P&R Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 9 months ago I broke up with my ex girlfriend. She lived over 6,000 miles away from me. Plane tickets cost upwards of 1500 dollars. My ex girlfriend was a wonderful person, though. She was always smiling, and always bubbly. She was a very unique person that I adored and she will always hold a special place in my heart. I didn't see her for two whole years because I had other financial obligations. Her family tried to pay for my ticket... at this point I was second guessing the relationship. I needed to move on with my life so I broke up with her. My ex girlfriend is good friends with my brother in law who comes from the country where she is from. They talk regularly and in conversation he casually leaks information about her to me. Today he told me that she hasn't been the same person since the break up and that breaks my heart. I feel guilty for breaking up with her, and it's eating me up. She is an awesome person and because of me she has become a shell of what she used to be.... Has this happened to anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
nothappyjan Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I know that when my bf broke up with me I literally became a shell to what I used to be. He broke my heart and i have never been the same. Ive accepted it and am trying to move on but if you deeply love someone and they leave you, its always going to change you. The fact you two never even saw one another though should make it easier as essentially your everyday life has not been impacted as much. Next time just be careful who you date and try and find somone who isnt so far away so you dont have to break another girls heart. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Heartbreak happens to everyone. I think it is painful at first for both parties, but eventually people move on, meet other people. I hope though there was a reason besides the distance that you gave her when you broke up with her. I think it would be much harder for her to deal with if you just told her it was because of the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Nine months isn't a lifetime and she could be close to being over it. When she does, your guilt will have been for nothing. I broke up with a girl in college and for a year, she followed me around. We were in the same social circle. She'd be at parties and would dissolve into tears when she saw me hitting on someone else. She wouldn't stop following me though. For awhile, I altered my life to suit her feelings. It was a mess. She'd decalre her love in front of groups of people. I hid my guilt but it really bothered me. But she did move on. I felt guilty in the meantime but funny how that goes away when you find out she's happy, pregnant, and telling people you "weren't all that anyway." Let it go, man. She'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 6000 miles away... good lord. I don't think you gave enough details about the circumstances. How long had you been "together"? Did you ever live in the same area? What was the reason for being so far apart? I just don't see the sense in "dating" someone 6,000 miles away. It also seems a lot more unfair to the man, who values sex more (and can't get it) whereas the woman can still get her emotional intimacy that she values more. Not that it is a 100%/0% split in either case, but still. If you weren't working on plans to actually be together in person, I don't see where else you expected this to go. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 9 months ago I broke up with my ex girlfriend. She lived over 6,000 miles away from me. Plane tickets cost upwards of 1500 dollars. My ex girlfriend was a wonderful person, though. She was always smiling, and always bubbly. She was a very unique person that I adored and she will always hold a special place in my heart. I didn't see her for two whole years because I had other financial obligations. Her family tried to pay for my ticket... at this point I was second guessing the relationship. I needed to move on with my life so I broke up with her. My ex girlfriend is good friends with my brother in law So in those 9 months since you broke up with her, you met & married someone else who is originally from the same area as your ex. Is this about fight? who comes from the country where she is from. They talk regularly and in conversation he casually leaks information about her to me. Today he told me that she hasn't been the same person since the break up and that breaks my heart. I feel guilty for breaking up with her, and it's eating me up. She is an awesome person and because of me she has become a shell of what she used to be.... Has this happened to anyone? Your married, whats done is done, she will heal, move on, be a better person most likely. You should have NC with her because you are a newly wed & she is a recent ex & because she is still healing from your break up. She will be fine. It's nice of you to be concerned but if anyone can help her, it is NOT you. Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 How can I illustrate this? It's as if someone takes a hammer and chips off a piece of your soul. Been there, done that... had it done to me. It takes me a long time to recover... I was down and out for a year on two separate occasions after breakups. If your ex is still down after nine months I think she'll turn the corner sooner than you think. I've learned when a breakup happens it's important to get out and start dating again asap. It's the best medicine for me personally. You should tell your brother-in-law to encourage her to go out and find some guys. Link to post Share on other sites
nothappyjan Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Um everybody- his brother in law could be his SISTERS husband Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 6000 miles away... good lord. I don't think you gave enough details about the circumstances. How long had you been "together"? Did you ever live in the same area? What was the reason for being so far apart? I just don't see the sense in "dating" someone 6,000 miles away. It also seems a lot more unfair to the man, who values sex more (and can't get it) whereas the woman can still get her emotional intimacy that she values more. Not that it is a 100%/0% split in either case, but still. If you weren't working on plans to actually be together in person, I don't see where else you expected this to go. I can go without sex... I value other things more than sex like companionship, and having a partner. That is how it worked out. I actually met her in person twice, for three months each. I couldn't go meet her for two years because I needed to start my life (college). I tried saving up but I just couldn't do it. A minimum wage job just wouldn't cut it. As to the other person... where did you get that I was married? She's just my girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author P&R Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Um everybody- his brother in law could be his SISTERS husband Exactly. He comes from the same area as her and there is a 7 year age gap between my sister and I. Link to post Share on other sites
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