Kaplan Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I'll lean in to kiss my girlfriend, and she pulls her head back and sort of frowns at me like a baby who's being spoon fed something he doesn't want to eat. It doesn't happen all of the time, but it happens pretty often. Outside of this phenomenon, she says she loves me and that I'm sexy and handsome, and we do kiss and make-out and what-not. But every now and then she rejects my kisses and hugs. She also has never initiated a kiss. I tell myself that the experience of being in love is just different for her and she doesn't have the same appetite for physical contact as me. But I wonder if there's something wrong. What do you guys think is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 She doesn't really love you. She's most likely interested in someone else. She could also be using you for money. That's what I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Are you in public when you do this? Does our breath smell some times like after a nice burger and onion rings? A lot of girls are like this especialy the no initiating thing. If it bothers you that much relize this will only get wors and move on. Really it wouldn't bother me unless she was also rejecting me a lot when I wanted to have sex. If you're having regular sex and you're enjoying that I wouldn't worry about the not liking kissing and not initiating thing. Its a personal call feel free to dump her for this reason its very valid for you to be upset if you care about that type of thing. Also I'd imagine a person who does that is more likely to be the person who holds out on sex but not necesarily so. Also talk to her about it... it really might go no where good to talk about it but you could try. Do it in a non acusatory way, kind of like you just want to understand and she has every right to be that way but if it could change you'd love it... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyPanda Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 How long have you two been dating? And how old are the two of you? ... it also depends on how frequently you're leaning in for kisses... I love to kiss my boyfriend, but if he was doing it every 10 minutes, I might start to get irritated... Also, is this in front of people? Or alone? ... She might just be weird about PDA. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaplan Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 How long have you two been dating? And how old are the two of you? ... it also depends on how frequently you're leaning in for kisses... I love to kiss my boyfriend, but if he was doing it every 10 minutes, I might start to get irritated... Also, is this in front of people? Or alone? ... She might just be weird about PDA. We're 28 and 26. We've been together a few months, but we've known each other for a few years. This happens in private as well as in public. As far as the frequency, it can be the first kiss of the day at any time of day and she acts the same. It doesn't bother me, but I wonder if it's a sign of something wrong. Like maybe she's not attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 It doesn't sound too good, but you didn't really answer the frequency question. How many times a day are we talking here? Five? 50? Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 It doesn't sound too good, but you didn't really answer the frequency question. How many times a day are we talking here? Five? 50? He not so good with the words. What he meant was as far as frequency that doesn't make a difference. Some times it's the first and only kiss of the day and she'll act this way. I get the feeling the frequency isn't any where close to 50. Heck I'd be suprised if he's even trying to kiss her five times with the way she is acting. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Maybe you can try to not kiss her for a while, make her work for it. Don't act distant, but just dont kiss her. See if she'll start to initiate kisses. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Have you tried asking her why she does this? You both are mature enough not to be playing silly teenager head games. Ask her why she does this, and tell her how it makes you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Maybe you can try to not kiss her for a while, make her work for it. Don't act distant, but just dont kiss her. See if she'll start to initiate kisses. I've been with girls like this. They'd just enjoy that. I mean they might try to kiss you sure but it will be a lot less then if you had been kissing them. Plus this is passive agressive. He already says he doesn't care he just wonders if this means something. I say it doesn't necesarily mean something and this might just be the way she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaplan Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Have you tried asking her why she does this? You both are mature enough not to be playing silly teenager head games. Ask her why she does this, and tell her how it makes you feel. The way she acted when I asked her about it is part of the reason why it worries me. She was very reluctant to talk about it and all she finally said was that she doesn't know why she does it. Link to post Share on other sites
