USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 ...when it comes to dating, and I think I've been giving people way too much credit all along...all my life, my insecurities revolved around my Asian-ness. I had recently "gotten over" it and tried my hardest to pretend that women didn't care about race...the folks on LS did their best to reinforce that idea, but I know that LS is hardly representative of the real world. And I'm really starting to think that being of a "lesser" race is treated the same way unattractiveness is. Do women feel that they're social status diminishes if found dating an unattractive person? Or maybe they feel worse about themselves if they are "dating down," hence they simply try to avoid it? Or that others may think less of them? Yes, this is another mindless race thread from someone who is slowly growing more cynical....most people will say that race doesn't matter to them, but these are the same people who wouldn't even consider dating a lesser race and only say it to make themselves look better. Again, I'm sure many folks on LS are genuine in this regard, but I feel confident saying that the real world is quite different... Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 What exactly is a lesser race? What year are we in? Oh wait, just remembered I was a black female in America. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 ...when it comes to dating, and I think I've been giving people way too much credit all along...all my life, my insecurities revolved around my Asian-ness. I had recently "gotten over" it and tried my hardest to pretend that women didn't care about race...the folks on LS did their best to reinforce that idea, but I know that LS is hardly representative of the real world. And I'm really starting to think that being of a "lesser" race is treated the same way unattractiveness is. Do women feel that they're social status diminishes if found dating an unattractive person? Or maybe they feel worse about themselves if they are "dating down," hence they simply try to avoid it? Or that others may think less of them? What others think is always extremely important to most women no matter what they say Ive seen many women leave a guy becaue their girlfriends didnt like him or said hes ugly Unfortunately that high school mentality doesnt leave allot of women,soemthing ingrained or wired in them i dunno Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 In my 20s, I was somewhat hesitant to date people of other races -- and the ONLY reason was because other people, including my racist dad, were judgmental about it, and it was hard to deal with their crap. In the past year, I have been dating people of several different races. The guy that I clicked with best overall was Latino (Mexican), and I'm white. I would totally date an Asian guy, or a guy of any race. I care a lot less about what other people think than I used to. Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hokie, seriously do you own a mirror? Forget all this race crap - that is truthfully in your head. Yes, everyone in every race has problems with the opposite sex but being Asian isn't your problem. I really hope you weren't referring to yourself in regards to dating down. You seem attractive, successful and like a good person but you really need to love yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Probably mroe because of your height Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I don't think dating outside of ones race is much of a problem these days. Especially where you live. I have dated only one guy in my race and have had no problems dating outside of my race. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica45 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I didn't realize that being Asian was a handicap. I remember growing up telling my parents that I was going to marry an Asian one day. I thought they were very attractive. That later turned into Latino. Then THAT was replaced with Australian, lol! Anyway, point is, I don't think Asians are unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Zed Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Its not about being cynical--your concerns are legitimate, however I don't think that being an Asian male is considered the lesser of two evils, despite the prevailing assumption on this board that Black men have it easier among minority men. Asians are perceived to have more in common with the dominant culture. If anything Latinos fare better because they can be any race and usually identify as White or Mestizo. Asian men in my area are highly sought after, becuase of their perceived economic status and stability but then they do tend to stick to their own. Still whenever they date out their first choice is usually White, followed by different Asian ethnicity (there are a few guys in my workplace that have a serious Jones for Indian women), and then Latinas. You have to be more specific of what you are looking for and how you are attempting to meet other women. Black women are always invisible unless she is a younger Halle Berry prototype, thus your concerns regarding your racial status certainly does not come close to the percieved lack of attractiveness of Black women. If you are on the Eastern Seaboard, there may be some reticence, if you are solely looking to date White women, but if you are on the West coast, Asian men/White women are much more frequent. In other words, you don't have anything to worry about. If you are Generation Y or a Milennial, dating out especially as Asian--shouldn't be hard but may be you should include other Asians and Latinas as well instead of fixating on just white women as dating options. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Do people reject you and give a racial slur while they are at it or something? It's probably not race guy, I don't even know how you looked at everything that's happened over the last x years and said, "Ah-ha! It's cause I got the ****in asianism! ****. Where's maaa math book!" Seriously, chill out on the race thing. Go work on something. Like your hair. It could be your hair, and better hair will help you regardless. Pretty sure working on hair is wayyyy more healthy than working on asianism. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Probably mroe because of your height Strangely enough, height is something I have never once had an issue or insecurity with, even at a slightly below average 5'8"... Link to post Share on other sites
