blueeyes_mike Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I'm new here and I am recently dating a girl who looks okay, but has many red flags that i'm having trouble ignoring. She has three kids from two different men and she has been married twice and divorced twice. She seems a bit needy and always complaining that she has no money. I had to pay for everything in our first 2 date and she didn't even attempt to help out. Am I being used? Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Dude do not walk away from this woman, run away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyes_mike Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 I was thinking the same way, Lobo. The funny thing is she swears she has it going on and brags about how many men are chasing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobouspo Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Wait until you meet the kids. You will be footing the bill after a night at Chuck E Cheese. You say she is 'okay' looking, not super hot, so what is so appealing about her. This gal does not have baggage. She has luggage. Bail now before you get sucked in further. I speak from experience. Being a single parent with 3 kids is tough. She is just being forthright regarding her financial situation, but its not your problem, and if you are smart, should not become your problem Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Dude do not walk away from this woman, run away! Dude, carjack the fastest car and drive away!!!! Obviously, if she has kids she going to be needy! You really want to take care of other mens' kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyes_mike Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 No, I don't want to play daddy to someone else kids, but i could see myself having a friendly relationship with them. I haven't met them. To be honest, the multiple failed marriages and having to pay for everything bothers me more. I think she has mental issues because she brags about being a great catch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyes_mike Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Wait until you meet the kids. You will be footing the bill after a night at Chuck E Cheese. That gave me a chuckle, Lobo. But I know you are serious about that comment and perhaps correct! I really don't see her even attempting to help out with the bill in future dates, since she already told me she is broke and has several debts to pay off. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 If these kids are from men other than the ones she was married to, agree run run away. If they were from the men she was married to, up to you if you eventually want to be the family provider, because that is likely what she is seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyes_mike Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Dasein, I'm 90% sure they are from totally different men, but not positive. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 She has three kids from two different men and she has been married twice and divorced twice. Not a problem, but if you have a preference for someone with less marriage experience and fewer kids that's fine. It would be worrying if she hadn't learned anything from the failed marriages (eg what went wrong, what to do differently, how to chose a more suitable partner next time or whatever). She seems a bit needy and always complaining that she has no money. I had to pay for everything in our first 2 date and she didn't even attempt to help out. Am I being used? Needy sounds like a problem. Complaining that she has no money could just be her being honest. Is she trying to get a (better) job? Perhaps she's trying to suggest to you that you should take her on cheaper dates because she knows she can't afford to pay for expensive restaurant meals and show tickets etc. Paying for 2 dates - Hard to tell if that's an issue. Some people (men and women) have a strong view that "the man should pay for early dates" and if you don't like that then you don't have to - there are plenty of people who have different views. Also, don't spend too much on early dates then the impact is lower even if the attitude is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
phobos Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Why don't you just drop this ugly slut? Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 You are an absolute fool if you can recognized legit red flags, choose to ignore them and continue on with the relationship. You don't sound that happy with her and you even said you think she has mental issues. Why would you want a girl with mental issues? Pass - move on. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people resort to "She's not hot? Dump her." For all I know, this girl has other qualities that the OP hasn't mentioned. What's more pressing is the fluidity in relationships (how old is she? divorced twice, especially depending on her age, is a serious issue). listen to how she talks about her exes. Is it all THEIR fault that she's now divorced? Was she the perfect angel who did nothing? Does she praise them as though they're gods? Huge red flag. Or does she have a more humble approach where she acknowledges that maybe she married the wrong men/she did something to cause the divorce? Not for certain a bad sign. Having kids with guys she was never even married to would be a problem for me. Once? Sure, everyone makes mistakes. But to have another child with a man she's not even confident enough to marry would be a definite red flag. Clearly she's not exercising caution regarding who she'll have children with. Then there's the insecurity regarding all these guys who are supposedly after her. That low self-esteem is at the roof. I have a feeling she will likely pursue other men while you date to increase her self-esteem. Not only will she get their attention, but she'll be able to make you jealous, which will boost her self-esteem all the more. But to be fair, it could also just be that she wants to entice you into going after her at the thought of a good catch getting taken off the market. I'd say proceed with caution. Maybe choose cheaper dates. But you outright say you could see a friendly relationship with the kids. Has this woman told you exactly what she'd ultimately want out of a relationship so far? I'm going to assume a husband and step-father to her kids. If you don't want to fill that role, get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Dasein, I'm 90% sure they are from totally different men, but not positive. Then it's time to move on. Here's a young woman with a potential of at least 4 different exes tied to her in some way, either by marriage or by the kids. That is more baggage than I would be willing to handle. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I was thinking the same way, Lobo. The funny thing is she swears she has it going on and brags about how many men are chasing her. Then let the other men chase her and pay her bills. Complaining that she's broke and not offering to even pay the tip when you go out? No way. She's looking for a guy to support her and her rug rats. Do you want to be that guy? If they were your kids that would be one thing, but they aren't. I wouldn't get involved with her. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybelly24 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I could see being divorced once, but twice? Don't walk....run! away. Neediness so early on is definitely a big red flag. As far as you complaining about paying for the dates, I'm going to kindly disagree. Call me old-fashioned, but I love it when a guy takes responsibility for paying, especially on the first date. To me, it shows that he thinks I'm worth treating and that he is financially stable enough to have the option to pay for a nice meal out, etc. With that being said, I definitely would not expect a guy to pay for every little thing when we date. Even in situations where a guy was making a significant amount more money then I do, I still offer to pick up some of the tabs. I want the person I'm dating to know that I am interested in more than their wallet and that I'm not taking advantage of them. I would say that if it has been more than a few dates and she hasn't offered to pay for anything or at least showed some kind of appreciation, that that is a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts