AprilShowers Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hello all, I have an issue.... Well, I have been dating a man for a substantial number of years. The thing is, we only see each other once a week. All we do is really talk on the phone. I try to tell him that I wish we would spend more time together, but he says I have not taken any initiative into suggesting dates or outings. I like music so I suggest those type outings. He says I never call him to say come over or do you want to go __________. I am a single mom, so I have explained to him I have to plain things I cannot just "get up and go" like a child-less woman. This hurts me to my soul, I want a man I can cuddle with, a man who wants to spend time with me, even if its to watch tv or what have you. Am I wrong for feeling this way, am I really wrong in this. We had a huge fight about this and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel like he doesn't care. He says there is no one else but I am not sure I believe him. Even after all we have been through, nothing has changed and he doesn't "get it". What are the dynamics of in your relationship? Is what I am experiencing normal? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 how did you make it for years like that? i initiate talks about what i want regarding such things after a couple of months, with the full intention that we start accommodating each other at that point and from then on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 how did you make it for years like that? i initiate talks about what i want regarding such things after a couple of months, with the full intention that we start accommodating each other at that point and from then on. It hurts and its been hurting. I don't really feel like I have a boyfriend, it hurts so bad! Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Dude, my guy lives 2 hours away (one way) and WE still see each other more than once a week. Kick this guy to the curb. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Dude, my guy lives 2 hours away (one way) and WE still see each other more than once a week. Kick this guy to the curb. You deserve better. agree. i split my time between two cities. my gf lives an hour away from the area i stay in, in the city she lives in. not only do we see each other 3-4 times a week when i'm in town, but i always drive to pick her up. 2.5 hours of driving is typical on any day we get together. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Sounds to me like he is doing all the work in seeing you. You really should make more of an effort to go see him, child or not. If you dont want to make the effort and use your kid as an excuse, he has a point. The woman Im seeing has 3 kids and she ALWAYS initiates. You also sound very selfish saying you want a man to spend time with YOU, a man YOU can cuddle with, at your convenience. But what you really should be saying is you want a man who will appreciate what you do for HIM. And you want to appreciate what a man will do for YOU. So it sounds like you dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Sounds to me like he is doing all the work in seeing you. You really should make more of an effort to go see him, child or not. If you dont want to make the effort and use your kid as an excuse, he has a point. The woman Im seeing has 3 kids and she ALWAYS initiates. You also sound very selfish saying you want a man to spend time with YOU, a man YOU can cuddle with, at your convenience. But what you really should be saying is you want a man who will appreciate what you do for HIM. And you want to appreciate what a man will do for YOU. So it sounds like you dont get it. I don't think I'm selfish. It just seems like he is bothered by the way things are, that I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Our work schedules are different as well, I work like second shift and he works a traditional shift, but things have not always been like that work wise. Link to post Share on other sites
todd Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Dude, my guy lives 2 hours away (one way) and WE still see each other more than once a week. Kick this guy to the curb. You deserve better. Sorry to go off topic, but that is crazy! You guys see each other at least twice a week and he lives 4 hours round trip away.. How can he get back to work (8 hr work+ 4hrs of travel + 4 hours spent together + 8 hr sleep). Mad props to you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Sorry to go off topic, but that is crazy! You guys see each other at least twice a week and he lives 4 hours round trip away.. How can he get back to work (8 hr work+ 4hrs of travel + 4 hours spent together + 8 hr sleep). Mad props to you guys! We spend the whole weekend together....that's two days right there. And then, sometimes during the week, we meet halfway for dinner or a movie or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I don't think I'm selfish. It just seems like he is bothered by the way things are, that I don't understand. I can tell youre selfish, you havent addressed anything I wrote except the selfish part. Correct me if Im wrong, but "the way things are" implies that you have no desire to make an effort for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilShowers Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 I don't think I'm selfish. It just seems like he is bothered by the way things are, that I don't understand. I can tell youre selfish, you havent addressed anything I wrote except the selfish part. Correct me if Im wrong, but "the way things are" implies that you have no desire to make an effort for him. I created this post to solicit ideas because I don't know what to do. I do appreciate you commenting and I do want to make an effort to try to spend more time together. I think we both are "comfortable" with the way things are. I am the only one always voicing my opinion about it though, he doesn't say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Well what is it you want your bf to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Trolly Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 It sounds like a crystal clear expression of needs and an ultimatum is in order for that beau of yours Link to post Share on other sites
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