David Cain Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Strangely enough, height is something I have never once had an issue or insecurity with, even at a slightly below average 5'8"... Wow dude you're short. But I've seen a guy your size knock out someone who is my height (6'1") with one punch to the temple. Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Strangely enough, height is something I have never once had an issue or insecurity with, even at a slightly below average 5'8"... Its a huge deal to women. huge My boy was seeing a women maybe 5'3 and i overheard her say to her friends hes too short [hes around 5'9] Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Wow dude you're short. But I've seen a guy your size knock out someone who is my height (6'1") with one punch to the temple. lol 5'9 is average height 5'8 isnt that short A inch away from avergae is hardly that noticeable Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hokie, seriously do you own a mirror? Forget all this race crap - that is truthfully in your head. Yes, everyone in every race has problems with the opposite sex but being Asian isn't your problem. I really hope you weren't referring to yourself in regards to dating down. I was. You seem attractive, successful and like a good person but you really need to love yourself. Yes, but my perception of how people react when they first see or meet me is: oh hey, it's an Asian. Nothing else matters. I feel like a lot of women only see that...and it's all they need to see. I honestly don't think it's racism at all...it's not like women hate me because of the Asian-ness, it's just that they feel they can do better. At least that's my perception of their attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Rinas Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 That's strange, as I've always been very attracted to Asians. You just aren't meeting the right women! Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Do people reject you and give a racial slur while they are at it or something? It's probably not race guy, I don't even know how you looked at everything that's happened over the last x years and said, "Ah-ha! It's cause I got the ****in asianism! ****. Where's maaa math book!" Hahah. I feel that women are much to PC and sensitive to what others think about them to mouth a racial slur in mid-rejection. Besides, I don't mind Asian slurs, jokes, or the such. They're usually rather funny. Seriously, chill out on the race thing. Go work on something. Like your hair. It could be your hair, and better hair will help you regardless. Pretty sure working on hair is wayyyy more healthy than working on asianism. I wish I could work on my hair, because I had grown some pretty sweet bro-hair in the past couple months but the barber mistaken cut most of it off a couple weeks ago because she didn't understand English...so she gave me this ridiculous high and tight that I've been patiently waiting to grow back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I don't think dating outside of ones race is much of a problem these days. Especially where you live. I have dated only one guy in my race and have had no problems dating outside of my race. I merely speculate here, but I would have to guess that men are more willing to ignore race than women... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 That's strange, as I've always been very attracted to Asians. You just aren't meeting the right women! I've just been avoiding meeting women in any substantial capacity altogether because I make the assumption that any woman is "just like all the rest"... Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 You're over personalizing thing in a big way. People have preferences. You, me.. everyone. The issue isn't that they have preferences. It's that you've been knocked back and are assuming it has something to do with your worth as a partner. It doesn't. If the women you're meeting don't happen to prefer Asians, then keep on looking. I know it's easier said than done, but giving yourself a complex over this isn't going to help your confidence. If the girl you're chasing isn't biting, it's not some great tragedy. There's always another around the corner. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I merely speculate here, but I would have to guess that men are more willing to ignore race than women... Oh definitly not. In NYC, dating different races isnt as big a deal as in New Jersey. Its all about location. Some places are more picky with race than others. I realized what youre seeing long ago, but once you really accept it, and dont set expectations about the women you try to talk to, its much easier to deal with. I learned to concentrate on the women who flirt with me and back it up with actions. Anyone that doesnt flirt, guess what...I blow them off. White black latina, whatever. People have preferences when it comes to appearances, everyone has them, some are more severe than others. Maybe many of the women you talked to dont like the look of the asian face. Maybe theyre stupid enough to blow you off because of the stereotypes. Maybe Many women are very family oriented, and some may be worried about culture clashes between families. Until you show them in a few meetings how great a guy you are, you will have to deal with them making assumptions to rationalize their preferences. We all have preferences, for instance, there are single 300lbs women out there that are complaining that men dont like them for their minds, and cant look past their bodies. They arent being realistic, so as long as youre realistic and accept that women have their preferences, at least at first glance, then you can move on to the others that are interested in getting to know you. You also have to keep changing your hunting locations. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 And I'm really starting to think that being of a "lesser" race is treated the same way unattractiveness is. Huh? Since when is there even a "lesser" race? Are we living back pre-Civil Rights or something? Do women feel that they're social status diminishes if found dating an unattractive person? Or maybe they feel worse about themselves if they are "dating down," hence they simply try to avoid it? Or that others may think less of them? No. If anything, in my experience, the reverse is true. Men tend to date up in terms of attractiveness; women do not. I'd say 95% of the guys I've dated have been equally or less attractive than I am. Your race has nothing to do with your dating problems, Hokie. NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 It's true what they say. As a minority you gotta work twice as hard to make it in america. I do know some asian guys who date decent looking white women, but these guys really have it together in all aspects. Outgoing, good physique, great jobs etc. I'd say white guys who had the same things going for them would be able to date absolute stunners. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yes, but my perception of how people react when they first see or meet me is: oh hey, it's an Asian. Nothing else matters. I feel like a lot of women only see that...and it's all they need to see. I honestly don't think it's racism at all...it's not like women hate me because of the Asian-ness, it's just that they feel they can do better. At least that's my perception of their attitude. Some women do think that way -- and those are people to avoid, anyway. I'm pretty tall, and some men don't look at me twice because of it, I'm sure. Nothing I can do about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Is it really that different in DC, NYC, etc., than California? I imagined it would be equally as much of a melting pot. In fact, whites are no longer the majority in California. We have no ethnic majority, so it's as though we really no longer see color or race... Link to post Share on other sites
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