zlatnapolja Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I've been with girls like this. They'd just enjoy that. I mean they might try to kiss you sure but it will be a lot less then if you had been kissing them. Plus this is passive agressive. He already says he doesn't care he just wonders if this means something. I say it doesn't necesarily mean something and this might just be the way she is. Yes you're right. I didn't mean he had to do this permanently, just for a while. Cause if she repsonds by kissing him more it means that she likes having to work for it, or that she was lazy before or something. But if she still doesnt try to kiss him, I would say theres a good chance something's wrong. If she's an insecure person or a shy person, I can imagine that something would hold her back from kissing you. Or maybe you have some unresolved issues? Women can be like that:p Or yes maybe she's not attracted to you, but there's so many reasons that would explain this behaviour.. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 She's not that into you. That's my guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Yeah this sounds reaaallly baaad. I've not had this experience but I know what it's like for myself, sometimes my knee jerk reaction is to resist if someone is trying to kiss me that I don't want to, It's like that ew stinky face. It's because you're not really into the person and it takes a mental forethought in order to go through with it. It's very hard to kiss someone you are not into, much more difficult than having sex with them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 She doesn't really love you. She's most likely interested in someone else. She could also be using you for money. That's what I think. Damn, you're good OP, how's the sex/sexual affection? Beware of a partner (man or woman) who does not initiate kissing or signs of affection, presuming such signs are important to yourself. It's a harbinger of different love styles. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Read "Five Love Languages". You may not be a good match for each other. My first wife was exactly like your GF was, with the exception of the honeymoon period of our relationship. My current Fiancee however is the exact opposit of my first wife (thankfully). OTOH there could also be another issue (another man). You never know. There is a reason why I am divorced from my first wife obviously. And 99% of the time there is always an OM involved. How is the sex? If sex is still good and frequent then I would guess that the both of you simply dont match up right personality wise. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The way she acted when I asked her about it is part of the reason why it worries me. She was very reluctant to talk about it and all she finally said was that she doesn't know why she does it. Honestly do you think it could be your breath/taste? It would explain why she was so reluctant to talk about it. I've been in this situation before with 2 guys who were great but had this issue: one had bad breath pretty regularly and the other just tasted...I dunno...milky? (Best way I can describe it ) Neither were aware. Definitely possible to be in to someone and want to kiss them but be put off by that. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 The breath/taste thing is a really good topic for honest conversation. I recall feeling hesitant to bring it up with an early girlfriend who had halitosis and, when I finally did, she was happy that I had and wasn't offended at all. She definitely initiated kisses, a lot. When I read this: "She also has never initiated a kiss." That's a canary, presuming of course the OP doesn't have a garbage dump in his mouth. OP, presuming you haven't already, why not clear this question up today? Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 She's not that into you. That's my guess. I agree with this OP. Sorry. Whenever a girl has been reluctant to show me affection, or whenever I was reluctant to show her affection, it was the beginning of the end. I went through this with my ex. She would pull away and act weird, and when I asked why, shed say I dont know. We still had were quite physical with each other, but the affection wasnt there. After we broke up, during our "on-off" period, the sex was the best it ever was. But the affection wasnt the same. Once she did start to come around, I lost my emotional flair for her and started to act the same way when shed try and kiss me. You gota have emotional attraction as well as the physical...once our problems started, everything changed for good. Do try and talk to her about this. If you cant get a straight answer, Id advise you to take some space to avoid getting hurt. I only felt hurt and used by my ex after we broke up and still had sex. I knew something was wrong when the sex was good but the emotional affection lacked...and when you love someone, that hurts alot. So be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 To women it would remove the whole purpose of kissing if she had to initiate it. Women want to feel desired, if she had to initiate the kiss she would not feel desired. wtf? and men dont want to feel desired? I know I def want to feel desired. I have dated women who freaking loved initiating kisses. So i dont know what the hell you are talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
counterman Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I'm telling you from my own experience with my ex-girlfriend, she doesn't seem that into you. My girlfriend use to tell me I'm good-looking, she loves me, I'm sexy, etc. but her actions rarely showed it. Sure we would kiss here and there but she would never initiate any (in public or private). If it's making out, I always had to ask her and sometimes she'll flat out refuse. On top of that, she'll pull away from my kiss and hugs a lot. It got to the point where two months before out break-up, we stopped kissing and stopped touching each other. Everytime I brought it up, she would say "isn't being with me enough already?". Go figure. I suggest you bring this up with her and let her know how you feel, then listen, see what she says. I hope it works out for you but if nothing changes, just move on. Don't allow yourself to get hurt again and again. