eleanorhurting Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes... what do you do when you feel lonely? Do you ever feel like a wave of loneliness come over you? I had been feeling fine but this week I had a bunch o tests and today I just had a break down and it was like a downward spiral. I started feeling sad that I am stressed and that I am alone. I started wishing I had someone to lean on. I don't know why this came over me since I have learned how to rely on my friends and on myself and my family. On top of that I have been super obsessing about how "fat" i am lately even though I know I am not because I have gained a few pounds and none of my pants fit. What do you do when you get frustrated and you feel like you will never be good enough? I went to therapy weekly for a couple of months in 2011 to deal with these same problems but they seem to come back every once in a while. I keep feeling like I will never be good enough for someone to want to stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
henderson14 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 It can be tough sometimes. For me the loneliness comes and goes. Things that make me feel better are drinking and working out. Ya, I know, two total opposite things. Just don't combine them. Link to post Share on other sites
SabreDC Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I play hockey so anytime I feel lonely, I go to the rink at the next available open time and just skate for a few hours. Seriously, there are very few feelings that I've found that compare (for me). The cold air in my lungs and on my face. What is your passion? What motivates you? Find that one thing that you absolutely love and that will help you get out of any funk. Link to post Share on other sites
Kage111 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 It can be tough sometimes. For me the loneliness comes and goes. Things that make me feel better are drinking and working out. Ya, I know, two total opposite things. Just don't combine them. Haha, I do the same things! I don't recommend the drinking so much though, as sometimes you can make some "mistakes" if your feeling especially lonely, but working out is great to get over that feeling. When my first girlfriend of four years broke up with me, I went to a really dark place, but then I started working out everyday and eventually I was getting lots of compliments from my friends and family and I actually started to like myself again. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'm somewhat ridiculous in the sense that I feel lonely despite the fact that I have lots of friends and family. I was contacted by three different friends today to go do things or just hang out this week. I still feel lonely because I have no boyfriend. I'm just not one of those emotionally independent women who is fine without a man. I always want a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 It can be tough sometimes. For me the loneliness comes and goes. Things that make me feel better are drinking and working out. Ya, I know, two total opposite things. Just don't combine them. Yeah, I agree. I work out every day, and that feels good. Keeps me stress-free and sane. And though I'm not a big drinker, I like to have *a* drink to dull the edges occasionally. I think I'm gonna buy a bottle of rum tomorrow since I left my last bottle at the apartment of the last guy I dated. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes... what do you do when you feel lonely? i don't feel lonely often, but when i do i take time off and really think about why i feel that way. Do you ever feel like a wave of loneliness come over you? it's usually a passing feeling; nothing too overwhelming. but yes, sometimes it washes over me, big time. not always though, thankfully. I had been feeling fine but this week I had a bunch o tests and today I just had a break down and it was like a downward spiral. I started feeling sad that I am stressed and that I am alone. I started wishing I had someone to lean on. I don't know why this came over me since I have learned how to rely on my friends and on myself and my family. On top of that I have been super obsessing about how "fat" i am lately even though I know I am not because I have gained a few pounds and none of my pants fit. What do you do when you get frustrated and you feel like you will never be good enough? I went to therapy weekly for a couple of months in 2011 to deal with these same problems but they seem to come back every once in a while. I keep feeling like I will never be good enough for someone to want to stick around. perhaps you should continue with the therapy then, if the depression is something that comes back and constantly wears you down. as for what i do for myself ? baby steps. recall some of the little simple things that make you happy, and the things that are in your control. indulge in those things. build some momentum of contentment, if not 'happiness'. at the very least, come to appreciate the some of the good things in your life. as you build momentum you can work on some core, fundamental things like long-term weightloss to get into better shape, or finding better, more full-filling employment, etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes... what do you do when you feel lonely? Do you ever feel like a wave of loneliness come over you? I had been feeling fine but this week I had a bunch o tests and today I just had a break down and it was like a downward spiral. I started feeling sad that I am stressed and that I am alone. I started wishing I had someone to lean on. I don't know why this came over me since I have learned how to rely on my friends and on myself and my family. On top of that I have been super obsessing about how "fat" i am lately even though I know I am not because I have gained a few pounds and none of my pants fit. What do you do when you get frustrated and you feel like you will never be good enough? I went to therapy weekly for a couple of months in 2011 to deal with these same problems but they seem to come back every once in a while. I keep feeling like I will never be good enough for someone to want to stick around. Well, if I recall, you're in medical school? Graduate school is a very lonely quest. I regularly ask myself what am I doing? There are many, many, actually most weekends, where I see all of my friends on facebook going out and I am in front of the computer working on manuscripts. It can make you feel isolated. It's why very few people do it. You literally are sacrificing (investing) a good number of years for a job down the road. It can be hard to stay optimistic sometimes! What can really help is to write down your