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Can I improve my personality?


ptp

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Two pieces of advice that I see given here are: "be yourself" and "personality matters to women".

 

Well, I try being myself and it gets me no where. I have long periods of being single before finding someone and I feel I appeal to a very narrow set of women. I also rarely "click" with women, have "chemistry" with women or any of those other cliches.

 

I have never had a girl like me for my personality either. So the conclusion I draw from all of this is that my personality must not be that great. Though I like myself, I have friends and I usually get a long with the vast majority of people.

 

There must be something about my personality that doesn't appeal to women in a romantic way.

 

So is it possible for me to improve my personality to appeal to a wider range of women?

 

What can I work on?

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I feel I apeal to a very narrow set of women.

 

 

I seriously love my personality. (Of course, to see it yourself, you have to ignore my utter lack of modesty). And still, I'm very well aware that my personality appeals to a narrow set of men. My take on this: that's what love is. It's meeting that one person who gets you and whom you yourself understand. It's magic, it's wonderful and it is, by definition, few and far between. If everybody could get along with anybody, love wouldn't be such a precious thing.

 

So here's my take ptp: you have to revise your expectations. Maybe your romantic life is exactly how it should be. Now, let the anxiety go and spend some time doing something you enjoy.

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Since you like yourself, I wouldn't try to change your personality.

 

But you COULD change the way you interact with women.

 

Look them in the eyes when you talk to them.

Smile.

Ask questions about them - their likes/dislikes, their stories and experiences, etc.

Notice when they change their hair or get a new outfit.

Hold doors open for them and pull chairs out for them.

Be nice to their friends and family.

 

It could have nothing to do with your personality at all, but everything to do with women not realizing you are interested.

 

Also - pay attention to grooming. Good hair, clean teeth, a nice subtle cologne, clean clothes and shoes, etc.

 

Remember the goal isn't to appeal to as many women as possible. It's to find the woman who is a good fit for you.

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I seriously love my personality. (Of course, to see it yourself, you have to ignore my utter lack of modesty). And still, I'm very well aware that my personality appeals to a narrow set of men. My take on this: that's what love is. It's meeting that one person who gets you and whom you yourself understand. It's magic, it's wonderful and it is, by definition, few and far between. If everybody could get along with anybody, love wouldn't be such a precious thing.

 

So here's my take ptp: you have to revise your expectations. Maybe your romantic life is exactly how it should be. Now, let the anxiety go and spend some time doing something you enjoy.

 

I get what you are saying, but I have tried the wait and see approach. I am old, I can't easily accept that any more, I need to be more proactive.

 

I want to work on myself so I have more options. I am frustrated with the current situation.

 

If I came here and said, I am obese and only a few women like me, most people would say "lose weight so more women will find you attractive".

 

Well that is what I am trying to do.

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Two pieces of advice that I see given here are: "be yourself" and "personality matters to women".

 

Well, I try being myself and it gets me no where. I have long periods of being single before finding someone and I feel I appeal to a very narrow set of women. I also rarely "click" with women, have "chemistry" with women or any of those other cliches.

 

I have never had a girl like me for my personality either. So the conclusion I draw from all of this is that my personality must not be that great. Though I like myself, I have friends and I usually get a long with the vast majority of people.

 

There must be something about my personality that doesn't appeal to women in a romantic way.

 

So is it possible for me to improve my personality to appeal to a wider range of women?

 

What can I work on?

 

What kind of woman are you trying to attract?

Let's start there.

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I get what you are saying, but I have tried the wait and see approach. I am old, I can't easily accept that any more, I need to be more proactive.

 

I want to work on myself so I have more options. I am frustrated with the current situation.

 

If I came here and said, I am obese and only a few women like me, most people would say "lose weight so more women will find you attractive".

 

Well that is what I am trying to do.

 

I think that a change of attitude about the opposite sex will change your rapport with women ie do not be ashamed of your sexual appetite; internalize that the reason we're here is due to men approaching women. Be fearless and keep at the forefront that women want you as much as you want them (they just conceal it better). This will give you different outcomes!

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This may be one of the only times ever I might recommend a Myers-Briggs eval to start off the discussion. If you can determine your type, you can get some basic ideas of what your general strengths might be, and where you can generally improve.

 

This won't really cover other very important topics though, like politeness, neuroticism, and humor.

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Two pieces of advice that I see given here are: "be yourself" and "personality matters to women".

 

Well, I try being myself and it gets me no where. I have long periods of being single before finding someone and I feel I appeal to a very narrow set of women. I also rarely "click" with women, have "chemistry" with women or any of those other cliches.

 

I have never had a girl like me for my personality either. So the conclusion I draw from all of this is that my personality must not be that great. Though I like myself, I have friends and I usually get a long with the vast majority of people.

 

There must be something about my personality that doesn't appeal to women in a romantic way.

 

So is it possible for me to improve my personality to appeal to a wider range of women?

 

What can I work on?

 

Be more aggressive, show attitude, and don't be passive.

 

If you mean 'true' personality in terms of what you like to do and read and movies and stuff, there's not much you can do. If a woman isn't attracted

to you, that stuff means jack...

 

Great advice.

 

I've never found it difficult to 'win over' a woman. It basically means being a decent guy and being respectful.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Are you being serious dude? I mean I have a woman now, and those traits help me KEEP her, but had nothing to do with me winning her.

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I think that a change of attitude about the opposite sex will change your rapport with women ie do not be ashamed of your sexual appetite; internalize that the reason we're here is due to men approaching women. Be fearless and keep at the forefront that women want you as much as you want them (they just conceal it better). This will give you different outcomes!

 

I have a big problem with that, but I am not sure how to change something that is so ingrained in me. My parents were pretty conservative, the type that would make me cover my eyes when a love scene was on tv :laugh:.

 

As for being fearless, I have no problem talking or befriending women. I am pretty friendly and out going, I am an extrovert.

 

However, do I "click" with them? Not so much. Do I have "chemistry"? No, never really experienced that.

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Great advice.

 

I've never found it difficult to 'win over' a woman. It basically means being a decent guy and being respectful.

 

The one variable I'd add is work on your fitness. Im not the best looking guy in the world but I am trim and fit. No need to be an athlete but a healthy body is not only physically appealing but also conveys a level of responsibility and discipline.

 

Yeah these are good points; the "personality" concern is probably a red herring.

 

But there's really nothing wrong with big questions about improving yourself. Kind of reminds me of this comic.

 

Of course the focus should be on improving yourself because that has generally positive consequences, not as an indirect way to achieve a goal. Working on mastering eye contact alone is enough to create a "spark".

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Stellar Wench
Two pieces of advice that I see given here are: "be yourself" and "personality matters to women".

 

Well, I try being myself and it gets me no where. I have long periods of being single before finding someone and I feel I appeal to a very narrow set of women. I also rarely "click" with women, have "chemistry" with women or any of those other cliches.

 

I have never had a girl like me for my personality either. So the conclusion I draw from all of this is that my personality must not be that great. Though I like myself, I have friends and I usually get a long with the vast majority of people.

 

There must be something about my personality that doesn't appeal to women in a romantic way.

 

So is it possible for me to improve my personality to appeal to a wider range of women?

 

What can I work on?

Personality is not fully developed until you are in the mid-20’s. How long do you have left?
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What kind of woman are you trying to attract?

Let's start there.

 

A cross between Kate Upton and Whitney Cummings?

 

Is that too much to ask?:laugh:

 

I want the basics, someone who is loyal, understands me, who's company I enjoy, similar sense of humor etc...

 

Educated - Only 1 girl I have dated didn't have higher education, thought that is more of a preference not a requirement.

A girly girl as opposed to a tomboy.

Sweet as opposed to b****y.

Someone who likes to go out, not a homebody.

I have a very low tolerance for drama or manipulation.

 

I would say someone who has similar interest, but I rarely find that so someone who is okay with my interests.

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Great advice.

 

I've never found it difficult to 'win over' a woman. It basically means being a decent guy and being respectful.

 

The one variable I'd add is work on your fitness. Im not the best looking guy in the world but I am trim and fit. No need to be an athlete but a healthy body is not only physically appealing but also conveys a level of responsibility and discipline.

 

I think I have that part down. The girls I have dated have liked me because I am decent. I also sometimes get the "safe" or "nice" label.

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Be yourself is terrible advice. It's only decent if you had no issues with women, and if that were the case, you wouldn't need any advice now would you?

 

What you can do is take a serious look at your strengthens and weaknesses. Then try to find out if you can eliminate your weaknesses, if not, then hide them in a pit somewhere. For your strengths, try to emphasize them as much as you can.

 

One thing, I don't get is why you made this thread at all. I never thought you had problems with women. I know you broke-up recently and that must have sucked.

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I have a big problem with that, but I am not sure how to change something that is so ingrained in me. My parents were pretty conservative, the type that would make me cover my eyes when a love scene was on tv :laugh:.

 

As for being fearless, I have no problem talking or befriending women. I am pretty friendly and out going, I am an extrovert.

 

However, do I "click" with them? Not so much. Do I have "chemistry"? No, never really experienced that.

 

ahh well there you go. You were raised be ashamed of the most natural thing we do. How to change it? Dunno - but I'd start with asking if you believe with what I wrote? ie it's not shameful. If you do then you're a mile ahead than if you don't.

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Having better chemistry with women has more to do with what you dont do more than you do- do. Of course when people dont know what psychology is involved they will tell you to be yourself, which being yourself isnt the problem. If you really want to improve how women react to you, you need to do research on how to attract women. Pay attention to how the PUA's work rather than the results they are trying to achieve. There are some general principles that you need to learn to avoid making mistakes, subtle things that woman pick up on that you might not know youre doing.

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ahh well there you go. You were raised be ashamed of the most natural thing we do. How to change it? Dunno - but I'd start with asking if you believe with what I wrote? ie it's not shameful. If you do then you're a mile ahead than if you don't.

