Eye Opening Convo w/female friend

[TheSingleGuy]

Last night, I returned her call, a day after she called. She was drunk last night and I think a lite went on for me. Finally.

 

I met her at a bar over a year ago. She approached me in the bar. She refused to go home with me the night we met. But we did make out. She was fat, but she was interested, so I figured what the heck. Her face is kind of pretty and her personality is great. I pursued her in phone game and she slept with me on the first date.

 

At the beginning of the 2nd date, I told her at dinner that we could never be boyfriend & girlfriend. Her eyes glazed over with tears for a split second, she choked them back, and of course, she slept with me that night too. We have remained friends to this day, although I'm about to tell our friendship will no longer include sex. I've just lost all attraction for her at this point.

 

We talked on the phone about a month ago, and she was gonna go out with the roughneck. She met the roughneck at the Vegas airport. She slept with him on the first date too. She describes this guy as hot, good in bed and totally unstable, therefore, bad husband material. But he never told her "we can't be bf/gf" so she continues to e-mail this guy (he can't use a cell in the gulf is his story). I'm thinking to myself, I can totally relate to that guy.

 

So, she puts herself on e-harmony and now she's met mr right. She says at first she thought he was spineless but now that they've been on two dates, she knows he's not spineless. She says if she can get him into an exclusive relationship, she'll consider herself very lucky. She hasn't slept with him yet and she insists she won't until she's in an exclusive relationship.

 

Wow!!! I've heard about this on Leykis and I've read about it numerous times as well. When women meet men, they go into one of three categories: 1.) No Attraction 2.) Want to f*** the **** out of him but he's clearly not relationship material & 3.) He seems like he's got his act together and would make a good husband.

 

So last night, I went to the local pub for a few drinks. I started asking other guys, "Do most women sleep with you on the first date?". They all said "hardly ever".

 

But with me, every woman who's slept with me since the divorce has done so on the first date, with the exception of one. Maybe I'm connecting the wrong dots here, but combined with the fact that women always tell me I'm sexy, hot & handsome and the evidence that women sleep with me on the first date, and because I have women comment that "you could have any woman you want" and they've said "you're such a little player"...I think I'm the guy women just want to f*** the **** out of, but ONLY when I act like it. What I mean by that, is, if my "game" leans too much in the direction of showing I'd be up for a relationship and showcasing my "good" side, I guess I'm sending too many mixed signals. I think this also explains why women flake on me at the last minute for first dates.

 

I think the light is finally turned on, now I know why women flake on me for first dates and now I know I should have the confidence around women that I've always wanted. When I "go there" with eye contact, or make the approach, it's not gone be creepy. I just gotta go out there and do it.

[grkBoy]

I look at this as she had a low self-esteem...which is why she slept with you and the other guy so easily. With this new guy she's realizing that every guy she banged quickly ended up rejecting her, so she's trying to do things different.

 

You look at most playas and the women they get with...most of those women are of low self-esteem, and these women equate their sense of self value with how they look and if "hotter men" want them.

 

This is why so many guys think women only want playas...because the women they're mostly looking at are these low self-esteem females.

[Pierre]

It is well known that women sleep right away with men that are not keepers and then pretend to be virgins when they find a keeper.

[grkBoy]

Spoken like a man who doesn't know what's he's talking about. Are you Greek by any chance? It'd explain a lot.

 

I'm half Greek...and I've known plenty of women in my life who FZed me while they chased one jerk/douchebag/playa after the next.

 

SOME women are strong and just get fooled...but too many others suffer from low self-esteem and thus get easily taken advantage of.

 

BTW...my ethnic background has little bearing on this.

[Beachgirl8]

Most of the guys I've dated or had relationships with fall into the category of "hot" guy. The ones that turned into relationships acted like they wanted to be in a relationship with me and didn't seem overly affected by their good looks, despite the fact that they had girls throwing themselves at them constantly. The ones that i reject are the ones who seem sooo impressed with themselves and give off the vibe that im just another chick in the revolving door of hot chicks they have going on.

