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How long on a dating website before you meet someone with high mutual interest?


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I've been using a dating website for a few months now and I haven't met any guy who I really like and he really likes me back as well. Now I get emails from guys who I rejected before saying "Still here? haha". Funny thing is, they're still there too...But apparently, for a woman it's wrong to be on a dating website more than a month!!!! It makes me so angry when guys do that...

 

So in case you have tried online dating...How long did it take you to actually meet someone good from it? Someone you feel great chemistry with etc. What is the average amount of time it takes for men and women to find someone online?

 

Your experiences and thoughts are appreciated.

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I've been using a dating website for a few months now and I haven't met any guy who I really like and he really likes me back as well. Now I get emails from guys who I rejected before saying "Still here? haha". Funny thing is, they're still there too...But apparently, for a woman it's wrong to be on a dating website more than a month!!!! It makes me so angry when guys do that...

 

So in case you have tried online dating...How long did it take you to actually meet someone good from it? Someone you feel great chemistry with etc. What is the average amount of time it takes for men and women to find someone online?

 

Your experiences and thoughts are appreciated.

 

I don't think there is an average per say.

 

Your answer will depend on a number of things. These are the main ones that have made a difference for me:

 

1) The website you're using (some like EH include in-depth personality tests and the like which are more likely to help you find better matches; others are better for finding flings)

2) How good your profile content and pictures are

3) Of course, what kind of guy you're going for. If you have extremely high standards you could be waiting a long time.

 

Also, just know that having good on-line chemistry does not always translate into real life. I have had three girls that I had on-line chemistry with (one I spent 60 hours getting to know over the phone), we met, and there was no in-person chemistry.

 

So finding someone on-line is only 50% :D

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I've been using a dating website for a few months now and I haven't met any guy who I really like and he really likes me back as well. Now I get emails from guys who I rejected before saying "Still here? haha". Funny thing is, they're still there too...But apparently, for a woman it's wrong to be on a dating website more than a month!!!! It makes me so angry when guys do that...

 

I just read this part.

 

There are a lot of generalizations you will hear about on-line. Such as the "rule" you quoted. Unless someone can provide data to back up claims about length of time women should be on-line before finding a match I would not put much stock into it. Most advice is based on personal experience, not data. Like the claims I just made. Those are based on my personal experience, nothing more. So don't let hearsay frustrate you. Stay true to what you want and don't worry about meeting other people's proverbial stop watch.

 

Also, why do you let people you don't even know make you angry? Nothing you have to answer here. Just something to think about. Because some fool is mocking you, don't let that make you mad. Just thank him for demonstrating to you that you made the right choice by rejecting him. Don't let other people's pessimistic attitude affect you. Bitterness won't help you in your quest :) Most of these sites have block features. Just block the man after you reject his advances. :)

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How long did it take you to actually meet someone good from it? Someone you feel great chemistry with etc. What is the average amount of time it takes for men and women to find someone online?

 

IME, it depends on the person. If you have little issue meeting and greeting and dating people IRL, OLD will reflect that.

 

My own data points generally evolved to successful dating or more within a month of joining any particular site. That occurred mostly during the mid-late 90's but, more recently, in 2010 during my divorce. It's never really been an issue. If I met that many single women IRL, I trust I'd have similar results. OLD is merely a convenient way to meet single people where there are few IRL in my immediate area.

 

That said, the experiences of my female friends has trended to what you describe in your OP, underscoring YMMV. If it doesn't work for you, push back from it and try something else.

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I was just on one for a free Valentine's Day offer and am now emailing three great guys, with a call scheduled with one of them this weekend. He's already been looking at flight schedules, so I need to slow him down a bit. All three are top notch guys with impressive backgrounds.

 

There is no time limit. It's the luck of the draw.

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IME, it depends on the person. If you have little issue meeting and greeting and dating people IRL, OLD will reflect that.

 

 

Actually, to me it's the other way round. I meet and greet a lot of new faces because of my hobbies. I create a profile on a couple of dating sites from time to time to cast my net wider but I find that the people I socialise with in real life seem to be rather different from the ones I encounter on OLD sites. Establishing some kind of connection online just doesn't seem to be working for me, I find it a bit ... mundane basically while meeting new people (not just for dating purposes) I rather enjoy.

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When I'm online dating, typically I have to meet half a dozen girls before there's decent mutual interest. I'll generally get one date every 1-2 weeks if I put in the effort, but that can be hard work so more often it's one or two dates a month. So we're talking 2-6 months depending on how much effort I put in.

 

If I was an attractive girl though, I could get those six dates in the same week. This is why a lot of guys will assume there's something wrong with a girl who's on online dating sites for months or years on end.