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Most women love kissing expecially with a man they love. I would have to say that she isn't that into you. If it were a breath issue she would offer you a mint or gum first and still want to kiss you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaina19 Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I'll lean in to kiss my girlfriend, and she pulls her head back and sort of frowns at me like a baby who's being spoon fed something he doesn't want to eat. It doesn't happen all of the time, but it happens pretty often. Outside of this phenomenon, she says she loves me and that I'm sexy and handsome, and we do kiss and make-out and what-not. But every now and then she rejects my kisses and hugs. She also has never initiated a kiss. I tell myself that the experience of being in love is just different for her and she doesn't have the same appetite for physical contact as me. But I wonder if there's something wrong. What do you guys think is going on? It's true that affection and the want to kiss and touch starts to disappear as you start to fall out of love with someone, but have you asked her if she has a trust issue? (not necessarily with you, but just with people generally) I used to do the same in my first 2 relationships. It may have contributed to the break ups, I'm not sure. I was very much in love with these guys at the time and didn't have any doubts about them, but I had a problem trusting people in general from past experiences (bullying, parents divorce) and the fact that kissing and such was new and I wasn't used to it made me feel extremely uncomfortable doing it. I was 19 when I had my first relationship and hadn't properly kissed anyone. I went through things really slowly and wasn't truly comfortable even kissing and touching a lot until almost a year later. I really want to emphasize it doesn't have anything to do with your partner, I always loved cuddling and being physically near to my partner and would want to be with them all the time, but just felt uncomfortable with lots of sexual contact. OP, is this her first relationship? Age doesn't matter. Has she found it hard to trust in the past? Does she find it hard to feel attached to someone? It's very difficult issue to work through for both sides but I have overcome it with time and patience from my current boyfriend so it can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaplan Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. At one point I jokingly tossed some possible explanations at her: “Do I have bad breath? Am I a really bad kisser?” and she denied that it was anything like that. She said she doesn’t know why she does it. She does get in a bad mood now and then, so maybe that’s all it is. I just wish I knew what it was. When we’re happy together things are wonderful and I really feel like we’re in love, but then this thing comes up and there’s no explanation to it, and it confuses me. Regarding sex, we don’t do it quite as much as I’d like, not because she refuses, but because I don’t try for it as much as I would if she was more welcoming to my touch in general. I’m not the kind of person to just walk up and say, “Hey, let’s have sex.” I like for sex to just sort of happen out of mutual attraction. It doesn’t happen naturally when you’re not touching the other person to begin with. That being said, we do have sex regularly and it’s satisfying for both of us. I don’t know if she has trust issues. She says she has trouble getting close to people, though. She’s 28 and has been in a normal number of relationships. Sometimes I think I’m just not her type. I think she knows I’m awesome and that other women want me and feels like she should love me and want me, but I think maybe there’s just something missing. I also feel like something may have changed at some point. I used to hold her face close to mine and she would smile up at me with this certain smile . . . I haven’t seen that smile in weeks. (Man, I’m tearing up thinking about that face.) It’s weird because she denies that anything’s wrong, and we’ve talked about getting married and starting a family. But it seems like something’s wrong. If her words matched her behaviour I would know exactly what to do, but it’s impossible for me to give up on us when she says everything’s fine. I’m going to confront her about this again, and try to get more of a conversation going. Link to post Share on other sites
DirtyDancing Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 If her behavior is markedly different from what it used to be (meaning kissing and touching), honestly, your intuition may be telling you something. It may be that she's fallen out of love with you. For women, at least in my experience, when my ex used to touch me and lean in to kiss me at the end of our relationship, I'd pull away and actually feel repulsed by his affections. In fact, one of our friends even noticed it once it was so hard to conceal. It was subconscious of course, but it does show through. At the end of our relationship, my ex would complain that I used to be so affectionate and the sex was so regular and great, but it was like pulling teeth to get me to show him affection anymore. I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore. They say that when there's problems in the sexual arena, it is a key indication of problems in the relationship. Maybe she's 'lost that lovin' feeling', (that's my immediate reaction to your story) but I don't know her affection level in the past with you. For me personally, if I'm in love with a man, I want to touch and kiss him, And I want him to do the same. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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