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Pictures and online dating


misssmartypants

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misssmartypants

Ok, so the avatar you should be seeing is me. Its a webcam shot so nothing special. I started a thread the other day about online dating.

 

Basically to recap, I don't have a picture on my okcupid profile because I live in a very small community and I teach at the high school. Someone said they doubted that a student would be on there, which may be true, but I know of at least two parents of students I teach who I've seen on there.

 

To protect my privacy and my reputation (teachers get fired for the stupidest things) I direct people I correspond with to my facebook profile. I like facebook. Its hard to pretend to be someone and something you are not with facebook. I have several pictures on facebook, but some of them were taken by other people and then tagged with my name. They aren't very flattering. I've also lost forty pounds in the last six months or so, but the pictures on facebook span almost four years of my life.

 

The point being, I don't seem to hear back from these guys once they see me. Its kind of disappointing. I mean, they were willing to write to me and flirt when they had no idea what I looked like, and now I don't even merit a "no thanks".

 

So, this is what I look like. I am five two and little bit. I am about a size 12-14 depending on the cut and brand of clothing. I have a curaveous build in that I have larger breasts and wider hips than average. I also jog and my job has me moving all day so I'm in fair shape.

 

I don't understand what's wrong with me. Looking for some insight that isn't mean.

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Ruby Slippers

I haven't done online dating, but the only thing I can think to do is to create a flickr account or similar, and only post current pictures there that capture what you look like now. Give that link to prospects. I think showing prospects outdated pictures in which you're 40 pounds heavier probably isn't doing you any favors.

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Some dating sites (like Plenty of Fish, the other big free site) let you have 'private' photos that people browsing your profile can't see but you can make them available to your 'Favourites' and you can send them in on-site emails. I can't remember ever finding that feature on OKCupid, but it sounds like the sort of feature you're looking for.

 

Even then, you'll still get guys who drop contact when they see you. It's nothing about you - it's just that not everybody fancies everybody else.

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Ok, so the avatar you should be seeing is me. Its a webcam shot so nothing special. I started a thread the other day about online dating.

 

Basically to recap, I don't have a picture on my okcupid profile because I live in a very small community and I teach at the high school. Someone said they doubted that a student would be on there, which may be true, but I know of at least two parents of students I teach who I've seen on there.

 

To protect my privacy and my reputation (teachers get fired for the stupidest things) I direct people I correspond with to my facebook profile. I like facebook. Its hard to pretend to be someone and something you are not with facebook. I have several pictures on facebook, but some of them were taken by other people and then tagged with my name. They aren't very flattering. I've also lost forty pounds in the last six months or so, but the pictures on facebook span almost four years of my life.

 

The point being, I don't seem to hear back from these guys once they see me. Its kind of disappointing. I mean, they were willing to write to me and flirt when they had no idea what I looked like, and now I don't even merit a "no thanks".

 

So, this is what I look like. I am five two and little bit. I am about a size 12-14 depending on the cut and brand of clothing. I have a curaveous build in that I have larger breasts and wider hips than average. I also jog and my job has me moving all day so I'm in fair shape.

 

I don't understand what's wrong with me. Looking for some insight that isn't mean.

 

Congratulations on loosing 40 pounds.

Your pic looks good.

I met my wife on-line, more or less, & she used the most unattractive picture she could find of herself because as she said; she wanted to attract people who where attracted to her first, not just looks. It worked! she found this great guy who is silly in love with her :laugh:

I'm not sure if this helps but I thought I would share her strategy.

Edited by oldguy
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I'll be honest: I think you look pretty average in your avatar pic. If I was on an online dating site talking to 2 or 3 different girls, I'd probably slow/stop talking afterwards and focus on the others

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I'll be honest too - you aren't smiling and having your hair pulled back looks harsh. And webcam pictures are never a good idea.

 

Stop referring people to Facebook and get a Flickr account where you can post some more recent, attractive pictures. There might be other things within your Facebook account which are a turnoff to people, the older overweight pictures notwithstanding.