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I was just on one for a free Valentine's Day offer and am now emailing three great guys, with a call scheduled with one of them this weekend. He's already been looking at flight schedules, so I need to slow him down a bit. All three are top notch guys with impressive backgrounds.

 

There is no time limit. It's the luck of the draw.

 

I hate to say it, but just because you're email 3 guys, doesn't mean any of them will go anywhere. When I first started I was very excited about the guys I was talking to and soon found out the real quality of men on there. Give it time.

 

When I'm online dating, typically I have to meet half a dozen girls before there's decent mutual interest. I'll generally get one date every 1-2 weeks if I put in the effort, but that can be hard work so more often it's one or two dates a month. So we're talking 2-6 months depending on how much effort I put in.

 

If I was an attractive girl though, I could get those six dates in the same week. This is why a lot of guys will assume there's something wrong with a girl who's on online dating sites for months or years on end.

 

My goodness, 6 dates a week? I can see how a girl without life would arrange 6 dates in one week and not get confused. But when you have a life and career and other things to worry about that take your time, you dont arrange 6 dates a week. Anyways, the assumption that girls can get 6 dates (with men they're attracted to) in a week is wrong too. A lot of men on dating sites take their time to ask you out or actually want to meet up. So unless you ask each guy after two messages that you want to meet them right away, that's not happening, not in my experience anyway.

 

It's also MUCH easier for men to meet a girl for something meaningful than it is for women. As a woman, 8 out of 10 attractive guys are only after sex. So unless you decide to date down, it's really not that easy to meet someone. Doesn't help when you're very picky too.

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Took two weeks for someone to wink at me & show high interest.

But almost weeks later we still havn't met.

 

We were supposed to meet last night but she turned it into a maybe mid week, cancelled & wanted to reschedule for next week.

 

We seem to have schedule conflicts since she works on-call during the week with weekends off & I have my kids every weekend.

 

If we don't meet next weekend, no biggie but i'll cut contact.

 

Otherwise i've probably messaged 25 women in the last month & a few responded but they go silent after a few emails.

 

I've gotten lots of winks but their all from women that I am not interested in.

 

I had another e-mail me & then she went silent a week in also.

 

My last month of subscription i'm just going to favorite every woman that catches my eye.

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That said, the experiences of my female friends has trended to what you describe in your OP, underscoring YMMV. If it doesn't work for you, push back from it and try something else.

 

Can you tell me examples of how long it took for them?

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When I'm online dating, typically I have to meet half a dozen girls before there's decent mutual interest. I'll generally get one date every 1-2 weeks if I put in the effort, but that can be hard work so more often it's one or two dates a month. So we're talking 2-6 months depending on how much effort I put in.

 

If I was an attractive girl though, I could get those six dates in the same week. This is why a lot of guys will assume there's something wrong with a girl who's on online dating sites for months or years on end.

 

If a woman is online forever I just assume she is too picky.

 

I see a lot of women on match this yr that were on last yr & I only remember them because I thought they were attractive back then.

 

They didn't respond to my messages. LOL!

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I seem to have more success on Plenty of Fish than Okcupid

 

 

just the opposite for me.

 

 

I say, meet asap. The more emails exchanged, the more chances for people to get sketched out and flake - usually over something so superficial. Emails are too easily misunderstood. Meet, see if you like them and if not just move on. I got a message from a woman last week. I didn't find her pic all that appealing but she seemed nice and was local. We met last night over drinks for about 4 hours and had a great time. She was more attractive than her pics and had lots in common. Something I would have never known in just profile browsing and emails.

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I hate to say it, but just because you're email 3 guys, doesn't mean any of them will go anywhere. When I first started I was very excited about the guys I was talking to and soon found out the real quality of men on there. Give it time.

 

When you meet people in real life there is no guarantee it will go anywhere either. There is no magic formula. For me, I found that a 'niche' dating website has yielded the best results because we immediately have things in common. There seem to be lots of similar dating websites popping up for all sorts of interests so you might have better luck.

 

If you want to find out "the real quality of men" emailing you, Google is a wonderful thing!

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It's also MUCH easier for men to meet a girl for something meaningful than it is for women. As a woman, 8 out of 10 attractive guys are only after sex. So unless you decide to date down, it's really not that easy to meet someone. Doesn't help when you're very picky too.

 

I'd say it's about equal in that respect (at least in my experience as a male).

 

I've met a few people with similar interests and have talked for a long time with people who live too far away to really meet in real life. Overall, it hasn't gotten me anyone beyond that.

