Is he good boyfriend material?

[grkBoy]

Saw this come up this morning in my usual internet news-reading/blog reading.

 

Here's the link to the article: http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12502

 

Here's the short list...explanations are in the article.

 

1. He’s fine socializing on his own

2. He exhibits healthy family separation

3. He’s willing to sample unfamiliar social settings

4. He needs no counsel to help him make life’s decisions

5. He’s an information/opinion junkie

6. He shows off his softer side when you’re together

7. He knows that work is work… and when to stop watching the clock

8. He knows that, in relationships, compromise is key

9. He lives in a diverse world

10. He’s your guy, not just some male stereotype

 

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts?

[fortyninethousand322]

Sounds ok. I have a slight beef with number 4 though: "He needs no counsel to help him make life’s decisions". That could kind of go either way. I mean I wouldn't give anyone autonomy over my decisions, but I really don't think seeking advice and ideas is in any way a bad thing. Lots of people discuss their ideas and whatnot before making important decisions. One could say way too many people don't do enough seeking of counsel.

[bluenightowl]

I have no thoughts on that article, but from my experience, being too much of a "boyfriend material" is not a good thing. Many women start acting weird when they meet a guy that they like a lot and could see themselves in a serious relationship with. In particular, they start playing hard to get, being hot and cold, make him wait for sex, etc. All of this is done in misguided believe that they need to make such a man chase them in order to get him hooked. When he loses interest as a result of their behaviour, they get disappointed but assume he wasn't all that interested to begin with. because a man will is really interested he will chase, chase, chase until he's blue in the face. Right? Wrong. But women believe it anyway.

 

The trick is to be likeable but not come across as someone women can see themselves in a relationship with. That's why 'players' are so successful with women. Women are physically attracted to them, but know that they can't have a long term relationship with such guys, so they don't play games and drop their panties without hesitation (instead of acting like their vagina is a future stock option).

 

If you act like a player, or don't care what happens, you'll like get some women who'll have sex with you just as you say, but also as you say they will not treat you like BF material.

 

If you want a relationship, just be yourself, don't be a pushover, don't be a doormat and be prepared to walk. That's doesn't mean be a jerk. Get to know her and don't over compliment her.

 

If you try for early sex, buy her stuff, she'll definitely think you are not BF material, but probably will have sex with you and then will dump you eventually once she finds a guy that is husband material in her eyes.

[Imajerk17]

You know, I have to echo what feelsgoodman said. I have had the best luck when I met a girl, flirted with her, and then AFTER I got her attracted, she found out that I'm book-smart with a good job and a healthy lifestyle. You know, the items on that list.

 

You want her to be into you because "there's just something about you", not instead because you check boxes off her list.

[Imajerk17]

You know, I have to echo what feelsgoodman said. I have had the best luck when I met a girl, flirted with her, and then AFTER I got her attracted, she found out that I'm book-smart with a good job and a healthy lifestyle. You know, the items on that list.

 

You want her to be into you because "there's just something about you", not instead because there are "logical" reasons for her to like you, such as you checking off the boxes off her list.

[bluenightowl]

Except, once you already have them, it would be very easy to convert your FWB into a real relationship if you wanted to. Women don't see players as relationship material because they don't believe these players want to be in a relationship with them. "taming" a "bad boy" is every woman's wet dream.

 

Sometimes that works, but some women (like men) change once they've had them and move on to date the husband material guy. I've seen that a lot as well.

 

As you say women like sex too and are sometimes happy to just make you a fling.

[bluenightowl]

And the reason for why married women or women in relationships don't think too highly of the guys they end up dating(not choosing to date). The average guy cannot measure up to the smooth-talking, 6-pick, 6'4'' surfer.

 

Sometimes, but it depends what is average. Sometimes the 'dangerous guy' is the 6'4 surfer without a job, super sexy and a player. But they still marry the somewhat sexy business guy who is good with kids and doesn't smoke pot all day.

[grkBoy]

I have no thoughts on that article, but from my experience, being too much of a "boyfriend material" is not a good thing. Many women start acting weird when they meet a guy that they like a lot and could see themselves in a serious relationship with. In particular, they start playing hard to get, being hot and cold, make him wait for sex, etc. All of this is done in misguided believe that they need to make such a man chase them in order to get him hooked. When he loses interest as a result of their behaviour, they get disappointed but assume he wasn't all that interested to begin with. because a man will is really interested he will chase, chase, chase until he's blue in the face. Right? Wrong. But women believe it anyway.

 

The trick is to be likeable but not come across as someone women can see themselves in a relationship with. That's why 'players' are so successful with women. Women are physically attracted to them, but know that they can't have a long term relationship with such guys, so they don't play games and drop their panties without hesitation (instead of acting like their vagina is a future stock option).

 

I have to agree. I've seen too many men and women toss away the "ideal person" even because they feel they're not ready to settle down. So Mr or Ms Perfect come, but the person still wants to be single, live it up, etc...thus they turn this person away...and regret it.

 

That is another problem we do have in society in that the ideal person not only has to be ideal, but he/she has to now come as the "ideal time". Seems more like you have to first gain the lust of the other person, then later have it grow into the full-on long term thing.

 

 

Sounds ok. I have a slight beef with number 4 though: "He needs no counsel to help him make life’s decisions". That could kind of go either way. I mean I wouldn't give anyone autonomy over my decisions, but I really don't think seeking advice and ideas is in any way a bad thing. Lots of people discuss their ideas and whatnot before making important decisions. One could say way too many people don't do enough seeking of counsel.

 

I agree to be honest. I think it's a true relationship when a man or woman can discuss these things with their SO.