 

Lastly - I am sorry - 5'2" and a size 14 is not "in fair shape." You are probably shapely, yes, but that sounds heavy for your frame. I know, I was 5'4" and size 14 for YEARS. The fact that you have already lost 40 pounds is fabulous and I would emphasize your physical activities. There are lots of men out there who love women shaped like us, but you need to call it what it is: Zaftig.

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Hard to say but you might want to consider providing better quality images. Some people like me look better in real life than we do on pictures.

 

There's alway the quality of the tools that is using to take images. When I use my cellphone camera to take picture of my face, it comes out narrow and a bit skinny looking. But if I use an actual digital camera that was build as a camera from the ground up, my images look much better and my face doesn't look a bit distorted.

 

So you might want to look for a more professional camera for picture taking. You don't see professional cameramen using webcam or cellphone cameras to take pictures of their models.

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Give us a smile.

 

I agree.

 

That photo isn't the most flattering photo of you, and I'm sure better ones would get you results.

 

Frankly, you don't look "butt ugly" from that one photo, so I'm sure there are men who would go for you instantly. I cosign though on a smile, fix up your hair, doll yourself up a bit. This one just looks a bit plain and dull.

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So, this is what I look like. I am five two and little bit. I am about a size 12-14 depending on the cut and brand of clothing. I have a curaveous build in that I have larger breasts and wider hips than average. I also jog and my job has me moving all day so I'm in fair shape.

 

Congratulations on the 40lb weight loss - that's quite an achievement! :)

 

I agree with others that you're not doing yourself any favours by showing guys photos of what you looked like 40lbs heavier. Get someone to take some flattering photos and post them somewhere other than facebook.

 

When you say size 12-14 at 5ft 2in, do you mean US 12-14 or UK 12-14? There is a huge difference. Even if it's UK size you're still a little 'chubby' for your height. If it's US size then strictly speaking you are not 'in fair shape' and it is a hard, if cruel, fact that men definitely prefer 'in shape' women.

 

Just keep doing whatever you're doing until you get to a point where you feel great about yourself - then, if men reject you after seeing your photos, you'll just assume it's the men who have bad taste in women! :p

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ThsAmericanLife

To be honest... I wouldn't respond to a man if he wasn't smiling. It wouldn't matter how 'hot' he looked.

 

People also complain about the trout-pout on women... and for me, the guy who looks serious and is trying his best 'sexy' look just doesn't do it for me.

 

Regarding pics or not... There is a feature on OkCupid, but you have to pay for it. Doesn't cost much. Their A-list allows you to have separate pics just for your 'favorites'. And you don't need to tell people you've made them your favorite either. It just makes pics available to some and not others.

 

This is what I did, and it worked quite well. Despite that, I don't do OLD anymore. Lots of reasons. Small town and I think different values from most people who do it.

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misssmartypants

I've never claimed to be a perfect physical specimen. This may sound weird, but I am "competitive" for the area I live in.

 

Anyway, I changed the avatar to the left, is this one any better than the other one? I really don't want to have to stoop to cheap boob shots of me making a ducky face to convince men I'm pretty.

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I've never claimed to be a perfect physical specimen. This may sound weird, but I am "competitive" for the area I live in.

 

Anyway, I changed the avatar to the left, is this one any better than the other one? I really don't want to have to stoop to cheap boob shots of me making a ducky face to convince men I'm pretty.

 

I would let you buy me a drink if LS was a bar.

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Anyway, I changed the avatar to the left, is this one any better than the other one? I really don't want to have to stoop to cheap boob shots of me making a ducky face to convince men I'm pretty.

 

It is better. I can't tell too much about how you (or anyone) looks from tiny thumbnails like that, but it still looks like you aren't smiling.

 

Never do duck face. It won't convince anybody of anything good. 5 minutes at antiduckface.com will prove this.

 

Feel free to do the cheap boob shot, though. :p

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