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I THOUGHT I got myself a date...finally! But.....


irc333

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Okay, kind of along story, but if you're bored, then you can read it. LOL

 

I actually got an email from a woman who contacted ME initially (boy that's a first). I was kind of in a dating lull anyhow, and wasn't contacting many women at the time, just browsing...and low and behold, I found an email from someone in my inbox.

 

Cute girl, pretty smile, she looked very perky and petite. You could say she's average, but I found her adorable. She was a fitness instructor at a local gym.

 

In her profile, like most women, mentioned the wierdos and perverts wanting only one thing online...you know, typical junk women complain about when it comes to online dating in general.

 

She told me she had a bad vibe from one guy that really gave her the heebee jeebees.

 

I figured, if a woman does the contacting, I'm SURE to get a date, right?

 

WRONG! lol

 

We did talk online, and then I asked for her # and she gave it to me, and we talked on the phone. I asked about meeting up, and she agreed to it, and I said, "How about Friday?" (this was Friday 2 weeks back). She agreed to it....I just was wondering about a place to meet and a time....I figured it out and called her back and left her the message about the restaurant we'd meet at and what time.

 

She called me up to tell me she couldn't do Fri night, she had a funeral to attend for a friend, and said she'd be avail. the following week....so I suggest Mon or Tues, and she said she was booked solid with gym classes day and night, and that the following Saturday would be when she would be free.

 

Anyhow, I call her up about middle of that week, and she didn't answer,and I left a message about making arrangements for Sat., apparently we BOTH kept missing each other's messages, but at least we left voicemails...so that was helpful.

 

She gets a hold of me, this time I'm near my phone, and I answer. We started talking a bit, about her days going and such, and then I talk about Sat. the phone connection drops.

 

I call her back...no answer, just some pre-recorded message about how the phone number I called is temporarily unavail. VERY strange. Figured she left the cell phone range area...I tried a couple of redials then the same message.

 

When I get home, and email her, I asked what happened whent he call dropped, and then talked about Sat there, too. And she replies with, "Yeah, my phone doesn't work."

 

SHe doesn't address Sat. so I get the feeling she's getting cold feet. and I sent her a response stating, "Hey, what's up, you're not getting cold feet are you?"

 

And she responded with 'yeah, sorta....sorry"

 

Then I said, "Well, I'm still open to meeting, if you want to take a chance, that'd be great, but I can understand how online dating can be a bit intimdating, esp for the first time....so if you'd like to meetup still. give me a call/email"

 

On the phone she NEVER met a man from online, I think I was CLOSE as she ever got to meeting one. Her first time online dating,t oo, in general.

 

She never did respond , the I saw she changed her profile up....said she was NO longer participating on the site, she met some decent guys, but a specific one gave her a Jeffery Domer vibe.....I remember, because she told me about him over the phone.

 

And wish everyone well on their search.

 

That was it.

 

That being said....I think that's my experience lately, when I DO actually get a woman to respond and correspond. It's usually some kind of FIRST timer to the online dating world. Typically, when they get REAL close to meeting a guy, they delete their profile ALTOGETHER, only because they got cold feet?

 

Anyone?

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This is the world of online dating. You just happen to be one of the 99 men who lost to the one guy who got a date from her.

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I would give them your full name if you haven't done that in the past before your first meet up and suggest they run a back ground check on you. This should put them at ease that your not a criminal. It worked for me.

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Welcome to the world of online dating. Your situation happens all the time. All you can do is brush it off and move on.

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I created a thread about this sort of thing. While not about any specific personal experience it does happen allot.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t313520/

 

Various studies show that there is allot of deception in online dating. It is the second most common way for couples to meet now. It is also one of the most common ways for married or attached people to cheat. (citations in the thread I linked to)

 

They like this form of cheating because its not physical and so can feel less like real infidelity. This allows the attached person to get the thrill of flirting, chasing and being chased etc. Then once they get the date that's it for them. That's confirmation that they are still desirable to people other than their spouse or SO.

 

So no your not the only one this happens to at all. It happens to men and women of all kinds in online dating.

 

I don't see anything you did to make that happen. Someone may say you called too much or whatever. In my real life experience if someone is really into you then there is (almost) no such thing as calling too much.

 

Had you called her less then you would have showed up only for her to drop off the face of the Earth.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
Within sane reason there is no such thing as calling too much if they are into you.
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They like this form of cheating because its not physical and so can feel less like real infidelity. This allows the attached person to get the thrill of flirting, chasing and being chased etc. Then once they get the date that's it for them. That's confirmation that they are still desirable to people other than their spouse or SO
You know, you got a point, I've heard stories from women that caught some guy they met online cheating on them. They weren't married or attached, just a plain Tomcat.

 

He had one online woman that was an hour north of him, another acouple hrs south, and so on....keeping all these women he's met online at a distance, not either of them knowing about each other.

 

It's a great way to be incognito and easy to be decptive to those who are married or spoken for.

 

There's this one woman, I couldn't Yahoo chat with her after a certain time in the early evening, like 5 or 6....she could never talk or chat on the phone after that. We did meet in person, but.....I got the feeling she had a boyfriend.

 

She talked about how she had a long term relationship she ended with an abusive boyfriend, and told me that they must've broken up and gotten back together 20 times.

