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Bf's trip and lack of contact are starting to get to me


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

I need an objective opinion.

 

So he has been away for around 10 days or so. First 5-6 days, he was staying at a place with internet connection and he Skyped with me every day, for up to 3 hours.

 

He has since moved to another place with no internet connection but a good cell phone coverage. Since then, he has barely been in contact. I had to initiate probably around 90% of the texts. He responds quickly and at length but doesn't initiate much and hasn't called me once. It's weird - but when we Skyped, he was texting me more in between too. Now, it's like he has forgotten about me.

 

To make things worse, I am lying in bed sick with a flu and am getting penicillin injections for it (it's quite bad). Initially I didn't want to tell him so that he wouldn't feel guilt tripped into calling me. But today he said good morning and asked me what have I been up to (via text) and I told him that I am sick. I expected at least a phone call but all I got was: "Aw you poor thing. Wish I was there to hug you and kiss it all better". That was it. Not even a follow up text to see how I am during the day. Nothing.

 

I am feeling increasingly disconnected from him and pissed off :mad: I know it's not a money issue and I just feel like he should be making more of an effort for someone he claims to be "the love of his life".

 

I am not concerned that he is cheating (really) as one night stands are not something he ever did, even when he was single. He has an irrational fear of STDs (due to his dad being a doctor). It's just that the whole thing feels off....

 

I deleted his number so that I wouldn't initiate anymore texts. I know that I should probably be patient and that time will tell - but if things continue this way - I am not sure I will be able to go back to "normal" once he gets back.

 

What would you do?

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Eternal Sunshine

Just wanted to add that cheating is not entirely out of the question I guess. It's just that he is the type that is more likely to develop an emotional crush than to cheat. He has been away for only a short time and is moving from place to place - so it's kind of hard to develop an emotional crush that quickly (but I guess it's possible).

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It's funny how people tell some kind of story about a certain situation and then ask "what would you do?" As if said person would ever find him or herself in said situation.

 

I'm not singling you out ES. I remember a while back one of my ex's was asking me why guys get so desperate about wanting to hook up with a certain woman, going to great lengths to try to get her number, even after multiple rejections.

 

I didn't know how to answer because I would never see myself in that kind of situation.

 

 

 

 

IN RESPONSE TO THE OP you just need to do something to occupy your time with until he gets back. Read a book. Learn some recipes. Take dance classes. Exercise. Play a video game... ANYTHING.

 

Letting these thoughts run around in your head is not helping anyone.

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I would realize that my boyfriend (that had reassured me numerous times in the past that he loved me) was in Europe and having a life-changing experience with his travels.

I wouldn't make it all about me all the time. Skyping for 3 hours? Now you want more? He's in a new spot. Maybe he's having a great time seeing all the sights. It's not like he's ignoring you....if he was - that would be bad but just let the guy have his trip.

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He's on vacation. You're home sick. He has lots of exciting things to see and do. You are at home, alone and bored.

 

Let the poor guy have his vacation. That's his time, and he shouldn't have to worry about you. You are a big girl and can take care of yourself. Find a good book to read or TV show to watch or music to listen to. Stop thinking about him. This is not about him, this is aboot you.

 

And on a completely different note: WHY ARE YOU TAKING AN ANTIBIOTIC FOR A FLU VIRUS?!?!?

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Mme. Chaucer

Well, one thing for certain. I would not have deleted the phone number of the "love of my life."

 

Obviously, what other people who are in a serious (and, mature) relationship would do has nothing to do with what you would do, so why are you even asking.

 

You are a smart woman. You could easily predict what people here would say about your situation. I'll say it too.

 

Support your boyfriend in enjoying his travels. Live your life (but without the "hot chocolate as friends, ;) ;) with the hottest guy evah, and telling your boyfriend all about it type scenarios, please). Don't be such an old ball and chain. If you two are really meant to be, your relationship will survive this trip and be enriched by it. If not, then ... no.

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He's on vacation. You're home sick. He has lots of exciting things to see and do. You are at home, alone and bored.

 

Let the poor guy have his vacation. That's his time, and he shouldn't have to worry about you. You are a big girl and can take care of yourself. Find a good book to read or TV show to watch or music to listen to. Stop thinking about him. This is not about him, this is aboot you.

 

And on a completely different note: WHY ARE YOU TAKING AN ANTIBIOTIC FOR A FLU VIRUS?!?!?

 

because like everything else in her life, it's all about her own wants, and all the other people walking the planet don't matter?

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I am feeling increasingly disconnected from him and pissed off mad.gif I know it's not a money issue and I just feel like he should be making more of an effort for someone he claims to be "the love of his life".

 

 

Why should he have to make more effort? He has made effort.

Now it's your job to take care of yourself and occupy your time with the things going on in your own life. Make that effort.

 

You are responsible for you. He is not. You are not his underage child. You are a grown woman. Time to start acting like it.