 

If you behave like you want a relationship, you won't have a problem getting into one. One way you could accomplish this is to not try to sleep with girls on the first date. If they throw themselves at you anyway, they probably aren't gf material anyway- at least not for you. It takes a confident person to date someone who is very attractive (male or female) and not be overrun with jealousy and insecurity. By not trying to sleep with them on the first few dates, you are showing them that you have the self-control not to just sleep with any girl who throws herself at you. Most guys don't have to worry about that because they aren't "hot" but there is a different set of issues with dating a hot guy vs an average looking or physically unattractive one.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Spoken like a man who doesn't know what's he's talking about. Are you Greek by any chance? It'd explain a lot.

 

It's been long obvious that you target the weak, naive, inexperienced, vulnerable and or utterly selfish

[Wolf18]

Spoken like a man who doesn't know what's he's talking about. Are you Greek by any chance? It'd explain a lot.

 

Yeah really, it's not about self-esteem. The only difference is that the women who have a higher opinion of themselves demand an even hotter guy to put them in their place.

[TheSingleGuy]

No, I don't see it as "she learned a lesson because she couldn't get a relationship with the two men she slept with on the first date so now she's gonna be smarter". That is not the case at all.

 

The "player" with the roughneck job in the gulf wants to see her again but she is totally blowing him off. He is younger than her by about 7 years and she just doesn't see him as anything other than the hot guy who's good in bed because he wouldn't make a good father/husband. She continues to e-mail him because she says she's still interested in him but when pressed, it's because he's her plan B in case mr right doesn't come through. Looking back, I can now see where I have been in this guys shoes repeatedly with women I was really attracted to and honestly wanted them as a girlfriend. But they had me in the "he'd never commit" assumption-zone and blew me off.

 

As far as I'm concerned, "mr right" is being sold a false bill of goods by this selfish little princess. She's painting the picture for him that she'd never sleep with a guy on the first date but that is in fact what she does. I can't tell you how PISSED I'd be if I was conned into marrying some woman under these false pretenses. She won't sleep with him right away because she sees the potential of a real relationship. It's all a pack of lies as far as I'm concerned. And it would be really insulting to me as a man that she didn't see me as sexy enough to sleep with on the first date too. The others were "irresistable" but the guy who gets to marry her wasn't. That's the way I see it.

 

In fact, if she gets away with this, isn't she gonna feel at least a little bit like she's gotten away with a lie, like, "I can tell him anything and he'll believe it. Men are so stupid and simple. Just give them sex and that's all they need." ---That's how I honestly see her connecting the dots if she gets away with this.

 

The sad truth is, I now believe this is how all women play the game. In no way do I feel she is the exception.

Edited September 29, 2011 by TheSingleGuy

[TheSingleGuy]

Yeah really, it's not about self-esteem. The only difference is that the women who have a higher opinion of themselves demand an even hotter guy to put them in their place.

 

Well said. I couldn't agree more. They're all this way.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Yeah really, it's not about self-esteem. The only difference is that the women who have a higher opinion of themselves demand an even hotter guy to put them in their place.

 

There is a reason ely claims to mostly only go for young women... and it's not because they are generally wise, stable and confident.

 

Nor it is solely based in physique. There are thousands of women beyond 25 who are extremely attractive.

 

He thinks women are equally superficial or more so than he himself is... he hasn't been around much (or he frequents clubs etc... impressive).

 

he dreads intimacy and challenge.

 

my theory is that he fell in love once, was cheated on and divorced and his ex took a decent portion of his wealth and perhaps even doted on the other man with it.

 

His venom is ridiculous.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Well said. I couldn't agree more. They're all this way.

 

all the single men are agreeing eh?

 

ely may bang females and toss them... but alas, he has no companion nor does he seem to care about receiving deep affection from one.

 

hmm.

 

this forum really is often about the blind leading the blind

[OliveOyl]

You were the one who rejected her as relationship material, but now it sounds like you're offended that she slept with you on the first date.

 

What does it matter when she sleeps with a guy? In the scheme of something like a long-term relationship, it doesn't make a lot of difference. First date, 3rd date, 3rd month... that's not what makes a relationship work or not.