long-term vision, write down your daily goals and reflect on them each day. It helps bring tangibility to the whole scenario. Oh, and pray. I do that a lot. I lean on God. Not trying to sound religious, but spiritual health is something a lot of people lack. But if you genuinely feel you have a higher purpose in life and are connected to something bigger than yourself, it can help a lot. As far as weight, I doubt it is as bad as you think. You look very fit in your avatar. Even a few pounds on you wouldn't make you look the least bit heavy IMHO! You can set goals for that too though if you would like. Weight loss is just calories in, calories out. For stress, I recommend yoga. I don't do the full classes, but I do like to meditate and clear my mind. Oh, and make sure you're getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Weight loss is just calories in, calories out. For stress, I recommend yoga. I don't do the full classes, but I do like to meditate and clear my mind. Oh, and make sure you're getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night. it's actually more complicated than that. some calories are better than others in terms of one's metabolism, so if the OP is serious about a weight loss plan i'd recommend seeking nutrition advice if its feasible. but yes i do agree with the sleep. it certainly helps me think more clearly when i get enough sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) it's actually more complicated than that. some calories are better than others in terms of one's metabolism, so if the OP is serious about a weight loss plan i'd recommend seeking nutrition advice if its feasible. but yes i do agree with the sleep. it certainly helps me think more clearly when i get enough sleep. Yes, you're right. I was being brief. Perhaps that entailed more information. If you take in less calories than you need based on basal metabolic rate, current level of physical activity, and thermic effect of food, you will lose weight. If you take in more than you need, you'll gain weight. You're right you could technically eat Twinkies and lose weight like that, but that's not healthy. I recommend following MyPlate.gov within the context of a calorie restricted diet (no more than 500 calorie deficit per day) to lose weight in a healthy, efficient way. I would suggest aiming for no more than 1 pound per week. (500 daily caloric deficit X 7 days = 3500 calories, or 1 lb. of fat) Edited February 23, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 i don't feel lonely often, but when i do i take time off and really think about why i feel that way. I don't often feel lonely, but when I do, I prefer to get wasted. Stay inebriated my friends. Sorry, it was calling out to me .... I'm lonely all the damn time. Every day is exactly the same. School/work, video games, LS, do something online. I wish I had something different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I have found drinking only makes everything worse. Too many bad decisions!! Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Post my last breakup I used to feel like that a lot. 7 months removed from the break up that feeling comes less and less. I still get the occasional lonely thought though. It never last for longer than a minute or two now. But it still really brings me down sometimes when I'm busy and stressed out and realize that I am in this completely alone. I have no one to help me, no one who really cares. And no serious prospects so I could end up this way for the rest of my life. But then I realize that ending up alone is definitely a real possibility for me. So I had better learn to deal with it. Spending the rest of my life miserable and lonely is not an option so I'm not going to be that. I can't let it bring me down. I just have to accept it and do what I can to lead the best life for me. That thought actually makes the lonely feeling go away. Being alone isn't always a choice, feeling lonely and sad is. Goign for a jog usually gets my spirits up too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 @SmoothDude - talk about dumb, you do realize that Europeans drink way more than people in the US don't you? For everything! not just self-medication. I think the number one rule is to get out of the house. I think that 4 walls are evil, they seem to catch all of your emotions and bounce them right back at you. I also do something that takes my mind off of things...I like to play video games, ride my motorcycle, play paintball, or ride mountain bikes. It's easy to sulk into these emotions and the more you let them dig into you and stay idle the more they screw you up. I used to think that I couldn't live without constant sex and female attention/company...well that's still a work in progress let's say but I've made pretty huge strides internally from when I was in my early 20's till now. But I imagine it will probably be something I'll continue to struggle with, but at least now I have a much better understanding of it and Oh I've taken up blogging which has helped get a lot of those emotions off of my chest. In the past I would have just shacked up with some girl for a few days but it was never really enough, and for me that's not satisfying anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
ditzchic Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 @SmoothDude - talk about dumb, you do realize that Europeans drink way more than people in the US don't you? For everything! not just self-medication. I don't know if you can say they drink MORE just that they drink more regularly. From the couple of times I've been there and from the Europeans I know, I think they drink in moderation much more often but they don't binge drink with the sole purpose of getting wasted as often as Americans do... Link to post Share on other sites
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 I am a medical student! That is what I am studying! And yes, maybe therapy will be a life long thing for me. I went for 2 months after i was in a horrible situation where I allowed myself to be used for sex because my self esteem was in shreds. I was feeling much better. Maybe I need therapy on a regular basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I know exactly how you feel Eleanorhurting. I've been feeling pretty lonely lately myself. But it is what it is. I can't force men to like me. I find that when I am feeling overly sorry for myself, that sometimes doing some volunteer work helps put things in perspective. I know its cliche and I know you got a lot on your plate. But volunteer work might be better then therapy. It has a way of taking your mind off your own problems and seeing hot lucky you are for the things you do have. Link to post Share on other sites
