How to talk to a girl that cries all the time?

[Crinn]

I have come here, as I lost contact with nearly all of my friends over the past few years... Between switching professions, buying a new house in the middle of no where (it's heaven, actually), and completely gutting said house myself.

Plus I kinda ditched some of them in order to hang out with the girl who would end up my girlfriend... I'm 23, my girlfriend is 22.

 

We've going out for approx 4 years, and today I finally told her some of the things that I have wanted to say for so long but never could. The main reason I never question her on things, is because she always breaks down and cries (immediately), and refuses to talk about anything and will just constantly say how I mean everything to her, and she doesn't know what she will do without me. Even if it's something simple, she used to talk to her ex-boyfriend all the time and complain about me to him, I asked her to stop that as it made me feel very uncomfortable... She cried for days saying how I can't break up with her and yadda yadda.

 

Typically, when something bothers me I just end up stuffing it down, thinking to myself how imperfect I am and I am in no position to judge. But then the more I got to thinking, the more I thought I'm actually a pretty decent boyfriend. Plus if I actually talk to her about anything, she just starts crying and whining, and I don't really want to deal with it. I really never knew it until maybe 1-2 years after we started dating... and I figured it would go away... Obviously not.

 

So today I mentioned a few things to her that have been bothering me incredibly... and I'm wondering if I'm out of line here or not. I personally don't think so, but I'd like to see this from a woman's point of view... as she's at work right now and probably telling everyone what an awful boyfriend I am.

 

 

About 2 years after we started dating, she sent me a text saying Hey I got a tattoo!!!

She got a big tattoo on her left side, slightly under her breast. This is a girl who won't even go in to a shopping store alone to buy milk, go to a doctors office alone, or let me walk 2 isles away when we're shopping together (she will call my phone crying to find out where I went to). She is that afraid of that, but has no problem going out and getting a tattoo letting a guy play around near her breast? She said she knew him from high school....

A few days before, she asked me how I felt about tattoos, and I said I despise them and would never get one. So she knew that I didn't like tattoos, but went and got one anyway... and didn't even ask me. So kind of felt like that what I think doesn't matter at all, especially when you're planning on spending the rest of your life with someone... Tattoos are forever.

How about I say, Hey hunny, I just signed up for the Navy... see you in 4 years!!!! How would that feel? Making a major decision with no thought to your partner.

 

 

Second, is one day (about 3yrs ago)my girlfriend was texting her exboyfriend, and I said it made me uncomfortable and asked her not to do it anymore... She was confused and didn't know what the problem was, so I just said please don't do it anymore.. and she finally agreed not to.

A year later, Her phone is sitting next to me and I see her get a text from this same ex, saying something along the lines of Hey baby, what's up?

Obviously, she did not listen... This especially angered me because she even got a new phone, along with a new phone number. How else would he have gotten her number if she didn't give it to him? (she dodged this question when I asked). So after about 3 days of me trying to gather up the courage... I ask her, please do no talk to him anymore.

She agrees once more...

Only for me recently to find out they yet again are still talking.

Back in 2009-2010 or so, she even told him how she misses him and would feel bad if she left me to go back to him even though she complains about me, she said I'm still a good guy.

So I feel like I'm just a 2nd choice that she really didn't want.

 

Is it my place to tell my girlfriend that I don't want her talking to an ex?

I also plan on asking her how often she has seen him since we've been going out, as they talk about meeting up for dinner and similar.

 

I also asked her not to drink... (alcohol) and she said she doesn't.

But the majority of her friends do, and often times she'll come home smelling like a brewery. The reason for me not wanting her to drink.. comes from bad memories with my mom drinking when I was a little kid that I don't care to share... :[

 

I don't know if she has or has not been, but she hasn't been when I'm around. I'm just wondering if it is even my place to decide if she should be able to drink or not...

 

I try not to be controlling, I try not to tell her what to do... But I don't know what to do really. I don't know what to ask her.

 

 

Sorry for being longwinded and confusing.

My big big question, is how on earth do I confront her without her breaking down and crying, and being able to actually carry on a conversation with her?

[thatone]

the crying is a manipulation game just like the tattoo and other things are.

[dasein]

Get OUT. This girl is a mess and will bring you nothing but misery. As thatone says, the crying is manipulation they learn at a very young age. Don't put up with it in 2011, brave new world and all. Same for the ones who act like spoiled children during their periods around their loved ones, yet seem to handle stress just fine at work without turning into babies. Same for the ones who can only view the world in terms of their feelings and immediate impulses. You deserve better and most guys do.

 

Can't go anywhere on her own and compares you to an ex she refuses to stop contact with? Seriously get out and don't look back. Stop worrying about how to bring things up without her crying. This girl has likely done significant emotional damage to you, as your mother did, it's only your fault if you allow it to continue.

[Eddie Edirol]

Yeah shes going to keep doing that until you break up with her, and mean it.