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I would realize that my boyfriend (that had reassured me numerous times in the past that he loved me) was in Europe and having a life-changing experience with his travels.

I wouldn't make it all about me all the time. Skyping for 3 hours? Now you want more? He's in a new spot. Maybe he's having a great time seeing all the sights. It's not like he's ignoring you....if he was - that would be bad but just let the guy have his trip.

 

This.

 

In any case, you don't need to do anything now. There is nothing to be gained by taking action now. He'll be back soon enough (even though it doesn't feel that way now) and you will be in a much better position to evaulate his feelings for you then.

 

He's on vacation. You're home sick. He has lots of exciting things to see and do. You are at home, alone and bored.

 

Let the poor guy have his vacation. That's his time, and he shouldn't have to worry about you. You are a big girl and can take care of yourself. Find a good book to read or TV show to watch or music to listen to. Stop thinking about him. This is not about him, this is aboot you.

 

And on a completely different note: WHY ARE YOU TAKING AN ANTIBIOTIC FOR A FLU VIRUS?!?!?

 

And this.

 

BTW, EH, she posted in another thread that she has strep throat (bacterial infection), which is why she is taking an antibiotic.

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temporaryvisa

You're so spoiled, you need so much damn attention, it's crazy!

 

:S

He is being a good boyfriend!

 

ps, don't worry I'm exactly like you. actually, do worry because you're probably a spoiled bratty pain in the ass.

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temporaryvisa

you need to be stable and trusting of the guy who is apparently your love of your life. i mean, he's been gone for less than 2 weeks and you're already even slightly considering that he could cheat on you! are you nuts?

 

wow. i think this is really very selfish. i think you need to watch some maury.

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you need to be stable and trusting of the guy who is apparently your love of your life. i mean, he's been gone for less than 2 weeks and you're already even slightly considering that he could cheat on you! are you nuts?

 

wow. i think this is really very selfish. i think you need to watch some maury.

 

Calling her out in said way isn't very polite. While I don't agree with over worrying about this situation, I do know what it's like to go through distance in a relationship, it can bring out nerves.

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And on a completely different note: WHY ARE YOU TAKING AN ANTIBIOTIC FOR A FLU VIRUS?!?!?

 

Flu is just the common term people use to describe anything with a sore throat - they don't usually mean influenza when they say it. OP mentioned in another thread that her doc diagnosed her with strep throat.

 

OP, just curious - if he had not started the routine of Skyping you for 3 hours a day at the beginning of his vacation, would you feel so put off by his 'lack of contact' now?

 

Sadly, I have a vision of how this thread is gonna go - everyone's going to tell you it's perfectly normal for a person to want to enjoy their vacation and not have all that much contact during it. But you're going to insist on creating some sort of drama anyway - cutting him off, ignoring him, breaking up with him in your mind, seeing another guy... And when he comes back, one of two things will happen. Either you'll be all lovey dovey again and you'll ignore and forget this thread and start all over again next time. Or there will be trouble in your relationship, perhaps partly caused by your drama, and then you will post here again saying, 'See, I knew this was going to happen, I should have followed my instincts and cut him off sooner'.

 

C'mon... :(

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Sorry to hear that you're under the weather... It's no fun being sick, lonely and paranoid with no outlet. Might I suggest that you get a friend to go buy you a new book, or get you a couple of new movies? Get some ice cream, lay in bed and chill out.

 

I have to say you're getting a lot more contact than I would give to MY gf (The absolute love of my life) if I were away in a foreign country on vacation. Then again, my gf wouldn't expect it, and neither would I from her. Try to keep occupied and get some sleep. You'll feel better when he returns and things will be as if he never left. Maybe better - distance makes the heart grow fonder.

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ES, you guys do need some breathing space. Being on each other's back all the time is suffocating, which is not healthy for the relationship. His vacation is an opportunity for that breathing space.

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Initially I didn't want to tell him so that he wouldn't feel guilt tripped into calling me.

 

and then

I expected at least a phone call

 

You are not being honest with yourself, even.

 

My rather sparkling brand-new boyfriend is leaving for France for several days during which we will have extremely limited contact. It's totally going to suck, I can relate to that.

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nyc_guy2003

 

I am not concerned that he is cheating (really) as one night stands are not something he ever did, even when he was single.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but there is no way of you knowing that unless you have spent every day of your life with him. From all the threads you've posted about him it sounds like he's the type of guy who says one thing but does another. So I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was a serial cheater and has you convinced otherwise.

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What would you do?

 

I would

 

a) let him get on with it and enjoy his trip.

 

b) stick his phone number back in my phone, and send him one good morning text and one good night text a day.

 

I know this is repeating what has already been said, but you need to get over your insecurities if this relationship is going to work out long term.

