I'm tired of waiting around

[Lilmisus]

Question: why is it that people like to make up random excuses for the age old "why hasn't he called?" ordeal?

 

I haven't heard from new guy since Monday when we kissed goodbye from our beach date that involved his two best friends and their girlfriends. He said countless times that he was looking forward to this weekend - Thursday and Friday - but that he didn't know what to do or anything like that. Neither of us said "call you" or "text you" later, we just said "bye" after saying that we couldn't wait to see the other again, basically.

 

I sent him a simple "hey you" text last night after work. No response.

 

Today, after talking to a friend about it, and telling her that I didn't really have feelings for him yet and that it felt like I was just going through the motions of dating, and that my wall is up way too high right now, she suggested that he may have picked up on that, and that maybe he's waiting to see how into him I am. She knows me, and knows how hard it is to really have me admit or show my feelings, so she thought that I should text him again and make him see that I am into him, or to keep it going at least. So...I did. Before work I sent him a "Hey, you ready for us to hang out this weekend?" No response.

 

At work I vented a bunch to coworkers and whoever else, and everyone seemed to have a different excuse for him. Some being:

 

"He must be really busy right now!"

"Maybe he lost his phone?"

"I have Sprint and their service has been all messed up these past few days, maybe he has Sprint too?"

"May have ran out of minutes"

"He's playing the three days game..waiting three days to see how crazy you get, just to test you out"

 

In the end, I'm just thinking that he could get in touch if he wanted to - hell, he knows where I work, and his friend has my number and has been texting me these past couple days, he could get to me through him - but he's choosing not to for some reason. Maybe it's just cause I got so used to my ex pulling this sh*t that I know better now than to believe all the lame excuses. I just know that I'm tired of waiting around, and I'm wondering when should be the moment that I just throw in the towel and say to hell with it? Right now? Tomorrow? Friday? Saturday? Next week?

[Feelsgoodman]

If he is not responding to your texts, he is not interested in seeing you again. There is no other explanation. You coworkers may have good intentions, but they are indirectly making you even more miserable by keeping your hopes up.

 

One thing I've learned from my dating life is that words don't mean anything. You judge a person by their actions. And this guy's actions are unequivocal: he's ignoring you.

[Jono85]

girls never seem to realize that this type of behaviour straight up means hes not that interested in you. it sucks, but 99% of the time it's true.

 

a guy will NOT ignore a chick he's really into just to play games or something. and if he does, is that what you want anyway?

 

 

move on.

[Lilmisus]

Hey, I realize that it means that he's just not interested if he's not responding to my texts (on purpose). But the biggest thing to wonder is if it's on purpose or not. I'm leaning towards it is on purpose, but of course, it's hard to not hope that everything's okay. Sure, I hadn't started gaining feelings for him just yet as of Monday, but I was (am) def interested in him, so it sucks to think that it ends with him just being lame and not responding to my messages.

 

Question: why do people do that? Just do the whole...never contact them again thing after saying how interested and excited they are? I can handle the truth, and I would be fine if he sent me a text or call saying he's not interested, but just leaving me hanging after having me leave my weekend open for him, sucks, and seems like the sissy way out.

 

His coworker (my friend's boyfriend) texted me last night and today, just randomly, and he gave no hint that he knew what was going on with this guy. Just didn't say anything at all..just said "gotcha" when I said I didn't know what was going on, but wasn't worried about it. A huge part of me wants to ask if he knows something, but I'm resisting temptation

[Doireann]

just leaving me hanging after having me leave my weekend open for him, sucks, and seems like the sissy way out.

 

That's probably it. He could be one of these people who avoid conflict at all costs. He could've just said he wanted to see you again so he wouldn't have to tell you the truth (especially in front of his friends), in which case, he's dishonest, a wimp, AND a jerk, so unless he comes up with a really legitimate excuse right away, don't bother. If it's on purpose, he must know how much it hurts to be ignored, but he's doing it anyway.

 

just said "gotcha" when I said I didn't know what was going on

 

Weird. Sounds like he's messing with you. No idea what's up with that.

[TheddedEnaf]

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[Jono85]

Hey, I realize that it means that he's just not interested if he's not responding to my texts (on purpose). But the biggest thing to wonder is if it's on purpose or not. I'm leaning towards it is on purpose, but of course, it's hard to not hope that everything's okay. Sure, I hadn't started gaining feelings for him just yet as of Monday, but I was (am) def interested in him, so it sucks to think that it ends with him just being lame and not responding to my messages.

 

Question: why do people do that? Just do the whole...never contact them again thing after saying how interested and excited they are? I can handle the truth, and I would be fine if he sent me a text or call saying he's not interested, but just leaving me hanging after having me leave my weekend open for him, sucks, and seems like the sissy way out.

