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who is being unreasonable here?


misssmartypants

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misssmartypants

Several weeks ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. While it's probably for the best, it still hurt. I still miss him.

 

My friend advocated "getting back out there" and I tend to agree that pining for someone who doesn't want me isn't healthy. She introduced me to a guy she knew through their work with disabled children in summer camp.

 

He is recently divorced and relocated. Two reasons I was willing to not dismiss him entirely for being basically living with his father and too broke to go out anywhere. We talked online and texted back and forth.

 

After a couple-three weeks of that, I asked him if I could take him out. I make decent money and had the weekend free and have no problem taking the guy out, he was broke anyway. He refused. Said he wanted to take me out.

 

He said he got paid in the 31st and would take me out the following Saturday. That would be this past weekend. We even made plans as far as where we would eat and meet and what movie we'd see.

 

Friday he stopped communicating. I didn't sweat it too much because I don't get emotionally invested with texting/online communication. Its been like six weeks of me waiting to meet him in person to decide what I think of him. Saturday he was quiet too. Sunday he starts up the texting and facebook messaging again.

 

No mention of the planned date that didn't happen. I admit, I was miffed and didn't respond right away. He texted me late in the day "Why haven't you responded all day"

 

I told him I was a little upset about the date. I said I understand if things come up, but if a date was planned there needs to be some communication.

 

He claims we never set a date, that it was all contingent on his having enough money to go out. I replied that I remembered setting the date, locations and activities and to me it was a planned date. I added (being miffed at the whole mess) that when he had what he felt he needed, he could CALL me and set up a date but that until then I wasn't interested in the constant texting.

 

Then he starts sending me texts about how he can't stand women who get upset over stupid things and that he hopes I have fun being alone because no man will put up with it.

 

At this point I feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm irritated with my friend who set us up, this is the second complete dud/loser idiot she's introduced me to.

 

And I'm wondering if my interpretation of the events is off.

 

Also, if meeting guys online isn't working, and meeting them through friends isn't working, what's left? I live in a small town.

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Do not give this guy any more of your attention or time.

 

1) you need more time to get over your past relationship. Don't try to jump into a new one.

2) he's already showing signs of being needy ("why haven't you responded me all day?")

3) he's already stereotyping you.

4) he's a liar. He knew you set a date and he bailed.

 

I'm confused by your timeline since you say your boyfriend left you several weeks ago, but you've been waiting six weeks to meet this new guy in person. At any rate, you don't need a man to be happy. You've got to be happy with yourself. Stop focusing on finding someone new and focus on other things.

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it's not your fault. he's sitting around hating women in general because he just got taken to the cleaners in a divorce, from the sounds of his situation.

 

nothing you can do to help him and he won't be very mentally stable even if you do meet him in person. at the first sign of trouble he'd revert back to the behavior he just showed you.

 

move along...

 

as for what's left, how far away is a bigger town? if there's one in driving distance, grab another single girl friend and go do stuff in one. complaining about location is only good for as long as the complaining keeps the other side of the bed warm at night (which, i think, is not very long). you gotta maximize your opportunities to get optimal results.

Edited by thatone
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Then he starts sending me texts about how he can't stand women who get upset over stupid things and that he hopes I have fun being alone because no man will put up with it.

 

The other stuff I can accept that there may have been some misunderstandings about the date, and fault on both sides since you were a little annoyed. But THIS? He can go to hell

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ScienceGal gave you some good advice... take some time to equilibrate before you jump back in the dating pool. It's enough of a stressor without the fresh baggage. I think you did dodge a bullet with this guy. Don't blame the friend who set you up––she was trying to do you a favor. That's like blaming the postman for you finding bills rather than checks in the mailbox.

 

As for online dating––which I did for quite awhile before I connected with my gf––let them know up front that you're not interested in extended texting and emailing. You can certainly eliminate a lot of people quickly by exchanging a few emails but you absolutely cannot determine attraction or chemistry that way. Use it to qualify people to a point and then ask for an in-person meeting, but not a date. Meet for coffee and talk awhile and you'll know a lot more than if you emailed and texted six weeks. Don't invest your time and emotion in anyone you haven't qualified properly. And expect to meet a bunch of people before you find someone you're really interested in dating.

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Yuck, what a bitter jerk! :sick:

Don't be mad at your friend, though. Lots of people are very different in how they are around friends / coworkers / family and how they are around people they date.

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make me believe

Eww this guy sounds like a total loser! Why did you waste ANY time on him?!

 

And I'm confused about how you've been broken up with your bf for several weeks, but talking to this guy for SIX weeks? I mean did you start talking to him the day after you broke up?! You need to sloooow down. Jumping right into a new relationship is a horrible idea. It takes more than a couple of weeks to heal from a 2 year relationship. My advice is to not date anyone for at least a few months. And when you do start dating, don't waste all this time texting/facebooking. If you're not meeting and going on proper dates within the first few days, move on.

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SincereOnlineGuy

 

And I'm wondering if my interpretation of the events is off.

 

 

Yes, it is.

 

He drank away his paycheck as he does each and every month.

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misssmartypants
Eww this guy sounds like a total loser! Why did you waste ANY time on him?!

 

And I'm confused about how you've been broken up with your bf for several weeks, but talking to this guy for SIX weeks? I mean did you start talking to him the day after you broke up?! You need to sloooow down. Jumping right into a new relationship is a horrible idea. It takes more than a couple of weeks to heal from a 2 year relationship. My advice is to not date anyone for at least a few months. And when you do start dating, don't waste all this time texting/facebooking. If you're not meeting and going on proper dates within the first few days, move on.

 

My friend introduced us like a week after the boyfriend broke up with me. I was kinda ok not meeting right up but I hate the talking about meeting and then no follow through. And then insulting me when I called him on it.

 

I think I will just not date for a while.

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Serious WTF.

 

I was broke after my separation & divorce.

Still kinda am but I had no problem doing free stuff with a woman or letting a woman buy me a drink.

 

Flakes annoy me.

I've gotten to the point where i don't even care to call them out on it anymore & just cut contact & not resume until they apologize for flaking.

except they never apologize.

 

They are adults & knew what they did.

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Thatone and Phineas are on the money. I'd be suspicious of someone who lived with their parents anyway, how much is he likely to have his sh*t together? Not much.

 

Pick a better quality guy

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You definitely dodged a bullet!

 

I think he might be really embarrassed by his lack of money. For some men, what they earn is related to their confidence. After all the time spent communicating, he probably felt like the date needed to be impressive. And then we he didn't have the money, he lied and backed out.

 

He didn't have to be such a jerk about it, though.

 

In the future, I'd definitely try to meet sooner. I think longer communication before meeting can put more pressure on, not less. And lots of fun things are free, like going for a walk or hike together. Some museums and stuff have free times too.

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