Was I fairly dumped by this mentally unstable but incredibly attractive man?

[sonechka]

Oh lord, I hope he doesn't somehow find this thread.

 

First off I must say that I'm really young. I'm almost 18 years old. Just 2 months away. But please do not use this information to judge me, or just brush this off with "Oh you'll find someone else." I know I will, but that's not what I want to hear right now. Thank you.

 

In 9th grade, my bestest friend at the time, Hailee (name changed) started dating a guy named Scott (name also changed.) She'd always tell me wonderful stories about what an amazing boyfriend he was. It was the first long-term relationship she was in. She showed me several pictures of him, and I thought he was incredible. Blue eyes, freckles, ashy blonde long hair, a warm-looking smile, and very adorable and lovable facial features (he's of British and Irish descent.) I must admit I was even a little bit jealous! The problem was, however, was that Scott lives an hour and a half away from our town - his mother had to drive him down each time, and that was a huge problem.

 

Towards the end of the year, Hailee found out that she and her family were moving to a different state. Scott broke up with her and claimed that she was "too clingy." I loved Hailee so dearly, and I truly felt for her when she called me crying. For days, I wondered how she'd ever find someone better than Scott. He seemed truly perfect for her. 1 year later she came back to my state to visit, and she still wasn't over him. She talked about his favorite band that she now liked and she vaguely mentioned how attractive Scott still was. I couldn't believe he had such an impact on her.

 

Since then, I've had many relationships with people, both good and bad. I was in a 2-year relationship with a lovely, smart, attractive and ambitious guy named Max (name changed.) I was so happy, but we started fighting because we had differing opinions on things - he's straight-edge, I enjoy occasional drinking and smoke of grass. He hates screaming in metal, I'm a huge metal fan. He's very smart and careful, I can be naive and daring.

 

I broke up with him, but we still were intimate. One day, someone named Scott added me on Facebook. I thought hmm, who was this? I looked at his pictures and knew straight away - the adorable cheeks, the lovely blue eyes, the really cute and warm-looking Irish face. And my god, that HAIR. His hair hung below his nipples. I have ALWAYS been a sucker for long-haired men, and only dated men with long hair. But SCOTT.. WOW! His hair was a DREAM to me.

 

He messaged me because we liked a great deal of the same music. We started talking and we talked all night and all day, about everything in the world. I was crazy about him overnight. I made it obvious to Max very soon that our intimacy was over. Scott broke up with his girlfriend 3 days after he started talking to me. I only wanted Scott, and I wanted all of him to myself.

 

What made me and Scott similar was that we were both incredibly dark people. We are both morbid, open-minded, and a little crazy. I could share ANYTHING with Scott and he would embrace all of me. He explained to me that his mother died of cancer just a year ago, after battling with it for 6 years. This had caused him to develop depression.

 

Scott explained to me that he never loved Hailee, he just feared that she would commit suicide if he didn't say yes to her. He used her for almost a year and then dumped her. The next girl, he dated for 2 years, and dumped her by texting her "Call me bitch." And saying "Why would you wanna be with someone who hates you?" and insulted her. The next girl, the one he dumped for me, he called her and yelled at her and told her about me and basically ripped her heart in two.

 

We finally met, after he drove to my town. Scott is the kind of person you can just sit with for hours doing nothing and just talking. Scott is incredibly hilarious, he has a lot of his own "phrases" and "words", and makes a lot of comical faces to appropriately suit the current situation, and he is like a character from a movie. I was so comfortable around him. He was the kind of person that you can spontaneously do anything in the world with.

 

We had sex on the 2nd day of seeing eachother - our sex was always very kinky. I loved playing the role of his slave. I enjoyed being slapped, scratched, choked, and having my hair pulled. I thought it was intensely erotic and I would always look up at him with nothing but love in my eyes for him. He was absolutely gorgeous, he was lovely, and I'd have done anything for him.

 

Scott did anything for me. He always wanted to chat on the phone for hours into the late night, he bought me little gifts always and always had surprises for me. I once drank waaay too much at his house and he sat with me for 2 hours in his bathroom as I vomited and cried. When I got mono, he dressed me in his band shirt and pj pants and tucked me into bed, brought me medicine and a wet icy rag for my forehead, and cuddled up next to me. When I had to stay at the hospital, he brought me flowers, a present, and a card and sat with me. He was the ultimate, perfect, lovely boyfriend that I worshipped, dreamed of, and lived for. It was Scott, all him, and nothing else in the world mattered anymore. Everything else fell away.