 

His coworker (my friend's boyfriend) texted me last night and today, just randomly, and he gave no hint that he knew what was going on with this guy. Just didn't say anything at all..just said "gotcha" when I said I didn't know what was going on, but wasn't worried about it. A huge part of me wants to ask if he knows something, but I'm resisting temptation

 

b/c most ppl are cowards. at least the girls that i've dealt with in my day. it's very unfortunate but i've given up trying to understand why ppl run/ignore instead of giving u the truth.

[sm1tten]

Question: why do people do that? Just do the whole...never contact them again thing after saying how interested and excited they are? I can handle the truth, and I would be fine if he sent me a text or call saying he's not interested, but just leaving me hanging after having me leave my weekend open for him, sucks, and seems like the sissy way out.

 

Because the bolded part is a lie. It is for most people. Yep, it is indeed not cool to just do the fade on someone and leave them hanging, but most people don't want to face unpleasant truths - not the fader or the fadee.

[Lilmisus]

Would it better if he called you and said he found you un-attractive, boring and self absorbed? That on a Date he saw some physical features that made him cringe? Would that be better?

 

I say he did not want to burst your bubble as it were.

 

Only a complete a**hole would give off a list like that to why they don't want to see someone again. What I was talking about, was him just sending me a message saying he wasn't interested, not giving off a list of my imperfections that he couldn't handle.

[nyc_guy2003]

I hate to be that guy who pulls the I-told-you-so's, but didn't I mention on your other thread about him not waking up in time for your beach date that if I was in the early stages of a relationship and interested in the girl I would set three alarms to make sure I was up on time? I guess that turned out to be your warning signal. This guy seems to be a lost cause.

[Lilmisus]

I hate to be that guy who pulls the I-told-you-so's, but didn't I mention on your other thread about him not waking up in time for your beach date that if I was in the early stages of a relationship and interested in the girl I would set three alarms to make sure I was up on time? I guess that turned out to be your warning signal. This guy seems to be a lost cause.

 

Eh, go ahead and say "I told you so" I still don't think that that was a huge flag to be seen since people sleep in when they stay up late, but it was an indicator of what to expect afterward.

 

I'm just wondering right now if I should send one more message asking what's up. Like: "hey, you still wanna hang out?" My gut is telling me no, but my anxiety is telling me yes. But, I'm trying to make plans right now with another friend, so if he ever does decide to call, I'll hopefully be too busy for him

[alethean]

Eh, go ahead and say "I told you so" I still don't think that that was a huge flag to be seen since people sleep in when they stay up late, but it was an indicator of what to expect afterward.

 

I'm just wondering right now if I should send one more message asking what's up. Like: "hey, you still wanna hang out?" My gut is telling me no, but my anxiety is telling me yes. But, I'm trying to make plans right now with another friend, so if he ever does decide to call, I'll hopefully be too busy for him

 

Go with your gut!

[SmileFace]

Do not send him another message. What will be the point? He replies, gives some b.s excuse and you run to him. He doesn't reply you are stuck feeling worse. Forgetabouthim, he isn't worth your time. On to the next one.

[Jono85]

you've already double texted him with no response. triple text him and you've given up all of your pride. even if you don't have any to begin with, pretend you do :|

[Lilmisus]

you've already double texted him with no response. triple text him and you've given up all of your pride. even if you don't have any to begin with, pretend you do :|

 

True

 

I gotta pretend if nothing else now.

 

Makes me laugh wondering what the chances are his couch ate his phone...again?

[Lilmisus]

Wow.

 

I accidentally text him when I meant to text my friend about the trip that her and I are taking in a couple weeks (saying how my parents are paying for it and whatnot), and of course he responds to that. This is the second time I've accidentally texted him when meaning to go to my friend (their names are right next to each other), so I'm sure he doesn't believe me, but it's the truth.

 

Of course he responds to it though with a simple "what?" showing that his phone was indeed not lost or anything like that. I told him that it was meant to go to my friend, and he said "yea yea, what are you up to" and to which I told him I'm about to go out with a friend, and asked what he was up to, and he said he just got home from surfing. I just said "o cool" to that though, and I'm basically refusing to continue a conversation right now with him or try to make him go out with me tonight or tomorrow when he couldn't message me earlier.

 

I'm not happy right now. But I'm taking this as a good mistake since it showed me that he was indeed ignoring me.

[nyc_guy2003]

That's happened to me before. I felt like ***** for about a half day and then moved on with my life. The easiest way to not make that mistake again -- delete his number off your phone.

[Lilmisus]

That's happened to me before. I felt like ***** for about a half day and then moved on with my life. The easiest way to not make that mistake again -- delete his number off your phone.

 

True. The first time I got lucky and it was a simple message that said "head chef" and it was sent for the honest reason that I just woke up and was barely paying attention to who I was messaging. He may have thought it was cute that time..but I'm sure second time is definitely not as charming as the first time.

