h4t3rhater Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I met a great guy online and we've been talking for almost 2 months. We seem to have the same morals/values and both are looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. We instant message and video chat for hours on the weekends and I really like him and he seems to like me too. Seems great right? Only one little problem, we live about, hmmm, almost 10000 miles away from each other almost opposite sides of the world. I'm talking about 2 developed and equally modern countries here so I don't sniff a dating scam or anything (which I have dealt with before ). But my question is since the cost of visiting one another seems to be exponentially higher than if we lived on the same continent... how long should you wait to meet in person? I keep asking and pressing to make sure that I'm not gonna be strung along and he repeatedly tells me that he can afford it and he's almost 100% sure he will visit when "the time is right" that he but doesn't wanna make the financial investment until he's SURE it won't be a waste of money which makes sense... and I can't afford to visit or else I would asap. He thinks that you should be very serious with somebody before going to another country to meet them but I disagree and we have discussed this. I have issues with talking to somebody for months and months online before meeting, even with webcam. Because there's so much that you can't see and the longer you wait, the more emotionally involved you get and I feel your judgement will be impaired when you do finally meet. We're both pretty young (early 20's) and took our chances on something that had the odds against us from the start and I don't wanna miss out on a great guy because of distance. I also don't wanna keep pressing the issue because I don't wanna mess up a good thing but I really don't wanna waste my time either. All we talk about is what things we're gonna do and see when he comes here but not any time periods (i.e next summer or Spring break or something). He's clearly avoids talking about time frames even when I try to bring it up and I'm getting frustrated with that . I feel like after a couple months plans should be being made but it's not my money it's his. So what should be a good time frame after meeting online to meet in person or at least making concrete plans with that kind of distance and how long should I wait before bringing it up again? Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Author h4t3rhater Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 Nothing yet? Link to post Share on other sites
mtber75 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I don't think 2 month is too early especially give the times that you guys spent talking to each other. Perhaps you guys can meet half way (in a neutral country)? In a Long Distance relationship, you have to be specific (literally you have to spell it out) in what you want out of the relationship because you are not there physically. I made a mistake of trying to be serious in a long distance relationship only to find out she just wanted to be friends when I met her in her country (we chatted online and she gave no indication she just wanted to be friends)...So proceed with caution and just be prepared if this goes south. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 By three months, you should be making plans to meet. I like the idea of meeting halfway. However, would you be sharing a hotel room? What if you fell madly in love, where would you live and would you or he be able to work in that country? If not, would you be ready to marry so you could work legally? I once wasted two months talking to someone and when I finally asked, "So when am I going to meet you?" there was silence. He had no intention of meeting me, just talking forever on the phone, so I ended it. The worst that could happen is you having a vacation in an interesting part of the world you wouldn't have otherwise seen. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
chphan Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I don't sniff a dating scam or anything What do you mean by a dating scam? Is there such a thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 It was about 5 months in between us "talking" and me going to the US from Australia to see him. After two months was when I booked the flight. I can see where he's coming from, it's a lot of money and quite an investment. Chill, relax, get to know him a little more. However, I wouldn't let it last much longer, after 6 months maybe. I would be too wary that he's scamming you/got a girlfriend or whatever if he keeps putting it off, that's also a large investment of your time and emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h4t3rhater Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 By three months, you should be making plans to meet. I like the idea of meeting halfway. However, would you be sharing a hotel room? What if you fell madly in love, where would you live and would you or he be able to work in that country? If not, would you be ready to marry so you could work legally? I once wasted two months talking to someone and when I finally asked, "So when am I going to meet you?" there was silence. He had no intention of meeting me, just talking forever on the phone, so I ended it. The worst that could happen is you having a vacation in an interesting part of the world you wouldn't have otherwise seen. Good luck! That's one of the issues is that we wouldn't be sharing a hotel room for moral/religious reasons so meeting halfway is a good idea but it doesn't seem as feasible for our situation plus the distance is the pacific ocean and the only halfway point is Hawaii... And yes, we've discussed the possibility of marriage and both have enough education or experience to get a job in either country since I might be looking at grad school soon he wants to come here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h4t3rhater Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 What do you mean by a dating scam? Is there such a thing? You know where somebody from a poor and/or developing is really "interested" in somebody from the US just to get a green card or to have money sent for an airplane ticket that will never be bought Link to post Share on other sites
Author h4t3rhater Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 It was about 5 months in between us "talking" and me going to the US from Australia to see him. After two months was when I booked the flight. I can see where he's coming from, it's a lot of money and quite an investment. Chill, relax, get to know him a little more. However, I wouldn't let it last much longer, after 6 months maybe. I would be too wary that he's scamming you/got a girlfriend or whatever if he keeps putting it off, that's also a large investment of your time and emotions. That seems like a good time frame to me but heck we're quickly approaching that. I think you're right though, I'm gonna just enjoy the ride but set a deadline for myself to bring it up again and if he's still not ready I'll have to decide what to do then . I'm glad everything worked out for you our situation is pretty similar country-wise. Since it's so similar if you don't mind my asking how much did you end up spending for the flight and lodging that first trip? My estimate was about $3000 minimum that would have to be spent because he would have to get a hotel, which is a lot of money to visit somebody. From where he is to here would be $1500 to $2000+ just for the flight Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 It was about $1600 for me the first time. I only paid for the flight though, I stayed with he and his roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
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