Edited by denise_xo
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I deleted his number so that I wouldn't initiate anymore texts. I know that I should probably be patient and that time will tell - but if things continue this way - I am not sure I will be able to go back to "normal" once he gets back.

 

What would you do?

 

You deleted your boyfriend's number?

 

Your BOYFRIEND'S number?

 

You feel so uncomfortable with what you would do with your own boyfriend's number that you are incapable of having it in your phone if he's not texting you super-often?

 

What I would do is immaterial, ES. I would have maybe wanted a decent email every few days or a text now and again---maybe a Skype convo once a week---so he could enjoy Europe (though I would ask him to take pictures for me or collect postcards or something, so he could recount the experience for me later and make me feel a teensy bit involved :) ) and his vacation. And I would do the many things in my life that make me happy for a month.

 

A LDR sucks. This isn't a LDR. This is an extended holiday. I'm sure I'd miss my BF if he went away for a month, but it wouldn't be some huge deal. I wouldn't imagine him sleeping with people or developing emotional crushes. I wouldn't have a desire to go out with cute guys for hot chocolate just because I felt lonely. I'd find something else to be busy with, have fun, and live my life, so long as there was at least some communication throughout the week.

 

But you DELETED your boyfriend's phone number like he was some loser you met at a college bar, had a drama-fraught FWB situation, and drunk dialed 14 times and can't trust yourself with anymore. So I imagine what I'd do will obviously never be anything in the spectrum of what you could/would do.

 

I would realize that my boyfriend (that had reassured me numerous times in the past that he loved me) was in Europe and having a life-changing experience with his travels.

I wouldn't make it all about me all the time. Skyping for 3 hours? Now you want more? He's in a new spot. Maybe he's having a great time seeing all the sights. It's not like he's ignoring you....if he was - that would be bad but just let the guy have his trip.

 

Skyping for 3 HOURS A DAY while he's on VACATION?!?

 

:facepalm:

 

Seriously!

 

Skyping for 3 hours!

 

This guy has the patience of a saint.

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Honestly, I used to be exaaactly like this back in my college days! Haha. My boyfriend and I were long-distance and there were times when he'd call me all of the time, send me really sweet messages, yadda yadda yadda. When that all stopped, I found myself wondering why, initiating all of the time, and feeling like he'd lost interest or was doing something bad.

 

I think people just go through phases. I don't mean phases like, welp he's over you now! I just mean he's on vacation! He's probably having a lot of fun seeing things and just because he doesn't write you AS MUCH doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore (or any less!! :) ). Plus, I think what he said to you about your being sick was sweet. Sure maybe it would have been nice to get a follow-up text but he IS on vacation.

 

I'm sure it's also tough because it's not like you can go out and have fun too. You're sick in bed! So, I'm sure that it's tough NOT to put so much time and attention on this subject. But, I don't think anything is wrong and I think it will be better.

 

Also, as far as things being "normal" when he returns, I think they'll be normal as long as you act normal! Don't worry, just get better and wait for his return. In the meanttime you might as well buy all of the girly magazines you can and/or plan fun activities for the rest of the summer!

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You deleted your boyfriend's number?

 

Your BOYFRIEND'S number?

 

You feel so uncomfortable with what you would do with your own boyfriend's number that you are incapable of having it in your phone if he's not texting you super-often?

 

This was my reaction, too. If my SO had deleted my number because I didn't contact him frequently while on holiday, I'd seriously reconsider.

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This was my reaction, too. If my SO had deleted my number because I didn't contact him frequently while on holiday, I'd seriously reconsider.

 

I guess why it makes me so crazy (my post might be a bit effusive) is that ES has a habit of saying she's never going to contact a man again and just considering the relationship over and such. Which to me negates the whole point of relationships.

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Enchanted Girl

I can handle and actually prefer to date clingy people. My boyfriend is very clingy. He's gotten anxious before when I've gone out the majority of a day with friends and not seen him much. Just saying this because if I had a boyfriend who was acting like you, I wouldn't break-up with him, as long as he wasn't DELETING MY PHONE NUMBER and trying to break-up with me. So think about these things before you act so impulsively.

 

But I'm telling you . . . . if he skyped with you for three hours in the beginning, there's nothing wrong with your relationship! How long is he gone for? A month? Even if he doesn't talk to you for the rest of this month, which is like two weeks, everything should be fine between you two when he gets back.

 

My ex used to go on vacations for two weeks at a time and not even text me once the entirety of the vacation. Yes, I'd wind up missing the **** out of him by the time he got back, but it never actually harmed our relationship in any way. That was one of those things that he actually did not do wrong. Of course I'd prefer a boyfriend like you have who wouldn't do that to me, but it wouldn't be the end of the world to have one like my ex.

 

Just remember, when he gets home, the reunion sex and passion will be AMAZING that you feel for each other. And you'll have so much to talk about. It will be the excitement of the beginning of your relationship all over again!

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