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why no ring when he loves me?


sweetmind20

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hello everyone..

i was wondering if i could please get some opinions.. i have been contemplating the worth of sticking around in my relationship basically because i want a marital committment and my bf seems a bit hesitant. he and i have been together for two year and we have a serious relationship in as much as we are talking about kids and homes, etc. but i don't know if i am just kidding myself about his emotional,etc. committment to me. he says he wants kids and a home with me, but i haven't seen , or heard any promises of a ring. he wrote me this note a couple months back:

 

"as for the marriage thing I will put some more thought into it once you and I settle down and see how we get along on a day to day basis when we live together. I do think about it though and I love you to death but before I get ahead of myself I want to see how this goes personally before I jump into such a long term commitment. I think you will need to see how this goes also. This will be a good test on how much we love each other. "

 

granted his parents have just gone through a very hurtful divorce, and i can understand some hesitation.. but i'd still like to know people's opinions.. thank you.

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I would respect a man more if he showed some "hesitancy and thought" rather than just jumped into a life long committment. When a man accepts the task of being a husband (and father)....the wiser ones take into consideration that he will be expected to provide for and take care of his family. They will also want to make sure the relationship is on stable ground....because once children are added to the relationship.....and it doesn't work....usually the wife becomes the primary residence. To some men, this is a very important point!

 

The divorce of his parents probably made him think even deeper regarding these issues.

 

I think you have yourself a great guy there. Commend him for caring enough about his future family to give it some thought rather than being immature and jumping into a situation before he has ironed out the kinks.

 

As I posted on here a few days ago....being a girlfriend is a special place to be in. Once you're married and have a few kids....you'll be wishing you could go back to being the girlfriend again. HAHA! Enjoy these days with the man you love....build special memories....and respect him for caring about YOU enough to want you to have a good life with him.

 

Arabess

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I agree. Also question your need to push the marriage. It's really better when both people are ready. And the divorce of parents can be very traumatic, but also can be a trigger to concentration on making sure your own marriage works. It might be good for both of you to talk to some happily married people and ask them why they are still happily married. (make sure their happy first :)

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my boyfriend is afraid to be tied down to a car payment, so he buys used... we are getting ready to move in together, so we will see how that goes. but maybe it is something like that...not that you are a car payment, but guys seem to be cautious about big decesions, as they should be.

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Hey!

 

I just wonder why the rush? Let it happen and work on it day to day. Just moving in together is a big enough step (commitment). Who knows, you might find out he throws his stinky socks around and decide, Oh..No!

 

Based upon your description, he does indeed sound like a sweetheart. He is being honest and forthright to what he really thinks and feels. Sounds to me like he is the planner and likes working toward a goal or aspiration. If he treats you with respect and care (as you should him), then enjoy it. Learn about him more, living with him can be just as much an adventure.

 

What is more important, the ROCK or a ROCK SOLID RELATIONSHIP!

 

LOL

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What is more important, the ROCK or a ROCK SOLID RELATIONSHIP!

 

To me...both....rock solid relationship forever....and the "rock" in SEVERAL years to come! :)

 

~justa~

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thank you everyone! i appreciate all of your advice.. it just so happens that he has in fact proposed.. i was blown away. here i was wondering if it would ever happen. you are all right.. i shouldn't be so anxious. i'm going to just enjoy this relationship and stay engaged for awhile before getting married. thanks again!

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