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My colleague at work


ThsAmericanLife

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ThsAmericanLife

A few of you may remember that I used to have a crush on one of my colleagues at work.

 

I say 'used to'... but I still work with him. He is REALLY getting on my nerves now, and I thought I'd share it with you... as a lesson about what NOT to do. And a chance for me to vent as well.

 

Ok, a few months ago, we crossed paths because of work. We were obliged to get together because of that, and it turned out we had a TON in common. I was really surprised how much I liked him... and it appeared obvious he was attracted to me as well. All the usual stuff... sitting close to each other, lots of not so random touching on both parts. All that.

 

So, after a few weeks of this, I'm wondering why he hasn't asked me out. I figure he's shy, and me being A-OK with making a first move, I broach the topic of our (seemingly) mutual attraction.

 

It is only THEN that he fesses up that he has a girlfriend!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad:

 

Keep in mind that he had many opportunities to drop her existence into prior conversations... not to mention avoiding the touchy-feely all together.

 

For me, this is instant turn off. Crush immediately over and no way in hell would I ever date him.

 

Flash forward to last night. We had to get together for work again, and he's back at the touchy-feely thing again (or trying). Looking me in the eyes... checking me out... I swear, I just want to say... "so, how is your girlfriend?"

 

:mad::mad:

 

... It's too bad really. If he'd fessed up early on, he might have had a chance with me down the road if things didn't work out with his lady friend. Now I wouldn't date him at all. Not that it matters. At this point, I'm assuming he just likes the attention. I'm not playing along.

 

Just so you know, I'm not ok with either gender doing this. When I'm seeing someone, I don't do the kind of stuff this guy has been doing. I conduct myself as if my BF/SO is in the room and there is nothing I'd need to hide. That is how I think people in relationships should behave if they care about their SO... or break up with them if things aren't working out.

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all men suck... I'll never ask a man out again... ever ever ever... he totally led me on and now I'll never be the same... What a JERK.

 

(yea, THAT should get things going...) ;)

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Does he seem to be on the quiet side? He may have thought that if he told you that he had a girlfriend, it would totally turn you off. Possibly things are not going well with his girlfriend, and as long as he is not engaged or married, you may not want to write him off. Things change, people break up with girlfriends, and if you still are somewhat interested in him, give him a chance. Should he say that he is totally happy with his girlfriend, then you may want to look elsewhere.

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I conduct myself as if my BF/SO is in the room and there is nothing I'd need to hide. That is how I think people in relationships should behave if they care about their SO... or break up with them if things aren't working out.

 

Very sensible. I like your attitude. :)

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Does he seem to be on the quiet side? He may have thought that if he told you that he had a girlfriend, it would totally turn you off.

 

Ok. I'm confused. So, you are ok with people leaving the impression that they are not seeing someone when they really are?

 

 

Possibly things are not going well with his girlfriend, and as long as he is not engaged or married, you may not want to write him off. Things change, people break up with girlfriends, and if you still are somewhat interested in him, give him a chance. Should he say that he is totally happy with his girlfriend, then you may want to look elsewhere.

 

I think he's demonstrated how he behaves when he is supposedly dating someone. That he thinks it is ok to work a 'back up plan'. While I understand that some people think this is acceptable behavior... I'm not so sure I'd care to be his GF if he makes a habit of appearing available when he is not.

 

I'm not a pilferer. I don't and never have gone after men who have girlfriends.

 

I appreciate your feedback though... I realize my standards are pretty high when it comes to character and integrity. That trumps money, looks, charm, sex appeal and everything else to me.

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Very sensible. I like your attitude. :)

 

Thanks! It's the old 'character is what you do when noone is watching' rule. Seems to make life alot easier and drama free in the long run.

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Ok. I'm confused. So, you are ok with people leaving the impression that they are not seeing someone when they really are?

 

 

 

 

I think he's demonstrated how he behaves when he is supposedly dating someone. That he thinks it is ok to work a 'back up plan'. While I understand that some people think this is acceptable behavior... I'm not so sure I'd care to be his GF if he makes a habit of appearing available when he is not.

 

I'm not a pilferer. I don't and never have gone after men who have girlfriends.

 

I appreciate your feedback though... I realize my standards are pretty high when it comes to character and integrity. That trumps money, looks, charm, sex appeal and everything else to me.

It is admirable that your standards are high; all I was trying to say was that sometimes people make a TRANSITION from one relationship to the other, in other words, a person may look around for someone new near the END of a bad relationship. My earlier post indicated that I thought it could be OK to see him if he was unhappy and nearing the end of his relationship with his girlfriend.
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I'm not a pilferer. I don't and never have gone after men who have girlfriends.