 

People on LS seem to be overly hung up on the timing of first sex. I don't think it really matters that much! The truth is, most relationships will fail... but we are desperately looking for things we can control - frequency of texting, timing of first sex, etc. etc. but the real reasons most relationships fail probably have nothing to do with any of this. It doesn't say anything about the potential of the relationship or "quality" of the person.

 

Anyway, I think she's just trying to do the best she can do. If she thinks that holding off on sex will improve her chances, then all the power to her. You didn't want her, and she didn't want the roughneck, so it doesn't matter when she had sex with you or him. That doesn't affect her new relationship at all.

[Ruby Slippers]

She won't sleep with him right away because she sees the potential of a real relationship.

Men do the same thing. Be the caveman and bang the hot chick who's not relationship material fast, but be a gentleman and take your time with the woman you do see yourself having a relationship with.

[Wolf18]

all the single men are agreeing eh?

 

ely may bang females and toss them... but alas, he has no companion nor does he seem to care about receiving deep affection from one.

 

hmm.

 

this forum really is often about the blind leading the blind

 

Awww poor baby, I won't be able to sleep tonight knowing some guys in the world get to have all the NSA sex they want. But hey, atleast the rest of us know deep, platonic affection in and out (or rather, without the in and out).

[TheSingleGuy]

++++Men do the same thing.++++

 

Wrong. They fall into one of two categories and they are based on looks and looks alone. Of course we don't tell you this if we're hoping to seduce you, but that's how it is.

 

I guess for men, there's three potential categories. 1.) She cute, I want her and I want her for a girlfriend, I'd definitely trade my freedom for that. 2.) She's cute, but I'm not sure about giving up my freedom for that and 3.) She's not that cute but I'd sleep with her if there's nothing else going on and no one knows about it and only if she plays her cards just right. One mistake if she's in this category and we're gone.

 

Of course, after we get into the circle of trust, any of these women, even category 1 women can be dumped if they have bad personalities, etc.

 

That's how the male mind works with attraction.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Awww poor baby, I won't be able to sleep tonight knowing some guys in the world get to have all the NSA sex they want. But hey, atleast the rest of us know deep, platonic affection in and out (or rather, without the in and out).

 

Heh I'm not referring to utter platonic affection... although I can see where that's interpreted. I do mean a LOVER that provides companionship / affection (too).

 

[aisle_seat]

At the beginning of the 2nd date, I told her at dinner that we could never be boyfriend & girlfriend.

 

I'm with Olive; didn't this pretty much make not being with her more than casually a done deal?

[Ruby Slippers]

I guess for men, there's three potential categories. 1.) She cute, I want her and I want her for a girlfriend, I'd definitely trade my freedom for that. 2.) She's cute, but I'm not sure about giving up my freedom for that and 3.) She's not that cute but I'd sleep with her if there's nothing else going on and no one knows about it and only if she plays her cards just right. One mistake if she's in this category and we're gone.

It's essentially the same for women.

 

1. He's cute, I want him, and I want him for a boyfriend. I'd definitely trade my freedom for that.

2. He's cute, but I'm not sure about giving up my freedom for that (either because he's not that great, or he doesn't seem reliable for a real commitment).

3. He's not that cute, but I'd sleep with him if there's nothing else going on and no one knows about it and only if he plays his cards right.

[oaks]

I guess for men, there's three potential categories. 1.) She cute, I want her and I want her for a girlfriend, I'd definitely trade my freedom for that. 2.) She's cute, but I'm not sure about giving up my freedom for that and 3.) She's not that cute but I'd sleep with her if there's nothing else going on and no one knows about it and only if she plays her cards just right. One mistake if she's in this category and we're gone.

 

Category 4: Needs beer goggles. Will regret in the morning when sober.

[OnyxSnowfall]

*Hugs* Ely, it's okay.

 

Yes, I realize you bed younger women because they're *easier*... that was my point. They're easier for more than the reason(s) you gave.

