this).

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make me believe

So it sounds like you're only 21ish right now? I don't think you should make life decisions based on a relationship when you are that young and unmarried (and it sounds like your gf is even younger than you are). So I would go for the job and try to make an LDR work if possible. If you guys can't handle it........well, most of us don't end up with the person we were with at age 21 anyway.

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I would choose the place where you will be happiest. Personally, I wouldn't be happiest in a LDR/potentially single in an isolated place with a few more thousand dollars in my pocket, but maybe you would. I like cities, lots of people, and having people to share my time with. That doesn't mean I think it's wrong to move away if you have a SO --- you're so young and unmarried and you have to do what's best for your life --- but I would simply consider all the factors and go for the one that makes you happiest.

 

As no jobs are a lock, why not apply for everything right now, see what sticks, and then make the decision. You seem a bit ahead of yourself.

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Not true, some post graduates (MS and above levels) can make over $100,000k p.a. Most are more down to earth like finance, management consulting, audit, MBA's, lawyers, STEM positions, even some STEAM positions exceed $75,000 p.a.

 

Not true, irc. There are several fields that do offer fresh grads wages of that level. The OP is a smart guy, and I would assume that he checked to see that those positions are accepting fresh grads and do not require experience, before asking this question.

 

OP, how is your relationship going at this time? How did she address the lack of sex and not wanting to see you often issues, that you brought up the last time around?

Hes an undergrad though right now, isnt he? And without some work experience along with that graduate degree, its unrealistic to assume you are gonna land that salary straight out of school. Unless he has some good internships and went to a top school like Dartmouth or Yale.

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Hes an undergrad though right now, isnt he? And without some work experience along with that graduate degree, its unrealistic to assume you are gonna land that salary straight out of school. Unless he has some good internships and went to a top school like Dartmouth or Yale.

 

I don't know about the USA, but I do know people in various other countries who did get more than $70k/year off the bat after doing their undergrad. The field matters more than the school you graduate from, and the type of company and hours you are willing to do matters the most. Those people usually worked in medicine, law, actuarial science, forensic accounting or various types of banking/investment, and were willing to put in long hours.

 

I can't speak for the OP, but I'm assuming that he is referring to specific positions that he is qualified for that offer that much, rather than just making a blanket assumption that he will get it.

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At your age, follow your best personal path. Don't make decisions based upon a relationship unless you consider the relationship your "best personal path".

 

My H and I actually did choose each other, over career path, at these ages. But, we both chose it (putting each other, and our relationship, first). We got married to seal the deal. And then we stuck together, moving as necessary, changing schools and career plans as necessary.

 

Either way can work, but it takes a HUGE amt of confidence and commitment to the relationship to make career decisions based on staying together.

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Hes an undergrad though right now, isnt he? And without some work experience along with that graduate degree, its unrealistic to assume you are gonna land that salary straight out of school. Unless he has some good internships and went to a top school like Dartmouth or Yale.

 

It's not an unreasonable salary in hubby's field (a specific type of programming/computer engineering). He was making a bit less than that right out of school, but that was in a lower cost/lower salary area. (Locale matters.)

 

Many engineers I know made about 70K right out of school.

 

Really depends on the field. Generally speaking, though, the fields that pay that much out of school do require you to get some kind of hands-on experience (the major tech and engineering school here has a lot of internships and stuff like that wrapped into it's program) so it's not like they didn't have good internships. "Top" tech schools aren't necessarily top schools.

 

Anyway, I don't think anyone was suggesting it's average/normal, just that it's possible, depending upon OP's field. Not sure why you're arguing with that point of the OP---I thought you were all about assuming that everything OPs tell you is the truth without even looking for nuance in assumptions they might've made, and this one seems fairly straightforward with no motive to lie or stretch to me.

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Anyone got any advice? Been through something like this before?

 

Get her input. Have her put herself in your shoes and answer the question. Would she sacrifice a career opportunity and requisite pay for your relationship?

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It's not an unreasonable salary in hubby's field (a specific type of programming/computer engineering). He was making a bit less than that right out of school, but that was in a lower cost/lower salary area. (Locale matters.)

 

Many engineers I know made about 70K right out of school.

 

Really depends on the field. Generally speaking, though, the fields that pay that much out of school do require you to get some kind of hands-on experience (the major tech and engineering school here has a lot of internships and stuff like that wrapped into it's program) so it's not like they didn't have good internships. "Top" tech schools aren't necessarily top schools.

 

Anyway, I don't think anyone was suggesting it's average/normal, just that it's possible, depending upon OP's field. Not sure why you're arguing with that point of the OP---I thought you were all about assuming that everything OPs tell you is the truth without even looking for nuance in assumptions they might've made, and this one seems fairly straightforward with no motive to lie or stretch to me.

 

I don't know about the USA, but I do know people in various other countries who did get more than $70k/year off the bat after doing their undergrad. The field matters more than the school you graduate from, and the type of company and hours you are willing to do matters the most. Those people usually worked in medicine, law, actuarial science, forensic accounting or various types of banking/investment, and were willing to put in long hours.

 

I can't speak for the OP, but I'm assuming that he is referring to specific positions that he is qualified for that offer that much, rather than just making a blanket assumption that he will get it.

Thanks for repeating what I said about experience being very important in the US. The folks who land those high paying gigs right out of school usually have some form of hands on experience or an internship. I did say this though didnt I.

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Thanks for repeating what I said about experience being very important in the US. The folks who land those high paying gigs right out of school usually have some form of hands on experience or an internship. I did say this though didnt I.

 

...But how is that relevant to anything...?

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Thanks for repeating what I said about experience being very important in the US. The folks who land those high paying gigs right out of school usually have some form of hands on experience or an internship. I did say this though didnt I.

 

Most people get hands-on experience in college though (in various countries, the U.S. being no different---actually in tech fields, formal hands-on experience is probably MORE important in many other countries, but whatev). You seemed to assume hands-on experience was a rarity in your ramblings about it.

 

ETA: I'm not sure how familiar you are with tech fields, but it'd be impossible to really teach many of them without SOME kind of hands-on (simulated and actual) experience; they are very much vocational training in an academic setting. You have to learn how to actually DO stuff, not just think about stuff. This is true of things like accounting or writing or counseling or educating too---you have to do the stuff to learn it.

 

...But how is that relevant to anything...?

 

Right.

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...But how is that relevant to anything...?

 

Most people get hands-on experience in college though (in various countries, the U.S. being no different---actually in tech fields, formal hands-on experience is probably MORE important in many other countries, but whatev). You seemed to assume hands-on experience was a rarity in your ramblings about it.

 

ETA: I'm not sure how familiar you are with tech fields, but it'd be impossible to really teach many of them without SOME kind of hands-on (simulated and actual) experience; they are very much vocational training in an academic setting. You have to learn how to actually DO stuff, not just think about stuff. This is true of things like accounting or writing or counseling or educating too---you have to do the stuff to learn it.

 

 

 

Right.

*yawn*

 

*sips morning jo* :cool:

 

Instead of wasting time debating or elaborating on my point of view, Ill just ask you two to re-read post #20

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Anyone got any advice? Been through something like this before?

women come and go, careers don't

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If you feel and think she's the woman of your life, then screw that extra 15K. And regarding LDRs, in my opinion a man needs to be able to hold a woman in his arms, a phone or Skype relationship is such a poor replacement.

This.

 

The fact that OP is considering negatively impacting his relationship for a 15k salary increase says a lot about how he feels about his gf. Its apparent that you dont see much of a future with her any longer. And it seems that you feel you will find another chick and arent sweating it too much.

 

Not to mention theres no guarantee you will even get a job at all when you graduate, just like so many other Americans.

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