 

 

Dang I'm a pilferer.

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Some guys when complaining about their relationship give me the impression that they are hoping for an external reason (another woman, like me, hint, hint) to make them leave their relationship, because their own dissatisfaction is not enough. They look a bit like cowards. It's just a feeling though and I have zero proof for it.

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By the way, I'm also really into my co-worker. He is probably one of the sweetest people I know. And he also has a girlfriend... I like him a lot and I think he likes me, too, but it's probably not strong enough to end things with his girlfriend (which he never ever mentions, I know stuff about his sister, but nothing about his girlfriend. I only learned about her by chance through my boss.) Sometimes when we sit next to each other, his hand touches my arm. Or one day he gave me a little nudge with his hand, touching my hand. I can't really say it's a very obvious sign that he's flirting with me and more likely, it's happening on an unconscious level, because he's way too honorable to do that kind of foul thing. I guess, it does mean though that he likes me and feels comfortable around me. :love:

 

I'm hoping that his girlfriend wants to take it to the next level soon and then he will have to make a decision. :o

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By the way, I'm also really into my co-worker. He is probably one of the sweetest people I know. And he also has a girlfriend... I like him a lot and I think he likes me, too, but it's probably not strong enough to end things with his girlfriend (which he never ever mentions, I know stuff about his sister, but nothing about his girlfriend. I only learned about her by chance through my boss.) Sometimes when we sit next to each other, his hand touches my arm. Or one day he gave me a little nudge with his hand, touching my hand. I can't really say it's a very obvious sign that he's flirting with me and more likely, it's happening on an unconscious level, because he's way too honorable to do that kind of foul thing. I guess, it does mean though that he likes me and feels comfortable around me. :love:

 

I'm hoping that his girlfriend wants to take it to the next level soon and then he will have to make a decision. :o

 

:) Yes, I had a little chat with myself to see if I was reading more into this than there was.... the little flirtations happened more than a few times... plus he was getting in the habit of calling me a couple of times a week... it would start with talk about work, but then would segue into more personal things.

 

It was fun for awhile (thinking that maybe something was there). He's a cutie pie and I'm betting he doesn't have any problems attracting women.

 

There is a part of me that also wonders if he was playing this to get more out of me... in terms of work collaboration, etc. I have to admit I've used my feminine wiles to chat up guys I need work favors from. I know... I'm bad. ;)

 

I'm not seriously pissed or anything. Just thinking it is a shame that my initial impression about his character is less than sterling. Plus... there is a part of me that wants to let him know... dude, you aren't ALL that... He 'excused' me before... albeit in a nice way... it's not like he can just stroll on back and have me drop at his feet now.

 

It can be fun having a work crush, huh?

Edited by ThsAmericanLife
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:) Yes, I had a little chat with myself to see if I was reading more into this than there was.... the little flirtations happened more than a few times... plus he was getting in the habit of calling me a couple of times a week... it would start with talk about work, but then would segue into more personal things.

Sometimes a guy touches me and I don't think too much about it and then other time I start wondering if he was interested. I think I'm going to start a thread about this.

 

There is a part of me that also wonders if he was playing this to get more out of me... in terms of work collaboration, etc. I have to admit I've used my feminine wiles to chat up guys I need work favors from. I know... I'm bad. ;)

That's totally legitimate as a woman. :cool:

 

It can be fun having a work crush, huh?

Totally! :love: He sits opposite of me and I get to see him from Monday to Friday. :love: He is so masculine, but still, one of the nicest and most considerate men I know. :love: For example, we often go to meetings together and I have noticed that since I once mentioned to him that Spanish guys are more corteous towards women, for example, they hold doors open for them or let them pass first, he does that more often. He's the kind of guy who surely spoils his girlfriend to death and I would do the same for him. :love:

 

The weird thing in this case is, I'm not particularly jealous of his girlfriend. :confused: And although I tend to be insecure about guys I like, I don't feel that about him at all. I'm just happy to have him around me. :love: We hardly ever have lunch together though. :( The company is huge and he knows so many people. :(

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Sometimes a guy touches me and I don't think too much about it and then other time I start wondering if he was interested. I think I'm going to start a thread about this.