 

I changed his name to "No call no show" in my phone though Far away from my best friend's name, so hopefully that solves the problem.

[strawberryshortstack]

True. The first time I got lucky and it was a simple message that said "head chef" and it was sent for the honest reason that I just woke up and was barely paying attention to who I was messaging. He may have thought it was cute that time..but I'm sure second time is definitely not as charming as the first time.

 

I changed his name to "No call no show" in my phone though Far away from my best friend's name, so hopefully that solves the problem.

 

Why not just delete it altogether? That WILL solve the problem

[D-Lish]

I think I told you before- he's a restaurant dude, it's an industry with a lot of partying, staying out late, and having an endless supply of people to hook up with.

 

A guy that is truly interested will move mountains to keep in touch, respond to your texts, and set up another date with you.

 

DO NOT TEXT HIM AGAIN. Even if it was an accident, you had to send 3 texts before getting an answer? I'm betting he doesn't think it was an accident- just a play to get him to answer.

 

You're doing all the work which means you're chasing. You even had to wake him up to honour your date when you'd had a time arranged already. He couldn't even bother to set his alarm to get up on time!!

 

I know you're interested, but he's not showing signs of true interest.

[D-Lish]

You also mentioned in your other post that you teased him about not being up on time- and that he knew you were pissed off about it.

 

It's possible that turned him off. If he's a "carefree, fly by the seat of his pants, does what he wants, when he wants to" kind of guy- having someone question him or showing any signs of being annoyed by him sleeping in might turn him off.

 

Having said that- you wouldn't want to date a guy like this anyway.

[Lilmisus]

I think I told you before- he's a restaurant dude, it's an industry with a lot of partying, staying out late, and having an endless supply of people to hook up with.

 

A guy that is truly interested will move mountains to keep in touch, respond to your texts, and set up another date with you.

 

DO NOT TEXT HIM AGAIN. Even if it was an accident, you had to send 3 texts before getting an answer? I'm betting he doesn't think it was an accident- just a play to get him to answer.

 

You're doing all the work which means you're chasing. You even had to wake him up to honour your date when you'd had a time arranged already. He couldn't even bother to set his alarm to get up on time!!

 

I know you're interested, but he's not showing signs of true interest.

 

Trust me, that was the last text I'm sending him.

 

Though, in all honesty, part of me wonders what I should do if he texts me tomorrow asking if I want to go out still. Because really, I don't even know if he was thinking that we'd just go out after he went surfing today, or if we would just go out tomorrow, since nothing was agreed, not even the activity. Since I'm not even looking for something serious from him - a summer fling, maybe, but really just a few dates to help me continue to move on from my ex - part of me is tempted to just go out with him if the offer finally arises, but if it doesn't, I don't think I would really worry.

 

If I don't hear from him tomorrow though, I will definitely delete his number from my phone and just look forward to the next guy to come along

[Lilmisus]

You also mentioned in your other post that you teased him about not being up on time- and that he knew you were pissed off about it.

 

It's possible that turned him off. If he's a "carefree, fly by the seat of his pants, does what he wants, when he wants to" kind of guy- having someone question him or showing any signs of being annoyed by him sleeping in might turn him off.

 

Having said that- you wouldn't want to date a guy like this anyway.

 

Good point. But it was all said in good humor. I said some worse things for him that made his friends go "ooohh, burn" more than once. Something people have to get used to with me is that I tease a lot and have a very sarcastic sense of humor. He said on the first date that he could handle it, and his friends obviously have the same humor, but part of me does have to wonder if he is able to.

 

At one point on Monday, we were in the ocean with three of his friends, and the other was on the beach. He swam to the beach and I stayed in the ocean, and he tried to get me to join him, but his friends told me to stay with them. He ended up going with his other friend back to their place for some cigarettes and whatnot, and the girls that I was with were saying how they couldn't believe that he would just leave me there with them, and said that they would give him a hard time for it when he got back.

 

When he did get back, one girl and I were walking down the beach back to the towels and he was walking towards us. He put his arm around me (and I him), and his friend gave him a hard time like she said she would. He said he was sorry, but he was trying not to be an ass. I teased him and told him that he needed to try harder, while nudging him. His mouth dropped and said "wow, I don't even know what to say to that" as his friend just laughed. I told him to smile and nod, and he said that he couldn't even do that..that that was a burn. But he knew I was messing with him, especially since he kissed me right after that.

 

Maybe little comments like that did turn him off though..? If it did, then that just makes me not feel as bad about not hearing from him at all. I need someone who can understand that I have a sarcastic b*tch in me, who isn't afraid to tease or say what's on their mind, and who can tease me the same way. If that's not him..then I wont even count this as a loss.