 

I think Danny's closest to identifying what the real issue is.

 

Ptp, are you actually asking how to generate sexual tension and chemistry with a wider range of women?

You befriend easily enough.

You date.

You have relationships.

Is your question actually "How do I develop a personality that stirs women's sexual interest ?"

 

Or, am I way off-base.

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Disenchantedly Yours

Ptp, i suggest some self help books. Check out amazon tonight and see if there are some things geared to men that could help you. Usually men shy away from self help reading but since you do want to improve this area of your life, it might help.

 

Here is something to get you started:

 

10 Ways To Improve Your Personality

 

How to Improve Your Personality?

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Develop-Your-Personality-With-the-Personal-Development-Books&id=4536393

 

It won't be easy but I know you can do it if you feel like you need to. Just will take some exploring of yourself and of who you may want to be.

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One thing, I don't get is why you made this thread at all. I never thought you had problems with women. I know you broke-up recently and that must have sucked.

 

 

SD,

We have butted heads previously, and we don't always agree, but we are more alike than different. I have experienced what you have experienced.

 

I go long periods of being single so I know the frustration.

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SD,

We have butted heads previously, and we don't always agree, but we are more alike than different. I have experienced what you have experienced.

 

I go long periods of being single so I know the frustration.

Then I will keep track of your journey and I can possibly learn something.

 

Good tailwinds.

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Then I will keep track of your journey and I can possibly learn something.

 

Good tailwinds.

 

:laugh:

You're killing me today.

 

PTP! Answer me!

Is this about sex?

Do we need to take this over to the Sex Forum, lay it bare, and to get down to the nitty gritty?

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You have relationships.

Is your question actually "How do I develop a personality that stirs women's sexual interest ?"

 

Or, am I way off-base.

I have relationships, but too infrequently.

 

And regarding what Danny said, that I implies I don't know what I am doing, but I do. I am just really cautious before proceeding with a girl.

 

I'll give you a perfect example:

Freshman year of college, I meat girl A, her roommate is a very attractive girl, B. Now I never "clicked" with B, never had any "chemistry" with B. I thought she was pretty, but that is all.

 

One time at a party, A comes up to me and says "ptp, B is pretty drunk would you mind walking her home when you leave?". So I walk B home and we make small talk along the way. We get to her apt, and I am thinking to myself, if B liked me even a little she would give me a hug or invite me in etc... Well B says "thank-you" and promptly shuts the door in my face. So naturally I think B is not interested in me at all.

 

Fast forward to the next semester. I am at a house party, chatting up my friend A. B comes up to us and she is being unusually friendly and touchy feely. Having no "chemistry" with B and remembering the previous semester's experience with B, I discount everything B is doing. 2 hours later, I am getting to leave and B comes up to me and says "I am living in a new apartment, we should go home together". Well then I could take it from there.

 

There was no "chemistry" with B, she didn't even know me that well, she didn't know my personality. She knew I was a decent guy, a "nice guy" and that is why she was attracted to me.

 

Rinse and repeat for my other relationships. However, to repeat this same formula it takes too long.

 

I need to appeal to more women, to cast my net wider so to speak.

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Ptp, i suggest some self help books. Check out amazon tonight and see if there are some things geared to men that could help you. Usually men shy away from self help reading but since you do want to improve this area of your life, it might help.

 

Here is something to get you started:

 

10 Ways To Improve Your Personality

 

How to Improve Your Personality?

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Develop-Your-Personality-With-the-Personal-Development-Books&id=4536393

 

It won't be easy but I know you can do it if you feel like you need to. Just will take some exploring of yourself and of who you may want to be.

 

Thank-you DY, I will look into these.

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Fast forward to the next semester. I am at a house party, chatting up my friend A. B comes up to us and she is being unusually friendly and touchy feely. Having no "chemistry" with B and remembering the previous semester's experience with B, I discount everything B is doing. 2 hours later, I am getting to leave and B comes up to me and says "I am living in a new apartment, we should go home together". Well then I could take it from there.

 

There was no "chemistry" with B, she didn't even know me that well, she didn't know my personality. She knew I was a decent guy, a "nice guy" and that is why she was attracted to me.

 

See this is why you need to do research.

B could have been flirting with you for different reasons. maybe she was focused on one guy the first time she met you, maybe she was on a rebound.

 

I think it was because you didnt hit on her the first time, and you didnt pay attention to her the second time when you knew about the initial chemistry. Pretty women who need attention get guys hitting on them all the time, so when you discount them, they want to know why. Since you had the attitude that nothing would happen with her anyway, you paid her no mind, and she was attracted to you being aloof.

 

She didnt care if you were a decent guy or not, she probably didnt even know, but you became a challenge to her, she had to win you over. You made it too easy, but you got the prize anyway.

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See this is why you need to do research.

 

Do you recommend any books? I read a little of "The Game", but that book doesn't really teach you anything.

 

There is so much stuff out there where should I start?

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