Why do I beat myself up like this...?

[Blackened]

Hello all...

 

I've been hanging out with a guy I really like a lot these past few weekends.

 

I finally broke down and told him I like him the weekend before last. He told me he likes me too, but doesn't want a relationship.

 

The next day I felt awful... I even texted and apologized to him for even saying it. He didn't answer the text.

 

I texted later on in the week to ask him about something we talked about doing. He didn't answer me.

 

Saturday was my birthday. He texted me on Friday and wanted to take me out for my birthday, which of course I was ecstatic.

 

So, him and I went out on Saturday night. I spent the night at his place (nothing happened) and didn't come home until late Sunday evening.

 

So all day today.... (and here is where we get to the point of this thread...) All day today I've just been so sad. I feel this way every time I see him. It's awful, like to the point where I'm starting to question if it's even worth hanging out with him anymore.

 

When I'm with him I feel like a rock star... it's like all my flaws and the things I hate about myself are gone when he's around. He accepts me for who I am. But then when I'm not around him anymore I feel so so bad. It's like being addicted to a drug and coming down from an amazing high or something. He just makes me feel so amazing, so why do I feel so bad after I see him?

 

I've had two serious relationships in my life, and they both have sucked. Part of me feels like I am just setting myself up for a broken heart. Everyone I've ever loved has hurt me. I've never been in a situation where the person I want actually wants me back. I have no idea how to handle it.

 

And does he even really want me? He sends me all these mixed signals... He says he doesn't want a relationship, but then jokes around about us getting married and running off out of the country. He will kiss me, hold my hands, cuddle with me, etc, but won't have sex with me for whatever reason. Last night we were making out, things were getting kind of hot and heavy, then he stops kissing me and asks me if I want a hot pocket. (Lol... yea I know that's funny.) I dozed off on his couch and he was touching my face when I was asleep. But then he was joking around about the two of us having a threesome with this girl we both know.

 

Idk... he acts like he likes me, but then acts uninterested sometimes.

 

That isn't even the big issue here though. The issue is the way I feel after I see him. I hate this. I think part of it comes from frustration... because I really do want to be with him and it's frustrating that he doesn't feel the same way. (At least he says he doesn't.)

 

Idk, any advice? Someone please help me feel better.

[D-Lish]

He's not sending you mixed signals, he's sending you a very clear signal with a very clear message. He'll see you when he feels like it, but you're not important enough to make a commitment to.

 

If someone makes you feel as bad as you describe after spending time together, if someone doesn't respond to your texts, if someone only seeks you out when it is convenient for them, if someone tells you they aren't looking to be in a relationship.... How is this interaction with this guy a positive thing for you?

 

There is nothing reciprocal about your interaction with this guy. It's you waiting and hoping, gobbling up bread crumbs- then feeling lousy afterward.

 

You have to exercise some self respect and walk away from this guy.

You're way to focused on wondering why you're not getting what you need from this guy instead of focusing on why this guy doesn't deserve you giving him the time of day.

[Blackened]

Idk... not returning texts isn't something he does often. He told me this weekend that he was out of minutes (prepaid phone.)

 

He did do something really nice and sweet for me though when we went out. We went to this tavern we both are regulars at. He asked me if I wanted to play pool, and then when I was getting the table ready he went and told the bar tender it was my birthday so I could get a free shot, then he got the whole bar to sing to me. I thought that was awesome.

 

I don't think it's that he doesn't want me at all. He tells me all the time that he likes being with me and that he has a lot of fun with me. He just doesn't want a relationship.

[whichwayisup]

but doesn't want a relationship.

 

It comes to this. And, that's not your fault so STOP shi.tting on yourself as it does no good to you!

 

He didn't reply to your text because chances are 1 - He didn't know what to say or how to react to it and/or 2 - It wasn't a big deal. You're making more of this than needs to be.

 

Fact is, you like this guy (too much) and rely on him to make you feel good about yourself. Why is that? Excluding that you say he accepts you for who you are .. But do you accept "you" for who YOU are????

 

No man can bring love and pure happiness into your life unless you love yourself and feel good about yourself.

[whichwayisup]

What you described and what Dlish has said = You are lovin' a Narcissist. He's playing you like a fiddle. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it, he knows how to push your buttons. Sad thing is, you can't see this because you love him and want him, he's manipulated you and your heart. He knows your weaknesses and uses them against you.

 

He isn't into you, yet he kisses you, texts you when HE feels like it.

 

That's just MEAN. And he gets off on it in a really selfish and controlling way.

 

Honestly, this guy will ruin you, break your heart, smash you to the ground until you can't function anymore.

 

Please, tell him goodbye...Get him out of your life.

[so_cal_dude]

What you described and what Dlish has said = You are lovin' a Narcissist. He's playing you like a fiddle. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it, he knows how to push your buttons. Sad thing is, you can't see this because you love him and want him, he's manipulated you and your heart. He knows your weaknesses and uses them against you.

 

He isn't into you, yet he kisses you, texts you when HE feels like it.

 

That's just MEAN. And he gets off on it in a really selfish and controlling way.

 

Honestly, this guy will ruin you, break your heart, smash you to the ground until you can't function anymore.

 

Please, tell him goodbye...Get him out of your life.

 

I agree with this. If he doesn't feel that you are important enough in his life, he will not ask you out for a formal date or for a relationship.

 

Dump this guy and explore other options. Life is all about exploring - that's why we're so curious all the time.

[Blackened]

It comes to this. And, that's not your fault so STOP shi.tting on yourself as it does no good to you!

 

He didn't reply to your text because chances are 1 - He didn't know what to say or how to react to it and/or 2 - It wasn't a big deal. You're making more of this than needs to be.

 

Fact is, you like this guy (too much) and rely on him to make you feel good about yourself. Why is that? Excluding that you say he accepts you for who you are .. But do you accept "you" for who YOU are????

 

No man can bring love and pure happiness into your life unless you love yourself and feel good about yourself.

 

It's not very often that people are nice to me.

 

I wasn't seeking this out when it started... He was the roommate of a good friend of mine. We started talking when I would go over there to see my friend. Our talks started getting longer and deeper. Before too long I started going over there to hang out with him more then with my friend. Then things went a little further with him. We started kissing each other goodbye when I left and stuff. He started walking me home... stuff like that.

 

This has been going on since spring time.

 

Maybe I do like him a little too much, idk. The two serious relationships I've had were with guys who were constantly trying to change me. This guy seems to like me how I am and that's something important to me.

 

It never occurred to me that he might be a narcissist.

[D-Lish]

What you described and what Dlish has said = You are lovin' a Narcissist. He's playing you like a fiddle. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it, he knows how to push your buttons. Sad thing is, you can't see this because you love him and want him, he's manipulated you and your heart. He knows your weaknesses and uses them against you.

 

He isn't into you, yet he kisses you, texts you when HE feels like it.

 

That's just MEAN. And he gets off on it in a really selfish and controlling way.

 

Honestly, this guy will ruin you, break your heart, smash you to the ground until you can't function anymore.

 

Please, tell him goodbye...Get him out of your life.

 

Sadly, she won't- she'd rather cling to the bread crumbs than advocate for her own self respect.

[Blackened]

Sadly, she won't- she'd rather cling to the bread crumbs than advocate for her own self respect.

 

What makes you think that?