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fortyninethousand322

I did online dating for like 18 months and I never met anyone with mutual interest. In fact I only met one person, who ditched me after two dates.

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When you meet people in real life there is no guarantee it will go anywhere either. There is no magic formula. For me, I found that a 'niche' dating website has yielded the best results because we immediately have things in common. There seem to be lots of similar dating websites popping up for all sorts of interests so you might have better luck.

 

If you want to find out "the real quality of men" emailing you, Google is a wonderful thing!

 

My point is, don't get your hopes up too fast. I was talking to one guy from this site, seemed perfect in every sense, until the time came for us to meet, he suddenly turned a jerk due to his insecurities and bailed on me in a very rude manner. I was totally shocked. You just never know who you're dealing with online.

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My point is, don't get your hopes up too fast. I was talking to one guy from this site, seemed perfect in every sense, until the time came for us to meet, he suddenly turned a jerk due to his insecurities and bailed on me in a very rude manner. I was totally shocked. You just never know who you're dealing with online.

 

Or you can talk to someone on the phone for 2 hours and then they never call or text you again

 

LOL

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My point is, don't get your hopes up too fast. I was talking to one guy from this site, seemed perfect in every sense, until the time came for us to meet, he suddenly turned a jerk due to his insecurities and bailed on me in a very rude manner. I was totally shocked. You just never know who you're dealing with online.

 

Or in real life. Serial killers have girlfriends, too.

 

I know what I'm doing. I have no romantic fantasies. That's the folly of youth! I've been online dating far longer than you and have met some fabulous men I wouldn't otherwise have met. I've had very few bad dates because I pre-screen. By the time we meet, we are good friends and he's spent money to travel to meet me (or he pays for my travel). That separates the men from the boys. :laugh:

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Or you can talk to someone on the phone for 2 hours and then they never call or text you again

 

That's because she learned more about you and decided she wasn't interested. That's what dating is about. It's a selection process.

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That's because she learned more about you and decided she wasn't interested. That's what dating is about. It's a selection process.

 

whatever, it doesn't take 2 hours to realize the person is not someone who want to meet. Everything has to have a reason when a WOMAN does something but if a man did it a woman would be saying......He was married, or have a girlfriend.

 

 

So save that "it's a selection process" for someone else

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whatever, it doesn't take 2 hours to realize the person is not someone who want to meet. Everything has to have a reason when a WOMAN does something but if a man did it a woman would be saying......He was married, or have a girlfriend.

 

 

So save that "it's a selection process" for someone else

 

 

Sometimes its a selection process, sometimes something else. I've had men bail on me due to their own insecurities of not being good enough!

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Sometimes its a selection process, sometimes something else. I've had men bail on me due to their own insecurities of not being good enough!

 

Sorry, but nobody buys that excuse when a woman uses it.

 

You are kidding yourself if you think multiple guys bailed on you because you intimidated them.

 

Please head on over to frustrated standards thread where she thinks every guy she approaches is intimidated by her hawtness instead of just turned off by something about her.

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There is no "magic formula" for success with online dating sites, unfortunately. There are some solid rules, however.

 

Maybe the most important is being realistic with your goals. We would all love to find ourselves madly in love with the most beautiful successful charming person who walks the earth, but in reality it's a good idea to look in the mirror, and target people who are truly "matched" to us.

 

Tell the truth, and post current photos! Yeah, I know, but then you think you won't get dates. You will, however, if you focus on the right people.

 

There is a whole lot more involved in online dating success, but this is a good start...

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Sorry, but nobody buys that excuse when a woman uses it.

 

You are kidding yourself if you think multiple guys bailed on you because you intimidated them.

 

Please head on over to frustrated standards thread where she thinks every guy she approaches is intimidated by her hawtness instead of just turned off by something about her.

 

lol, I never said I think they are intimidated by my hotness. And they are the ones who told me they are insecure not me. With one, our date was during the day and believe it or not, he said he doesn't want to come because daylight doesn't make him the most attractive. Another guy was insecure about where we were going and him not knowing what to do so he bailed and then later wanted another chance.

 

There is no "magic formula" for success with online dating sites, unfortunately. There are some solid rules, however.

 

Maybe the most important is being realistic with your goals. We would all love to find ourselves madly in love with the most beautiful successful charming person who walks the earth, but in reality it's a good idea to look in the mirror, and target people who are truly "matched" to us.

 

Tell the truth, and post current photos! Yeah, I know, but then you think you won't get dates. You will, however, if you focus on the right people.

 

There is a whole lot more involved in online dating success, but this is a good start...

 

I don't think my estimations are that far off...And my photos are all taken within the past 6 months.

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