LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Reg Flags???


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th October 2011, 9:36 AM   #1
ech
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 64
Reg Flags???

I have been with my bf now for about 2 months. We really have alot in common and I do love him and him me. ( yes already. ) I am 38 and he is 35. Compared to my last bf (which I know you all are aware of lol) he is awesome, loves my kids and they love him, he is so great to me. But here are some signs that are freaking me out a bit.

1. He always looks over my shoulder when I am on my phone or texting to see who it is.
2. Last night he thought I was out with my friends so he showed up at my house at 2am to make sure I was home and in bed.
3. He always texts and asks where I am and what I'm doing. If I dont answer he calls or keeps texting. Or IM's my kids on FB and asks where I am.
4. If we are at a bar or somewhere and a guy is hitting on me, we have to leave right away.
5. He talks about his ex wife alot (she is getting married next month) so I am not sure if he still has a thing for her, he says no, he wouldnt have anything to do with her if it wasnt for their son.
6. Last weekend he got mad and punched a hole in his wall.

Those are just a few things that got me saying hmmmm. Any thoughts anyone? I really do think he is a great guy, I am just a little gun shy right now

Thanks so much!!!
ech is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 9:45 AM   #2
Established Member
 
ShannonMI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 2,320
Quote:
Originally Posted by ech View Post
I have been with my bf now for about 2 months. We really have alot in common and I do love him and him me. ( yes already. ) I am 38 and he is 35. Compared to my last bf (which I know you all are aware of lol) he is awesome, loves my kids and they love him, he is so great to me. But here are some signs that are freaking me out a bit.

1. He always looks over my shoulder when I am on my phone or texting to see who it is.
2. Last night he thought I was out with my friends so he showed up at my house at 2am to make sure I was home and in bed.
3. He always texts and asks where I am and what I'm doing. If I dont answer he calls or keeps texting. Or IM's my kids on FB and asks where I am.
4. If we are at a bar or somewhere and a guy is hitting on me, we have to leave right away.
5. He talks about his ex wife alot (she is getting married next month) so I am not sure if he still has a thing for her, he says no, he wouldnt have anything to do with her if it wasnt for their son.
6. Last weekend he got mad and punched a hole in his wall.

Those are just a few things that got me saying hmmmm. Any thoughts anyone? I really do think he is a great guy, I am just a little gun shy right now

Thanks so much!!!
He sounds possessive to me. That could be a bad thing. And he punched a hole in the wall? Major anger and aggression issues is what I gather from that. Maybe you could talk to him about these things and see what he says.
ShannonMI is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 9:53 AM   #3
ffw
Established Member
 
ffw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Still trying to find a place call "Home"
Posts: 435
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShannonMI View Post
He sounds possessive to me. That could be a bad thing. And he punched a hole in the wall? Major anger and aggression issues is what I gather from that. Maybe you could talk to him about these things and see what he says.
I agree with Shannon. But if he's possessive in nature, then I am not sure talk is going to help much. For me personally, these are big read flags.
He texts your kids to get your information? He punched a hole in the wall?
Just imagined, what he can do when he's really angry with you for something?
ffw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 9:56 AM   #4
Established Member
 
WhiteChocolate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 209
1, 2, and 4 also seem very possessive to me. It seems like he doesn't quite trust you. Keep in mind that people often suspect others of what they do themselves...if you do the same thing to him, does he care?

3 - when he keeps texting or calling, that's somewhat fine unless he's building up over 10 texts/calls. IMing YOUR KIDS on facebook to see where YOU are is just VERY STRANGE. I am 19 and if my mom had a boyfriend who did that I would be like...ask her yourself? And if she doesn't respond it's okay, she's an adult too!

5 - I don't know, I've never been divorced and wouldn't know how that feels...

6 - I would be frightened by that behavior. When a man demonstrates physical violence (outside of sports), it just scares something in the core of my being and makes me want to run as far as possible awayyyy from him.
__________________
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts.
And we are never, ever the same.
WhiteChocolate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 10:02 AM   #5
Established Member
 
xxoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 16,227
IMing your kids about your whereabouts is way over the line.

Punching a hole in the wall at 35 (not a teenager) is scary.

Other things you've listed are also red flags....

Have you told him, in no uncertain terms, to not IM your kids about your whereabouts? If you've told him to stop, and he doesn't respect that....yikes.

If you haven't told him to knock that off--why not? Are your kids adults?
xxoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 11:17 AM   #6
ech
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 64
Thanks everyone......no I have not mentioned anything to him yet about any of this. Like I said, I am just happy he is treating me good in all other aspects

But your right, I will have to bring it up. I knew it was all bad, I just wanted some opinions, so thanks!
ech is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 12:58 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Africa Hot
Posts: 640
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShannonMI View Post
He sounds possessive to me. That could be a bad thing. And he punched a hole in the wall? Major anger and aggression issues is what I gather from that. Maybe you could talk to him about these things and see what he says.
^^ Agree

My ex was 38 and punched a hole in my wall and cabinet just because I asked him to help me around the house after he moved in with me.

Turned out to have MAJOR anger issues. Sounds insecure and highly posessive. If a man was asking where I was all the time I would be leary. I like my privacy (even if it's just sitting at home by myself) and he should want his as well. Even as a couple, you need space.

This sounds like he's only going to get worse. Loving someone doesn't mean owning them.
azsinglegal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 1:19 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 13,098
Quote:
Originally Posted by ech View Post
Thanks everyone......no I have not mentioned anything to him yet about any of this. Like I said, I am just happy he is treating me good in all other aspects
Reminds me of a friend who said, "He only hits me when he's drunk. Otherwise, he's a great guy."
__________________
Nothing will change unless you do.
FitChick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 2:53 PM   #9
Established Member
 
OliveOyl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sweethaven
Posts: 884
Anger management issues. Huge red flag.

Some men have a real problem managing anger. Even if they would never resort to violence toward a person, I will never willingly place myself in an ongoing situation of mismanaged anger. It usually doesn't get better as the relationship progresses. Imagine years of walking on eggshells, dark clouds hovering in the room, random outbursts, emotional withdrawal. No thank you.
__________________
There isn't a pot so crooked you can't find a lid to fit it - Mom
OliveOyl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 8:52 PM   #10
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 49
I'm sorry I can see some huge red flags here. I'd be careful with this one if I were you. He sounds very insecure, possessive, and the punching a hole in the wall is just scary for a man of his age. He may well be a nice guy and treat you well otherwise, but not trusting you and trying to be controlling is not treating you well. My ex was the same, very possessive, and it eventually drains you. I would talk to him about it and see if he changes his ways.
Jaina19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th October 2011, 9:05 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Kinder-Horror's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: US
Posts: 162
Quote:
Originally Posted by FitChick View Post
Reminds me of a friend who said, "He only hits me when he's drunk. Otherwise, he's a great guy."
Exactly. Other than these 6 red flags, he treats you great.

1. I am 5'7"
2. I am 24
3. I am blonde
4. I am not an actress
5. I do not have kids
6. I am not married to Ashton Kutcher.

But if you take away all of those things, I am Demi Moore.
Kinder-Horror is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
red flags gamechanger Dating 16 4th October 2011 9:57 PM
Would you consider these to be RED FLAGS? Coleen Dating 13 2nd July 2011 3:08 PM
10 Red Flags DustySaltus Breaks and Breaking Up 12 9th September 2009 10:20 PM
Red flags? lovecrazed22 Getting Married 4 30th July 2006 4:39 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:48 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.