USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"...? Should you even bother? Online dating seriously has to be one of the stupidest and most assinine things I've ever tried to do...though I don't actually message anyone...I just browse...and then go back to feeling sorry for myself...not exactly the most effective method... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 You have to also realize that girls are INUNDATED with emails on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish and to respond to every single "Hey, what's up" message can be a huge time-suck so the site's algorithms indicate the person only replies selectively. Write an engaging sentence or two that shows you actually read the girl's profile and you have a better chance of getting a response. Link to post Share on other sites
krz12 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Worst comes to worst, you lose a minute of your life. And you seem to be wasting it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Eh it always said "replies very selectively" on my OKC profile. Even when I went through a stage of meeting anyone that is in my age range and not disgustingly ugly (sorry to be blunt). We get tons of really dumb messages like "nice tits" or "wanna meet up in 2 hours?" or "hi". Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I went through a very short period of replying to every single message on OKC as an experiment, I still had 'replies very selectively' on my profile. It seems pretty random - although I have the theory it has something to do with whether you fall within the criteria the person selected. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 It means you need to be standing next to a Mercedes in your bare-chested profile pics. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"...? Should you even bother? Online dating seriously has to be one of the stupidest and most assinine things I've ever tried to do...though I don't actually message anyone...I just browse...and then go back to feeling sorry for myself...not exactly the most effective method... Meh, that feature isn't even neccesary on soem dating sites.....I saw this one woman that was giving a lecture to the men who were reading her profile "I woke up this morning I found 60 emails in my inbox! I appreciate all the emails...blah blah blah.....I wear 5 inch heels, so I'm a pretty tall drink of water...so if you're not at least 6 feet tall, it will not work. Also, I like men who are thick and muscular, so if you're just plain thin, again It won't work....I'm SUPER picky, so I'm looking for a certain type" She is a lawyer with a PhD, so I'm curious as to how she is ever going to find a guy like that on a Free dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I don't understand people who do that on dating sites. It's such a turn-off. It's online dating. From what i'm told just about every average woman gets 50 emails a day. Here's a completely off-the-wall idea. Maybe she should put that PHD to work & use the search feature of the dating site to look for what she wants & send those guys e-mails instead of waiting for one of them to e-mail her? yeah, I know, kookie. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I would ignore the selectivity feature. When it was instituted, there was an outcry. I remember wanting to have a green light, but it wasn't possible. Some messages should be ignored and it would be crazy for me to have written back. I have gotten some doozies of messages, which were spammed to hundreds of women. I think OKC keeps the feature to create more drama. Most women and men dislike it because it provides misleading info. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I find it a useless feature, particularly for women. Even if a man was unattractive to me, or I was never going to date him, I did take care to respond to every sincere message sent to me by someone local (my profile requested non-local people NOT contact me) and in my specified age range (also on the profile). As long as it wasn't lewd and was at least a reasonable length (1-2 full sentences, not "hi" or whatever), I answered it with at the very least a nice "No thank you, but good luck" type message. (I did block men who sent subsequent messages asking me "Why won't you go out with me?" or yelling at me for not being interested in them, because: that's gross. Don't do that.) Despite that, my light was almost always red. Why? Because those lewd messages, or messages from old guys, or guys WAY too young for me, or guys who just wrote "Hey" or guys from halfway around the world. . . that's A LOT of messages. There's basically tons of dating site SPAM to sift through. And for men, it likely tells little as well. My BF's light when I messaged him? Also red. (The exBF's was orange. But I messaged plenty of green guys too, so it's not like I cherrypick the picky boys.) And clearly he was interested in meeting someone, as we're together now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 I guess just seeing the red dot creates the perception in my mind that they are pretentious...and I don't like that in a woman... Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I guess just seeing the red dot creates the perception in my mind that they are pretentious...and I don't like that in a woman... In reality, it just means they get cold-called a lot, generally because they have nice pictures people like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 24, 2011 Author Share Posted August 24, 2011 In reality, it just means they get cold-called a lot, generally because they have nice pictures people like. Maybe I give dudes online a little too much credit in thinking most messages women receive are legitimate and genuine with actual substance, and women are just ignoring these messages from average Joes because the guys aren't in the top 5% in terms of looks... And isn't every message essentially a cold call...? Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Maybe I give dudes online a little too much credit in thinking most messages women receive are legitimate and genuine with actual substance, and women are just ignoring these messages from average Joes because the guys aren't in the top 5% in terms of looks... And isn't every message essentially a cold call...? I guess they are, but by "cold calls" I mean the really lame obviously scripted messages (to which I usually DID reply if they were in my area, but say, "Hey, that's clearly a script. No thank you."), the "hi" crap or the "I know I have no chance with you, so here goes: Wanna ****?" type stuff. And plenty of the reasons I said "No thank you," to a guy (and I did reject---if not ignore---the majority of guys who messaged me) had nothing to do with looks. Yes, if I found him unattractive, I had to say no, but most of the time, it was an easier call: our match % was super low, we had nothing in common, he wasn't college educated (this may be snobbery, depending on your perspective, but I'm getting a PhD in education; if a guy doesn't value education enough to go to college... I don't see him as my cuppa), or whatnot. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 (edited) Online datign is a waste of time for Men unless you're extremely good looking and/or sucessful its a place where even ugly or average women can be extremely picky and try to shoot for the stars Plus if you're under 5'10 as a men on a dating site you are pretty much invisible Edited August 24, 2011 by PJKino Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Online dating is a numbers game. I don't let the little lights at the top of the profile scare me. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 When I was on OKC, 80% of the messages I received went like this: "How are you tonight?" (when I hadn't been logged on in a week) "Hi there." (that's it) "Great pics!" (that's it) "Wanna meet up tonight?" (nothing before that) I made a point of responding to each lame message with an equally lame, yet appropriate and responsive, response. Respectively: "That was last Thursday, but I was good. Thanks." "Hi." "Thanks." "No, thank you." And even when I did that, it said I replied selectively. Between that and having matches with very high percentages who still answered my mandatory questions with major dealbreakers, I concluded that site was a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"...? Find someone who hasn't logged in for a while - perhaps an abandoned account. Find one of those that says "nobody has contacted her this week" (it has a blue dot) and send her a message. It'll change to green, and then a few days later it'll be red (perhaps with orange in between) and then, if nobody else contacts her, it'll go back to blue. Send her another message - and she'll be green again, even though she hasn't logged in. So when did she "reply often" if she hasn't logged in for the last 4 years? That's just a corner-case, but that feature is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I think, "replies very selectively" is just OKC's method of saying that this person gets a lot of messages. In a way, it's trying to get people to message those who don't get a lot of messages. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 It means I don't reply to men who obviously didn't read my profile. Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Nobody really cares what your profile says. It's all about the pictures. I get messages all the time with women asking questions that I already answered in my profile.....weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I have had pretty good success with getting a response from "replies selectively" ...they typically (but not always) seem to just have solid standards and a guy with his house, hobbies, his degree like me gets their attention when he sends one to them...also mine is well written and personalized. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 Is it me or does every girl's profile say she responds "very selectively"...? Should you even bother? Online dating seriously has to be one of the stupidest and most assinine things I've ever tried to do...though I don't actually message anyone...I just browse...and then go back to feeling sorry for myself...not exactly the most effective method... I wouldn't bother with a woman that said she is very selective. This smacks of, "I'm a princess, and its all about me". Even if I was the most desired man on the planet, this attitude would turn me off. I think its one thing to think you have to be selective, and another to announce it. The latter is displaying their arrogance and entitlement. Don't bother with these types. they are the same types that think men should fight over them Link to post Share on other sites
torn_curtain Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 I wouldn't bother with a woman that said she is very selective. This smacks of, "I'm a princess, and its all about me". Even if I was the most desired man on the planet, this attitude would turn me off. I think its one thing to think you have to be selective, and another to announce it. The latter is displaying their arrogance and entitlement. Don't bother with these types. they are the same types that think men should fight over them There's nothing wrong with somebody being selective. Selectivity is good. I wouldn't want a guy either who wasn't selective. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 There's nothing wrong with somebody being selective. Selectivity is good. I wouldn't want a guy either who wasn't selective. It all depends on what you consider selective. I've known women not to date guys with a certain name or wore a certain label. Men who wouldn't date women who wouldn't date women with a certain hair or eye color. I've heard some really off the wall criteria as well. I knew of this one woman that wouldn't date a guy with a gut (muscular gut, not sure what that means) because her booty big, and when they spoon, they HAVE to match like a puzzle piece. Link to post Share on other sites
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