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Everybody gets lonely at times. Loneliness now and again is just part of the human condition. Plus, you are a medical student . . . . I know from my own experience with grad school that it can be a very emotionally taxing, lonely experience indeed. You are isolated a lot in grad school--especially medical school, I would think! I was very, very lonely in grad school. The intensity of medical school, too, makes it hard to forge bonds with others, whether they be romantic or friendship-type relationships. I still am lonely a lot. Why do you think I spend so much time on LS? Link to post Share on other sites
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 So you are only studying medicine? I was thinking Medical school was only two years.....but I forgot. Different country different standards. Do not go to therapy, please. You got yourself into Med school which means you should be able to cope by yourself. All what therapy teaches you are the triggers to prevent yourself from feeling said ailment you are going to therapy for. Please don't go. Write to me or on the internet. That should help. I disagree. I think therapy can be great. It helped me get a hold of myself. It was tough, but, just what I needed. I actually want to be a psychiatrist. I want to focus on addiction and children and teenagers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alexanda Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Since my boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago I do get extremely lonely at times. We spent every weekend together. Im in school so at least it keeps me busy and keeps my mind of being lonely sometimes. I do miss having a man in my life. Im sorry you are struggling with loneliness and not feeling like you are good enough for a man. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Post my last breakup I used to feel like that a lot. 7 months removed from the break up that feeling comes less and less. I still get the occasional lonely thought though. It never last for longer than a minute or two now. But it still really brings me down sometimes when I'm busy and stressed out and realize that I am in this completely alone. I have no one to help me, no one who really cares. And no serious prospects so I could end up this way for the rest of my life. But then I realize that ending up alone is definitely a real possibility for me. So I had better learn to deal with it. Spending the rest of my life miserable and lonely is not an option so I'm not going to be that. I can't let it bring me down. I just have to accept it and do what I can to lead the best life for me. That thought actually makes the lonely feeling go away. Being alone isn't always a choice, feeling lonely and sad is. Goign for a jog usually gets my spirits up too I do think that is a healthy mentality. If you feel like something is missing it probably is! Your soul knows what it needs, deep down. But it's not another human being. As singles, we have to remember that a SO is complement to our lives, not the cornerstone of it. An SO will help you accomplish your vision in life. They will complement it, not be the center of it. When we wrap our lives around someone else, and that person fails, we lose our identity. We have to find something bigger than ourselves to latch onto. For some people its faith for others volunteer work or a profession. But you have to get plugged in to something that gives you meaning in life. Grad school is great, but you have to connect it to something bigger than yourself. For me, I believe my research directly impacts people's lives. So it's not just a job for me, it's a passion. It gives me something to channel my energy into that is healthy and bigger than myself. Elenorhurting, you want to go into psychiatry and help kids! That's incredible! I challenge you to connect to that vision and directly tie your daily activities to making it a reality. It will make the rat race of med school have purpose. We all have to do this regularly. That's why I really encourage everyone to write up a life vision and then regularly set goals that help you accomplish your vision. Keep reflecting on your goals to bring tangibility. It has helped me out a lot b/c it is easy to get lost in this world. How do you know what your purpose is? How do you know what your vision should be? Who's pain do you feel? Is a good question to start with. What skills do you have? Is another. But the ability to connect an emotion to a goal is critical. I call it the "why to the what" connection. You may know "what" it is your doing (going to grad school), but "why"? When you can connect these two things together with a strong emotion, it can quickly lead to a vision As ditzchic said, I think the ability to shed this feeling that we need another human being to feel complete will actually make us better SOs when we do find the right people. And we will. I follow several of you ladies posting in this thread and you are incredibly insightful, talented, and have a lot to offer in a relationship. Your time will come. We're in training Edited February 24, 2012 by TheFinalWord 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but here it goes... what do you do when you feel lonely? Do you ever feel like a wave of loneliness come over you? I had been feeling fine but this week I had a bunch o tests and today I just had a break down and it was like a downward spiral. I started feeling sad that I am stressed and that I am alone. I started wishing I had someone to lean on. I don't know why this came over me since I have learned how to rely on my friends and on myself and my family. On top of that I have been super obsessing about how "fat" i am lately even though I know I am not because I have gained a few pounds and none of my pants fit. What do you do when you get frustrated and you feel like you will never be good enough? I went to therapy weekly for a couple of months in 2011 to deal with these same problems but they seem to come back every once in a while. I keep feeling like I will never be good enough for someone to want to stick around. One of the few benefits of being unsuccessful at the game of dating and undesirable by the opposite sex (for whatever reason) is that you rarely get lonely ... at least for romantic companionship. I have been single for > 85% (quick calculation) of my post pubescent life. I'm totally fine being alone and having nobody. Getting lonely for human and friendship attention is different, but we're not talking about that... Link to post Share on other sites
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