 

 

That's totally legitimate as a woman. :cool:

 

 

Totally! :love: He sits opposite of me and I get to see him from Monday to Friday. :love: He is so masculine, but still, one of the nicest and most considerate men I know. :love: For example, we often go to meetings together and I have noticed that since I once mentioned to him that Spanish guys are more corteous towards women, for example, they hold doors open for them or let them pass first, he does that more often. He's the kind of guy who surely spoils his girlfriend to death and I would do the same for him. :love:

 

The weird thing in this case is, I'm not particularly jealous of his girlfriend. :confused: And although I tend to be insecure about guys I like, I don't feel that about him at all. I'm just happy to have him around me. :love: We hardly ever have lunch together though. :( The company is huge and he knows so many people. :(

 

 

Well, you never know. A friend of mine from my former company met her now husband in the bluegrass music scene while she was dating a musician. Her former BF ended up dumping her for some chick in Boston... she was heartbroken for a couple of months, then came across her (now husband) at another music event. Turns out, he'd had a crush on her all along. They are now married and expecting twins.

 

I guess the difference between her story and mine is that neither of them were dating others when they got together. Perfect timing for them. Still, the idea of 'proximity' is a good one to keep in mind. You work with him. If things should fall through with his current steady, then there might be a chance.

 

That is the bummer thing about my and my colleague. Those early feelings have been polluted because of his failure to say something about his current girlfriend before. Anyway, who knows.

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blame an entire gender. like gals havent done that before.

 

I think most people who 'know' me here know that I was totally being tongue-in-cheek.... but thanks for playing!! I was wondering when someone would take the bait. Oopsie!

 

If it sounds familiar, I figured that maybe a woman on LS can whine just as well as some of the men on LS... I'm all about equal opportunity whining :)

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Why? do you like dating women who will probably cheat on you in the future?

 

The whole point in pilfering a woman is that you know she's low quality so you know there is no future. :D

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The whole point in pilfering a woman is that you know she's low quality so you know there is no future. :D

 

 

... and I'm sure the woman feels the same about the guy doing the pilfering.

 

I'm not interested in men who think I can be pilfered or will help them cheat either.

 

So it is a 'win-win'.

 

Low quality hangs with low quality.... whatever that means ('quality' that is). Or, I'd rather think... people who aren't serious about relationships aren't respectful of other's relationships either. Not surprising at all.

 

... in other words... you aren't upping your cache with people of integrity by continuing to hit on them after they've told you they have a SO.

 

Trying to pilfer is a nice way to self-select yourself out of the pool of honest people... and guarantees that the people who stay in your dating pool also have no integrity. Not sure what this accomplishes exactly... except filling up nights and weekends with people you don't want to invest in...

 

and one wonders why some people have such a negative view of the opposite gender. Hmm...

Edited by ThsAmericanLife
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... and I'm sure the woman feels the same about the guy doing the pilfering.

 

I'm not interested in men who think I can be pilfered or will help them cheat either.

 

So it is a 'win-win'.

 

Low quality hangs with low quality.... whatever that means ('quality' that is). Or, I'd rather think... people who aren't serious about relationships aren't respectful of other's relationships either. Not surprising at all.

 

... in other words... you aren't upping your cache with people of integrity by continuing to hit on them after they've told you they have a SO.

 

Trying to pilfer is a nice way to self-select yourself out of the pool of honest people... and guarantees that the people who stay in your dating pool also have no integrity. Not sure what this accomplishes exactly... except filling up nights and weekends with people you don't want to invest in...

 

and one wonders why some people have such a negative view of the opposite gender. Hmm...

 

You cut me deep. really. :rolleyes:

 

You really do love lashing out at men & dropping nasty insults meant to be truly hurtful.

 

I'm surprised a scientist such as yourself hasn't analyzed the data & figured out that I find your insults more amusing than hurtful.

Perhaps this is something you should look at because other's may see this behavior in real life directed towards others & men tend to find that behavior in a woman unattractive and with men your age going for & getting much younger women you might want to check that because your dating pool is far,far,far smaller than mine.

 

But if you only attract low quality men then of course that must mean by your rules that you are low quality yourself.

 

YOUR RULES.

 

See how that works?

 

It's laughable really, you seem to thing the world must adhere to your view of dating & anyone who doesn't is "low quality".

 

Can you say inflated self-importance?

 

Seems to me, you think your pussy belongs on a pedestal.

How old are you again?

Aint gonna happen hunny.

 

Most real men don't take entitled women like yourself seriously & view you as hit & quit material & nothing more. Hence why you have so many problems.

 

Nobody wants to deal with a princess who thinks she's all that & a bag of chips.

 

and judging from your posts on this forum that describes you to a tee.

Edited by phineas
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You cut me deep. really. :rolleyes:

 

You really do love lashing out at men & dropping nasty insults meant to be truly hurtful.

 

I'm surprised a scientist such as yourself hasn't analyzed the data & figured out that I find your insults more amusing than hurtful.

Perhaps this is something you should look at because other's may see this behavior in real life directed towards others & men tend to find that behavior in a woman unattractive and with men your age going for & getting much younger women you might want to check that because your dating pool is far,far,far smaller than mine.