[bluenightowl]

Seems more like you have to first gain the lust of the other person, then later have it grow into the full-on long term thing.

 

There should hopefully be sparks of attraction at the beginning in any case. Whether or not you get into casual sex or FWB situation with someone is another matter. I'm sure its works for someone people, but if you get to that stage and haven't talked about anything, I wouldn't place big hopes in a relationship, just perhaps some fun.

[zengirl]

My comments in bold:

 

 

Here's the short list...explanations are in the article.

 

1. He’s fine socializing on his own

 

The explanation for this one was kind of weird. Relationship buffers? I guess that would be bad, but a guy who hangs around alone in public is not necessarily better IMO. I'd prefer a guy who has some close friends he spends a good amount of time with---not a loner and not someone who's all about counting the number of friends.

 

Of course, I'm unclear if they mean it's good that he comes on a date without friends. In which case. . . yes, that'd be necessary. But he's not really socializing "on his own" then (which is actually a paradoxical phrase anyway) but rather socializing with his girl.

2. He exhibits healthy family separation

 

Yes. Especially to the description. A realistic view of your family is a good thing.

 

3. He’s willing to sample unfamiliar social settings

 

Yes. I would require this in a fella. My BF is great at this.

 

4. He needs no counsel to help him make life’s decisions

 

I am not really all for this. I think it's important that a man be able to make his own decisions, but I don't like people who are so pigheaded they think outside input is a weakness or a bad thing. I like a man who is like me, I guess, and I listen to outside counsel, consider it carefully, and at the end of the day make my own decision. But I still need the counsel! I just don't take it blindly.

 

5. He’s an information/opinion junkie

 

I don't want a guy who is stupid. In fact, I want a guy who's REALLY smart. My BF is extremely intelligent and reasonably well-informed, but I think an opinion or info junkie would get on my nerves. That sounds exhausting.

 

6. He shows off his softer side when you’re together

 

Yes, very necessary. And something my BF is GREAT at, and one of my favorite qualities in him.

 

7. He knows that work is work… and when to stop watching the clock

 

Yes, very important.

 

8. He knows that, in relationships, compromise is key

 

Yes, very important.

 

9. He lives in a diverse world

 

This is a big thing for me.

 

10. He’s your guy, not just some male stereotype

 

Well, of course. No one wants to date a stereotype, do they?

 

Agree? Disagree? Thoughts?

[bluenightowl]

The beach house I share with a bunch of pot-smokers-surfing blokes are definitely bummed with being a young beauty's ''play thing''.

 

yeah "play thing" is right.. Happens on beaches all over the world, and then she'll come home, get older and marry another guy.

 

I'm not saying it isn't fun for all involved, but sticking to the OP, being more of a player will probably get you some sex, but I doubt it often leads to marriage for those looking for it.

[bluenightowl]

Except marriage is going the way of the dodo. In 20 years, few people over 40 will be married. In the modern world, marriage has no real benefit, especially for a man...but it sure has lots of drawbacks. Most men are catching on to this fact.

 

You're probably right about that. Substitute marriage for LTR then.

[AHardDaysNight]

Are they good boyfriend material? Yes.

Will someone who is as described become a boyfriend? Probably not.

[bluenightowl]

Jesus Christ. You really have no understanding of what I am saying. marriage. is garbage. The men who.Are good with women. Do not want to get married. A few of them. The exception. Marry. But have many other women and families. on the side. If I was to offer my looks to any man here. He'd take it. And fck to his heart's content. Unlike women. They wouldn't let go of the pot-free sex Country. Because men are happy. With their stomachs filled. No bills to pay. Their balls empty. And no woman to deal with.

 

Look, marriage was profitable for men, a 100 years ago. Men now want to be the beach bum and who's to blame them? women rationalize their seeking for alpha males in their youth as a nuisance of an immature mind,and that the men they marry are the really lucky ones.

 

Huh, no, I'm sorry to burst your bubble. The married men see us smoking pot and with vapid women in our arms and they are fascinated. They won't talk to this to other married men(unless they encounter other like-minded married men on the net), but I witness the emptiness of a soul and the despair in their eyes. I also see the smugness of their wives and the calm admonishment done on their husbands to keep them from looking at our females, More hilarious than this spectacle of male commiseration and misery is that, the husbands are in the process of trying to stop their daughters from learning their mother's philosophy(have fun with surfers, marry the countability; he's the special one) but their hard nipples are pressed against the fabric of the bikini, their pupils dilate, and we know that the cycle of free pussy will never come to an end.

 

How awful it is for women to have tricked themselves into believing that the men they shared their bodies with in their youth are in torment for they'd rather much have married a woman than carrying on with the lifestyle that proves that there is a heaven on earth.

 

 

 

Most long-term relationships are only 2 years in age. Do you know what accounts for most of the loaning's people try to get from the banks? A couple wanting to buy a house. The leaders of the banks are familiar with the fragility of romantic relationship. As they should, as many of the men in high places within the banking panorama are paying rather high sums in child-support and alimony.

 

In Brazil, it takes only 6 months of living together for a woman to have a right to all of the man's possessions. The economical castration varies from Country to Country and on how feminized the Country is, but you can rest assured that in the near future the western world will become the richer version of South America; the land filled to the hilt with Alpha males who pump and dumped, and where ugly and obese American men go to marry a wife 20 years their junior.

 

I see your point of view completely and if being free to have sex with multiple young women all your life is your end goal, I see your strategy.

 

I can't develop a deep bond this way, and for me that's more important. I've been in a LTR that lasted far longer than 2 years and they are very rewarding and my sense this is what the OP is after, not your lifestyle.