 

I got this feeling this man is STILL in her life, and she was trying to move pretty fast physically. Just a vibe I got.

 

This very woman in this post talked about IN her profile she hasn't dated in 2 years since her divorce....she was married for 20 years, and doesn't leave the small town to visit the larger city. You know how some small towns surround a major METRO area? She pretty much was kind of a homebody, if she went shopping, she'd go no than a few miles from her house and her only social life was the people from the gym she goes to or spending time with family.

 

I know others like this personally, their ONLY social life revolves around the 5 generations living in the SAME community, and their ONLY friends are the people they grew up with in Highschool. I find it kinda strange to still be hanging out with people you went to Highschool with, and you're in your 40's. Well....I guess there's nothing WRONG with that, but.....if you're not willing to leave that comfort zone, and willing to meet NEW people....yeah, kinda odd.

 

I met two women like this from my small town, my friend, who lives in the same town, is a bit more of a social butterfly, and he decided to drag them with him, to an event in the city......they only stuck together, when I asked them if they talked to anyone or said hi, one said, "Nah, we're not much for making new friends"

 

And I was like "Huh"? Talk about socially inept.

 

Sorry, went off on a tangent there. But just finding SIGNS of people who aren't socially able to handle the real world are found on these free dating sites. I would bet there is a VERY small percentage of people who actually "got it together" on those sites.

 

THis one was more of a victim though, of the socially inept, I kinda wanted to help her get her out of her shell, because she really liked the fact that I wasn't one of those online pervs out for one thing.

 

I don't see anything you did to make that happen. Someone may say you called too much or whatever. In my real life experience if someone is really into you then there is (almost) no such thing as calling too much.

 

Had you called her less then you would have showed up only for her to drop off the face of the Earth.

 

Right...plus she was even encouraging me to call back, and she was calling back as just frequently as I was...I wasn't nuts with the calls, but just enough to at least be able to set up a date....not calling to be a pain in the arse, but just to schedule a date. She returned my calls as much as I had made them. We seemed to be equally enthused about each other.

 

Sometimes people use the "too many calls" thing as a cop-out, it depends on the situation.

Edited by irc333
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This is the world of online dating. You just happen to be one of the 99 men who lost to the one guy who got a date from her.

 

 

Agreed...

 

She called me up to tell me she couldn't do Fri night, she had a funeral to attend for a friend, and said she'd be avail. the following week....

 

Sorry.. that sounds like she made it up.. I think she went out with someone else.. she is adjusting priorities.

 

Do you really want to be someones fallback option?

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fortyninethousand322
This is the world of online dating. You just happen to be one of the 99 men who lost to the one guy who got a date from her.

 

The OP tends to do an awful lot of losing though...

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The OP tends to do an awful lot of losing though...

 

 

No more than anyone else in these message boards doing online dating. :laugh:

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Agreed...

 

 

 

Sorry.. that sounds like she made it up.. I think she went out with someone else.. she is adjusting priorities.

 

Do you really want to be someones fallback option?

 

That's quite assumptive there Mr. "Critic" lol

 

Actually, not made up, it was her ex-mother-in-law that died. The family of the mother-in-law wanted her to come. She gave too many details of the situation for it to be made up. Just bad timing.

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That's quite assumptive there Mr. "Critic" lol

 

Actually, not made up, it was her ex-mother-in-law that died. The family of the mother-in-law wanted her to come. She gave too many details of the situation for it to be made up. Just bad timing.

 

Not too assumptive...

 

The funeral excuse is a favorite because it is a hard one to dispute and do you really know the odds of getting a girls phones number online and then her EX MIL dies?.. I'd guess a million to 1..

Not saying her EX MIL didn't die.. Are you sure the funeral wasn't last month ?

I guess it was an evening funeral ?

Did she seems like she was grieving?? If it was her EX MIL then she must have been close..

 

Hey.. I'm normally all about giving a person the second chance but her interest in you doesn't seem to be there...

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Not too assumptive...

 

The funeral excuse is a favorite because it is a hard one to dispute and do you really know the odds of getting a girls phones number online and then her EX MIL dies?.. I'd guess a million to 1..

Not saying her EX MIL didn't die.. Are you sure the funeral wasn't last month ?

I guess it was an evening funeral ?

Did she seems like she was grieving?? If it was her EX MIL then she must have been close..

 

Hey.. I'm normally all about giving a person the second chance but her interest in you doesn't seem to be there...

 

You don't think fear played a factor? Reason I ask is because she completely re-wrote her profile to reflect this.

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AC is probably right.

 

You know what's worse. At some point I'll bet this woman was thinking. "I just gave this guy a obvious lame brush off excuse and he dosen't get it what's wrong with him?"

 

I used to write allot bout emotional maturity here. The way that woman handled things was not emotionally mature.

 

Look at it this way. Someone who's as immature or damaged as this woman would be real bad in a relationship. Constant drama second guessing. The kind of woman who will crash your car then just park it in front of your house and not tell you anything about it.

 

All of that goes double if, as is so often the case she has a BF or something.

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I'm wondering if this woman was really in the right place mentally to date. Maybe she realized she wasn't over her ex or something, and that is what made her cancel.

 

irc, why don't you move to a big city or something? As someone who lives in a small town (but near some big cities), I can tell you that it is very difficult to find in the small town women past a certain age (and for that matter, men) who are datable.

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