 

But if you only attract low quality men then of course that must mean by your rules that you are low quality yourself.

 

YOUR RULES.

 

See how that works?

 

It's laughable really, you seem to thing the world must adhere to your view of dating & anyone who doesn't is "low quality".

 

Can you say inflated self-importance?

 

Seems to me, you think your pussy belongs on a pedestal.

How old are you again?

Aint gonna happen hunny.

 

Most real men don't take entitled women like yourself seriously & view you as hit & quit material & nothing more. Hence why you have so many problems.

 

Nobody wants to deal with a princess who thinks she's all that & a bag of chips.

 

and judging from your posts on this forum that describes you to a tee.

Dude, you must learn to stop hitting below the below the belt. You really look like an idiot.

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Dude, you must learn to stop hitting below the below the belt. You really look like an idiot.

 

Really?

Because she didn't do it first?

 

She has a history of following me around the forum & telling me i'm low quality because she doesn't agree with my method of dating & she's doing it again in this thread.

 

I guess you feel it's ok for women to take shots at men but not fair for them to return the favor in kind?

 

There is a thread on this forum about women & their double standards.

You should go take a look at it.

 

Considering I just told her that insults from an anonymous person on the net is amusing to me I thank you for the chuckle.

 

That was your intent right?

To add a little levity to the situation.

I find nothing funnier than someone who chastises me for returning an insult in spades then following up with an insult of their own :lmao:

Edited by phineas
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He should have refrained from the flirting/touch-feely stuff from the start if he already had a girlfriend. I don't have a lot of respect for guys who leave doors open like this. Imagine how you'd feel if he was your boyfriend and he did this at work with other girls. Says a lot about his character. There is a weakness there somehow.

 

I do have great respect for you though. You've behaved with decorum and respect. Pity he wasn't worthy of it.

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He can be attracted to you physically but not want to go any further because he has a girlfriend. That would basically explain what you are talking about....

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You cut me deep. really. :rolleyes:

 

You really do love lashing out at men & dropping nasty insults meant to be truly hurtful.

 

I'm surprised a scientist such as yourself hasn't analyzed the data & figured out that I find your insults more amusing than hurtful.

Perhaps this is something you should look at because other's may see this behavior in real life directed towards others & men tend to find that behavior in a woman unattractive and with men your age going for & getting much younger women you might want to check that because your dating pool is far,far,far smaller than mine.

 

But if you only attract low quality men then of course that must mean by your rules that you are low quality yourself.

 

YOUR RULES.

 

See how that works?

 

It's laughable really, you seem to thing the world must adhere to your view of dating & anyone who doesn't is "low quality".

 

Can you say inflated self-importance?

 

Seems to me, you think your pussy belongs on a pedestal.

How old are you again?

Aint gonna happen hunny.

 

Most real men don't take entitled women like yourself seriously & view you as hit & quit material & nothing more. Hence why you have so many problems.

 

Nobody wants to deal with a princess who thinks she's all that & a bag of chips.

 

and judging from your posts on this forum that describes you to a tee.

 

Sorry if you took that as an insult... seems *someone* is a little sensitive. Woooo!!!

 

If you get a kick out of 'pilfering' and that seems like good sport to you, then have at it. Who cares?

 

You shouldn't be surprised, hurt, or angry that the person you are trying to 'hit and quit' is applying the same standards to you... that's all I'm saying...

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She has a history of following me around the forum & telling me i'm low quality because she doesn't agree with my method of dating & she's doing it again in this thread.

 

Now THIS is funny. I seem to recall I started this thread and you posted here... Hmmm.

Edited by ThsAmericanLife
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He should have refrained from the flirting/touch-feely stuff from the start if he already had a girlfriend. I don't have a lot of respect for guys who leave doors open like this. Imagine how you'd feel if he was your boyfriend and he did this at work with other girls. Says a lot about his character. There is a weakness there somehow.

 

I do have great respect for you though. You've behaved with decorum and respect. Pity he wasn't worthy of it.

 

Thanks, and I agree. I'm not a fan of having to do '20 questions' with someone's status.

 

Makes me wonder how much digging I'd have to do in other areas, if we were to get together.

 

There IS a chain of thinking among some circles that having a girlfriend/boyfriend helps you attract people of the opposite sex though. I suppose it does for some... There are people who like a challenge and get some kind of thrill out of undermining other people's relationships.

 

I much prefer the kind of person who is comfortable in their own skin, and is fine being 'alone' rather than stay in a bad situation... and who aren't consciously or unconsciously casting their net in other places to see if they can trade up.

 

Seems like it would bode better for my future with someone like that rather than the kind who can't be alone and need to keep a backup plan in place.

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