 

I also realize many people fear aging and death. I don't think those fears are worthwhile nor valuable. Time has varying definitions to people...

 

Also, age is not hideous to everyone. Some people SEE what it can represent --- since you're so primitive, perhaps you can relate to a male "battle-wound/scar" symbolizing strength, manliness and awesomeness. Sure, it may be a "physical" blemish, but it can also mean something.

 

The appearance of age can be viewed in similar lights... and someone that can age gracefully is far more attractive to me than an aging person who is desperately clinging to their fading physique. It is futile. Death will prevail over all of us... as will age, should death take its time. Cowering from it, denying it and placing hallow value in flesh is just highly unsightly (to me).

 

It does little good in this world. Worshiping flesh rather promotes foul things than solves them.

 

Also, bitterness does not know age. Unfortunately, there are children who've yet to reach double digits whom are bitter.

 

And at any rate, unless you've demonstrated something besides your mostly trivial physique, I at least would not be intrigued by you. Hercules? Bah LoL.

 

I'm not going to argue that you don't genuinely enjoy sleeping with young beautiful women (who may or may not know better). But I DO THINK your blather about how females can offer nothing more than their bodies is INDICATIVE of some kind of resentment / negativity / ignorance / obliviousness etc.

 

What you are afraid of wasting is just not worth that much :eek:

 

Beautiful people are a dime a dozen... finding someone who LOVES YOU and who you LOVE is far more rare. Your attempts to devalue that are bothersome because they're inaccurate and it's propagating bull **** to vulnerable and otherwise other people who are struggling with their own delusional miseries.

 

Your FEAR of "wasting" what isn't that special and your FEAR of settling and getting entangled with someone who won't be loyal to you, appreciate you and or support you is just that... FEAR. Nothing else.

 

You can dress it up as being "clever" and "smart" and everything but, THE TRUTH IS, what is at the end of the road you claim to travel is EMPTINESS, not fulfillment.

 

You cower from a road that CAN offer the latter. There are other roads that do not include having romantic mates that offer the latter too... the one you are on is not one of them though.

 

Perhaps then, since you also claim to be young, you just need more "time" to "pass"... until such things catch up to you... you can always veer off in another direction, perhaps you're just not ready.

 

But you don't speak truth, you speak of fear and unfortunate tragedies, of narcissism and apathy, of worldly indulgence and meaninglessness...

[OnyxSnowfall]

Lastly, I'd never marry or live with a woman. Human beings aren't monogamous.

 

even if all humans are not "monogamous", there are humans capable of identifying their impulses as just that --- impulses. There are also humans capable of identifying what's BEHIND some of those impulses, what needs aren't being tended to etc... and dealing with those rather than acting on some generic symptom.

 

LONG-TERM FIDELITY DOES EXIST.

 

People can also weigh what's more IMPORTANT: their bonds, their vows, their love or their fleeting "natural" weaknesses and then behave accordingly. It's easier to quell "natural impulses" in favor of what's healthier, more beneficial, more true to them when they actually value fidelity too... not to mention when they actually love someone and don't want to see them hurt.

 

It's hardly a "sacrifice"... developing and maintaining trust with someone is way more valuable than the brevity of a sexual excursion (in my eyes).

[eatNrM]

Onyx & Ely= BFF's

[OnyxSnowfall]

Onyx & Ely= BFF's

 

:lmao:

 

...

[Sanman]

It is well known that women sleep right away with men that are not keepers and then pretend to be virgins when they find a keeper.

 

 

That is pretty much it. I have been on both sides of it and frankly I don't get the logic. My current gf said the same thing and admitted she slept with other guys faster, but wanted to take it slow with me because she wants this relationship to work out. Frankly, I don't get the logic other than maybe she is afraid of becoming too attached whereas with some others she never saw them as real prospects. But whatever, I entertained her wish to wait.

[LurkerXX]

I smell a 'hug it out' fest coming!

 

But anyway-single guy-you didn't really want her for anything anyway. Why does her behavior get to you now? Are you going to waste your time sabotaging someone else and are trying to justify it?