 

Problems arose. The first being that he allowed me to have a little too much alcohol one day. He took me out with his friends to see a movie. I began to act very inappropriately, grabbing his privates through his jeans and saying dirty things to me and asking him to slap my face - all in front of his friends. And he didn't stop me, he complied. The next day, I hadn't heard from him till 2 PM. He called me and was sweet. After that phone call, he stopped talking to me. He hadn't answered me for over 16 hours. The next day he sent me a text explaining that we had to "talk." After school he explained that he loved me but wasn't ready for a relationship and hated how I acted the night before. I convinced him to stay with me. That night he called me again and apologized incessantly, begging me to forgive him and that he had made a mistake and he wanted to be with me so badly.

 

After that, it was a few months of peace and complete happiness again. One day, his depression became too much, and he was admitted to a clinic. While he was there, he wasn't allowed any contact with anyone besides his father. During these days, I sulked and took long nighttime walks, to which I'd bring his aromatic sweatshirt and listen to all his favorite music. The day he got out I was overjoyed and happy.

 

The same day he got out, I believe I sent him a self-conscious-teenager text saying something along the lines of "Ugh, I'm sorry baby I'm so terrible. I don't know how or why you love me. I'm terrible." HE STARTED IGNORING ME AGAIN. The next morning I called him and begged for an explanation. He couldn't give me one but ended with "It's not your fault. I'm mentally sick. I'm gonna treat you better from now on." And I believed him.

 

Everything was fine again, and he was a complete angel. I got mono and had to go to the hospital. This was when he visited me with flowers and all his love. 2 days after this, he disappeared again. Can you blame me for freaking out again? I called him and said "If you're not happy in this relationship, just dump me." He vehemently denied ignoring me and said "I'm with my friends baby." I said "You don't have 3 seconds to tell me where you're going?" He says "NO, I DONT." And after that day, everything changed

 

He started to talk me barely, if at all. The extent of our daily communication became 3 texts a day. They were cold, and rude.

 

I tried to speak to him about this. I said "Baby, I'm worried about our relationship. I know something is wrong. You don't talk to me anymore. Do you not love me anymore?"

 

He always replied with "Nope, nothing's wrong. I've been very busy lately. I love you a lot. You're making me feel so guilty. I feel horrible. I'm gonna go now."

 

The day of my high school graduation which he promised to go to, he went and got his penis pierced instead. And his ex-girlfriend, a very sweet girl who always talked to me and helped me, explained to me that he had said about me: "I'm giving her one last chance and I know she's gonna **** it up." and "She's being a whiney bitch. So I'ma dump her." Completely betrayed.

 

He lied and denied saying these things, and he then texted her saying "**** you. seriously." (for telling me what he said.)

 

He tried feebly to make our relationship work again, and one night I said "Are you still awake? I'm so depressed, Scott." He responded with "What did I do?" I said "I never said you did anything. I'm just so depressed and need your help. Actually never mind, I don't think you'd care :(" to which he went back to bed.

 

Ignored again... and the next morning a phone call, "I can't do this anymore. I'm a horrible person. I'm the scum of the earth. You're a great girlfriend, and this is the best relationship I've ever been in. I'm not in love with you anymore, but I like you plenty. I'm just not happy in a relationship. I don't want to be a boyfriend."

 

The same day he dumped me, I got into a car accident. I called him crying and he said "I'm coming up there to see you now. I'll be there soon." 20 mins later... "I can't. It's too much. I'm sorry."

 

Was this fair? Was I too clingy? Or is he just insensitive and incapable of loving a girl? Perhaps, did he realize his nasty actions and take pity on me?

 

I'm not "grieving" anymore. He still appears in my dreams every night, his gorgeous face and lovely long hair, and I love him with all my heart; but I can't help but resent him greatly, as well. From absolute and blissful love, to being thrown out like a piece of garbage.

Edited July 6, 2011 by sonechka

[mortensorchid]

Since you already told others not to say "Oh it's alright, you'll meet someone else", what I will say about this is that this situation is very unhealthy all over. He leaves, he comes back. He's playing with you, because he's not concerned about anyone but himself. Ignore him back, move onto ANYTHING else except him, and then you will be happier not to mention much more stable.

[Yookie]

When people tell you who they are, believe them. When he told you how he treated the previous girlfriends, that was your cue to run like hell away from him. When he started with the hot/cold treatment all the while telling you he doesnt want a relationship, that was another clue that this situation would not end well.

 

Try picking potential boyfriends based on the content of thier character rather than looks unless you thrive off of this kind of drama and madness.

[thatone]

well unfortunately i'll bet she's a good example of the "why do women have themselves covered in tattoos and piercings" thread that's going on right now. if that's the case, and by her description of herself and him it very well may be, she's pretty much stuck with the lot she's cast herself in.

[AlexDP]

He's got a personality disorder. Look up NPD and BPD.